「不過,今日見得兩位,其實唔係特登數阿匡有機差嘅。我地睇下佢今次嘅成績先呀⋯⋯」
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Miss想喺阿爸阿媽面前讚下我,但當老豆見到份成績表後,就嗤之以鼻咁講:「唓!每科都剛剛合格!有幾好呀?」
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「係囉,特別英文!真係好差!」
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「冇鬼用啦?第時跟我做保安算啦。」
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「個衰仔邊似得佢家姐咁勤力呀。」
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我托住頭,無奈咁望住Miss,心入面想同佢講:「見到啦。佢哋除咗鬧我就唔識關心我。」
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「得啦,家姐最叻呀嘛,最生性,最有前途啦。」我托住頭發晦氣。
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「哼!話你兩句又咁樣!」老豆差在未兜巴打落嚟。
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「阿匡。」Miss溫柔咁叫我,提我唔好發晦氣。然後佢對住老豆老母微笑咁講:「雖然,阿匡喺分數上只係剛剛合格。但對比以前,佢真係進步好多。」
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然後佢竟然拎咗我往年嘅成績表副本,向老豆阿媽證明我嘅進步。Miss唔只引導緊老豆阿媽,亦引導我回憶過去嘅日子我點樣去努力。其實唔係中文科,其他科我都努力爬返上嚟。一幕幕過去努力嘅日子喺我眼中、腦海中飄出嚟,有Miss喺身邊,亦都有我獨自努力。
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我好希望由Miss把口講出嚟,可以感動到兩老,但係⋯⋯
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「個仔係我生嘅!佢咩性格我點會唔知呀!老師,唔好比佢呃喇!佢今次扮勤力咋!佢好彩嘅啫!唔好彩呢度科科就零分啦!又唔係第一次包尾!唉,個乞兒仔跟我做保安算啦!起碼唔會乞食先啦!」老豆橋埋雙手,一面唔在乎,將我嘅努力抹得一乾二淨。
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我瞪住老豆,但個心好難過。話就話慣晒佢地點睇我啫,但呢次考試我係咁大個仔第一次好認真對待!咁樣被佢地抹殺晒所有努力,唔嬲就假啦!
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「係囉!溫咗書都考得咁差。匡仔呀,你努力啲啦!平時操行差,又考到咁!你冇前途架啦!學下你家姐啦。」
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喺佢地再用唐三藏式波羅咪我嘅時候,眼前閃出一幕幕影細個時啲影像——學踏單車嫌我比人學得慢、學計數嫌我唔似得人地個仔識心算、我好開心畫到部機械人就話我應該學人地畫人像(其實撚有關係咩!)、中學派位就不斷同我講人地個仔讀名校中嘅名校點點點⋯⋯到我被佢踩到冇心機讀書時,就怨我懶、怨我唔爭氣!到我而家真係努力時——屌你我唔撚忍啦!
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「係!家姐最好!人地個仔最好!我永遠最差最垃圾!」
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「你講咩呀?星你兩巴呀嗱?!」
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我懶理老豆嘅警告,繼續控訴:「家姐最叻!最乖!最生性!唔使你地提都識讀書嘛!做到你地期望呀嘛!入大學巴之閉,所以唔使你地管囉!鍾意返去同條仔住,鍾意返嚟屋企瞓,佢當屋企係酒店呀!」
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「你仲講架喎!」老豆就嚟忍唔住,阿媽一邊想鬧我又想控制老豆。
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阿媽接力鬧:「咁你家姐真係好勤力讀書嘛!佢勤力有回報架!佢有自由度都好應該呀!」
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我鬧開有條癮。應該話,內心有好多說話好想同老豆老母講,但我唔識!只係識繼續鬧:「我都好勤力架!我有賺錢養自己架!驚你地辛苦呀!你地就一句扮晒嘢就抹殺晒!我今次努力應付考試,你地又係咁!」
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「你咪再嘈啦吓!我打撚死你架!」
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「你地兩個掛住做嘢呀!有關心過我咩?!我真係有努力讀書呀,你地見到咩?!一句扮晒野就否定晒我所有努力!次次都成盤冷水淋落嚟!」
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「啊!你個仆街仔呀!話兩句都唔得!我搵食都係為咗養養你咋!」老豆終於忍唔住想星巴我。
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喺劍拔弩張之時,好彩Miss叫咗聲:「唔好打呀!!」
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Miss呢下叫聲好大聲。我總覺得佢唔只想叫停老豆,睇佢而家複雜嘅表情,似乎勾起佢一啲回憶⋯⋯咦?難道係梓康被父母打嘅回憶?只知道Miss呢下真情流露真係成功叫停咗老豆。Miss憂心咁望我一眼後,再同老豆講:「唔好鬧住先,不如聽下阿匡點講?」
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「哼——!」老豆雙手抱胸索性擰埋一面。
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「其實阿匡有好多說話想同兩位講架!反正有時間,不如聽下佢點講。」
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「衰佬呀!」阿媽相對明事理,勸下老豆。
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Miss 見氣氛緩和咗,就輕聲同我講:「慢慢講,唔准發脾氣。」呢一刻Miss忽然用女朋友身份講嘢,我好似明佢想點。
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剎那間,我心底有少少感動,差少少想喊:「我好想一家人可以坐埋一齊食飯。」
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老豆想嘈,阿媽就一眼厲埋去示意佢唔好出聲。我望返Miss,佢對我點頭,又溫柔又憐憫咁微笑鼓勵緊我。
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「家姐讀大學後就成日唔喺屋企,你兩個又掛住搵食,連我喺學校被條垃圾狗公周打你地都唔理下我!唉⋯⋯算。屋企窮,搵食好重要!但我地真係好耐冇一家人齊齊整整食飯啦!我想餐飯係真係食飯,而唔係教訓我懶、貪玩、唔讀書。」呢個心願喺開學時,Miss仲未係我女朋友嘅時候同佢講。我記得當時我喊緊,Miss遞紙巾比我鼓勵我同父母講,但我一直冇講到,因為我好怕比佢地一盤冷水淋落嚟。
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我一路講,一路望住Miss。我知道佢陪住我,叫我放心去講,有咩事佢會包底。
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「我唔係憎讀書架,只係怕讀書。因為你地成日覺得我唔夠對面嘅細路好!我更怕係我付出咗努力但你地睇唔到啊!我好怕亦都好憎你地成日淋我冷水呀!」
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我激動到握住拳頭,向父母吶喊我嘅心底話。老豆繼續冇出聲,感覺到佢都係唔信我講嘢。但阿媽比我嘅感覺有啲唔同,佢未必同意我嘅說話,但至少都願意明白。
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「爸爸媽媽,你地知道咩係Sen學生嘛?」Miss見老豆老母冇反應後就接著解釋講:「阿匡被歸類為專注力不足同讀寫障礙。簡單講,佢會無心向學、專注力弱都唔係佢嘅錯,反而係我地大人冇好好比個方向佢去學習。所以預期鬧佢,不如諗適合佢嘅方法教佢仲好啦。」
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「咁老師我地可以點做?」阿媽好緊張,老豆繼續擰埋一面。
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Miss若有所思,似乎想念緊一個人,然後佢話:「多啲肯定同多啲讚賞。」
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阿媽有啲詫異,心諗咁簡單?
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Miss低下頭嚟,表情有啲變化,彷彿感到難過,當佢望返我同阿媽時,佢已經將個人感情收返埋,變返最專業嘅Miss Wong,佢話:「我認識一位家長,佢真係冇情講架。成績就係一切,即使個學生係自閉症都好,一啲憐憫同關心都冇。佢媽咪仲⋯⋯體罰佢⋯⋯打得佢好勁⋯⋯」
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原來Miss講緊佢細佬梓康。
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「最終個學生唔只冇心機讀書,仲鬱咗情緒病出嚟。搞成咁樣,佢父母嘅責任係非常之大⋯⋯」Miss講到最痛之處令說話繼續唔到落去,內心嘅情緒顯然正在波動。只見佢深吸一口氣,將家姐嘅角色擺返低,繼續用老師身份說話:「我意思指,如果佢父母真正聆聽佢需要、關心佢、肯定佢努力。件事就唔會變得咁壞。所以⋯⋯」Miss定睛望住我,佢差少少就想喊出嚟:「阿匡好想比你地知道,今次佢真係好努力!」
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Miss嘅眼神話我知,即使父母唔相信我,佢都會信我,而且永遠企我呢邊。
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「阿匡,仲有冇說話想同爸爸媽媽講?」
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Miss製造咗咁好嘅機會比我好好同父母溝通。內心難免激動,我續道:「老豆阿媽,我知我由細到大都好令你地擔心,我而家點做樣做返好,都好難令你地信任我,不過⋯⋯」
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我兩眼定睛住我愛嘅人,呢番說話唔只係對父母講,仲想同佢講:「呢一年,我遇到一位好重要嘅人。係佢令我唔再怕讀書寫字,係佢令我知道讀書好重要,係佢令我想快啲大個仔,係佢令我好好思考將來要成為一個點樣嘅人⋯⋯」
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Miss欣慰咁點頭,兩眼通紅,呢刻感動令佢身份錯亂,好想用女朋友身份去回應我。
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「雖然我仲未諗好將來要做咩,但我決定咗。我一定要讀到大學!唔只係為咗嗰位重要嘅人,更係為咗自己——」
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「——我一定會大個仔!」
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我將Miss嘅教導記入心,佢講過成長係為自己。當時我唔明白,今日我終於明白。Miss聽到強忍住激動,差啲想喊,低頭望返我張成績表,笑住講:「講得好好呀,阿匡。Miss Wong好希望你做得到。」佢平息好情緒後,再對老豆阿媽講:「兩位有冇回應?」
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「你識咁諗就好啦!」阿媽撫我後腦講:「咦?又真係好似成熟咗喎!」
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Miss睇到呢個畫面,忍唔住笑,除咗覺得我似3歲細路仔外,呢個畫面亦好溫馨。佢望住爸爸問:「咁子匡爸爸呢?有冇說話同阿匡講?」
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老豆仍然雙手抱胸,但個樣就好似苦思緊啲嘢時。突然間佢大嗌一聲:「啊——!我明啦!」即刻嚇到我地三個呆晒。
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然後「啪——!」一聲,老豆又一掌拍落我個頭度。嚇到Miss嗌咗聲,但老豆接住嚟緊呢句更令我同Miss訝異。
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「衰仔!你老實答我?!」
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「吓?!做咩呀?」我躁躁地,我仲諗住老豆唔讚下我都點下頭啦!
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「你有冇搞大人地個肚呀?!」
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咩⋯⋯搞大人地個肚?九唔搭八!
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「我都覺得奇怪架啦!你會咁好?轉死性?除咗用錢吸引到你呀,就一定係女啦!你頭先話『重要嘅人』仲唔係女朋友?!」
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我同Miss剎那間呆晒。我⋯⋯我開始明老豆想講咩!
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「Miss Wong! 我個乞兒仔嘅成績問題都算。佢有個問題令我擔心咗好耐呀!!」
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「係⋯⋯係嘅。你⋯⋯不如慢慢講。」Miss一時間招架唔住,面色慢慢變青。因為佢都感覺到有啲唔對路。
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老豆唉咗聲,望下阿媽搖晒頭,再怒目盯住我,好惡咁講:「我呢個衰仔想16歲就做老豆呀!」
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「吓——?!」我大吃一驚!
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「呃⋯⋯」Miss嚇到口啞。
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「你講咩呀衰佬!」阿媽一面不解。
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「唉!幾個月前,佢被體育老師打嗰日呀。喺醫院驗完傷後,個衰仔——」
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「——帶咗女朋友返嚟屋企做愛呀!」
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