Rather than being in bed with Silas beside me, it was filled with my children.
Having them all here filled me both with love and loneliness.
Despite my hate, I was still trying to realise my vow that Silas was no more.
I wanted him to run back to Carter so I had an excuse to cut him loose, but I was only delaying the inevitable.
I had to get my children to accept this now, rather than let it become harder for them and me.
He had been given so many chances. Looking back on it now, it was fun to reclaim him. I should have put a stop to it when I caught Carter on the streets and beat him bloody.
This could work. My children were grown. I didn't have to struggle like we had when they were babies.
This is do-able. I was fine.
Pulling them close, I rested my head on Maisie's who had slept curled into my stomach.
She really was a worry. So small and innocent compared to her stronger and bigger siblings.
If she had a chance to wander, she would.
She liked Carter too. I saw it in her face when she grabbed his hand in hers like he was her father.
Anger flared and I ran my hand over the back of her head to soothe her soft whimpering.
My babies. I'd never let anyone take them away.
I had to use up my chances, now that I had Silas compliant. Once he was free, that was it. There would be no other human I could convince to birth my family like he had.
It worked a few times. Now, I had to force it on him.
Gently slipping out of the bed, I pulled the sheets back over my children and nudged a pillow into Maisie's arms for her to grip onto. I slowly opened the bedside drawer to snatch up Silas'wallet and flip it open.
He had a fifty dollar note in there. His cards were all here too, as well as his ID.
He really did look nice with his halos. And his deadpan face made a smirk travel up my face at how unnatural it was to me.
He used to smile. Now it was just agony. This frozen neutral face was somewhere in between; forced.
I looked up to my bed and softened at it. This was a nice sight. A full bed and peaceful faces.
But, I couldn't stare at them all day. I had to get to work on our family.
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Looking around the empty house, everything was still stained with Silas.
His scent was everywhere. It was in the laundry when I threw the clothes into the dryer with some fragrance to try and steam it out.
It was in the kitchen where I washed the dishes in the soap he had bought. The sweet rhubarb scent had made him laugh at how absurd it was. We even swiped the damn bubbles on each other's faces like careless fools.
Silas was at the table we had first had our big argument at. I thought I had put an end to his wandering eye then. I fell for his talk of us working together as parents.
Was he lying to me the whole time? Only using me for a thrill?
After the kids, he changed.
Did he love Ethel? We poured our hearts into her; our first child. I struggled through death and back to give him all those chances at being a father. I went blind in one eye for him. I destroyed my skin for him.
If he didn't want her, he didn't want any of the others.
Fuck.
Blinking through the tears again, I wiped and replaced the dishes while staring out at our garden.
He had planted flowers for everyone we lost. His red poppies were still there amongst them.
I had cried over them. He did something that reminded me of my own dear mother, and I had let him see.
Now, I cried over them out of bitterness.
Why had he done all these things if he was thinking about another man while doing them?
Did he really make these with his heart, or to lull me into a sense of happy security while he planned his next move?
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Fishing out a large bottle of empty soft drink out of the bin, I scrubbed it and filled it with cold water.
I helped myself to half of it before refilling it for Silas.
If I wanted my children, I had to keep him alive. Humans, fussy things, needed proper food and water.
It'd be so much easier if I could just feed him raw meat and call it a day. Three weeks would fly by then.
I smiled at how easy that would have been. I don't think Silas ever expressed interest in my hunting. After two of our daughters were partially blinded on one trip, I think it riddled him with nerves every time I left.
I told him it was a risk we had to take. It made them stronger. They were demons, not humans.
He told me it was reckless. Children didn't need scars or missing parts. They were too young.
Maybe he had been right. It made them strong, but it also showed where I had failed them. They were too young. I was ambitious in preparing them for the world and had brushed off his concern.
So, we had both failed each other. Had been for a while now...
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I headed for the children's bedroom and quickly stuffed away the clean clothes and toys left on the bunks. I paused at Ethel's and saw she had been keeping a diary.
A cute little pink thing with a flimsy lock on it. It was poking out from under the sheets.
It was cold in my hand when I turned it over and saw she had been scribbling across the cover. One was an old stick drawing of her with just the three of us.
I smiled at the happy faces and linked hands.
I didn't need to be invading her privacy like this. If she didn't want to talk to me, then she could pour her heart to a book.
I lifted the mattress to nestle the diary on one of the wooden slats.
The room felt too open.
With a bunk against opposite walls, there was no privacy between them.
It used to be lined with cribs, then many more bunks. We didn't have the space to move back then. It hadn't changed since they were babies.
I could do some rearranging to give them space. Ethel definitely needed her own room for when she hit her spores.
She would have to find her own place when she hit them, but she deserved a safe place until then.
Avery was going to want his own space too. I couldn't keep him bundled with Maisie and Astrid. He'd mature at sixteen and be ready to hunt his own family down. It could carry him many kilometers and states just to search for where he belonged. I had to make sure he was ready for that.
I had a few more years for Astrid and Maisie before I needed to worry about them and the inevitable. Still, they were growing girls. It wouldn't be fair to give two their own rooms and leave them to battle out a split room for themselves.
This was going to be pricey. The house Silas had chosen was not big enough for all of these ideas.
He wanted a large family, but he hadn't prepared for it.
Things were easier in their natural forms. I didn't need to prepare rooms or make special meals. Nature was their home and provider.
I'd have to find some way to make it work. They couldn't be living in a nursery their whole lives.
Blowing out a breath, I exited the room and decided to scrub myself clean so I could pull on something that wasn't crusted to my body.
Three days really made me aware of how filthy I was. With the sweat and sex, I was aware of the stench I had only masked with river water when I scrubbed it off with the oatmeal soap Silas had stocked our cupboards with.
I couldn't escape him. Not even somewhere private.
His toothbrush was still beside mine on the sink. His cologne was above that, with his cream for his prosthetic.
Behind the mirror, I knew his bandages and spare socks would be. He was always so prepared.
My side was bare compared to his.
It had drops for my eye I rarely took. Silas had persisted I needed something to keep my blind side from getting dried out or infected from the lengthy time I spent in the wild.
There were a few bird bones I had stacked in there I had never gotten around to weaving into the dream catcher I wanted to make him.
He always asked about them, and pressed for me to throw them out, but I just kept telling him in was for something important that never came.
I thought he would have liked them. The bird was rare. It's bones were a beautiful black that shone in the light.
There was cream on my side too for my destroyed skin. Silas liked to joke that we could share the duties as we got ready for the day together.
It had been a fun little chore too.
Now, it only made me wonder about what Carter had said about Silas bringing up the cream.
What did he mean?
It just made me scowl at another thing I thought had been exclusively ours.
Had he let Carter help him into his prosthetic? Let him get deep into his skin with the cream? Had he fucked Silas over it too when the tension had been stirred by suggestive motions?
Leaving the shower still steaming, I pulled on the clothes I kept in the cupboard here, and marched for the kitchen to leave a note on the bench.
I wouldn't be gone long. I still had things to sort out.
Then, I marched for the nest outside to pluck down four of the closest sacs that I tied around me; with my thoughts still picking apart Silas and his ulterior motives.
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Silas' scowl met me when I climbed back up to his trap and promptly sliced his hands free so he could grab the bottle I offered him.
Water spilled over his mouth that guzzled it ravenously. He even had to pull up for air at how focused he was on the sweet liquid.
"Is there food?" he asked hopefully.
So, he was being compliant now. Who knew how long that would last.
I wasn't falling for it.
"Soon. Finish your water first."
He had almost drained it dry, but he gulped down the last portion and handed the bottle back that I pressed into the webs.
I pulled him up so that he was standing, and moved his arms so that they were by his sides.
"What are you doing?" he smiled nervously.
Looping webs around him, I glued his arms down. Then, I picked my way over to weave the unfinished walls.
As I did that, Silas got a good look at the four bundles I had tied to my back, and panicked.
I heard his breath hitch up when I turned back to face him, and saw his wide eyes glisten with tears again.
"You can't" he gasped "not four of them."
"Don't be ridiculous" I scoffed back "only two are for you."
"Then....?"
I hummed while I weaved, letting Silas stew over the extras.
"HELP!" he suddenly hollered and yanked against his restraints to make everything flex under the force "SOMEONE! HE....."
"If you want food and water, I'd suggest you shut up" I simply replied "or I'll make you."
His wide eyes looked me up and down in shock.
"We were mates, Silas" I breathed to him "I'm not here to hurt you."
Not yet anyway.
"I can't have you wearing yourself out. You need to help my children grow."
"I already did that a...."
"You killed them" I snarled back, taking a moment to regain my composure "if you waited more than two days, we wouldn't be doing this right now."
His glare was murderous. It only made me love it more.
He really tested my patience. I liked it when he fought as if he had a chance.
"I'll look after you" I promised when I pulled down the new roof to start stretching it into the other half of the orb "then, you'll go."
"Go?"
He was clearly confused. His tearful eyes spilled over.
"You've got your human" I jerked a thumb towards the town "and I have my children. You can start over and I can continue on with my family."
"Your family?"
His voice accused me of thinking of such a thing. It only made my heart thud in anticipation when I knew Silas didn't like the idea of giving up so easily.
A struggle. That always made me excited for how I would step out on top again.
"I'll protect them" I vowed seriously to him "I've already started to get them to move on from you."
I tied down the side and stepped into the orb so I could caress Silas' face gently.
"If you come near them, I'll break you" I whispered to him while still savouring his skin "bone by bone, I'll make sure you feel every snap."
"They're my babies" he whimpered back "you can't do this."
"Silas" I sighed to him "you already decided on that when you said they were monsters. I'll protect them from anything, including you."
"You can't do that!" he cried out and struggled again "you fucker!"
"Shhhh" I wrapped my hand around his mouth that tried to bite the skin on my palm "you want to be fed, don't you?"
I pushed, tightening around his face.
His muffled words accompanied frantic nods.
"Yes...?"
"...Quinton?" he finished unsurely.
Fuck, that sounded nice.
Saying my name really got my blood pumping.
Submissive and dependant; just how I liked him.
I really wanted to fuck him, but I had to save it. I couldn't be buckling Silas before he bought my children into this world.
Loosening one of the sacs, I ran my finger over the skin of his stomach.
Soft. It would do nicely.
Slicing it across the top while smothering Silas' mouth, I slipped it in effortlessly.
He looked pregnant from the way the skin stretched and bulged. I lingered on it in wonder.
It was a warming sight that bubbled in my chest. It reminded me of the female I had fought so hard to lure back here to give me these chances.
She made me happy for that brief time. I didn't have to hold back or worry about anyone else with her.
Now, the back.
It was a mangled mess of broken skin and infected edges that hadn't been scraped properly.
I hesitated, then reopened the slit to slide in the new hunch that nestled perfectly into place.
It looked right. Nothing could hurt them now.
I had two left to give their own source of warmth to.
I was done here.
"Please" Silas pleaded when I walked past him for the tree "you can't leave me like this."
Naked, strung up, filled. He was perfect like that.
"I'll be back" I waved to him and heard his pitiful moan in response while I slid down to the ground to continue onwards to town.
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Carter's house was missing its ute out the front when I stalked around to the back of it and flicked the back lock open to the gate.
He had fixed his fence, although not perfectly. I had to smirk at his attempt to make things look normal again.
His back door was easy to tear open too. Heaving the locked mechanism from the door itself, I dropped it to the ground and slid around the cracked glass door.
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The house was nice.
I had seen it from outside, but nothing beat standing in the actual thing.
It was far too large for one person.
I walked past the dining room and into the kitchen where my fingers trailed across the clean counter tops.
A herb corner with a photo caught my eye.
Carter had his arms slung around the shoulders of a blonde woman who was taking the photo. They looked happy, frozen in a wide smile.
Was that his mate? If he was taken, why was he trying to steal Silas as pickings?
It didn't smell like a female here. All I could pick up was Carter and his car-oil tangled with firewood.
Such a strong scent. Silas' was sharp too, but not like that.
I dawdle through the dining room to run my fingers in the polished wood there. They plucked at the raw wood bundled in a corner next to a stone fireplace.
It was too familiar. It gave me chills at how much it reminded me of home.
A hallway ran to my left of the fireplace that I followed to see an open bathroom door before the end one that was the bedroom.
The bed was too large for one person. It could have easily fit two, with room to spare.
I wrinkled my nose up at it as I entered to inspect the area carefully. I knew why he kept such a large area for himself.
His clothes all had his stench on them.
The window looking into the backyard was covered with thick green curtains that bloked out the light.
A bedside table had a lamp and book about gardening on it.
Skimming the pages, I didn't even pick it up. My attention was on the painted pale yellow walls.
This would be a good place to string the bastard up. Dark, quiet, not in sight of anyone that might visit.
The door would muffle him too.
My webs would stick well to the walls. Carter would be my incubator and wouldn't be able to do a thing about it.
I'd have four chances awaiting me. It was exhilarating having this amount of opportunity suddenly available.
I couldn't help with the process either. One Split of my skin and my babies would be dead.
I couldn't take that risk. I had to leave it to my two humans who weren't a danger to them.
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I started weaving while humming again.
Happiness flooded me when the threads glinted through the air and from the walls I glued them to.
Carter would be helpless too. It'd be punishment and sweet justice all rolled into one.
I smiled at how clever I was and kept weaving my new prison.
Silas acted like my gift was torture to him. This could be my punishment to Carter. He'd bellow and scream just like Silas did.
Maybe i'd get to see him cry? Maybe he'd beg me that he'd never do it again?
He and Silas were perfect for each other. Both liars through and through.
I only paused when I heard the ute return to its place outside the front, and the slamming of the car door.
The front one clicked and unlocked to have Carter grunt his way through with what I assumed was the rustle of shopping bags.
Punishment and a full cupboard. This day just kept getting better.
"What the f...?" I heard him mutter to himself when he stepped inside.
The bags were placed into the benches in the kitchen, and I saw Carter pass my line of sight past the bedroom door to inspect his broken glass.
I rose, keeping my eyes firmly on where Carter would be.
"Fucking hell" he growled to the glass he inspected, heading out to pick up the lock I had thrown "fucking arseholes."
I kept up my quiet prowl down the hallway and along the fireplace until I leant against the side of the wall to have a clear view of him mumbling and scowling over the glass he ran his finger along.
He was now inside. He had his back to me.
Did I rush him while he was distracted, or wait for him to turn and see it was me?
"Fucking pricks" Carter huffed and rose to head for the kitchen "Fu...."
His eyes locked onto me leaning on his wall, then to the bags in the kitchen.
Had the idiot left his phone in them?
"Was that....?" he pointed to the door before huffing "....of course it was you."
I just smiled at his observation and let him walk past me for his groceries.
Where had this courage come from? He wasn't scared of me when I wasn't towering over him?
"Silas isn't here" Carter grumbled to me "his things are still in my room if you want them. He left them here when you dragged him off."
So, he actually had gotten things for the kids like what Carter said? I hadn't listened to what Silas had to throw at me; I was too furious to even care if I was hurting him by dragging him into the woods by his arm I snapped up.
He was easy to lift when I was in my natural form. He dangled like one of Maisie's dolls.
"I'm not here for him" I snorted at his assumption while wandering to the kitchen counter I placed my hands on.
Carter turned around and looked me over in confusion.
"I didn't do anything?"
He was hesitant to turn his back to me now. He still had a can of beans in his hand that now gripped it like he was contemplating throwing it at me.
I leant forwards, extending my other arms so he didn't have an escape from me.
"I told you what would happen" I smiled coldly to his fear "now, I'm not going to kill you, but you humans like to think of this as death anyway, so it's close enough."
"Get away from me!" he panicked and threw the can that I caught to peg into his stomach, winding him.
Carter staggered back and fell down the side of his counters behind him while I lifted myself over to trap him on the floor.
"Touch them and I'll tear off your fingers so you can never touch anything again."
"Wh....?"
Forcing him around, I got Carter to stand so I could press him to the cupboard and tear open the back of his shirt.
"Are you going to fuck me?" he wriggled under me for freedom "what the hell?"
"Just shut up" I scowled back while pressing my hands along the skin there to test it.
It was firm. Maybe too rough for my babies to pull from?
I wasn't going to risk his stomach just yet with his hands still free. He was making it hard to get a good grip on him.
"Just stay still!" I hissed and bent him over his bench to press his face to it.
His back was straight, but his arse was pressed against my cock enjoying the sensation.
I clamped Carter's mouth shut so I could slice across the shoulder blades and peel the skin upwards.
He screamed and bucked to try and escape, but I kept him pinned to me.
Every movement made me harder. Seeing him so useless reminded me of Silas when I had strung him up for the first time.
He enjoyed it back then. Carter was more of a bucking bronco refusing to be as easily broken.
The sac slipped into place so I could quickly stitch it closed.
I had to take extra measures with this one. Who knew what he'd do if I left it open like Silas' to heal over naturally?
"You sick fuck!" Carter gasped into the bench "what did you put in me? What are you doing?"
Turning him around, I crushed my weight against his to trap his arse to the bench. The shirt came off easily and was dropped to the floor.
"Precautions" I just mumbled back when I ran a nail along the top of his stomach, just under his chest.
Not too firm. That was good. Easy for my babies to break free from.
"I thought Silas was the one you did this with?" Carter blurted when I carefully mapped out my slice "wait, wait!"
I muffled him and kept his wrists crushed in my hands when I dug in to spill blood over his own body. He squirmed and sobbed pitifully as I slipped in the final sac to smile at it bulging from him.
Not like Silas, but it was close enough.
"Two weeks" I glared to his weeping eyes "then, I'm coming back for them."
Carter glanced down at my hand still muffling him and whined.
He wasn't screaming yet. What a disappointment.
I released him and saw he wasn't trying to run for help. He just touched his new swollen middle and shook his head that sobbed more.
"I need this out of me" he begged, reaching for me "please! You can't do this to me!"
No threats of violence. No trying to destroy them. He was just pitiful.
Maybe he wasn't thinking clearly enough to realise his other options?
I'll have to string him up before he even got to that stage.
"Please!" he snatched for my arm when I pushed his down beside him "don't leave me like this!"
"I can't have you killing them too" I warned Carter and forced his arms down again "this is for them, not you."
"Quinton!" he begged now "I can't do this! Let me go!"
My cock snapped at his breathless voice, but I shoved the fire down.
Threading his arms to his sides, I made sure Carter couldn't struggle free. He was too busy crying to even try to throw force behind his attempts.
"I w-won't hurt them" he tried to bargain "I won't even look at S-Silas anymore! Just don't leave these i-in me! Please!"
He really was a sniveling mess. To think I had been intimidated by this man once.
"I'll do anything!" he cried out and leant against the bench behind him for support "I can't have spi-spiders inside me, Quinton."
The same response from my cock. I growled and snapped a hand around his mouth to keep him quiet.
I couldn't be getting hard for him. Silas was my mate for now, not this disgusting human who had ruined everything.
"Shut the fuck up!" I warned him as I slowly pulled back my hand.
"I don't want t-them in me" Carter sobbed "please! Please!"
All I heard was Silas. The same words he used when I thought we were happy together. He didn't want them either. He thought they were monsters.
Seeing Carter so easily broken had me confused on what to do next. I had it all planned out and my mind just went blank at his pathetic face.
"No!" I snapped to him "I need this! You can't ruin this for me!"
Tears threatened to blind me like they were to Carter who still sobbed in my limp grasp.
He dropped down to his knees and moaned while crying there.
"You aren't taking this from me!" I hissed to Carter at my feet that blurred with the tiles.
He couldn't. Not my babies. Not everything I had sacrificed so much for.
I slid down the bench opposite him and bought my knees up so I could rest my main arms on them to shield my face.
"Fuck."
I wouldn't let him go. I didn't even know if I wanted to hang something so pathetic from my webs.
The whole point of them was to trap someone who wanted to escape. Carter just wasn't moving. He wanted to try and bargain instead.
His hands were tied. He couldn't hurt them.
I just had to keep him from anything he could press himself to.
Our eyes met and I pulled away in shame.
Why was I sitting on the ground with him? Down to his level?
"I've cut him out" I muttered to Carter "Silas isn't mine anymore. I'm only using him like I'm using you."
Carter blinked back through his tears he tried to wipe. I don't think he could form words yet.
"He doesn't want to believe it, but I'm done with him in two weeks" I huffed out "I told him I already let the kids know he's not their dad anymore."
Why was I spilling this all to him? Because he would listen without arguing? Because I had no-one else to talk about the situation to but the man who Silas wanted over me?
He wasn't even that strong. All it took was two slices and he was a blithering mess.
Surely, Silas didn't find him more attractive? I could protect him better than this mess.
"Maybe I was wrong" I hung my hands over my knees "Silas always was a sneak."
I shot daggers through Carter who dropped his eyes instantly.
I let myself be lured by a human. I should have known better.
"Reid said something similar" Carter finally spoke "he didn't like the way Silas preferred you and me over him. That's why he came over to.... you know."
He looked away in shame. I already knew from the old scars on the back of his neck that Reid would have been rough in claiming him.
I claimed Reid's mate for myself. Maybe, he claimed mine?
What a stupid idea.
I scoffed at Carter and erased that thought from my head.
"Can I have my hands back?" he asked with a little wiggle "I won't run. You can tie me up if I do."
I knew he wasn't going to. He would have by now.
I slashed away the webs with my extra hands that hung around me, waiting for Carter to get brave.
"Thank you" he smiled.
I just snorted at his warmth and turned away.
His hands found the bump at the front to prod it in fearful fascination.
Mine slammed around his throat to make him raise his hands and rest them on mine.
"It's OK" he spoke softly "I was only looking. It's... weird.... to put it lightly."
"Don't fucking touch them!" I snarled and pushed his head up so he couldn't look at me.
"It's alright" he tapped my hands that squeezed in response "I'm not going to do anything."
I was desperate and afraid. I didn't know if I could trust anything coming out of his mouth.
Please don't. Don't hurt them. I can't lose another chance.
Carter must have felt it in my lose grip allowing him to look at me again.
He easily plucked my fingers from his throat and patted them when he lowered down my hand to the ground.
My eyes glanced to his middle he avoided resting his hands near.
"Do you.... want to.... maybe help me out?" he pointed his head to the groceries above my head.
I needed that food for myself. My kids were starving at home already.
I had the money, I just couldn't risk showing my face in a town where everyone already knew about me from old stories.
Humans didn't like demons. Especially not ones who tried to look like them.
Fire had proven that once already.
"My kids..." I glanced to Carter again, this time in shame.
I couldn't feed them in their Skins. I should have been able to do everything for them.
I'd kill for them, but I couldn't face a few humans to get groceries.
"I need the food."
"Oh?" Carter raised his brows in surprise and got to his feet to rummage through the bags.
I'd fight him for them if I had to. I couldn't let my kids starve over something I could have avoided.
"I know you don't like me, but I'm not letting your kids go hungry because of us" Carter lowered a bag down to me "I'm not exactly in a situation to say no either."
So he did understand how fucked he was with me here.
There was that logic overtaking his dumb bravery.
"Your kids like cereal?" he asked when I rose up to take the bag "the little one said she liked strawberries."
He held out a plastic carton of them I wrinkled my nose at.
I hated taking things from him like he was the savour in this situation.
I didn't want to look weak, but I had no option than accept his charity.
Putting them into the bag, I scowled at the second one he slid over to me.
"I can grab more" he spoke when I watched him load up a third with food from the three others he still had "if you need help...."
"I don't" I snapped back while clutching the bags close.
He looked at them and rolled his eyes.
I would have set him straight, but I was too afraid of crushing my babies.
"I have an immunity against you, don't I?" Carter grinned at my uncertainty "I keep these wiggling bastards, and you can't throw me around like you do."
I bared my teeth at him but didn't approach.
He slid the third bag across smugly.
"I won't touch them, because I know it keeps you wrapped around my finger. You're too scared to do anything about it."
"Watch it" I growled back at his grin while snatching up the bag "you don't scare me at all, fucker."
"But they do" he leant against the edge of the bench to press the sac against it "you need me."
Panic pierced through me and flitted across my face. Carter saw it and basked in my weakness.
"I'm not Silas" he soothed "unlike him, I like keeping my freedom. If I've got tough it out until you fuck off back to your woods, then so be it."
Deep down I was impressed at how willing Carter was with all of this. He had accepted his fate, and the protection it bought, much easier than Silas.
Was he just trying to let my guard down so he could destroy me? Or did he really fear me that much that he'd do anything to make sure I would leave him alone?
"I'll be back" I warned him "and if you've done anything..."
"You'll kill me?" he smirked.
Bastard.
"You're paying me for a new door" he called out and pointed to the one I trudged to "and I want those bags back! I've got to reuse them and they are pricey."
I slipped outside and paused to look back at Carter still packing away the rest of his food. He moved so that he didn't get his new bump anywhere near the benches he reached over. The lump on his back was protected from the cupboards he kept moving between.
Carter spotted me lingering and paused.
"Thank you" I mumbled to him, quickly heading back for the safety of the forestry with my bulging bags filled with hope.
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