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i miss you. three words we both would say to each other late at night after smoking a blunt and deciding to text one another. I wish you meant it sometimes. I don´t think you understand how much I still crave you, you hurt me in ways I could never imagine but I still love you. The way you laughed at all my jokes, whenever I would hear ¨freshie¨ down the hall my heart skipped a beat, I know you only talked to me because you felt bad. You made me feel special, you forced me to fall in love with you just for you to back out. I ran away to you. I came out for you. You criticized every girl I tried to talk to and told me how they could never be better than you. I don´t think you realize how attached I had become. I would go to sleep with stomach pains, missing the way you touched me that morning. Craving that kiss you gave me right before homecoming ended. That kiss ruined my whole relationship with the girl that treated me right. You broke up with your girlfriend of 3 years for me, at least that's what you told everyone, in reality, you didn't do it for me. You did it to have fun. You did it to make me think I actually had a chance. Now I see you in my gym period with that new girl. The one who was exactly your type. Just like I was. Sometimes I wonder how long it will take for you to drop her as fast as you did me. I can't count the number of times I blocked you, just for you to come up to me in person and talk me right back into unblocking you. For the longest time, you were all I could think about. I texted you the other day and told you not to talk to me in front of her. I expressed how uncomfortable it made me feel and you just brushed me off. Well actually, your exact words were "fse but I'm gonna talk to whoever I want whenever I want. Me and her aren't dating and if I want to talk to you then I'm going to.". Isn't funny how you deliberately told me you don't respect my boundaries yet I still keep you around? I saw you today. I tried to ignore you. I really did. As I went to change by my locker I walked over with my back towards you, silently praying you wouldn't look over and see me. Silently praying you would for once take me seriously and respect how I feel. That would never happen though. Immediately you called out my name in your lingering tone. Shivers go down my spine as I hear the words "Isabelllaaaa" trail out of your mouth. I swiftly grab my shirt and bolt to the bathroom stalls to change in peace. I stayed there until I knew you were gone. After the period ended you followed me to my locker but I kept walking, making a maze and weaving through lockers to avoid you, yet you kept calling out for me. Following my every step until finally you cut me off and looked back while smirking at me. I couldn't help but smile and that's why I think you continue to bother me. I always smile at you. How could I not? As much pain and sorrow as the thought of you gives me, your smile always makes me want to dance and shout to the rooftops. Don't get me wrong though, I truly hate you. I hate how you touched me without my permission, I hate how you always made sure I felt insecure without your reassurance and I hate how I used to let you walk all over me. I'm tired of playing your game. Here's to the future we never will have, the memories we won't ever talk about, and the family we won't get to raise. The places we are never going to travel to will sit frozen in time. Maybe one day we will cross paths again but never will we be the same as we were before. I love you.
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