It was hot outside but the breeze made it better. I was sitting out on the front porch to where the whole neighborhood could see me.
While drinking a can of my dad's beer and wearing nothing but shorts and a big white T, I enjoyed a fine summer breeze.This was the last day of summer and the last day I could make impulsive decisions and not be judged too hard for them.
There was nothing but old people in this neighborhood, but they didn't know any better. I was blasting soft jazz on the mini speaker my parents gave me for my birthday a few years ago. Life was good today, but I knew it was going to change soon. First day at a brand-new high school is tomorrow. That meant a strict dress code, strict teachers, and more drug-head sex driven kids.
A part of me wished I could pause time to enjoy the moments I had now while I was young - not be held accountable for my horrible decision making skills. Another part of me wanted to fast forward the process of growing up and going through that "find your identity and interests" awkward phase of life. I didn't want to be a new student yet again, I didn't want to go through the process of finding a group that I fit into the most and having to adapt to a new environment.
I made school friends last year in 11th, but I haven't spoken with them since the summer began. I lost touch with them because almost all of them started dating, and those who weren't never took an interest in me enough to maintain a friendship.As a result, I spent all summer by myself in my room, eating out or strolling around the neighborhood every now and then, journaling when I could.
My parents pulled up slowly to the house in the driveway. I quickly hid the beer behind the pillow of my seat before they could get out and turned my music off. "Hi darling, could you get the groceries out of the trunk for me?" I just nodded and got up as my mom walked towards the door with her hands full of bags from Walmart. I walked past my dad who was on the phone talking unnecessarily loud. I grabbed what was left of the bags and closed the trunk of the car. My dad was leaning on the outside of the driver's door, still on the phone, as he watched me carefully carry the bags to the house. Probably waiting for me to drop them off.
I pushed through the front door and walked through the living room towards the kitchen. I set the bags down on the table and looked at my mom who was looking around for something. "Where did your dad put my cigarettes honey?" I went to the cabinets by the fridge and opened them to reveal 4 packs of empty cigarettes. "Don't tell me we're out." I just shrugged and walked to my room.
I heard the front door slam, interrupting me as I just became relaxed. I got up to check who it was. My dad was still outside but I saw my mom leaving in the other car with her white purse, probably to go buy some cigarettes.
My dad was watching her leave as he was still leaning up against the car door on the phone.
His face was expressionless as he talked to what I assumed was a coworker at his job. As soon as my mom pulled out and drove off, my dad got off the phone and started walking towards the front door. Before he got to the door I left the window to go to the kitchen.
"Hi hun. I'm going to change real quick then I have a meeting at work. You're okay here alone right?"
I smiled and nodded.
He was going to leave regardless of my answer, plus I've been left home alone plenty of times. He smiled back as he set his phone on the kitchen counter and started walking to his room. "Also, do something about that hair. I don't think they'll allow that color at school." He looked at my neon orange hair that went down past my shoulders with dissatisfaction. "Ok." Satisfied with my answer he walked off to get ready for his meeting.
I opened the fridge and took out the container of dip and got chips from the pantry. I took them to the living room and decided on watching a movie for the rest of the evening. Before starting the movie I went back to the kitchen to get water when my dad's phone started vibrating. I walked over to his phone to see who was calling. A woman named Cynthia. A coworker maybe. I disregarded the phone call and went to the fridge to get water. His phone buzzed again and when I looked a second time and it was a text from a Cynthia with an address.
I walked to the couch with my water and set it down next to the chips and grabbed the remote from the arm of the chair. I turned the TV on and browsed through the selection menu to find a movie. I settled on a random movie called "Vamps" a scary movie based on a novel.
My dad slammed his room door and grabbed his phone off the kitchen table and walked past me right in front of the TV and waved goodbye. I watched about a half hour of the movie then got bored and decided to go "do something about my hair" like my dad said. I went to the bathroom and started running the shower and got the speaker I left outside and put it on top of the sink counter. I started playing more soft jazz from earlier and threw my clothes in the white basket and hopped into the shower.
After I got out and dried myself off I wrapped the towel around my body and looked at my hair in the mirror.
Do something about my hair. Do what though?
I've always struggled with my hair and finding something to do with it so it could be acceptable for dad, for my friends, and for me, but I just get so frustrated when I do it because everything I do with it turns out to be wrong.
Everyone was so concerned about my hair like it was growing on their head. I'm not sure what to do to make them happy at this point.
I just wasn't sure what to do with it. Out of impulse I decided to go to my parents bathroom and look for my dad's hair clippers. After finding them in one short moment of re-evaluating the situation, my only thoughts, "It'll grow back," persuaded me to shaving my head nearly bald.
A few hours after cleaning the mess I made of bright orange dead hair on the bathroom floor, I continued watching the movie I got bored of, giving it another chance considering there was really nothing else to watch. I sat on the couch for a considerable amount of time before I heard a car engine approaching the house. It was late now, around 11 o'clock maybe, and both of my parents have yet to come home. Judging by the sound of the engine and the amount of time it took to pull into the driveway it was my mom. I heard her car door slam shut and her heavy steps getting closer to the front door.
Her keys were jangling on the door as she struggled to get into the house. When she finally made it in, her only words to me were 'where's your dad?' and to that I shrugged her off.
She was clearly high out of her mind and it definitely shouldn't take that long to pick up one pack of cigarettes. As I am used to her behavior, it never gets easier to see. She ignored my answer and kept walking to her room and closed the door quietly. I continued to watch the movie that was on the screen trying to distract myself from thinking of where she could have been.
After finishing the movie I flipped the channel to cartoons out of pure boredom because everything that was playing on tv did not peak my interests.
I stayed there watching for a few more hours and started to feel myself drift to sleep. It was around 2am now and I was tempted to get up and sleep in my room but was overcome by laziness. As soon as I was about to drift into a blissful sleep I heard a banging at the door that startled me. I waited a few moments to make sure it wasn't the police before realizing it was my dad. I quickly got up and unlocked the door as he practically fell through. "Thanks sugar" he terribly slurred his words and could barely keep himself long enough to take a step fully into the house. "Here dad let me help yo-"
"Why do you think I need your help? You're always fucking up anyway so who are you helping? You know I wasn't planning on having children, and I told your mother I would leave if she had more than two but turns out one was too much to handle already, and what the fuck did you do to your hair?"
His eyes were low and red and he could barely stand still as he drunkenly swayed back and forth. After he told me about myself, he walked past me and continued to his room stumbling and tripping over himself.
I didn't reply to him when he was talking to me. I know how he gets when he drinks and I didn't want to say anything that might set him off. He shut the door behind him after making it to his room and soon after I heard low voices whisper yelling from behind my parents' room door. I decided to ignore my dad's words and prepare myself for my first day of school tomorrow.
I would be going to a new school in the same town but farther away from my last one. My mom lied about my school information about our address so that I could go to a better school outside of my district.
I don't know how they got away with it or what they did but it worked because tomorrow would be my first day at Preston High, a super stuck up prep school for rich spoiled white kids with daddy's money. I walked into my bedroom, which was right next to my parents' room, and threw myself on the bed and covered myself up with my thin yellow blanket. I closed my eyes in an attempt to get rest but the sounds of my parents fucking next door disturbed my peace.
I sighed as I grabbed the ends of the pillow I was lying on and covered my ears as I attempted to sleep again. I knew tomorrow would be a long day so I wanted to get as much rest as possible.
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