My love,
When I watch you walk out the door my insides heave. I am one rotten floorboard away from breaking.
Space does not make the heart grow fonder. It stretches it out thin until it bleeds out.
You whisper promises and love notes into my skin. You gently wrap me into your arms and hold me a little tighter than necessary.
My smile unravels the longer we are apart. Until the string is used to sew my mouth shut. I dare not say how unhappy I am. It is nothing you haven’t heard before. How can a broken recording of the same off pitch crying help you? What can you say to me that changes our fates? How can I expect more from a man who is clawing his way back to me as soon as he can?
You come back bloody and torn, smiling at me with those teeth bitten lips. Your ripped shirt. Your sore, tired feet.
You are the front lines of our marriage.
I, the vanguard.
We stand back-to-back against the world, daring it to attempt an onslaught.
I could never leave you, my love. I could never lock the door to your approach.
But we are slowly flickering out. We are dancing to winds far stronger than our flames.
Let us build a sail out of our ripped shirts. Let us work together until the dawn demands your departure. Let us not lie to each other, but dream of something bigger than ourselves.
Dreams are not lies. They are moments of possibility. They are futures dressed in hope.
You are my hope.
I am your ship flag. I am your battle cry. Even if it is to stop myself from crying.
You with your crooked smiles and flashing wit. You with your calm, golden brown eyes and fire behind your tongue.
I am one rotten plank away from falling.
But perhaps it was time to jump anyway.
I would rather jump once with you. Fall endlessly with you.
Then stand apart from you.
Our love will not be blown out. But forged anew.
We will beckon the ambers to catch ablaze again. And again. And again.
Because our dreams dance in the blaze. They may burn, but my tears may dry alongside them.
Let us try.
Come back to me, as you always have.
Your love
ns 15.158.61.23da2
