PORSCHE
"I knew it!" I said slowly, with my eyes immediately filled with tears as all my piled-up emotions and frustrations burst out all at the same time. I only asked one thing at Kinn, to be honest with me. And I trusted him, foolishly trusted Kinn.
But what did I get in return? Not only did he hide about Pete sneaking on Vegas'd lair alone, but also the fact that he was willing to risk everything just to get what he wanted. It already broke my heart when Pete almost died because of Kinn's desperation, but now that my parents. Our home is involved, I think I'm gonna lose my shit.
"You made a fool of me, Kinn."
I hold of my head. My eyes were all blurry from the tears that won't stop coming out. I was, once again shattered, defenseless and weak in front of him. My hand gripped tightly on my hair and the other on my shirt. My chest is breaking, it was as if I'm back in the same situation again, as the wounds that haven't healed yet resurface in front of my eyes
"Porsche, please. It's all in the past now." Kinn said, obviously shaken. He probably didn't expect me to be this fragile again, after that time that he almost lost me completely.
"That's the only memory left by my parents Kinn, the only one left. How dare you to threaten to get it from me?" I bit my lip, as I tried to hold my emotions back. "The very last one, why the fuck did you do that to me!?"
How dare you blackmail me when you are well aware that those are just empty threats?
I wanted to get angry. To curse at him, punch his face but whenever my gaze met Kinn's, I always confuse myself.
"Pa wanted you to stay, because he knows that you're a good person, and he cares about you." Kinn softly said, before slowly grasping both of my cheeks.
Lies.
"But why!? Why do you have to do that to me? Why do you have to blackmail and keep the truth from me? I know that I am naïve about how the law works, but Kinn. This is me. That is my house, so how dare you?" I asked, with my voice raspy, as my body sank to the floor.
Call me sensitive, but whenever it comes to my parents, I can't help but become emotional. To make matters worse, the last memory that they left us almost slipped out of my hand. Knowing that the main family was aware of it simply added to my humiliation. Those sleepless nights, the nonstop arguing, and even contemplating suicide because I couldn't bear the pain any longer. It was all in vain.
"But that house was already yours, Porsche. Pa already gave those back to you." Kinn sat down in front of me and tried to hug me loosely.
"Yes! It is now mine. After all the trauma, the sleepless nights, and continuous thoughts to just end it all. Do you think it would be easy to forget all that?" I pushed Kinn's chest, and he stumbled backward.
"Porsche, I'm sorry. I admit it. I knew about your uncle's debt all along. And how he used your house as collateral. I also know that the contract is void and at the right time, you will eventually have all the rights to get it back." Kinn slowly explained as he pushed himself off the ground.
"Then why!? Why did you trick me into working for you?" I asked breathlessly.
"Dad saw that you have potential, and you're the only one who can protect me. And that time I still hate you so I just let them do what they wanted." Kinn said a bit nervously,
You used me.
"So, are you saying that you are just your father's puppet?" I swallowed hard as new questions popped up in my head.
"I am not, all I know is that your uncle wants money. But now it's different. I love you, and I wanted you by my side not to protect me, but because I wanted to protect you myself." He added.
"While you use my parent's last memory to intimidate me and work for you and to make fun of me. Has it ever crossed your mind what I felt during those times? What will my brother feel and how those insolent actions of yours will affect us!?" I brawled, before abruptly pushing Kinn and storming out of the room.
"Porsche please! Listen to me!" I heard Kinn's voice behind me, but I can't dare myself to face him.
I trusted him. I trusted Kinn. But right now, I don't know if I can still face him after what he has said.
I walked past the bodyguards who were staring at me in pique. I was about to go down the hall, but when my feet were about to reach the stairs, I heard Kinn's voice follow behind me.
"Don't you even dare to think of leaving the house, Porsche." Kinn said darkly.
A threat that if I dare to set a foot out of the house, he'll drag me back in aggressively. My feet automatically stop on their own. My mind says that I should get away from him, but my body won't cooperate. I'm trembling from all the emotion of anguish, the pain of betrayal and confusion.
Kinn stepped briskly and almost run just to get to me. But when I realized that he was only a few feet away, I grabbed the nearest doorknob I could see and dashed inside the room. I slammed the door in Kinn's face, and the jerk immediately banged the door on the other side.
"Porsche! Open this door!" Kinn's voice echoed, as the knob twisted persistently.
"Please! Let's just talk. Listen to first, please!" His tone was aggressive but eventually turned mellow, realizing the situation he was in.
I remained silent, as I slumped myself down and leaned my back against the door. I don't know whose room I barged in, or how many people are in here. I just felt a whole lot calmer than before.
The ambiance inside the room was quiet, calm, and steady. It reminded me of the walls that I have before which Kinn tore down. He was the only one who could break through every barricade that I built. Regardless of how tall and tough they are, Kinn managed to quickly knock me off my feet in a way that I don't believe anyone else could. But now is different.
As the door between us made me realize that the wall is slowly building back up again. And just like my trust, the colors that Kinn brought into my world faded away gradually.
"Porsche, please. It's all in the past." Kinn's voice was softer than it had been before. Gently coaxing me to respond.
"Yes, it's all in the past. But if I never found out, that fact would be buried forever, right?" I said softly.
"I didn't make fun of you, nor the memories that your parents left for you and your brother."
His voice sounded relatively closer that I think he too collapsed to the floor like me.
"I admit I wanted to get back at you that time, but now is different. I just wanted you by my side. Please believe me." His voice trembled and sounded hoarse.
I hugged my knees to bury my face between them. My mind refused to understand his explanation because all I could see were my parent's and younger brother's faces. The memory of Che's crying face that day he came barging into my house repeats in my head.
"We're happy now, aren't we Porsche?"
No.
Was the response that came to mind, but my throat was so dry that I couldn't say anything.
Are we even happy? In some ways, I guess yes.
"But you always make me feel like an outsider and refuse to open up to me unless I force you to. I wanted to know how your father met my parents, and how you come to know about the deed. I desperately wanted to show you the picture my uncle gave to me. But I seriously doubt you'd tell me anything"
As the sensitivity of my heart kicks in, I was completely lost in my thoughts. I didn't mind if anyone can see me. I just can't help it anymore.
Kinn was silent, that for a while I thought he already left. "Do you know how much I wanted to beat you before?" He uttered out of nowhere.
"I still remember when we first met. You just stood there, watching as I get beaten before your eyes. I was so annoyed, and I can't believe that there are still people like that in this world." Kinn said with a snort.
"When I walk up to you for help, you ask for payment. And won't help me unless I say that I agreed."
I gulped in between gasp. As I feel a hard lump in my throat. I hate him so much for deceiving me but why the fuck I couldn't stop loving him?
"You're so annoyingly stubborn. And the only thing that could make you listen is when I already get angry with you."
I tried to close my eyes to shut the thought, but whenever I tried to, the scene that happened between Kinn and I always play through.
"And when Pa told me that I had to get you to work for me, my world crumbled. Thinking, how will I be able to live with someone like you. When you come to work on your first day, do you know that I had to take migraine pills every day? You almost set my room on fire, you pissed on the pond that killed our fish and because of that, you broke my older brother's heart, you cursed at my friends, you fight with everyone, and you bring chaos around me." Kinn chuckled.
"You were so stubborn and headstrong. And you never feared anything. You even made Macau come out running saying that you'll slap the shit out of his face."
"Your every action never left my sight. At first, I find it annoying but eventually it made me realize that it wasn't just that." He said with a long pause. "When you asked me before when did I start loving you, and I couldn't give you an answer, it wasn't just because I was confused, but the fact that I might already like you from the first day because you are unique. And I'm just an asshole who can't admit it."
Kinn's voice became increasingly hushed. But I couldn't tolerate listening to anything he was saying because I was so perplexed.
"I'm the one who wants to protect you the most when you're at your weakest. I can't bear to see you in any kind of discomfort, or see you cry. Even if I must admit, I was always the reason for that."
"You may say that Pa and I made fun of your family issue, but I promise you, that's not how we see things. Though I'm guilty that I was grateful Pa gave me an ultimatum to take you as my bodyguard. Because if that didn't happen, I won't be able to meet you and be happy like now." Kinn said with a slight crack on his voice.
"I won't be able to be myself, to accept my flaws. I won't be able to widen my perspective to possibilities and change my view on life and most specially I won't be able to change my view on love."
Every word that Kinn has said made me cry, as if there was a lump on my chest squeezing so hard and painfully. I just can't seem to get Kinn out of my head, and Tae's words stayed with me as I tried to weigh and process everything.
'It is true that when you truly love someone, you are unable to think clearly. You'll end up doing stupid things and even forgave them a million times just to keep them around.'
And, no matter how badly Kinn had hurt me, I'm willing to forgive if my heart is still there. It spoke to me because it was about my parents and Porsché. Kinn, on the other hand, was the person I adored the most.
I just can't let go of Kinn.
I don't know since when Thankhun came up to me, but the latter was already crouching down and gently patting my shoulder.
"Lemme give you a hug."
Thankhun muttered, before leaning in for an embrace. I was still in a state of shock, and when I realized the situation again, I began sobbing on Thankhun's shoulder.
"You're also my brother and no matter what happens, I'll be always next to you." 'Khun said, while gently stroking my head.
He may appear crazy, reckless, and erratic. But despite all of those, he was still an older brother who cares for his siblings. It's no surprise that these three brothers adore each other so much because, despite their differences, they still manage to protect each other.
Thankhun continued comforting me, and patting my head, when eventually someone rested his hands on my shoulders, making me lookup.
"Water?" Pol teased, handing me a glass of warm water. I eventually reached out for the glass and took a sip slowly.
"What's the matter, Porsche?" Pol asked in a wary as he collected the glass from me.
"I don't know the whole situation. But hearing everything, I got a rough idea about it and I just wanted to let you know that Kinn loves you so much. I have never seen that bastard like this with anyone before but you Porsche. About Dad, he was genuinely fond of you. As for me, I see you as my real brother, and Kim may also felt the same, but forget about that jerk, we don't need his opinion." Thankhun muttered, before pulling me by my arm up from the ground.
I was a mess and preoccupied with my thoughts that I didn't notice the silence from the other side. Kinn probably went already to meet his father before the meeting.
"Do you want me to slap the shit out of Kinn's face?" Thankhun said, guiding me over his room's sofa.
"Khun, we still don't know what they were arguing about." Pol muttered on the side.
"I don't care! He made Porsche cry buckets, and I won't let Kinn get away with this! How dare he?" Thankhun brawled, kneading his hands back and forth as he looked at the door angrily.
"That's smart Khun. Choose the safest side." Pol whispered to Thankhun, as if I'm not here listening.
"I'm not quite sure who's in the right or wrong, but I'll definitely side with Porsche in this because fuck! He'll definitely win." The bastard said, leaning close to Pol's ear.
"Alright! So, we both are on Porsche's side! Deal!" Pol and Thankhun took each other's hands for a shake, and I narrowed my eyes towards them.
"What're you guys talking about?" I muttered on the side, as if I don't know that they were talking about Kinn and I, like a bunch of fighting cocks out on the cockpit.
"Shit!" The two bastards said in unison. And I glared at them.
My brain began to process a lot of information as a result of today's events. I'm not sure if Kinn is still keeping anything from me right now. And It's only up to them if they'll tell me the truth or not. How will I able to find the answers I was looking for now? I'm already doubting myself and if that's the case, in whom can I put my trust now?
"Khun, can I ask you something?" I muttered.
"Yeah, what's up?" Thankhun's eyes lit up and blinked at me like an innocent person.
"What is the conflict between the main and second families?" After I lay out my question, Thankhun's gaze immediately shifted to rage. He sighed deeply, stood up, and crossed his arms as he walked around. When I realized that he was about to play a big scene, I leaned back on the sofa with my leg crossed and watched.
"The second family was dreadful! Full of tricks and bunch of scumbags!" 'Khun said, while holding his hip.
"Khun, that's the same thing." Pol said on the side.
"Oh? Yeah! They're scumbags!" He reiterated with rage more than before.
"Can I have more meat here? And some eggs too?" I asked, as I picked up the bucket of popcorn on Thankhun's side table to eat.
"We don't have stocks of eggs here but anyway, what I was saying is that they wanted to overthrow the main family, desperately. When they found out that I was born, they tried to kidnap me. And even tried to kill me countless of times!"
"Dad already knew that it's the second family who tried to kill you, why didn't he do anything?" I said in query.
"Because my father was a very good son of Agong. And when Agong passed away, he said..." Thankhun paused and coughed. "You guys must love each other. Both of you are the only hope of the family. And if you found yourselves in the middle of a quarrel, just forgive each other and start again."
The popcorn that I was eating almost got stuck in my throat when Thankhun imitated his long-lost grandfather.
"Khun, don't mock Agong." Pol said sternly, but the latter seems unfazed.
"Regardless of how bad the second family behaves; my father will always be there to help them cover their shits up. Our family never sells drugs, but those scumbags do! And even if our business was going well, they'd be too envious of it. Just as Macau was envious of me. That jerk always hit me over the head with a stick, and my father always blamed someone other than him."
"Then why don't you fight him?"
You let a child, who's years younger than you bully you as if it was that easy.
"I was so confused then. I've been kidnapped even before I could open my mouth to speak the word 'Daddy'. And I ain't very healthy that time. I always get sick a lot."
"Ohhh!" Pol and I chanted in unison.
"Then what about Vegas?" I asked, and my fist automatically curled up.
"That cretin was born in hell. When he realized Kinn was the heir to the main family, he was just as jealous as his father. He'll go to any length to defeat Kinn. But I don't believe it was solely because of that. His father may appear to love both of his sons, but in reality, he only used them to gain acceptance into the main family. Uncle Kan is as cunning as hell!" Thankhun yelled.
"There was a time that Uncle Kan asked me to take him to the secret basement, and I took him. After that my father shot me with a BB gun I almost fainted and die!" He added.
I don't know what I should feel about this. I mean I pity him, but fuck he was so stupid. But what caught my attention was Vegas. He was so two-faced, as if he was honed to be like that.
"But even though I hate Vegas as much, I still pity him. He lost his mother, and there's even a rumor that it was because of his father and Pa's actions. But would you believe that Pa was really involved?" Thankhun said, and I only looked at him.
"I've been with the main family for a long time, but this was the first time that I saw you pitied Khun Vegas, Young Master." Pol turned to me, and I almost smack his head in reply.
"Well, Uncle Kan didn't pay so much attention to both of them. But it doesn't mean that I'll forgive Vegas for kidnapping Pete. That's a different situation." Thankhun said in utmost decency and conviction.
"It only shows that money alone, changes people. They desperately wanted that much because it can give you power, superiority, and even control over some people. The battle between outside competitors was rough, but the war within the family is even worse than ever."
The rain seems falling today, for Thankhun openly discussed his experience with the second family. I tried to reorganize everything that I've learned today, and it occurs to me that I really have to deal with Vegas as soon as possible.
I sit and listen to the story of Vegas and Macau, trying nonstop to tease Thankhun. And I didn't realize the time had passed until it was 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
"I have to go to the meeting now." Pol got up and opened the series that Thankhun was watching.
"After that, you need to take a shower Young Master, and I'll come up to bring some milk for you." Pol added before turning in my direction. "How about you? You coming?"
"Yeah." I said, before standing up on the sofa. And followed Pol outside.
As soon as Pol set foot outside the door, his attention was caught by the man sitting on a chair in front of Thankhun's room.
"Khun Kinn." Pol muttered.
"Porsche, please. Don't be angry with me."
Kinn called out to me, and I only stood still. Kinn then walk in my direction and pulled me into a hug. He's been sitting here for hours while I've been inside Thankhun's room. Kinn waited patiently sitting on the chair.
"I'm really sorry." Kinn tightens his embrace. And buried his head on my shoulders. I stood still, before gently pushing Kinn away from me.
"You should prepare for the meeting." I may appear cold to him right now, but after what Thankhun told me, the resentment inside my heart eventually subsided.
"Then you won't-"
"I won't leave the house. But I just wanted some fresh air, so I'll just head out to the garden." I said in a monotone.
"But I thought you wanted to attend the meeting?" Kinn asked.
"It's alright. I don't have to." I replied shortly.
I admit that I got offended with his decision, but Kinn already decided the meeting will be today, and if it's in his comfort, I'll just let him be.
"Okay. Wait for me, I'll be right back." Kinn gave me a puzzled look, but I brushed those off by shooing the bastard away.
"Go now." I pushed Kinn in Pol's direction, and the jerk gave me a sidelong glance before finally stepping out. I shifted my gaze away from him because I still don't understand why the hell I can't get over him.
When Kinn disappeared from my sight, I slowly made my way downstairs to head straight to Pete. I have no idea if he'll be attending the meeting, but I just don't know anywhere else to go.
"Oh, Porsche. Have you already eaten?"
My tracks immediately stopped when I met Khun Korn and P'Chan, who were holding a bunch of documents, probably for the meeting.
"I already did Khun. Thank you." I replied, lowering my head. I'm still in the middle of the conflict of my existence as the title deed wandered inside my head.
"Why are you looking so down in the dumps? Did you fight with Kinn?" Khun Korn asked.
"No Khun. I'm just a bit tired." I tried to keep formal as possible, but the picture that Athi gave me passed through my head. Was that really Khun Korn and I together with my parents in the picture? Or am I just being delusional?
"Chan, go tell the head chef to bring some milk or tea for Porsche to drink. That'll make him feel a whole lot better."
"You don't have to Khun. I'm already done with my errands; I'll just head to my room for a rest." I said before bowing to Khun Korn and bid him goodbye.
I watched over and let them have their way out first. When I saw that they're already gone, I then made my way out of the hall. I wandered around until I reached Pete's room, but when I was about to open the door, Arm immediately greeted me.
"Where's Pete?" I said in query.
"He got a fever from an infected wound on his wrist. I'll probably take him to the hospital after the meeting." Arm said warily lifting a damp towel and a bowl of water, probably those he used on Pete.
"Then, I'll leave him to you first, Porsche." Arm said, and I nodded in reply.
I abruptly made my way to Pete's bed, and put my hands over his head. "What the hell happened Pete?"
He was already warm to touch, probably because Arm tended him already.
"Uhhh." Pete softly moaned. I looked at my friend's face with turbulent thoughts. His eyes were closed and seem like in the middle of a dream.
How're you handling this, Pete? How can you always view the positive side? I was in the middle of my mental trance when Pete suddenly muttered.
"V-Vegas, I'm sorry."
My brows immediately frowned when I heard the bastard's name.
"W-where are you, doctor? Please- Vegas is..." Pete reiterates, and my head immediately moves closer to Pete's face.
Am I really hearing this right?
Pete is sleep talking about Vegas? It wasn't even surprising that Pete sleep talked about Vegas, but one thing made me realize for sure.
'I'll help you with what you wanted to know about the main family but you must do the same Porsche. Promise me you'll help me with Pete'
"Vegas, I don't wanna eat spaghetti."
I need to talk to Vegas no matter what. I took out my phone, dialed the bastard's number, and the other line immediately answered.
"Let's talk."
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[Alright.]
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