Chapter Theme Music: Eclipse ~ FFXIII-2 OST84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqMOocDnhz
<02/23/2012 - 10:22 | Saffrin Middle School (Gym), Austell, GA, USA>
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxa2YgkhlD
Despite the burden I've been through thanks to my never-ending headache condition, I've recently been able to thwart these tension headaches and feel absolutely amazing all at the same time, all for the past several months. I never discovered the causes and triggers for these headaches, but thanks to modern medicine, I never really needed to worry about that anymore. All is thanks to this; these powerful white pills known on the open market as Excedrin Migraine.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixaPp16ieh
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The medicine is simply an OTC painkiller, but it has a few extra effects I get from taking the pills, mainly boosted by the caffeine that lies inside. At first, I only cared about their effectiveness in killing my headaches off each time I had to take them.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHgTnNHsrr
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But lately, I've been enjoying much more to their side effects than any other medication I've been forced to take before. Excedrin is different than all the other painkillers. Not only does it work for me, the mixture gives me a kind of focus and energy like nothing else before. Mental clarity, twice my normal speed of thoughts, a jittery sensation that I now crave, and less time spent asleep or in the grips of exhaustion are all the benefits I've reaped from this discovery.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpe37Ju6eUy
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Because of the changes I've been going through with this, I've become much more of a night person than I used to be. I've had such a longing affinity towards the night that the mere concept of it has become a bit of a montrum on its own. Of course, the amazing sensation and unparalleled confidence boost I get from thus stuff is its own gift to me.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSHk4os5Uy
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There's just one small problem; the tolerance! It's been working for months, but I've also been taking this medicine more often than before, practically every other day now. Because of the principle of medical tolerance to medication, Excedrin has become much less effective on me lately. For now, I was fine, but I knew I was running out of days to keep this drug inside me. I figured my best course of action was to ask the most intelligent person I know to come up with a solution for me, but that didn't go exactly as I imagined it would either.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQJhSa5KcE
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"You wanted the solution, and I gave it to you," Lumina rephrased to my dismay.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9AOCV5Obc
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"Come on! There must be a better way than that."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6i9Mn0GDfr
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxCFHsOnxh
"If the painkillers aren't actually doing their one job, then it's time to trash the bottle and move on."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofV5gmtupP
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"I agree with you, but I still want all the other amazing effects I get from it as well. I can't just trash the medicine like that."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjB4DUw3ez
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"Sounds to me like you have a serious addiction."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdtcRW1Muy
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"Ugh..." I knew I couldn't win any kind of debate against Lumina. I wasn't going to pretend like she was wrong either. Of course I'm addicted to the Excedrin, even I know that much. But so what? Is the addiction to something so amazing really a bad thing? "Look, even if I dump the stuff, I'm going to need something else to replace it. The whole reason I started with that medicine was because it turned out to be the only recent thing that worked."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMy0QQgl9Q
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRas7Y0c7C
"Be honest with me Reed. Are you taking the medicine now because you are having headaches, or because you don't want to be without the sensations and the rush those pills give you?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61zmKHVPpH
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I couldn't speak to her sharp question. The only thing I could think of right now was exactly how wonderful Excedrin made me feel. Maybe it was more of the caffeine than anything else, but my mind just felt amazing and complete with every single dosage, like some kind of fog had lifted. I felt happier too, in a confident kind of way; I wasn't willing to just give that up. "Either or."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChxtwI0DE4
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡreRUNGotyX
"Then it's official. You have an addiction, and the medication doesn't even work as well as it used to, for headaches that is. The answer is simple. It's time to detox and move on."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9m6HJdXN7
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"I can't just junk it away without a replacement though."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSKhaRzeNV
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"I don't care. You're going to take all of that medicine and dump it by the end of tonight!" I backed away somewhat, even though I wasn't physically standing in front of anybody.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPFwfkfVZx
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I've never seen Lumina so determined and focused on getting rid of my personal choice of medicine, and she was obviously not happy to my resistance. What's her deal anyway? "Hold on just a second Lumina. I get that the situation isn't perfect, but my medication is my choice. I'll dump it when I'm ready to."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ05tbUUmyDc
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"You'll dump it tonight, or else."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LgTIHmSJi
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53xGwviH4J
"Why does it matter so much to you all the sudden?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSZcpiJoMF
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"Nothing about this was sudden Reed. I've been wary of your pill popping ever since it started." I had to give props to Lumina, at the idea that she really paid this much attention to what I've been through on medication. Not long after Wahsega, my tolerance to Aspirin had reached 98%, so I jumped to other medications, on and off. I never once worried about the possibility of drug addictions, since I'd rather have something that works and addict me, than nothing at all and suffer the insane levels of pain I would randomly wander into. "I know you don't want to have headaches anymore, I get that."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JhIUu9FlS
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"Then just let me handle this on my own. I'll be fine."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBTaAQHwNL
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Lumina argued back however, her telepathic voice growing more stern and louder. "I don't want you addicted to a substance that's doing you more harm than good!"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZO5qIf8Lvy
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"It's not doing me any harm!"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4b3KYqV52
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"Oh yeah? Compared to when you first started taking it, what's been the success rate of treating headaches for the past two weeks?" Lumina's question wasn't based on any known facts, merely her personal guess.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQGEdagRzj
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On the other hand, I knew the truth too. I always mentally track how many headaches I have in the background of each month, and how well my medicine handles it. I don't have a problem remembering such details, since I have more than enough to load my mind without the need for charts and paper. "Only two out of eight." I couldn't hide the shame in my response as I repeated the metrics to us both.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmeQoAvCTX
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"All of this addiction, and for what? A twenty-five percent success rate that continues to fall each time you take more? You have to believe me Reed. You're better off without that medication."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvgEPhVhQH
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCR6AfUxbu
Despite her words, despite everything I knew deep down, other sensations took over in priority to it all. It was only yesterday that I had another medium level headache. I know what they feel like; I know how much torture they can be. If I had to choose between any form of torture and headaches, I'd pick anything else at all, because nothing can possibly be worse than this condition. So I couldn't agree with her right now. The very fear of having another one without medication to treat it, without this feeling of stimulation and alertness I have now - had my arms shaking, my legs too stiff to move. "I'm sorry Lumina, but I'm going to have to disagree with you. I'll figure some other way out of making these pills last longer, so that—"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwlTQWcT1C
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIQCGoCfzn
"I'm amazed you don't seem to understand what 'no' means. You need to detox, end of discussion. The only reason you're trying to keep on this stuff is your own personal addiction."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgWh8bI6bY
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYwrdX0nCD
"That's not all true, Lumina. You know as well as I do that I'm still taking it more importantly to prevent headaches."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKEWlgsTxi
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"Prevent headaches? I thought they were supposed to treat existing ones." Lumina was sarcastic only for a moment, and I could feel something within her unraveling all at once. "Don't you get it yet? They're not doing the job anymore, so addiction or not, it's time to cut this stuff loose."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvoKk8dDeQ
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6QbTmhWJq
"If there's even a slim chance they work, I'm keeping with it Lumina. Whether I cut this stuff out of my life or not is my choice to make."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKbZdv1kMu
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"Oh, it's all your choice now, is that right?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUow7RFtoy
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlMC7kgdDE
"Yes! That's exactly right!" I couldn't help but get loud in return, and it was hard to hide my facial expressions while walking around the gym, so I tried to slow down and lean against the corner while dealing with this. "See, in this world, people have something called personal freedom of choice. I get to do whatever the hell I want."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6p5JxgWzHG
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2NIKCvDrZ
"I'm telling you this for your own good. I wouldn't ask you to do anything if I thought it would be harmful to you in any way."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhPZUVHy1c
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WIj2n53Zo
"You say that now, yet you want me to drop the only thing keeping me together."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AytAYGAQl
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"You don't need that medicine to live."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOY55Rt07y
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"I do when it's the only defense I have against level ten headaches making me scream in agony."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCk4EygOspT
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"It's not the only defense; you and I know that both."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4A2egEkJT
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6jBjSn34M
"Oh, and do you have to deal with these headaches Lumina? Do you understand how it feels to be me on a weekly basis?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AiD3QkcRt
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"Don't even go there Reed! You know that's not a fair argument to make."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVNhM0B243
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"How so? Hm?" Ticked off as I was, I knew I was still right in my own way, so I had to put her on the spot. "You're an Altiri! You don't get to experience the sensations of pain I have to put up with. On top of that, headaches don't even partially transfer over through telepathy, and they ruin any connection I can have with you in the process. So you don't know how I feel. You don't have any idea just how bad these things get or what they do to me." I shuttered even as I mentioned this, the reminder of my last level ten headache giving me near panic levels of anxiety. The PTSD from just one of them was enough reason for me to do everything I could to stop feeling pain altogether.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHW5oxXCUx
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcKAmBq9dL
"Oh, I'm so sorry that I never got to pick and choose whether you were human or not. You want me to light some candles for you and chant my wish over the stars? No, how about you just take worse medications instead? What will be next huh? Crack cocaine? Heroine? How about a little Methadone to ease the pain while we're at it?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPTuU9NkuD
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"Huh. Maybe I was right the first time. Maybe I should just go kill myself and get it over with. You're the one always saying how wonderful it will be when I'm in an Altiri body post-transperation. Not sure why you wanted me to stay on Earth with all the wonders it has to offer."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPQHzZfqUj
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5wYDeLkHi
"Screw you! You ask for my advice and now you want to mock me, act like this is somehow my fault?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hBDvLeNt6
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"It doesn't matter," I restated. "At the end of the day, I decide what I do with this medicine. If I want to keep taking it, despite an addiction problem, that's my choice to make."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnGkR6gRHJ
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWY3pmPfXH
"And I suppose if I have to choose between enabling such behavior or waiting for you to come to your senses, I'll have to wake you up the hard way."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbnHm8Dqud
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"The hell is that supposed to mean?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINCPnDW3R8
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"It's simple actually. Since you want to make the choice so badly, I'll give you the choice. It's either me, or the medicine. You won't get to have both."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxlAeRZfks
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"You can't be serious."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3d7DrXlxE
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"I'm dead serious. I don't date addicts. You knew already how much I was against the idea of you getting yourself involved in all of that addictive and dangerous crap."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIH9Vmj113
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"It's over the counter, Lumina."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAGFsuO4cC
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"If a poison pill were over the counter, would you take that too?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFwS8O5JhI
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"Give me a break!"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUCYP2WsVB
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"I will. The choice is yours now; me, or the Excedrin. Don't call me back unless you understand what the right thing to do is."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAr5FbaJMK
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"W— what do you mean?" I didn't want to take any guesses on how Lumina was going to enforce such a stupid ultimatum, but she did.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwsliY2R36
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Instead of responding to me, Lumina shut down our connection all on her own, something she never does. I felt the subtle changes in our shared energy no longer transmitting, the buzzing sensation going away entirely. I was too stunned for words, stunned that she would go as far as to cut off the connection just over this stupid subject. "Yeah, just leave! Like that will solve anything!"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu1681zCNBY
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At this point, I would only be talking to myself, but I don't think I've ever been this mad at her until now. What business is it of hers whether or not I take specific medications? It's all the same; everyone knows what's best for Reed!84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuZLW0U1mk
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Of course, I just stood there with my arms crossed through most of the remaining gym period, unwilling to concede to her immature argument... Was that even an argument? No. This is different. This is a full on fight, our first real fight between each other. And of all things, it has to be over some stupid medicine?84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyop2SkYwLX
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I wanted more than ever to show Lumina how wrong she was, but the more time I spent by myself, the more time I had to reflect on everything we said. The only thing I couldn't understand was why she cared so much about this one thing. Whenever Lumina thinks I should do something, she never forced me to make the decision. So why this one subject?84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWzmSo8kYb
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I don't believe her when she said she doesn't date addicts. It's just too small a thing to leave somebody over. For whatever reason I couldn't see, Lumina refuses to be with me so long as I keep taking this stuff. I only realized the magnitude of her ultimatum long after it was spoken, and the gesture forced me to revisit all my thoughts again and again.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoGhAYHlJv
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Maybe the addiction itself is the only thing Lumina hates so much. But why? What's the worst that could possibly happen by developing one? So long as there is a reason to keep taking the stuff... I cut my chain of thoughts off at the reminder. The facts were already known, but they hid behind the powerful curtain of my favorite sensation, the sensation of this amplifying mental juice I was getting used to. Without the drug, I felt like less of a person, less like myself, less functional in every possible sense of the meaning. Of course, all of that sensation and energy means nothing at all if headaches can still get through. In fact, if I have more mental energy and alertness to work with when a headache does start, it's often twice as agonizing as before.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzeW35FtINM
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So then, what am I really getting from all of this? I took the pills yesterday and still had a level nine... If they aren't working anymore, what am I gaining from them? What am I paying to keep these effects? In all, one core of the issue I found was that the amazing sensations I was getting used to would never be worth anything when the headaches poured in. Yesterday, I was only able to enjoy such an effect for one single hour before all hell came in. With such a low success rate these days, I'm going to end up taking these pills and getting no effect from them at all, similar enough to swallowing a few rocks.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAVJlH5CEH
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The revelation was small by comparison to everything else though. After all I was dealing with, I brought Lumina into the subject with me so that she could find some unique solution. Instead, all we did was fight. I said some horrible things to her back there, but why did I say it? My addiction can't be so powerful that I'd actually chose the medication over Lumina... Time to wake up, cause that's exactly what this was about.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxQkM3CQiE
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The panic surged through me when I realized the future consequences of my own choices. Maybe Lumina wasn't serious about leaving me forever over a bottle of pills, but if there is even the slightest chance that she would, if there is even a chance that she would love me less just because I wanted to keep taking Excedrin, then I have to listen to her! There is no choice at all. I could never tell Lumina to get lost over something else, not in a million years!84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCW6UCC3nsZ
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaji1wbctFz
In all the minutes that passed, I refused to consider that Lumina was right, even when statistics showed that she was almost always right about everything. It's because I didn't want to hear her answer. I didn't want her to be correct, to hear that my only current recourse would be to dump the broken medicine and endure the pain that will come afterwards. It fairly translates to telling me that I'm screwed no matter what. I wish she would have offered me a better solution, but maybe there was no solution.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOzxbSK1nM
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Even though it felt like I made up my mind in several minutes, the entire class was just about over; more than half an hour went by. I cared not about the risk of running late to class though. Instead, I stood aside and concentrated again on reconnecting to Lumina. With the coldness outside and my current level of energy, it wasn't hard.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgnX664fT6
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"And now you're calling me back... I take this to mean you're going to dispose of that pharmaceutical trash?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVe7cshKjM
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"You don't have to phrase it that way, but I've decided that today will be my last day on Excedrin."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHEZVKBT8z
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2GtM2T0gz
"You mean it?" Lumina suddenly sounded excited and hopeful, as if I were asking her to visit an amusement park.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFLSymKioH
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"I know it's not going to be easy since I am addicted to this stuff after all, and I'm only doing this because I've built a full tolerance to it. But don't ever tell me to choose between you and pills again."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qnRn2YA5r
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwt1kQDVmne
"Hey, I had to snap you out of it somehow."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSic2MtMPMY
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhGnCEeLRO
"Why Lumina? Why go this far over pain killers?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMoRr1zisM
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZS73T9qLBF
"You really thought it was for no reason? Have you forgotten all that I've seen and observed in your world? I may not have the entire picture, but I've seen people suffer in addictions before. Granted, it's always been with the heavy and illegal stuff, but I can't bear the thought of seeing you go through anything similar."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZX671K1ql9
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5SZzd8stF
So then, this is more about the fact that she can't stand to see me suffer... "You realize I'm still in trouble, right? All this really means is, Excedrin, the only drug that was working on me no longer does. And that means, when the next headache comes on, I have nothing to treat it with, which means the pain levels will be much higher, probably more frequent, and definitely more tortuous than anything you've imagined."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCNpA5cefi
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNwsX1AihS
"I believe there is a solution, just not through medicine. The thing is, I don't yet know what that something is."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0Zt1nJiju
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"Well, don't expect things to go well for a while, because they won't."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP91yd9krmS
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSiWtlQPn6
"Are you going to be okay detoxing on your own?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtflhMb9Kg
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Like I even have a choice. Lumina knows by now that any pain level above the threshold of five makes her presence with me impossible. It's not like my family would be of any help either. All they would do if they found out how much Excedrin I've been taking is scolding me non-stop, as if they actually care about how much I've suffered already. "You know I will. All I have to do is dunk it into the trash bin and get it out of my own reach."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWT3jFancvs
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"Okay, that's good."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAk7cbZcSB6
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"Sure..."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpsoddYj7n
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Though I wasn't one to enjoy them, another awkward silence came between us, one full of sorrow and regret. "Reed?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVOOIFopsb
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"What?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjlSJk5rrm
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"... You weren't serious about killing yourself, were you?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibkhiBPohd
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That's what she's worried about? She needs a better sarcasm detector. "Not really..." Although, it's not like I said it for nothing either. Not long after I was married to Lumina, she and I had the discussion about our plans for transperation. When I die in this world, within a ten day period, my soul will be transperated into a new, undamaged, modified Altiri body, which will reside in Lumina's world, so that I can be reborn with her family directly. In other words, I get another shot of life. So the thought has already come up once. If I were to cut my Earth life short, I could be with Lumina a lot faster, instantly on my own choice.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7n6MZWHs6
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But I've been convinced to make the most of the life I have here, since unlike in their world, there are no redo's or resurrections. Even if my future on Earth sucks, it's better than no life at all, so I keep telling myself. With that promise I made to Lumina however, I added a few constraints to the deal. In general, if something ever happens where I can no longer contact Lumina for a long enough period of time, then keeping myself alive will be out of the question. If I'm going to have a future here, it has to involve Lumina, at least by telepathy. The headaches are a big part of this deal breaker too. If my life becomes so unbearable by these blasted moments of pain that I can't contact Lumina simply due to the overwhelming frequency of the headaches, then there would also be no reason to keep myself alive. Lumina knows this already. I talked to her about it before, about the principles of life and death. Even if everything in my entire life goes exactly the way I want it to, like a dream, no human lives for very long. One day, it will be my turn to pass through death's door. The sooner we can both accept that, the better. "So long as it's possible to keep hanging out with you, and so long as we can map out our own future together by me moving up North, I have no reason to jump off this world."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbVGuGb8as
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3y0GTbB2Us
"I'm glad to hear that... But I'm still sorry."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrtSt4MPRD
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"About what?" She got what she wanted in the end, so I don't understand how she can sound so sad now.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDtU2CTpz5
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"You were right about us Reed. I'm an Altiri, proud to be one... But I don't know what a headache feels like. I don't know what it feels like to sleep, to lose out on time as you worry about. I have no idea what your suffering is like, no matter how many times you describe it to me. So I have no right to pretend understanding how you feel."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctC7nIr3dA
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMaffV1vwk
"Ah, knock that off already. Even if that is true, it wasn't right for me to tell you that."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8l1mnrCvu
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"But it's still the truth, is it not?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUuSQ3gLXl3
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I didn't answer her right away, because I had to spend some time simulating that which I already knew. Lumina might not live in the most beautiful world by comparison, but every single aspect about the Altiri anatomy is vastly superior to my anatomy. "Lumina? I'm absolutely jealous of you, every single day that goes by. I wish that I had the ability to duck out of sleeping and eating, gaining all that time back in reserve. I wish I had a better life span, at least a slightly longer one as a human. I wish I had no concept at all about what a headache is or how it feels. But I'm not an Altiri, so I don't have that kind of context either. And as much as I can't help it, being jealous of those benefits won't do me any good right now. So just drop it."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwQqLuj0Ux
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"But—"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuHK9WTfPf
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"I said drop it." There's no reason for her to feel bad about me in this situation. It's true how I feel, that so many things could make my situation a lot better, factors that are not in my control, but instead in God's control for reasons I'll never understand. "There's a lot of things that could make this easier for me, but wishing for more miracles just isn't going to get me anywhere. Besides, it's not like all of this is somehow your fault. You weren't the one who put me on Earth instead of Karnak. You weren't the one who put me inside of this imperfect, defective body. You weren't the one responsible for all of the suffering I've been through. Even I'm free of blame in that regard. The situation simply sucks; that's all. There's nothing either of us can do about it."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aD6k0HwWv
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBe9aVUg9a
"That doesn't mean I don't want to help you though. I still worry about you, even when there's nothing I can do. I feel that way, because I love you."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDUywJA4RY
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"I know you do... You want to watch a movie after school? I think I could use a friend right now."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRV8137GpNJ
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"You know I would never say no to that."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5XtDPT89P
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I nodded slightly, calm in my resounding wisdom that I would have to accept the rising difficulty of my remaining life, even where I could not understand it.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVa176W7nO
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"Say Reed?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwCv8Jp8en
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"Yes?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlweOPTe1uJ
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"... About what you said, why do you think you were born on Earth instead of here with me?"84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡua8SjclKZj
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLEveEMTo2
"I'm sure there must be some reason. I always say, everything happens for a reason." Is that really true though? I may never fully understand why things happen in our universe, but when I think about all the suffering people endure around me, in places I don't see, I have to wonder what reason there could ever be for that. "Of course, I don't know what that reason would be."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgU7ztkYCE
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"I just don't get why you had to develop a headache condition this bad. It's not a common thing to have to put up with, yet you were picked on for it anyway, like some cruel joke."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7v6hFOxixd
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZcpLgAD0s
Did God put us all here just to play cruel pranks on us? I can't be sure. I'm instead reminded about all the horrible shadows of this world. Lumina's world doesn't have it bad enough to consider the thought, but I'm not naive enough to believe I'm the only one with problems. After all I've heard about divine miracles and the healing power of Jesus, why do so many innocent people still suffer? What beneficial reason could there possibly be for a family of four to die in a horrible car crash, or for children to be abused until killed? I may not know of any such circumstances personally, but I know they exist and happen in random parts of this world frequently. Lumina has seen some share of that using her own eyes, proof to the testimony, from her and the victims of circumstance we don't know about. What reason or purpose does their suffering have? It's not something stupid like, testing their faith through hardship. Some of these people don't make it out alive, and the way their lives end puts into question what purpose they served on this planet, other than being loved by family or friends at some point in time. "When I someday make it into heaven, and I'm sitting there one on one with God, I'll be sure to ask him."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLa2JS9OVhr
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrIkDcQLe9
"I just hope you can find a solution to your headache problem, one that doesn't involve you getting addicted to more medication."84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmJLLujD2X
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"I guess only time will tell."
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