I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven
I’m not giving up on you, Anna.
~D.S
__________
Dear Diary,
Someone once told me that there’s no law in this world that if someone wants to ruin his or her day, you have to involve yourself to make it right. I was advised to walk out as fast as I can or simply shut up and ignore. (A/N: I credit this quote to Sir Bobby Lim Joseph.)
But then, I guess, even though my head’s ill—it still has a tendency of seeing things ironically to turn the other way around.
And so I found myself taking Dominic’s note with me and searching for him. I don’t know where he is. My mind surely doesn’t know. So this time, I let my heart take over… and it led me to the rooftop.
Just as usual, the place’s derelict. It’s long, vast and quiet, but with me here now, it doesn’t seem so vacated anymore. My feet brought me right at the ridge. My instincts told me to look down. And there he was, sitting on the ledge. It was once my secret spot. But then I guess he made it a habit to get what’s mine. I jumped right in and I sat beside him. He doesn’t turn so I guess he’s expecting me.
“I knew you’d be here.” I said. I tried not to sound so ebullient. That doesn’t seem to fit in this kind of air.
I bumped his shoulder. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”
Okay. He’s not talking, folks.
I tried peeking at him but he refused to look at me. So I turned to the skies and pretended I was talking to them instead.
“It seems that I’m really good at making people cry. Oh, not only people—the skies cry for me, too.” I looked back at him but he seems to have no plans of ever talking back to me.
I let out a heavy breath. “So, you’re not really gonna talk to me, aren’t you?”
I am not here, folks. He’s serious in ignoring me.
I held his left hand—because left is where I sat. I felt him tensed with the touch and he glanced at me tentatively.
“Squeeze once means yes.” I said hopefully. “Squeeze twice means no.”
I took a deep breath before continuing. “Are you mad at me?”
He took a deep breath too. For a moment, I thought he’d ignore me, but then he squeezed my hand once.
So he is mad at me. I want to let go of him. But I don’t want to.
“That mad with a capital “M”?”
He squeezed my hand once and I chuckled. He turned and scowled at me. I raised our intertwined hands.
“See, we’re communicating. I should be the taciturn in this relationship. You should be the one writing songs and not tragedies.”
I let our hands fall but he doesn’t let go—so did I.
“Be a voice. Not an echo.” I said. “If you want to say something, let it go.”
He turned and sneered at me. “Were you ever—ever planning to tell me?” Thank God! He speaks!
“Yes.” I answered.
He scoffed. “Then why didn’t you tell me before, Anna?” he leaned in to me and I met the fire bursting in his blue eyes. It was too stifling that I had to look away, down at our hands.
“I was advised that if I have nothing good to say, it is better to say nothing at all.”
He ran his free hand through his hair. He gritted his teeth on the inside.
“Do you hate me?” I asked and he squeezed my hand so hard that it hurt.
“God I hate you, Anna.” He said as he turns to me. His eyes beamed with pain and anger towards me. “But I love you. I want to ignore you right now but all I want is to kiss you. I don’t want to talk to you but I miss you.”
I smiled and he shook his head. “I know it’s stupid. You make me go mad. But then you…you make me love you just even more and I don’t even know why.”
He leaned his back on the wall behind him. He looked so crushed but I cannot help but smile with the comfort that he’s opening up to me.
“You must really hate me that much to still love me.” I snickered. “You are mad.”
He smiled for the first time and I felt relieved. “Anna, I may hate you more but I will never love you less.”
“I’m glad you’re angry with me.”
His eyebrows creased. “Shouldn’t you be preoccupied with our situation?”
“I am not.” And I am telling the truth.
I flinched. “Why not?”
“Actually, I feel wonderful. It’s because I know you love me. When someone’s angry with you it only means they love you. They get angry with you because they care about you.”
He rolled his eyes skyward. “Your ironic sense of HA-HA.”
I put my free hand on top of his hand. “Thanks for being mad at me. I love you.”
A dark cloud overshadowed his eyes and rain started to form. “I wish you know what it’s like to love you this much. I don’t even know if my heart could function very well without you, Anna.”
I wilted. “Dom,”
“I wish I’m a non-living thing so I won’t have to feel anything. Not even this. It’s a slaughter house inside me.”
“I’ve been there.” I said, sadly. “But you know what I learned? Even non-living things break when they fall.”
He sighed heavily—so heavy that even I can feel the pain of breathing. “Are you scared?”
Tears fell from his eyes when he looked back at me. I felt wilting thousands of times.
I shook my head. “I’m more scared of waking up one day not knowing you.” tears started to burn in the brim of my eyes. “Maybe it’s true. Love does kill people. It’s a masked murderer. It kills us while we are still breathing. And the sadness, it keeps you away from everything and we get lost.”
“Anna—”
“The cancer, soon enough it will take all of me, Dom, until there’s nothing left.” And that’s when my tears fell. I looked at him and I saw the things I will lose and I can’t have. “I won’t be able to see you, I won’t be able to hear you, I won’t be able to talk back to you… I will lose my memories.”
Telling him this felt like having a heavy baggage inside my heart that I cannot let go of.
“I don’t want to spend my remaining time forgetting the people I love. That’s why I chose to walk away. It’s much safer that way. It’s much easier—that way I can’t break people’s lives.”
He wipes the tears in his eyes. “I won’t let that happen, Anna.” He says. “I won’t let you forget about me or anyone you love. We will remember each day. Together. I promise.”
I felt the sob rising out of me. “Dom, I don’t want to forget about you…” I bit my lower lip to stop myself from sobbing. “…I don’t want to forget everything about you. But I don’t have control over this.”
He wrapped his arms around me and he kissed my temple. “There are things in this world that no matter what we do, we can’t control.”
I sniffled as I buried my face in his chest. “Only love and death can change all things.”
He snorted. “Our love’s illegal. It will transcend the laws of nature. It will shatter molecular bonds through chain reactions. It will divide Heaven from Earth.” He looked down at me with a soft smile on his face. “We may not be able to undo the things that are already done but every story can be altered. We just have to find a way to trick time.”
Trick time.
It seems that love has its perks of undivided attention. Time sure has its way of backfiring things. But love is the captain. The supreme ruler of the feelings. It can do all things and can make you feel a lot of things all at once. And if there is one thing I am grateful about love, it’s Dominic Savio. With him, love can be a cure to a bidding pain.
“Things are gonna change, aren’t they?” I sighed on Dominic’s neck.
He chuckled. “Just a new section in the story. Plot-twist.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and I scooted closer. He kissed the top of my head and he leaned his head to mine.
“Don’t fret.” He breathes in. “I won’t let you forget.”
I held on to those words like a promise.
Without Wax,
Anna451Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPt1bFeH5D
