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“"When I hit the road, I took the road not taken, and that’s what made all of the difference." ~Bobert Frost
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With a wherving whiffy bang, we exploded onto the street, knocking out a hotdog stand. The sulfury stench of Damnation whooshed out all over the street, stinking and staining everything slightly except for us because of magic. “Archimedes on a yardstick!” Scaar swore, invoking the fifth cantical. “Wow I know right,” I secured, shaking some hotdog out of my shoes. A guy on a bike almost runs me over, but Scaar and I both spin, triggering our magic abilities and blasting him all the way into the Hudson river.
It turned out that we were back at Evermorne Academy and there was a large crowd sat there watching us. Also those people were actually doing things and walking around and carrying things and assembling magic. “Wow what’s popping here?” Scaar said, swirling around in midair so that he could see. “Oh snappers, I tots forgot that you’ve never ever even been here, haven’t you?” I realized audibly, eyes widening even further so that they looked more like small beautiful planetary bodies that just so happened to be eye-shaped. That’s when he scratched in the back of his head awkwardly although cutely, closing his eyes up a little bit in a way that also gave off awkward although cute energies (I could sense those with my magics senses, even, so I knew they were there) Really it actually felt like a bitty bit like on off those cutesy awkward anime boys although obviously different and not actually like that or anything, if you know what I mean. “That’s right yeah I have actually,” Scary quibbled, still drinking up my Academy/boarding homes (he was still looking at it, in another word.
And it was actually basically was really actually my home, I suddenly realized, if you were actually thinking about it. Wow that’s crazy, I cemented thoughtfully, doing that inside my head only so that no one other else could actually here. It was overall really wholesome and meaningful and emotonally impactful, I realized, and that just went to show you how deep and emotional and impacting my journey had really been all along so far. The most best/worst/notey/craziest part of it all was that it was going only going to get crazier from here, wow.
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Suddenly Sir Solomonon snapped into existence just 3.141 feet from my left shoulder. “Oh hello and how is my favorite student doing? Oh and I see that thee have located yet another little boy child, huh? With a nice filmy skin-hide, too. Perhaps I could test out my new flaying spell maybe…?” This is when I protested him real hard and also instantly. “No way hosay” I negated firmly, also flicking one five-fingered nail-wearing hand out to one side an in flippant type of way. Solomonon deflated largely at this, frowning with the innocent sadness of a small puppy poking his nose at the dead shriveled corpse of his homeless owner. “But Headmaster there are actually some other people that you could flay for us please.” Then he perked up at that. “Oh really? And who might thee be then?” “This dark wizard Negogondero,” I revealed, implying. “He stole my Derek and locked him away in Afradak, the capital city of Hell! There’s also a Infusion Cannonade that’s going to happen because of derek being infected with a descended incubim spirit, which is bad or something.”
Solomonon stroked his silvery beard, which basically looked like it was the source of the mysterious force that tangled up shoelaces and headphone wires when no one was looking. There winked at me a strange shagged gleam shining in the ancient blue balls that were his eyes. “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh……… I see. Indeed, I see. Verily, verily. Yes. Yes.” I twiddled slowly on my heels, spinning somewhat. “So…does that mean that we’re good to go get Derek back and also fix him? I mean, what is it that we’re going to do now?” The glitzy geezer laced up his long crooked fingers, smiling. “Now, my dear pupil, we are going to battle Jegogoero and destroy him entirely. After that, we will take Derek and his incubib for ourself, and finally achieve everything we wanted to. For our masters above…” I gotitated, considering. “Yeah, OK. Sounds xool.”
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But suddently something unhelpful happened. “well well well,” Onica Sashworth mocked dainfully, drama-rousing. “Look what the big buff scarred-up humanoid cat dragged in!” She winkled battily at Scaar, instantly peeving me. Simultaneously a large crowd of all the students at Evermorn had teleported in, and they stood there watching us argue, heads moving back and forth when we talked at each other. “I mean, why should we even bother fighting this dangerous dark wizard? And that Derek guy is totally crazy, even if he is also a total hottie. We could be killing ourselves in just a few hours if we go and bug him!” A lot of heads——mostly stupid-looking ones——nodded along at that. Damn it! Screw this bitch! “Truth,” I preached. Then I made my counterpart: “You’re wrong about two things and write about one thing. That means——we have to stop Negogoro because we have to shave Derek——not only because he is a total hottie like you admitted but also because he is important and because he is the crowned prince of hell, and this academy needs that more then ever,” I postulated persuadingly, gesticulating expressionly. A lot more heads——better-looking more brainly ones I noticed——nodded their heads at that point. “We need to take a stand. We need to stop being stupid lame losers and took a stand and win! Why? Well ill tell you why. Because we just cant just let some random traitor crime-like wizard man steal our best asset! We need that shit! I need that shit! Because sometimes we don’t need a good idea or a good plan or a good argoment. Some times what we need is what’s bad for us. Some time we just have to listen to our Hearts, and even their Darkness too!” I expounded stunningly, shocking everyone with the sheer power of my speeches. I saw the crowd nodding at me because they were agreeing, and I knew then that then I had won. But not everyone was so happy for me doing that. Onica snarled and totally bitched out, tantruming. “No way! You guys are actually agreeing with that? What is wrong with all you peeple!?” But her little bitch-clique didn’t even look at her——Now that she wasn’t popular or cool, they just down and dropped her like the rancid piece of shit she really was. “Screw you,” I concluded piercingly, trying to project that towards Onica. Suddenly she enraged and flew at me (so maybe that worked) but also suddenly summoning glittery glass daggerswords filled with bone-melting poison.
But co-instantly we and Scaal also attacked or more so retaliated magically, co-magicking to creating two large whips of blood red karate-lightning-laced hellfire whips. We flung those around with a double dancing spell, impressing everyone with our adorable and top-tier dancing skills, and also because the whips cut Donica into exactly 666 badly burned pieces. I could count that because I was highly intelligent and had magical senses. “Beast number!” I finished dramatically, flourishing broadly (but not too too proudly). Then I went over and stomped on Onica’s Kenchunky-fried-tuna corpse, smugging a bitty big when I saw her stuck-up awful bitchy mother Seronica Ashworthe go all pale and teary. That sounds mean maybe but she tots deserved it, and actually probs a lot worse too if we’re going to be honest.
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At last the Headmaster man raised up one wizardly hand, winkles crinkling. I tried not to squick at that as he supported my plan: “Then it is decided, indeed. Verily, we shalt prepare fourthwith, for the pitched field of battle!” There was a huge cheer, and at last it had begun.
But at first we had to make a plan, but that would be boring so instead we can skip that part. We did do it though, and when we did it was a great plan. Everyone agreed that our plan was the best plan, and now we just had to go and make it so that our plan actually happened and wasn’t sabotaged and shit on, because of course there were actually a lot of people there who hated our plan and wanted to replace it with their plan, which were garbage, and anyone could tell you that, even though some of them won’t if you asked them because they’re in Kahoot with the evil anti-planners. So then we did do that (make the plan), and it was entertaining and exciting (or, actually, execute the plan, I guess. But not literally of course since it hadn’t done anything wrong).
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For an instance, everyone got to work getting the castle ready for battle——groups of students led around by teachers got erecting up giant wheelbarrow cannons that spat magic napalm bombs and pulling out 12-story trebuchets drawn by giant spiders that flung ancient pagan monoliths housing pieces of Cthulu, and digging down huge trench lines and bunkers lined with diamond and stacking up extra walls made of magic see-through glass. Monkey servants wore little chainmail hoodies and carried around poison daggerbows, also helping to ravel venomous razor wire around the castle perpets and setting up booby trap bombs made of hellfire and battery acid, and enforcing the main doors with anti-evil iron. Meanwhile the teacher were putting out large enchantments that strengthened up the school’s bubble, which started to shimmer proudly as more magic was glued onto it. Propeller Weasel readied his arsenal of magically enhanced animal creatures, Sir Solomomom generated ancient battle magics, Professor Prune spread out her death maze trap-plants across the hills around the school, and even pro fessor Vipus handed out healing potions and coated everybodies wands and knives with a blood-boiler concoctment.
Eventually we had did all we could, and it was time for the big battle to start!
Quickly before that happened though I quickly and expertly adeptly jumped into my battle outfit: gothic fishbone double-corset with black silk lace ruffs and cuffs and silver-wire drawstrings and dark leggings under barbed-wire fishnets and a short vampire cape with a tall caller that sweeped up around my dark raven hair that was tied back for fighting and also sporting a enchanted silver-gag-ruby tiara and also a black silk neck-ribbon clasped with a big bulgy ruby gem that matched with my twelve finger rings that also were silver and gothic and rubied. Those were actually magic instruments (as i like, a wand or something, not a tuba) that helped me make magic more harder. I lso had on three pettiskirts with gothic fluting and silky lacings. And everything was black, except for the stuff that was silver or red or white. And I had on two long magic daggers and a black BSDDM whip that was also magic and snappy like a snape. And---of course---and I also wore my patented demon-hide gloss finish triple-enchanted skull-embossed Battle Martins.
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Then, finally, the battle was now! Everything and everyone was at stakes——and, more importantly, me and Derek. And, more salsaliciously, me and Scaar. And, more tragic and impossibly, me and Joshery (because he was dead, and in a highly permanent way that was never going to change). I found my poor pained little black bitty heart torn on four fronts, as if it were being used as the rope in tug-of-war between several large muscular well-dressed macharismatic men with dreamy faces and chiseled 10/10 bodies and mysterious supernatural abilities. Which, in fact, it actually was.
Only one thing was for sure: whatever happened next, it would be exciting, dangerous, and dramatic. It was goong to be so exciting, dangerish, and dramatic in fact that I had troubles sitting still, since I kept wondering when the battle would actually happen.
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Then finally a giant brass horn blessed with engravings of Elvis glared out blastingly from behind somewhere that I couldn’t see: “Alert! Alert! Intruders on the, um, Island! The battle is in hand!”
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Then I looked, and I saw that that was true. Enemy forces pored inside the island, and I knew then that I had to stop them, and that that meant fighting and probs killing them, and that I could and had and would to do that. Because this was my home, and I was fed up with people treating me like garbage!
I could then see the enemies enroaching on us, and that was when we charged and the battle begun!
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“So it begins,” I said mysteriously, and everyone listened. It was time to take the path not taken, because we definitely needed the deference. And more than us…Derek did. And that meant that I did, too. And Scaar. And even Joshery, although he was dead and wasn’t coming back.
I shed dark bloody gothic tears onto my dark gothic outfit, weeping. That was because the pain inside was almost even to big for me to handle…but that just meant I would have to carve out my own handle. Because even the incoming battle was not enough to stop me from being with Derek.
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Or also Scaal.
With a war cry that was terrifying yet also very cool and also so-so sexy, I charged!
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“Spears Ascend! Love and darkness FOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEVERRRRRRR!!!!!!”
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