I felt like a failure when I saw how happy everyone was from Carter's offerings.
Of course, I didn't let them know, but I felt guilt in every smile and filled stomach that I wasn't the one to do that.
Maisie enjoyed her strawberries she shared with everyone. I plucked big ones out of her fingers with my lips that she laughed at.
Astrid filled her bowl with colourful cereal that her and Avery made into a competition for who could find certain characters floating in the milk.
Ethel loved the sweet biscuits. She snuck off the whole pack which I found her nibbling as she read a book on the other side of the fence in her own little cozy nook.
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Silas was more desperate for the food than my children. He made a mess of himself that I swiped off so I could run a cloth over him and change him into fresh clothes.
I bought the cream to massage his stump and reattach his leg.
This made him lighten a little when he didn't feel so helpless.
I had to think about more than him. If I kept him content, then my babies would flourish.
Silas was nothing to me anymore. The care I put into him just was to get him to the two weeks I needed.
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Then, there was Carter.
Things were different now. He had a hold over me that I didn't like. He knew it too and kept his word about not touching what was stopping me from hurting him.
I felt like a sneak going to his house. The man who I hated; the one who waited for me and wasn't intimidated anymore.
He smiled when he saw me, like I was a joke. Nothing I growled to him mattered anymore. He was untouchable because of my desperate need to fill my home.
A human. I felt filthy having to rely on the both of them.
It was as if I was the one being punished, not them.
But, I still went, just to make sure.
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I leant against the broken back door with my eyes scowling at Carter who was parked in his chair, watching the new TV mounted above his fireplace.
A controller was gripped in his hands while his face was glued to whatever he was playing.
He was too happy. He wasn't nervous at what lurked just around the corner, watching him.
"Are you just going to stand there all day, or are you going to come in and do your usual thing?" he called out when his character died "i haven't touched them."
I knew he hadn't, yet I still kept coming back, just to make sure.
He kept his word, but I was too untrusting to believe it.
"They itch like all hell" he commented with a lift of his shirt "got anything for that?"
"No" I grunted, arms folded.
Silas never complained of the itching when he carried all my other children. Perhaps it was different for this one?
"I cleaned up the mess in my room too" he flopped his hand about "thanks for that. I'll add new sheets to what you already owe me."
I smirked at his annoyance directed briefly at me before it was glued to the screen again.
At least I did something that got under his skin.
"Seriously, come in" he grumbled and gestured for me to come closer "check me over and get going like you usually do."
He was too comfortable. Ordering me around like I was lower than him.
Still, I had come here to do just that.
Pushing my way in, I made my way to where Carter was perched and lifted his shirt to inspect his skin.
"You could wait until I was done!" he tried to see around me, groaning when he died yet again "I've got to start over now!"
"Just shut up" I huffed to his irritating whining.
The skin looked good. Still stitched and undamaged.
Bending him forward, I found the one on his back wasn't the same.
The stitching had been plucked at one corner, and the skin itself had a darker colouring to it at the bottom.
Carter couldn't reach back there to tamper with his own body.
Had he got someone else to do it? And why was it darker? Were they dying?
"What's up?" Carter piped up nervously "I haven't done anything, I swear."
What was wrong? I hadn't seen this before.
Pressing a hand to his back, I could feel twitching beneath it that was the cause of his complaint.
So, they weren't dead.
Then, why the strange colour?
"It's black" I frowned "I don't know what that means."
Carter placed his controller beside him.
"Usually, it's infection, isn't it?" he offered "like in the hospital shows on TV. Or is it dead skin? It'd stink if it was rotting."
I didn't know. Neither option was good.
Did I pull them out? Leave them in?
I wouldn't find another willing human. And the skin might split if I stretched it further than it already was.
Id have to leave it and just be wary of the change.
It had only been six days after making Carter my new hatchery. Nothing should have changed.
Silas' ones were still unmarked and smooth. Not a single change had happened since I kept him restrained in my nest.
"It's fine" I told myself while dropping the shirt.
"Well, I don't want to be missing half my back" Carter grimaced up to me "I ca...."
"Just shut it!" I snapped back and pressed a hand to his mouth while blocking him in "I have more to worry about than your back, ok? And you'll have something to worry about yourself if you keep ordering me around like your damn pet."
Carter gulped and nodded. I slowly released his mouth and saw him search for words.
"I'll...." he started hesitantly, watching me "...be OK?"
"For now" I scoffed at him and turned, spotting the characters on the screen idling.
Something with pure snow. And he was controlling a burly man with his young son beside him.
It reminded me of Avery.
"It's the new one out" Carter tapped the back of my leg with his foot "want to play?"
I had better things to do. I had to make sure Silas hadn't found a way out of his binds. I still had to teach my own children to hunt and defend themselves. I promised Maisie I'd go on a silly bird hunt with her too.
"You can keep an eye on me" Carter offered "make sure my back doesn't fall apart."
He wiggled the controller at me that I snatched from him.
It was so small in my hands. The plastic and it's buttons could easily be snapped.
"I'll be the son" Carter shuffled off the couch to grab a second controller and power it up "you can be the father."
At least I was the leader. Carter would have to listen to me if he wanted to win his pathetic game.
"I'm trying to beat the boss" he explained when he moved forward and showed me how to "its really tough. Maybe with you here, I can finally get it done?"
"Maybe" I huffed back.
"Uh, fair warning..." Carter shrunk down when we approached the vast area coated in snow "...it is a.... spider."
My eyes narrowed at him and then to the TV that blasted rising music to the appearance of a roaring snowy beast.
"Why?" I frowned at it rearing back and spraying saliva through the air.
"People don't like them" Carter shrugged "they're scary."
"Scary?"
We charged, weapons drawn. Carter leant over to jab the buttons I needed to follow to help slay the quick beast.
"It doesn't have the right markings" I pointed out as it circled and lunged "it's coloured like a male but has eggs like a female."
The back was bulging with glowing eggs. The spider boss was far too tall to reach them.
"Don't you do the same?" Carter teased.
"Whose the one with the eggs under their skin?" I jabbed back "you're no better than... Thar...esya?"
What name was that?
"None of this makes sense" I sighed when we split up to dodge the attack "the males should be the ones defending her, not herself. Why is she alone?"
"Shit happens" Carter shrugged "now are you going to stop complaining and help me out?"
We could barely put a dent in its health spanning across the screen.
What kind of sick torture was this?
There was more music and a scene of the eggs splitting into more spiders that spilled from them.
"Fuck off!" I laughed to it "it's not that quick!"
If only. I wouldn't be stuck here right now if all it took was a few minutes and some rough coaxing.
"Kill the little ones!" Carter cried out "otherwise you'll have to do it again!"
They were still so much bigger then us. It wasn't possible...
The son stabbed and my father hacked. They worked well together to try and cut their way to the boss and its whittling health.
Halfway done. We were winning.
The boss began to eject the empty eggs as bombs toward us. It's snowy skin crawled and split into hundreds of other spiders forming a wave.
This deserved another scene of its own that blended back into game play.
"This is stupid" I snorted at the absurdity trying to crush me "there's no way..."
"Shh!" Carter grinned back "just try to get through it."
My screen flashed red. The spiders were unrelenting in trying to tear me apart.
"Ah, fuck!" I grunted and stabbed the buttons to try and escape the wave drowning me.
My father gurgled and was torn apart.
The son screamed out and promptly killed himself, even with full health.
"Why would he do that?" I threw a hand up in frustration "he still had a chance!"
"That's the game" Carter flopped his controller down "the father would have done the same if the son died."
"That's pathetic" I scoffed, leaving the controller on the couch "none of it makes sense at all."
"It's a game" Carter soothed me while getting up to head to the fridge for drinks "round two?"
I had better things to do. Maisie needed to see her birds...
But that damn spider had me so frustrated. It was so confusing and exhilarating at the same time.
Had I done anything like this with Silas?
It was still light out. Maisie wouldn't miss a thing.
"One more" I grumbled "but that's it."
Carter grinned and returned with soft drink he cracked open. He passed me one and quickly withdrew his fingers when they touched mine.
Still wary. The way it should be.
"Don't die this time" I smirked to him.
"You're the one who killed us!" Carter scoffed back, leading the way to the snowy arena where the spider waited.
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An hour had passed before I finally put down the controller for the final time.
After being sucked in time and time again, and filled on cheap drink and snacks, we still hadn't beat our boss who killed us with countless waves of spiders.
Maybe next time? I actually looked forward to tempting the confusing beast again.
Carter gave me a can for my walk back to the trees, and watched me leave out the back fence.
Oddly, I was smiling. Not at him, but at the game we had shared together.
What a confusing thing it was. Male and female, yet impossibly fast and far too strong for even a Queen.
And where were her horde of males?
I shook my head at the logic and kept walking, cracking open the cold drink to take a swig.
The kids might like something like that at home. In a way, it made me thrilled for my own chance to hunt another gigantic beast and conquer it.
Something I knew I'd win against...
The game was very violent. They'd love it.
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Silas was still tied up when I approached the best on my way back home.
His eyes were filled with hatred, and I noticed he had pissed himself.
Maybe I should leash him instead? It really was disgusting keeping him strung up in filth.
"Looks like it's your lucky day" I grumbled to him when I cut down his arms and tore up his legs.
Silas stood there, rubbing his wrists, before he made a mad dash for the edge of the nest.
"Not so fast" I laughed at his attempt, swinging a web to snag his throat and pull him down.
He landed on his back and I felt my heart leap into my throat.
"No, no, no, no, no!"
I raced over to shove Silas to his knees so I could yank up his shirt I could see was soaked.
The skin was partially broken. I saw where part of the sac had caved from the fall and was steadily leaking over his skin.
I had caused this. I killed them.
They weren't moving under my hand, but most of the sac was still intact.
Silas went to bolt again, but I pulled out all my arms to keep him on his knees.
I had to thread it closed. Give it a chance...
"LET ME GO, YOU BASTARD!" Silas snapped and writhed against me.
"Just shut the fuck up!" I hissed back as I stabbed holes hurriedly through the skin that squirted around my spread fingers.
I had to make this quick! I couldn't lose them to something like this!
"Get off me!" he snarled "get these out!"
His fingers clawed for the skin at the front. My hands pulled him away and held both arms outwards from himself.
He was making all of this too damn difficult. At least with Carter he wasn't so eager to betray me.
I got the skin to close up enough so I could frantically stuff the gaps with more wads of webs.
I only had five chances left. I couldn't go wasting them on someone who was too eager to make sure I didn't use them.
I pulled the web tight around his throat to keep his eyes on the roof of the nest.
His hands instinctively reached forwards, but hung there in the air like he was trying to grab something.
"I'm putting you on the ground" I breathed into his face "and I'm tying you up so you can still piss wherever you want. You aren't going to use this against me."
"I'll get out of here" Silas growled back "I'll take my kids and get away from you."
"Like hell you will" I tugged on the web to make him bend further back "if I didn't need you, I'd break your spine right here."
"Fucking try it" he glared "you already took my damn leg from me."
I felt that stab my gut. Silas had never blamed me for that. Now, his words cut deep and burned with venom.
I wasn't the cause of that. He assured me for so many years.
"I hate you" he spat.
"Good" I eased up on the tether so I could make my way around to the entrance "I hate you too."
He hurt me. He blamed me and fought against me. In a way, he was turning into a new Carter.
"Scream all you want, I'm not changing a thing, Silas."
I snapped his hands together to weave them. When the bundle was created, I worked on his front and back to coat both sides in layers of padding so thick I couldn't see his shirt beneath it.
I tore off the pants and threw them aside in disgust. With him bare again, he could use the world as his toilet.
"Try" I gestured to his front "go on."
Silas looked confused. He raised his hands and smashed them into his bump that buffered each blow perfectly.
I'd have to cut it before they were ready to hatch, but this worked well for us both.
"Enough of that" I grumbled when he kept trying to break through "come on."
Throwing Silas over my shoulder, I clambered down the tree and dumped him onto the ground.
I tied his throat tether to the tree and lengthened it enough so he would be able to hide behind it for privacy.
At least I allowed him that after the way he had treated me.
My arms raked the tree he was tied to, gouging marks into the wood. I walked around the other surrounding trees to do the same.
Throwing some new webs around Silas in the same netting I had done with Avery, I marveled at my work.
"Even if you scream and someone finds you, they won't come near here. It's marked. You are marked. They aren't going to risk that."
Nobody would be stupid enough to risk their lives for an obvious bait trap. Plucked webs would have me alerted if I was nearby. The giant hanging nest should be more than enough to warn anyone not to be brave.
Silas was here to stay until I said he could leave.
"God help you if you do try to come near my children" I warned him "and don't try running to Carter to get him to help you. He's in the same situation as you."
Silas' eyes widened. He let out a yell and ran for me before he reached his length and was choked.
"I'll get my children" I told him with a smile "and I'll destroy you in every way I can."
Silas was done with crying and begging. He was only filled with hatred that flared in his eyes whenever they looked at me.
I had to admire his spirit. Carter didn't even have that sort of fight in him.
"You're dead to me" I glared at him trying to swipe and kick at me "Silas, I should have let you burn in that field."
There were the tears. He screamed out and choked up, still trying to hurt me as much as he already had to me.
I turned from him, still feeling his blame stab through my chest, and walked away as Silas screamed out after me.
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I needed some sort of distraction; anything to stop the tears flowing.
When I saw home approach, I quickly swiped them away and took the time to steady my breathing.
I didnt need my children to worry. There was nothing that should make them upset.
Maisie wanted to see birds. That would be the perfect distraction for the both of us.
I felt the smile return to my face and let it spread when I saw Astrid fling open the gate to come rushing towards me.
"Daddy! MAISIE!"
Why was she so panicked? What had happened.
My smile slipped instantly and I wrapped my arms around Astrid who barreled into me, crying.
"What's wrong?" I smoothed down her hair, checking the area "did someone come?"
"M-Maisie.... S-she..."
Astrid couldn't get it out. She couldn't breathe.
"DAD!"
I tore my eyes up to see Ethel yank herself around the fence frantically.
"MAISIE'S GONE!"
Avery followed, pushing past her with a face full of worry.
I held Astrid close as she cried into me, still trying to explain what had happened.
"She said she wanted to see the birds" Avery blurted and pointed when he reached me "a-and we said we'd take her when you got home, but we can't find her!"
Everything in me sank into the dirt. I was lost all over again, picking up the pieces of my children in that field.
Maisie. My sweet little Maisie.
"When did she go missing?"
"I don't know! I...."
"When did you see her last?!" I panicked now, clutching Astrid close.
Avery whimpered and burst into tears.
"Ten minutes!" Ethel shouted as she ran towards me "when she asked for juice."
"I thought she just went to draw again!" Avery whimpered "she was so excited!"
She couldn't have gotten far. Maisie was always so distracted.
I looked to my distraught children and pulled them all in close to hold them.
I couldn't keep them at home while I searched. I needed them close.
"Listen closely" I drew in a shaking breath I tried to steady "we are going to find her. It's just like tracking. She isn't a fast child."
"S-she stops for e-everything" Avery added hopefully.
"Exactly" I nodded "exactly. We'll call her name so she knows it's us. She's looking for birds; she'll be around the trees."
We couldn't get the cops involved. Not after what they did to my children. They'd try to take my only four away from me.
"I'll head straight and check along there" Ethel said seriously, wiping her eyes.
"I'll go that way" Avery pointed behind him "she might be close to home."
"I'll check the trees behind the nest" Astrid agreed "she might have gone that way."
I didn't like Astrid breaking so far from us, but agreed.
"I'll go left" I pointed behind me "if anyone sees or heard her, you yell out. If you see anything that isn't Maisie, you yell and everyone comes back home. I'll be there."
I held my children close and squeezed them tight.
I didn't want to let them ago. I wasn't going to pick their parts up too.
"I'll say when we stop looking" I scowled down to them all "it's still light. We'll be fine."
"She was wearing a light blue dress with white spots on it" Ethel added "and she had on white frilly socks with her blue shoes."
"That should be easy to remember" I smiled to them all.
"She had her book" Astrid gasped and wiped her face frantically "a pink one. A-and she had a sparkly pencil with a rainbow on top!"
"Her bird bag!" Avery waved a finger as he remembered "she had a little acorn shaped bag that goes across her body! She was wearing that all day today!"
She was so proud of that bag too. It was perfect for stashing rocks and leaves in.
"If any of you see those things, you yell out. We'll all meet there."
"Yell for danger, yell for Maisie; got it" Avery nodded.
"No Skins" I told them all "we'll be quicker that way."
They all knew how serious the situation was. They weren't going to fight eight legs against two.
Human Skins could be regrown. We couldn't waste more time hunting Maisie.
"Don't go past the river" I warned them all "it's too dangerous out there."
"Even if we see her?" Ethel frowned, ready to split.
I nodded reluctantly.
Past the river wasn't ours to own. Anything could prowl on the other side, waiting.
I had almost lost my life in that river. It'd drown Maisie if she tried to cross it.
No. She wouldn't be that silly.
"We'll find her" I reassured them as I started to tear from my skin "it's Maisie."
My children agreed, all splitting and scurrying in their designated directions.
I watched Astrid thunder across the field and to the trees opposite. When I couldn't see her fur anymore, I began my sprint.
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"MAISIE!"
I couldn't keep up shouting her name and running frantically along my straight path.
I was missing so much forest that all looked the same.
I had no scent to follow or items that had been dropped. There weren't even any shoe prints crushed into the leaves below me.
Maybe she hadn't come this way?
I scanned the trees above and didn't see any birds. I couldn't even hear them.
She wouldn't have come this way.
Turning, I barged for the river instead to come skidding to a halt at the edge.
I scanned the waters for her dress or bag; anything that might show that Maisie had let her curiosity lead her across.
It was too deep and wide. She'd be scared just by the strength of it.
It terrified even me. She could be under there and I wouldn't know.
"MAISIE!" I roared, listening.
Nothing.
Where the hell was she?
I shouldn't have stayed longer. I should have come straight home, then she wouldn't have wandered.
"MAISIE!"
Still silence.
I had to stay calm. Panicking now wasn't going to help me find her.
I'll head back to where I started and work inwards. I'd already covered the edge of the treeline with no luck.
I kept my eyes peeled on my way back, taking in every scent that flitted past me and listening to every little noise.
I could hear the faint calls of my other children on their search for their sister. They were as desperate as I was.
Checking the other side of the treeline, I could hear Astrid still looping her way through her picked path.
"MAISIE!"
"Dad!"
It was Avery.
He came charging over with something gripped in his mandible he dropped at my feet.
Maisie's book.
It looked like it had been trampled. I could smell human stench in it and see the top of a boot mark.
"Where was this?"
Avery led the way back towards the house. He passed around behind it and thundered between the trees before stopping suddenly at the spot.
Ethel was already here, trying to pick up a scent on the area.
It reeked. Nothing about this smelled right.
Males? Females? It was hard to tell, but there was more than one.
"There's a house further in" Ethel spoke "but it doesn't smell like this. Some family and their kids are there. They didn't like it when I went to their fence."
Could be someone else living out here. We weren't the only ones seeking seclusion.
"It stops further in" Ethel gestured "I'm trying to see if it goes anywhere else, but it's just straight and then nothing."
I snatched the scent and followed the path soaked into the ground.
It was such a strong smell that snaked around the trees and trampled the leaves.
I could see boot prints here. They led me deeper inwards until it stopped at a dirt road curving through the forestry.
I couldn't see home anymore. Would anyone have heard her here?
"It just stops" Ethel sighed.
"A car?" Avery frowned.
"See, that's what I was thinking, but there's no tracks. It'd have a smell too."
So, was she still around here?
"ASTRID!" I called, turning to check the dirt "spread out. We'll find something here."
Ethel went left and Avery headed for the right before I stopped him.
"Well done" I smiled and nudged his side.
He smiled back at the praise. His eyes set on the bare road ahead.
"I'm worried about her" he grimaced "she wouldn't come this far by herself."
"Maybe" I shrugged "Maisie is a curious child. She might have seen a bird and followed it up here."
"With that smell around?" he mumbled to me "Dad..."
Even he knew how hopeless that was. I was clutching at straws, given what we had seen so far.
"Someone took her?" I uttered the words I was trying to avoid "why?"
"She's a little girl" Avery replied before I could think on it "alone in the woods. We didn't hear anything. They probably just grabbed her and ran."
But why? She was my little girl, not theirs.
Maybe they thought she was lost and took her into town?
It was hopeful, but nothing pointed to good intentions.
"Dad!" Astrid gasped out behind us.
She rushed onto the road and tried to catch her panting breath beside us.
It looked like she had ran the whole way. She didn't want to be out there alone either.
"What's that?" Avery squinted ahead and nudged my arm.
I turned and saw a flash of blue plastered to the ground. It flicked in the breeze, threatening to dance away into the trees.
"Grab your sister" I nudged Avery "Astrid, stay close."
She was behind me instantly. I could feel how tense she was back there.
My whole body was seized up at the sight ahead. I forced my legs to move towards it, silently begging for the safety of Maisie.
I didn't want to see this. I just wanted her to pop out of the trees, totally unaware of the stress she had put us all through as she showed me a new leaf or cool feather.
"Dad" Astrid whimpered around me "that's her dress."
Astrid froze up and refused to move.
I looked back at her just staring at the flapping fabric in fear.
"Stay there."
She nodded, glued to the dirt.
Maybe she split from her skin? Something scared her and she went to hide?
But, it was right there. It was still intact when I pulled it from its trampled place in the dirt.
She wouldn't have stripped to shift. She knew I'd replace her clothes.
It reeked of that stench. It was crushed into her nice dress clutched in my claw.
No! What had happened to her?!
"MAISIE!"
Her name shook through me when I screamed it out. It spilled tears onto the filthy dress I pressed to my shuddering body.
My heart felt like it was breaking all over again. The cracks were tearing straight through it.
"MAISIE!"
I charged down the road, hoping to see her sitting there, alive or afraid or anything.
I wasn't even mad anymore. I was terrified of what I'd find.
Then, I saw it.
The dirt up at the curve was spilled with blood. It formed a mud puddle from the amount that had been soaked into it.
The smell of it hit me from my place a few hundred feet away. I knew it was Maisie. Her skin smelled like the strawberries I had given her.
Even though there was blood, there was no body.
I raced for the mud and pulled it towards me, sobbing over it slopping through my hands and splattering back into the puddle swamping me.
Droplets snaked down my back and over my head.
Backing up, I frowned upwards at the intrusion.
Everything ran cold. My soul was yanked from my body that collapsed into the blood.
Maisie was dangling above me. Her body, stripped of human skin, was sprawled outwards and tied by one of her legs that looked like it had dislocated.
On the tree tethering her hung her acorn bag. I saw her little shoes had been thrown down the road and laid there in the dirt. Her little socks were crushed and laid down the side, towards the trees lining the road.
The bottoms of her blue shoes had been scuffed from where she had resisted her attackers and tried to escape.
Her whole face was smothered in thick layers of black duct-tape that prevented her for crying for me. It didn't even look like there would be a face under the wad pointing towards the blood puddle.
My baby. My sweet, silly, Maisie.
She wanted to see the birds. I could have saved her if I hadn't been so distracted.
"M-Ma...."
I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe. She was gone, and I could have stopped it.
Each gut-wrenching sob tore out of me and dribbled down my arms still smothering the dress to my skin.
She was gone. It was all my fault.
Why? Why had they done that to her? She was just a little girl. She wouldn't hurt anyone and they.... they....
My scream wailed through the air as my tears blinded me to the body still dripping over my own collapsed beneath it, trying to scrape together what had been my sweet daughter.
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