Chapter Theme Music: Countless Farewells ~ FFXIII-2 OST76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVc7Tw9cxd
<04/09/2011 - 21:05 | 1010 Link Street, Marietta, GA, USA>
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The quiet lure of the night sky had us in a vice of calm. I laid my body flat on the soft bed of grass beside the empty public park, letting my clothes get a little dirty to behold the sight high above me. The clusters of stars in their mesmerizing beauty and infinite mystery painted the black skies. Observing so many of them at once removed any tension or stress I built up over the day. But even more entertaining, I shared this front-row seat with someone who admired the stars as much as I did.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYE1U4PDfP5
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When I spoke, I kept to a near whisper, preserving the serenity of this moment. "You know how many times I've stared up at the sky in wonder? Now that I know what I know, it feels so different. It feels like the world is a much bigger place."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbr6IDNyGbn
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"For you, it probably is. Most people believe that the Earth is the center of the world. Others believe the Milk Way is the center of the universe. Humans can be so selfish like that." I convinced Lumina that talking with our physical voice in private is just somehow more rewarding. It feels more real, more genuine, especially when we call each other by our names.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1L41dOoOd
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"Yeah, I know about all that. But I wonder about all the other distant species aside from us two."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzduSj0i5Wn
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"What about them?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCYbQUTZMi
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"Don't you ever wonder who else is out there too? Think about it Lumina. The human race is one, and the Altiri is another. But considering that we both exist, what other species of aliens are out there besides us?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXkkde7HdN
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"Of course I wonder. But thinking about it that long doesn't do us much good. Some of the Scryers still search for that type of life, only to find nothing. Think about how rare and lucky it is Reed. Our Altiri Scryers can find any remote location in the entire universe if they aim their waves in the exact right direction while using clairvoyance. But in all this time, we never discovered another source of intelligent life at all. That's what I find amazing. The Fermi Paradox still applies even with both of us on the map."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUwBmEJRpd
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Lumina really is amazing. She thinks about this kind of stuff too, though I still had not considered it first. "It really makes the whole friendship thing more important to me. Speaking of which, why can't I know about the identities of the ten other purged people if all I want to do is be friends with them?" I didn't forget the reason Lumina told me earlier, but I figure it's something she should be able to work out somehow.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsBRz5cKVj
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"If I actually knew something about it myself that could help you, I would tell you. I really mean that. I've seen how much of a struggle it is for you to find any friends."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm33lA15whs
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"Yeah, I know." It's a fact we both caught onto by now. I've blessed myself and god for putting Lumina into my life the way she is now. I mean, it's been so long now and I still have no human friends, even with everything I've learned.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnqGsc4RUV
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"Seriously," she repeated. "At first, you came a long way just to try... But now I'm beginning to see that you just have unfortunate luck with other people. You could try to be more outgoing, but then that's not really your style either... Maybe your disposition towards heathens is what's turning people off?" Even Lumina wasn't sure why.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpMf6w6jk7
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I know that if she isn't sure of the reason, it's something I may never learn in life. The whole topic is starting to ruin my mood. "Even if that last part is true, I won't change that about myself. However, I think I will stop randomly getting angry at heathens. I mean, it's just not worth it."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BG6vCg7MF
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"It's not?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ87TRlRnfg
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"No, it isn't. Think about how all of that hatred and negativity bleeds into our day. It can easily put us into a bad mood for several hours at a time. Most of all, there isn't anything we can do about the heathen situation here. So, I no longer worry about it." It was fun while it lasted, but I can't keep feeling such hostility all the time, simply because I'm in the presence of an idiot who thinks being a real man is the ultimate purpose in life.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoJZZ7tmW4
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"So then, you're just going to ignore them?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgLVrht068
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"Only the ones who are not bothering me or my immediate friends." I meant this even knowing the irony of me currently having no friends, aside from Lumina. "If they involve me with any of their shit, then the gloves come off. But yeah, I'm ignoring the rest of the ones who leave me alone. I'll just hate them in silence instead."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94EU9tUHRF
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"...I guess that's not such a bad thing then." The hesitation it took for Lumina to be okay with that concerned me a little, but she must realize by now that I'm right. It's pointless to waste our energy on something that can't ever be changed.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtC2EKdB7K
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I'd rather use that energy to focus on myself somehow. "Anyway, back to what I said about the other purged subjects, can't you just ask the other aggressor groups or something?" I'm not letting this chance go without a fight. There are ten other humans on this Earth who are exactly like me, in that they were purged and also know about the Altiri. The basis I stick on others can't be a problem for them if they already live the same lifestyle in secret like I do.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvv8xijYuI1
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"No, I can't. That information is strictly kept from the other aggressor groups. Even the ones who are involved in the purge are made to pretend like they are not when asked about those details."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThcEOFoIFE
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They're made to hide it? I know only of one suspect who would make such a decree of the aggressor groups. "What is your queen thinking? Is she trying to cause us all pain?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ973y75H0HO
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"You know the queen isn't like that. I'm sure there is a perfectly good explanation for it."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRc8hACk71w
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"Okay. I'd like to hear it then." I wasn't born yesterday Lumina. I know exactly what your phrasing means. If you tell me there is an explanation but can't tell me why, it's because you don't really have one figured out for yourself. "You Altiri practically worship your queen, almost religiously. And I get it; she's been a very effective global leader for the past 100,000 years. But don't you still ever question some of her rules and laws that she set into motion?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9xANlHIuV
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"They exist for protection."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYVObz1EpI
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"Protection? Protection from what?!" I was almost yelling from the confusion, enough to wake the neighborhood, so I switched the conversation into telepathic mode again.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDpy4hpvJX
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"If word ever got out about us to the whole of humanity, assuming enough buy the story anyway, then it would dramatically change the course of human society, in mysterious ways. For better or worse, the queen doesn't want us to interfere with an entire race of people using the purge process. What I mean is, it was never intended to use a purge to spread word about us to the entire population. Given the plausibility coming from only one human, it's not something the queen would be concerned about. But if all the sudden ten additional humans were giving the same story about the Altiri at the same time, then important department figures on Earth would start to turn their heads."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzL97w9n9PV
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Doesn't she realize that's exactly what I want? If I can befriend even a few of the others, then our stories would become believable with certainty. I don't want to pretend to live a normal life anymore to everyone around me. I really hate the human world for what it's thrown at me so far, but it can still change for the better. "Help me out here Lumina. How can you say that you respect the queen's rules and laws? You just told me seconds ago that you would give me any information about it if only you knew in the first place. So which is it?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9anYHiafj2
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"Don't call me a liar Reed. I would never hide something that important to you... But, maybe we don't entirely respect every single rule or law the queen comes up with." I could tell Lumina struggled to admit that much, and it also let me realize why she insisted on speaking vocally rather than telepathically. I've heard before that the queen can forcibly listen in on a telepathic conversation, but I don't think that trick works so well with physical speech.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhO9Hsnuxkg
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"I figured as much... You're a rebel aren't you?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgO8vjbB7Xv
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"Agh! No, I am not!"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOXxf7sPem
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"Hehe! Take it easy, it was just a joke..." I only meant rebel the way other people around me use it; someone who purposely disrespects authority. The funny thing is, if you insinuate that a perfect rule-follower is that way, they get so easily embarrassed. After what I've seen in my autocratic school, I've leaned towards being rebellious myself, in a more secretive way. "Either way, didn't you tell me that lots of Altiri people know specifically about me and your aggressor group? How is that even fair? Other groups know about my life and your life, but I'm not allowed to know anything in return?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmn2VaT1krS
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"I don't think it is fair." Lumina seemed more guilty than sympathetic to agree with me. I heard her tone get so serious instantly. "But it's actually kind of my fault. I mean, when I purged you, you were still the very first male human to ever be purged. In a weird way, you're now a big part of Altiri history. Nothing floats rumors around us like a crazy story such as that."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCXXyfAFUz
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"Oh great. So now I'm famous in your world. You realize how much this sucks Lumina? I bet half the people there want to have you and me killed!" I know that Lumina was convinced that I'm an exception to being a heathen with the way I am, but I doubt all other 32 million Altiri women who share the same hatred are going to see it the same way without her perspective.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFcq5zybSl
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"Don't be so quick to judge. Altiri people are not killers by nature. It's really not in us to behave like that."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeQbIYwLh4
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Could have fooled me earlier, with the amount of times she's freaked out in my head over another nearby heathen. They may not be killers as much as humans are, but they toss that aside when they want vengeance. "I wonder. How many murders have been reported in your world?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3VvDcN6Jr
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"You want crime statistics? I'll give you them. After the dark ages of Legasso, nobody else has killed anybody, ever! That's how non-existent our crime rates are out here. The only rule we've ever broken is a few silly Altiri laws put in place to block out the fear of something else happening. But nobody goes around killing or stealing from each other."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2C9iVBdF3i
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"After the dark ages? What happened to the Altiri women who were corrupted by Legasso, who killed their own kind?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiF3Fc3VFgk
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"Our queen held a special tribunal to sentence them, but we never sentenced them to death. We imprisoned them after evaluating how their psyches were affected. Believe me, many wanted them dead, but the queen realized that they were victims of circumstance too, victims of Legasso. It had to be done carefully, their evaluations prolonged to ensure they would never betray their own people ever again. And, they never did. They never died from anything outside natural causes either."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlZ9e8fmw7
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"That's crazy." Was it though? I mean, even I would have wanted those traitors to die, but if they were victims from Legasso's core heathenism influence, then it complicates things. Maybe right and wrong are not always as black and white as others make it out to be. "If this somehow happened on the human world, I'm sure they would have been slaughtered like pigs in retaliation."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjwwv0s31Z
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"I know. So trust me when I say that you're safe when up here. The queen basically monitors any outside communication between other aggressor groups. Usually, it's just telepathic chatter if it does occur, but she does this just in case any of them do break the code to try and reveal the identities of the others."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14TunTURtW
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"But that's what I'm saying!" Whoever tries to break that law is my kind of hero. I don't want to be that private. I want to be found by other purged humans.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NtPCpvnan
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"You don't get it yet Reed. I know that you want to find them right now, to make them your new friends... But you know nothing about them as people. What if they recognize you and feel a certain way about your situation, about you being a purged male?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡickuXtabNQ
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"What?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBOmriAsfd
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"I would never think it could be likely, but any of the other purged females might be with that kind of aggressor group that wants to harm you, simply for being a male in the first place. Luckily, thanks to the queen's monitoring, we would be able to give you a couple months in advance warning if your identity and exact location are both discovered by these exact aggressor groups. I don't know which group goes to what human subject, but the queen knows every single one of them."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAauCmcR0z4
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I wanted to argue all night how wrong it was for my ability to meet these other people - to be blocked by the queen no matter what I say or do... But I couldn't speak for a few seconds. The realization that some of them might want me dead came as a shock, mostly because I never thought of it sooner. I know what that kind of hatred feels like firsthand, and I know it's motivating enough to trigger a drive to kill. In a way, it can be dangerous to reveal myself to a single one of them as I intended to. "Okay, but what makes you trust the queen with this so much?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eGYFV0Ny8
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Though she took her time to reply, Lumina delved straight into my question with a bucket of emotions spilling in through me at the same time. "I trust the queen, because me and my sisters broke a sacred Altiri law when we purged you. It's one of those bigger laws that nobody breaks, and yet she didn't skin us alive."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhd5FSVd5Zm
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"You... You did what?" I need her to repeat that. This is certainly news to me! I figured Lumina would have been in some hot water at the time when she purged the first human male, but somehow I don't think that's the law she is referring to. Even if it's different, she broke a sacred law, just to purge me? Why?76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmMEnJGpqA
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"It is strictly forbidden to purge a male human, this we both know and already got into trouble for. The thing is, after we select a candidate for a purge, before purging that human, we are required by law to fully inform the queen of our decision, which also must be approved by her evaluation team. They normally would never disapprove a purge, but in our situation, I knew they would never have agreed knowing your gender."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg85w7weKrb
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Lumina... You could have been reprimanded and imprisoned for doing that. Going that far, risking that much just to send a single purge, just to talk to me doesn't make any sense. "Why? Why would you risk that much just to purge me?" Was I right to suspect there was another hidden reason all along?76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJz7yJsBgsj
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"I did it because we were running out of time. I really didn't want you to change, to become a heathen. At the same time, I knew the queen would have outright denied our request to purge anybody of the male gender. When I asked my sisters to help me purge you, in the beginning, they all rejected my plan and refused to be part of it."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCQqW0UHop
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"That's kind of surprising." I recalled some of the conversations I had with the other Cy-Stars, Lumina's sisters I met during her three-way telepathy moment. Not all of them were thrilled to talk to me, and some of them let me know they were not happy to purge me... But knowing that, I feel absolutely terrible for them. Did Lumina force them to do it? Every one of her sisters has permanent ability loss over this one purge! They can never purge another human again for themselves, nor can they use long-range clairvoyance on humanity either.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNncJKzmZ0
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"Yeah, but one by one, they all eventually came around. When we decided, we all pitched in, not telling a single soul what we were up to."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0DHk9IkJC
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"How were you discovered then?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNGEGIGH3h
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"When an aggressor group sends a purge signal to a human being, this sudden blast of psionic energy is detected by virtually everybody on the planet and in outer space. It's like sending a solar flare into a pitch black sky. The others around us don't get purged, but they can still sense the sudden burst of psionic transmission. And because it tires out everyone who takes part in it, the culprit is easy to track down. When a purge is legally scheduled, the queen has some way to prevent others from tracing this surge of energy, an ability I'm not aware of. But our purge wasn't warranted."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rrivZA3Vd
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That's tough, and it also explains the logical reason why so many in her world actually know that the Cy-Stars were the ones who made that illegal purge; because it was illegal, and therefore not masked by the queen's power. "Did the queen have your heads for it?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPFpUk2rCS
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"Oh, she was pretty mad. I was expecting a lot worse... But the situation was so intense on her, it forced her to reflect on everything. The queen realized that moving forward with our purge was the only proper way to handle it. So basically, she decreed that everything that would happen to you afterwards would become my responsibility. We were given a second chance in the face of severity. If you would have turned into a heathen after our purge on your own choices, or if the purge would have failed, or if you would have shut us out on the first day like I feared you were going to, then me and my sisters would have faced maximum punishment for our actions."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUG2v5HoIFd
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I never knew this! Based on what she's saying, Lumina has had a motive the entire time to convince me to keep communicating with her, and to ensure I don't turn into a heathen. She's told me a lot about her motivations so far, about hanging out with me and befriending me, but all this time, it's really just been about escaping a sentence? "Lumina... This whole time, were you just trying to groom me into being someone the queen would accept given your mistake?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglO0e2A0S7
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"You better believe it was never about that for me!" I stuttered and failed to say anything, uncertain what she was going to say next, and I heard some confliction in her voice afterwards. "I've always wanted you to believe in me Reed. I didn't beg for you to hang out and talk to me because of some stupid law or punishment! I did it for you."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWL8lYC2Bw
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I had to silently think to myself without projecting, since this was a lot to take in. If I were to indulge my earliest fears, I may jump to the conclusion that this entire friendship was just an intergalactic facade. I don't know what I would do then, but I'm sure I would snap if I could somehow prove that... Lumina's response to me had minor hesitation, but only after her first declaration, and I had no idea why. Maybe, Lumina did start this off as a means to escape the wrath of her queen, only to unexpectedly enjoy my own company and grow into the friendship we have now, but even that would mean she lied to me since the very beginning. If she did, why would she suddenly start admitting things about how she broke the law here and now? I mean, why bring it up in the first place if it led to me discovering this side of her? Is she guilty for keeping it a secret?76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRiYkNvnwT
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It's no good. I can't get a direct answer even with telepathy. I can feel some strong emotions from her, one of which isn't identifiable since it's mixed with other feelings, but the rest is fear and joy. I know that she really is happy when she spends time with me; that much isn't a lie. And the fears she has right now, is probably due to the fact that she's now realized that I may conclude that her entire journey talking with me has been nothing but a facade. But that conclusion has to be made on facts or evidence, neither of which I have. All I have to go on is Lumina's own words...76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xGWXEnPiY
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The woman never steered me wrong so far from where I'm standing. She's been helpful to me. Is that her genuine nature, or is it a reaction to what the queen might do to her? "Lumina, tell me the absolute truth. How much of all this was motivated by your desire to escape the queen's punishment?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCU1fdNsRw
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"I can't believe you can even ask that, but I'll tell you the absolute truth. Zero percent. I was never motivated by fear. I knew what trouble I was getting into when I purged you, and I knew what consequences I had to face afterwards. Like I said, I thought it would have been worse. Let's say for a moment that I had failed, that I tried to keep you the Reed I know and care about, only to be shut out somehow. If you never would have called me back on day two, if you never would have heard my story out, or if the purged would have failed to complete, that right there would have been my ultimate punishment. Not meeting you would have destroyed me a thousand times worse than anything the queen could ever do to me. And I wasn't scared of her threats. You want to know why? Because I wanted to have faith in you. So I did have faith in you, even when I felt I might have lost."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhT5m4s9jR
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It was a whirlwind of emotion, but I could tell she was pouring her heart out to me. "And again, you really felt that way? You risked that much, begged your sisters to help purge me, and stood against the fear of doom, all just so that you could befriend me? Lumina, I've never in my life met a girl who cared that much about me."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4YmSU9Znh
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At last, Lumina's bashfulness about that fact leaked through to me, as much as she was trying to hide it. But hearing me say that reinforced her previous declarations about the two of us. "Reed, I do care about you that much. It's what I've always wanted you to know. It may not make total sense to you right now, but I want to be here for you. You say you can't make any friends? Well I'm right here for you, for anything, anything you ever want or need."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNcoCfvo82
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I've never had a girl tell me that much either, but I was certainly glad and relieved to hear it. It all set the open room before me, to understand exactly what the two of us mean to each other. "I believe you." I carefully waited right after saying that. If she was lying, I'm sure an overwhelming feeling of relief itself would have flooded her mind and given her away. But that's not what I felt flooding her mind after I announced it. I shared her utter bliss, a kind of happiness like no other, strong enough to instantly lift my own spirits high again... I never should have doubted her to begin with. "Now, if only I can find another human friend."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrU9LZGEfTk
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With Lumina better than normal self, it was refreshing that her sarcasm returned to her full swing. "Oh, just report this to the news. I'm sure we'll be in hot water then."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1XkM82fBw
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Nice joke. I couldn't imagine doing something like that. "Yeah, not likely. Even if it does wake up the world, I don't want all eyes on me like that."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtC7sFj3rJ
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"You mean, even for something like this, you wouldn't want to be famous?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqLXQTeTaE
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"Not for something like that. If I ever become famous at all, it better only be about the novels I plan to write. Regarding this secret, all I want to do is use it to make a few friends. If I can't do that much, I might as well give up on humanity."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pu8jCKnp9
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"Fair game."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZFudlrevU
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"Hey Lumina! Still hanging out with Reed as usual?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVJyVrNzIW
76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRcnDLHfUi
My eyes widened since I became totally confused for what was going on. The woman's voice sounded so close to my ears that I thought another human was addressing me. However, I soon saw a brief flash of vision through Lumina's eyes, using the ability to see that Derria was standing right in front of her. "What the? Derria? How is she physically on your ship?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeN4ImCVxfh
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Lumina used her physical voice to address her sister before talking back to me. "You know it!" "She used the teleportation chamber, genius."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkstUwcNjIR
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"Oh, right." I don't know how I forgot they have quantum teleporters.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9WgBS0f9o
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However, in a more unexpected twist, Derria decided to disclose the reason for her direct visit to Lumina. "How strong is that connection anyway? I was hoping I could talk to him about something."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xYjxBePG8
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Derria had the sense to use her physical voice in front of Lumina, knowing that her words would reach me this way, where it wouldn't any other method. So, I answered for Lumina. "I don't mind. I argue that we should talk to each other more often."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKRBUYTQ34
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Since such a proposal was most unusual to Lumina, she sounded a bit shaken in her response to Derria. "It's average strength. It will be much easier if you just talk to him directly and use my ears as a channel to him."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxHtPIOlrR
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"Now that I think about it, the plan is much easier."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgc6iyoJ3QM
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"That's okay," Derria replied earnestly. "I don't mind."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoW7Col6fG
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"Well Derria, I'm listening. So what did you want to talk to me about?" I'm really excited just to talk to her in any capacity, since I never-ever get the chance these days.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmYijrfEPv
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"Now, I won't be able to hear you directly Reed. Lumina will have to relay what you say. So just be patient. I wanted to tell you about something, a story regarding September 22nd, and it's been on my mind for a long time."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmXIh7E2Ay
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Oh... September 22nd. I didn't know this conversation was going to be so dark immediately, nor did I have any idea why Derria wanted to speak to me of all people about it, but I felt the sadness bouncing through all of us at the mere mention of the date. September 22nd is the day that Zinod fell, the day Legasso died, and the day that a million other Altiri women died, including the mothers of all the Cy-Stars and many other aggressor groups. It was the doomsday that shook the world. Legasso was killed that day in what should have been his own explosion, but Lissy and Sana were branded as heroes for ensuring Legasso would be caught in the blast, by reducing the time he had to escape.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VLEc1Afof
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But it's worse than that. Lumina, no, all of her sisters included and many Altiri alike have severe issues remembering what their mothers were really like. It's like some kind of memory regression spread throughout their entire race, making them forget the details they wanted to remember, while remembering the details that they didn't. I don't know how or if those memories can be restored. They live so much longer than humans, so it's a mystery if their long term memories can ever be reliable for that.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkrveLBunk
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I think most of those crazy vile chants of hatred she shares through my eyes are actually just heavy cries of pain in disguise. She hated Legasso more than anything in this entire universe, but I know by now how Lumina thinks. She hacks away at herself sometimes, all because she can't remember a single thing about her mother, her name, her face, nothing at all. It's truly horrible.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Bc4rrmNVf
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I could only sit back and listen for now, while Derria emphasized the point she wanted to make. "Many of us feel this way all the time, when we think back to the lives that were lost that day. And as you've been told, many of us cannot actually remember our own mothers. Lumina told me the other day what you said to her about it."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxuohCfJRY
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So that's what this is about. Lumina isn't the only one who feels horrible about the full memory repression nobody can control. "All I did was let her know that Lumina is not a bad person simply because she can't remember a few details. It was over a hundred thousand years ago for crying out loud. And I would know. There are many reasons why memories we want to keep can fade away entirely sometimes, where others we don't want stay too strong." I've known what a repressed memory is like. It's typically worse than dealing with a corrupted file on a desktop, because enough fragmentation is there to bother us that the memory used to exist. But in their case, the repression seems to be much stronger somehow. "But Lumina? Derria? Your mother absolutely loves you. Nothing will change that."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIiUDFVeaa
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Being on the heavy subject already had an effect on Lumina, the kind that brought mild tears to her eyes as she tried to hold it together. "Yes but... They're all gone now Reed." She could only whisper the statement, as just saying it at all crushed her heart.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gpNezUGtl
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"Gone my ass!" There's a reason for all of us to exist in the first place. Nothing has any meaning if we die beyond our graves. Even though I can't prove it just yet, I know the truth. "I understand that you don't believe in god, or any of the other crazy religions we have here on Earth. Really, I never faulted you for thinking that way. Bur surely, you must believe in the afterlife. You were the one who told me that people can be resurrected up to a period of ten days. The way we humans are used to things, we consider someone dead after the first day. So they aren't dying a second time in some other world we can't see; they're moving out to somewhere else, somewhere more incredible than either of our brains can process. I know it in my heart, and I know that all of you know it too."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQh4P3zfvJ
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Wiping her tears away, Lumina felt much calmer after what I said. "You're right." She then summarized what I said and told Derria directly how I phrased it.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhIDUJymAY
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But Derria still had her doubts. "You really believe that those of us who have passed move on to somewhere else? Heaven? A golden gate?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdeMOLjkzC
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"I don't know what to call it, or if it's even possible to imagine it with what little experience our limited vessels have. But what I do know, is that death is not the end of anybody."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjee0EQ9dfq
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Right after, Lumina translated for me again, since Derria could not directly hear my voice. "He says, that death is not the end for anybody, and that he knows it to be true with what he feels in his heart."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAfUTbFr7Y
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Derria just stood stone still for a moment, her face so unresolved. Then, she agreed with what I said, telling me more about herself. "Did you know Reed? Did you know that out of everybody here in the Cy-Stars, I'm the only one who never forgot what happened to my mother?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLlkemhdIL
76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyYWwRDBbg
"What?" My question, though not at a synchronous moment was echoed by Lumina and Junko alike, with all eyes and attention now on her. She sure dropped a bombshell saying that! Out of everybody here, Derria's memory didn't fail on her? Why? What was different? Wait a second. "But... It's a surprise to your sisters too? Derria? You're only now admitting this out loud?" I have to be wrong! There's no way Derria would keep such a secret and hold that in for so many countless years.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fkJGiCE7n
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Lumina was just as amazed as I was about this. "Right?! You're telling us this now, when we've been sisters for a hundred thousand years? What gives?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1pPkQcZK4
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Derria bowed in apology. "I'm sorry I gave you all the wrong impression, but I had good reason. If you all knew that I managed to remember what happened to me that day, then it would only make all of you feel much worse for forgetting your pasts."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfe8q0llVTC
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My breath nearly froze from hearing that. It was a good reason. I understood now why Derria went to such lengths keeping it all in for so long. She knew... She knew that Lumina and the others would tear themselves apart from the inside with guilt if they realized it might not be an Altiri trait causing that kind of memory failure. Hell, they already do inflict guilt upon themselves. It's the most admirable thing I've ever heard a sister do for someone else. "No! Don't feel bad about this Lumina. Junko too. All of you! Don't feel so guilty that you forgot those important moments of your past. It's not your fault!"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsUAUMCELu
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"I..." Lumina was supposed to relay my message, but for once, her mind was too overloaded for her to act. She looked so confused, uncertain what to think, but her focus seemed to be more on Derria than on me.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluRKJfG0Sn
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"Sorry about dumping this on you Lumina."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6q9U782DN
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"What happened?" Lumina demanded answers from Derria with tears stinging in her eyes, and a flood of sensation that felt more betraying than helpful.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUnHf6bYgV
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Since she was holding nothing back anymore, Derria agreed to give her version of events as they happened back then. "My mother actually died several months after The Exodus, not during The Fall of Zinod."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqnxTX5GTf
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Junko asked what we were all thinking. "So then, Legasso never actually killed her?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFprZSFS67q
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"Wrong again." Derria's stern face and voice revealed how much hostility she shared was still real. She still blames Legasso, and is now about to reveal why. "Legasso murdered many of us in his own ways. It happened when I was playing in one of the snow banks with her. She and I lived peacefully on Karnak, having evaded capture from the exodus taskforce Legasso sent out to take us away."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20Qc1jOtxc
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So then, Derria's mom was one of the few who evaded capture.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IwH7BIvyj
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"I went away from her, for just a moment, only three hundred meters away from her. I found something on the ice, something I wanted to inspect. But when I turned around, this giant asteroid-extractor ship crashed right on top of her."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzw5Wpt3YT3
76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfH8ECJwMw
"Holy Crap!" I couldn't imagine something like that happening, right in front of my very own eyes! "That's totally brutal! How the hell did that not mess with your head?"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAsBjDS76Z
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Since Derria still did not hear me, she kept going on about how different her story was from the rest of them. "The only thing that kept me sane then was my drive to find out why it happened. The pilot actually survived, but not long when she did. She died days after due to the injuries she sustained in the crash. I had to sneak into Legasso's temple to find the hidden flight logs and other data. When I found someone who interpreted them for me, I learned the truth. That specific asteroid extractor needed specific and constant coordination instructions on where and how to land properly, something that is routinely given. But that day, Legasso and his commanding team didn't relay any instructions even when they were requested. No codes, no warnings about the storm, no radio confirmation, nothing. He just let the damn thing drop out of the sky!"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQoQ7aEDyMP
76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulcoMEMm7D
"I can't believe how crazy this sounds. Why would Legasso crash one of his own ships?" Lumina wanted answers more than I did, the moment slipping back to that point in time.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJLBEVXghJ
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"Apparently, he had other things to do at the time he considered more important. Building those dangerous bombs was apparently more important than preventing the death of two lives that day. I didn't understand the reasons at the time, and I didn't know how to handle it back then. All I knew was that I hated Legasso for letting my mother die like that. I always knew it was his fault, but never understood why he let it happen. It might have all been less direct than the destruction of Zinod, but the blood is still on his hands, of his responsibility. Legasso let that ship crash into Karnak! Bad luck followed us after that, since my mother was in the wrong spot at the wrong time." She was nearly to tears too, but her anger powered in front for all to see.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGKMupEXnF
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No wonder she didn't forget. In Derria's case, this event happened right in front of her own eyes. She was probably injured by the shockwaves alone, but for her, that image of the person she loved being squashed by a falling hunk of metal will haunt her for the rest of her days. For everybody else, they were separated from their mothers for several years in between the exodus and the destruction of Zinod.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbf7cXnDGA2
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But no matter the front she put on, Derria couldn't stop it anymore. Her body trembled as she broke down into a sobbing madness of tears, as Junko and Lumina tried to hold and comfort her. "And I just, I just want to have her back so badly! I can never stop thinking about her. I can never forget how nice she was or the way she raised me. I never forgot, but these memories still hurt! They still hurt Lumina!"76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshYuZpoyqF
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Lumina and I were both taken aback. For her, this must have felt like a slap to the face with an anvil! All this time, Lumina and the others have been hurting about what happened to them, and presumably twice as much in guilt since they can't recall the details they should be able to. But here is Derria, showing all of us that the pain shared is still equal in measure despite retaining her memories. How long has Derria had to hold this in, in fear of reprisal from the people who all care about her? How many times does that moment replay itself on infinite loop inside her mind? How difficult was it for her to hide those emotions from the others, emotions which at any moment could be telepathically transferred by accident? Has there ever been a moment before now where Derria has let herself cry over her mother?76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2IltelsuZq
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Lumina was essentially paralyzed. She didn't know what to do or say in this moment. After all the times she has personally complained about not being able to remember things, that same mentality is mostly what kept Derria from sharing something this important all along, all just to protect Lumina's emotions, and that of the other sisters too.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKXm1gkVd7
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Even I felt the sting of her sadness, sitting in this dark grassy field with nobody around me. I felt like I could just die in sympathy from how horrible this was for her. I've never been too great at dealing with somebody who was crying this hard, and by now, Derria was in shambles... But so what if I don't know what to say? I still understand how she feels and why. I've never lost a family member before, so I don't know what it's supposed to feel like, but Derria's sensations are powerful; they're flowing through me from telepathy, even though I'm only connected to Lumina. So I do know how much she is hurting. I know exactly how she feels right now.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlpSCU20I9
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Going by what I said earlier, I decided I have to try. I have to try and say what I wanted to say, anything to make her feel even a little better about the situation. And I need her help to do it. "Lumina? Translate."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DawHoBZ7m
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"But..."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoCVPlPD9N
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"Just do it!" I don't care if this feels awkward for Lumina anymore. There is something these Altiri people need to understand. "Derria? No, everyone!" It isn't just one of them; it's all of them.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouIrOPxzd3
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"Reed has something he wants to say, to everybody." Lumina used that pause to ensure every one of her sisters were linked together in telepathy, so that her physical voice relaying my own words would reach every corner of the Cy-Stars.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCf0qU1gvo
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"What happened to you all is terrible."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDICYODTYqy
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"What happened to you all is terrible." As requested, Lumina made sure to repeat every single word and phrase that I chanted loudly. Before long, it got to a point where she spoke my words nearly at the same moment I spoke them, allowing me the chance to really speak to Derria, Junko, and everybody else who would hear us telepathically.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSqSDhC8Ob
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"There is no method that I know of, to ease the pain of those we feel we've lost. It hurts more than anything when we miss the people we care about. I won't even pretend to try and claim that I fully understand this like all of you do... But all of your pain is linked to that heathen, that Legasso who blew an entire world to hell just because he couldn't control it. And all throughout his entire life, he did terrible things, became arrogant, and let other innocent people die. Whether you happen to remember the life you had with your parents, or forget them entirely, it won't change how each of you feel about them or each other. As mothers, I know that they loved their children more than anything in the world. And for all of you, you love your mothers just as much in return; your sadness is proof of that. The love you feel for each other is stronger than memory alone. I know this, because if that were not the case, then your memories of them would be entirely blank, leaving no feeling or sensation in its wake. Yet this isn't the case. Your feelings for them are real, and as strong as ever. Your memories of them are not gone, they're just incredibly vague and damp. I'm not sure if you can fully recover the details of those pasts. After all, so much time has passed now, it may never be possible until we move onto the next stage of our lives..."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ErI9BuRXj
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Uncertain where I was going with this or what I was saying, I just kept going, the words spilling from inside me like a faucet. "But try to think about where they are now. They're still alive, in a better place, a place where they get a bird's eye view of our world from another dimension, one still linked to this reality. All of your mothers know that we're all still alive. They know what we've been through, the things we've said and felt, and they know that we're still living our lives in their place, the way they would want us to. We can't talk to them right now, and I know that that hurts like hell, but nobody is ever gone. We're all just separated by this type of evolution, this thing we call death. And I know, I know for a fact that they are all still out there, cheering you all on to keep living, to keep being happy with the friends we've all made together. I also know for a fact, that nobody will negatively judge you for whether or not a traditional system of neurological memory fails people on the details from time to time. Even without names to recall, even without faces to assign, the love and bond between a mother and a child stretches far beyond our material imaginations. We don't need our memories to love. Love isn't something physical, it's something we feel instead. You don't know who your mothers are, but you all used to know. And right now, even after countless years, you all still remember how much they love you, and how much you love them. It's the sensation that can't be destroyed by memory failure. Love like that cannot fade the same way our memories do."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlfJXifSjv
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It was by now that I felt I said enough, taking my time to breathe in and out again. I could see Junko and Derria in front of Lumina, tearing up again, but this time with smiles on their faces that I was not expecting. At the same time, I realized only now that I must have been rambling on for minutes without realizing it, though I remembered every word. "Um... Sorry, I think I lost myself rambling there."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr99rh640ui
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"Reed, you big dummy. I never expected you to say that much." Lumina wasn't making fun of me, nor was she upset. She was the opposite in fact, somehow calm and blessed to hear what I had to say.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtS6DiPhOm8
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"But you see," Derria continued, "I knew that is how he felt inside... Watching you and Lumina bond over each other, it's more inspiring than I thought it would be. I figured there must have been good reason why Lumina decided to constantly spend all this time with you. So, I needed to know if you would say something specific about to my story. But what really happened is exactly how I put it. I won't lie to anyone about it anymore."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJ7Sp5daoF
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It was strange for me hearing her say that. I'm not sure what aspects between Lumina and I were inspiring to any of them... But maybe it has to do with the way they look at other males as heathens. We all know Lumina would never take that kind of crap from anybody. In a way, our continued communication to us is evidence to her sisters that I'm not a bad guy given all the time that's passed. I bet even Hurma has changed her mind about me.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXH3jEdNmgt
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"I wish you would have told us sooner." Junko held Derria's hands while looking through her eyes with promise. "We would never have been upset with you just because you were able to remember something we could not. We all have to share what happened, because of Legasso. We're not alone in that, even if our backgrounds were different back then. We're all sisters, forever."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wwuHKtYoO
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Even Junko now understands the reasons Derria held it in all this time. Seeing the two of them bond again like this put my heart to ease. "Still, I never could have guessed that Derria was holding something like that in."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxjqSle0c8
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"She was though. None of us had a single clue... But I guess you of all people inspired her to bring that out. You did that Reed, something no other Altiri person could do. I think that means she trusts you a lot too."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvzOiDXil8
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She gives me too much credit. I still don't know what it is about me Derria trusts so much. Maybe it's because nobody else ever expected me to stay with Lumina and the Altiri like I have been. In their eyes, it like a soft miracle. I'm not too surprised that Derria thought I would have something lovely to say about it; but I sure wasn't expecting that to leave my lips myself. "Come on. I'm not responsible for helping her heal. That's all you girls, her sisters for life." I think I understand now why they refer to each other as sisters without being related. They grew up together for so long now, they really are a strong family to each other, irreplaceable even.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQV0rFuROK
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"You really won't at least let her thank you, after all the things you said? I knew you were kind of philosophical, but not to this level. It really moved me."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvZk7IMxIv
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"I could feel what Derria was feeling, but also what she was missing. I guess I got a little carried away with my own thoughts while trying to tell her that everything would be okay... But I really do mean and believe everything I said. We are who we are. Memory doesn't dominate us. There are forces in this world far more expressive than memory. It proves those idiot scientists wrong, the ones who think that memory is just a collection of brain chemicals."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvWbzzhp97
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"No way is that confession from your heart only a gesture of truth. I know Derria well enough. Your words are helping her now, but they haven't really sank in just yet..." I know they were meant for everyone, not just Derria. I want them to realize that the people we love never disappear from our world; they're just inaccessible from the other side, until we join them one day. It doesn't come from a Bible verse or some prophecy; it's what I know to be true, what I feel inside. "Reed? Do you mind if I phase the connection? I'll call you back later tonight. We need to be with her for as long as it takes."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3RZnecDCx
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"Please!" I begged. "Don't ignore her needs just to hang out with me. Right now, Derria is the priority. I'll be fine on my own for a while."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Q5ylgx8tj
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"Thanks Reed."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtYmg6jiug
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"No problem." Once that was said, I could feel Lumina phasing out the connection, blocking all sensation shared between the two of us. It sure gave me a lot to think about. Even I learned something about the things I said. I never knew I felt that way so strongly, until I was forced to express it. This let me realize something else too.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYzqYp387i
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I was right all along. That hatred they all feel towards men who resemble the behaviors of Legasso is more of a cry of pain than a real solid hatred for anybody else. I knew all along that they were hurting from events of the past, but I didn't realize it went in this deep. The way I helped her just then, the way I forced myself to say those things was all because I couldn't stand to see Derria's sadness. I really do care about them too, Lumina's sisters. Even if some of them hate me or don't trust me, they're important family to Lumina, which means they are important to me too.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoGLDvA8my
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Their sadness will never fade. But maybe, I can help replace those feelings with better ones. The moments we want to have in life don't always happen by chance. We have to make them happen. We have to try and make things better ourselves. I think that's what Derria wanted to do all along. She didn't tell me her story out of curiosity for what I might have said. She told me her story because she was hoping and wishing so hard for her truth, set free, to build a stronger bridge between all of us. To all the Altiri mothers hanging out there in a place so high, we still love you, and we will join you someday, when we are ready.
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