Things were not as easy as I expected it to be as new parent.
Quinton took the role with ease. He wanted nothing more than to be a father and dote on his only daughter.
I, on the other hand, was not prepared for the shock of trying to raise a spider demon child.
Ethel had to be taught how to blend in with humans; something she just didn't understand at her young age.
She could already do so much in her natural form that was just not possible in her human skin.
At birth, her and all of her siblings were already running around. To survive, they had to be quick and efficient at trying to place as much distance between themselves and their mother who would be an easy target for predators during hatching.
In her human skin, that was not possible. It didn't respond the way she wanted it to. A ten day old baby was not going to be ready for its legs like she already was.
A human baby could be swaddled and nurtured. It could be held in loving arms and played with.
A spider demon was a mess of writhing legs and snapping mandibles that were always tearing up whatever they found.
Holding Ethel was near impossible, and my arms bore the brunt of her bites that nipped at my skin when I tried to hold her.
Ethel certainly tested my limits.
She was tearing from her skin like a toddler refusing to wear clothes. Each time she found herself constricted by it when it regrew over her five days later, it was shredded on the ground again where she would always return to chew at it.
She always thought it was a game when I tried to pry it from her. Her clicking of happiness as she yanked on the other side always sang out until she scurried away whenever Quinton tried to catch her in her distraction.
Quinton knew how to win over his daughter and calm her in ways I could not.
They were both the same species, although completely opposite in looks.
For something that had been created from him, Ethel bore no resemblance to her father in his natural form.
Where Quinton had gleaming black fur, Ethel was covered in light pink fuzz. Quinton's mature silver rings were also nothing like the purple spots that sprinkled up each of Ethel's legs and swiped down the middle of her abdomen. Unlike his slender legs, hers grew rounded tabs along the outsides that looked like fuzzy petals.
She was still a spider demon, but a different subspecies to her father.
The female Quinton had found was a rare type of spider demon called an Orchid Spider.
She too had the same light colourings; her body silvery blue instead of light pink, and her markings scattered across her body like a dazzling galaxy. Her eyes were silver while Ethel's were a few shades lighter that Quinton's.
Ethel certainly wasn't as delicate as the flower she resembled. She was a whirlwind of energy that was curious about what the world held within it.
To keep her from that world I knew so well, I worked on a fence surrounding our property.
With Ethel still so small, it would keep her within our sight until she became bolder with trying to scale its slippery surface she peered through instead.
While I was smashing in pickets, Quinton branched webs around them. If Ethel tried to escape, he would know immediately and steer her back to where it was safe. It was a method he used to catch prey in his old nest, and one that would certainly work now.
Ethel only observed as we worked. With the escape being blocked off around her, she didn't try to tempt fate. Quinton kept a stern presence around her as she toyed with the mallet I raised again.
Ethel's eyes watched intently with every swing that drove the picket further into the ground. Her little legs splayed out when I paused to wipe the sweat from my face, her voice trying to mimic the sound.
My heart swelled when I smiled down at my daughter jumping around while still trying to sound threatening.
"She is learning quickly" Quinton beamed when he wrapped his arm around me so we could both watch her "already proving why she was the strongest."
I turned back to the picket. The reminder of losing a whole brood only moments after they were born was making the guilt and worthlessness weigh heavily on me again.
The fact I was human had to contribute to their deaths. Quinton never wanted to linger on it, but I knew deep down that my body was not ideal for carrying his children like he desperately wanted.
They needed a proper mother. Someone like the female Quinton had hunted out. A human man just wasn't going to be the same.
Ethel rushed off along the fenceline and Quinton watched her leave.
"I don't blame you" he spoke when I focused my frustrations on the picket "we could have ended up with none, but we didn't. You did a beautiful job, Silas. I'm proud of you."
No matter the praise, it didn't feel like it. It had been ten days since I had burnt the hundreds of bodies that had been scattered on my floor. The nursery I had spent countless nights on painting and decorating still went untouched. The crib I cried over from the doorway was gouged along the legs from Ethel who didn't care how much it was killing me.
I wanted a baby to smile up at me in what I had created for them, not one that chewed up my hard work and tore strips from my heart.
"We can try again" Quinton suggested.
I forced the picket through the dirt and only glared at him when I moved to the next.
"I'm not doing that again" I pointed the mallet at him before smashing it into the wood "I can't. I'll only be back out here burning more bodies."
They deserved a burial but I didn't have enough room for all of them. Burning them all had been the only option. It was a disgusting way to let go of something that had once been a part of me.
As unorthodox as the whole process had been, they had been my babies. They could have been the ones that filled the room I had just for them. Once they had their own skins, they would have been just like the real thing.
Quinton's finger wiped my eye. He took the mallet from me so he could wrap his arms around me instead and push my head into his chest.
"I'm sorry" I whimpered against him.
"Don't be" he rested his chin on my head, his own tears snaking through my hair "I should have realised. I'm the one who should be sorry."
His hand stroked my back gently while the other still held me to him. His silence was as comforting as his warm body shielding mine.
"You did the best you could" he whispered and kissed my head "and I couldn't be happier."
I felt the smile on my face but knew it was fleeting. Quinton wanted a large family. Just one was not going to keep his raging hormones in check.
If he wanted more, he could easily force them from me again when he was lost in his emotions. I would not be able to fight off a looming demon like him who could easily slice me open and string me up to stop me from escaping.
As loving as Quinton was, it was clear his basic instincts ruled his thoughts. He put my needs at the front of his priorities without thinking about his own that he squashed down for my safety.
He was a demon. Demons only wanted to breed and stake territory. With a territory formed here with me, the only thing left was to fill it with his own bloodline and protect it until it could spread further.
Being fucked endlessly by Quinton was not the problem; quite the opposite. My body would not endure him for as long as he could go and would only drop from exhaustion when he was still raring.
If I couldn't give him what he wanted, Quinton could quite easily leave me for the female he had hunted so desperately for.
I knew that he would never abandon me as the one who had stole his heart. But doubts clouded my mind and made me think the worst.
The thought of being alone again only made my body tremble and the tears flow again.
I felt something prickle my legs and looked down to see Ethel snuggling between us. I smiled down at her, which quickly turned to choked laughter, when I noticed her nibbling on my shoelaces.
"I should go feed her" Quinton smiled, lifting my face upwards so he could gently plant a tingling kiss on me "and you are starting to burn."
I chuckled at my mistake of skipping sunscreen and promptly decided to resume the tedious task tomorrow.
Quinton tore from his skin and stepped over the fence, splattering it with a trail of blood. His leg lifted Ethel up and over the barrier before he called out his apologies back to me.
Red paint would also have to be on the agenda tomorrow.
I sighed at the spider demon trudging through the forest with the tiny ball of fuzz sticking close to his legs. When they both disappeared from view, I headed back into the safety of our home.
With the home deathly quiet, I found my feet leading my back to the doorway of the nursery like they had done countless times before.
Now that I was alone, no-one was here to call me away from the sombre sight. I had no distractions as I just stood there, watching.
Nothing had changed and nothing ever would. As long as I stood here, daydreaming about what could have been, this untouched nursery would continue to be just another decoration.
Quinton was the only thing that could give me a glimmer of hope in what I wanted. He made sure of that when he chased away anything else that could have fulfilled my dreams in his absence.
Even Reid hadn't reappeared to try and claim back what should of been his to begin with. He had claimed Carter and was never looking back.
I hadn't wanted him back then and was quite sated with Quinton's possessive fury that filled me whenever I needed it.
But now, I was desperate.
If he had made it back in time, would it be the same emptiness with Reid by my side now? Or would he be successful in filling me with life again?
I felt myself twitch, and realised that Quinton would mistake my wanting of his brother as one for him. My tie to him as his mate would make sure he never missed a signal for the opportunity to sate me, no matter how far away he was.
With my wanting building, I left the empty crib to instead find refuge in the bathroom so I could draw myself a hot bath and sink below the bubbly surface.
Then, as I waited for my mate to return home with our daughter, I masturbated to thoughts of his brother giving me everything Quinton could not until I spilled my uselessness around me and sobbed.
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