I woke up early the next morning because I couldn't sleep much.
There were too many things on my mind and I couldn't get my brain to stop working so I could sleep. I think I slept a total of 4 hours last night.
It was Monday so the start of a new school week.
I wasn't looking forward to school. I wanted to stay home and lay in bed and cry all day but I think my tears ran out. I woke up early and went into the kitchen to get something to eat but we were running low on groceries since both of my parents had been gone.
The only thing in the fridge was a few apples, a half eaten pie, spoiled milk, and a bottle of whiskey.
I took out the bottle of whiskey and the half eaten raspberry pie and grabbed a fork from the cupboard. I sat down on the couch in the living room and placed the pie on my lap and the bottle of whiskey on the couch next to me.
Todays breakfast is old pie and whiskey.
The combination sounded as disgusting as it tasted together.
I could've drunken water but I wanted to forget last night. I didn't want to remember that my mom was abandoning me and leaving me with my abusive father. I didn't want to think of how if I wanted to leave this place, I couldn't because I had no one to lean on. I didn't want to think about how the only people in the world that I was supposed to rely on, let me down my whole life.
I took a long sip from the bottle and cringed at the taste and smell of the drink. It tasted like hand sanitizer and baby wipes. Gross.
I should probably get ready for school now.
I got up and threw the pie away before finishing it. The weird taste lingered in my mouth and left a nasty aftertaste.
I went to the bathroom and started the water for my shower. I looked in the mirror while I was waiting for the water to get hot and saw my face. It looked unrecognizable. My eye bags were prominent and dark. My eyes were bloodshot red and puffy from crying so much and my lips were dry.
I looked like absolute shit.
I let out a heavy sigh and began my shower. After showering I took my time getting ready for school. It felt like I was moving in slow motion. Nothing felt real. I think the drink had already gotten to me because everything felt delayed.
I put makeup on the best I could trying to cover up my dark eye circles and I went into the bathroom and took the eye drops from the sink and used them. After a half hour I finally felt put together enough to go to school. I took one last look at myself in the mirror and was somewhat satisfied with my appearance.
On the bus ride to school I listened to music the whole ride and felt myself falling asleep. I closed my eyes and let sleep take over me.
I woke up 20 minutes later as we were approaching the stop near the school and I pressed the button indicating it was my stop. I got off and waved the driver off as I exited.
I walked another 20 minutes to school tripping over the uneven sidewalk pavement. Once I saw the big wooden Preston Academy sign, I knew I was finally on campus. I checked my phone and saw that I was hours late.
Shit
Where did all the time go?
I missed my first two classes. Environment Science and English. I had some assignments due but they were mostly online so I needed to use the computer after school to turn them in.
I barely made it on time to AP Calc because of how distracted I was. I couldn't focus in class because my stomach was turning. Probably from my choice of breakfast food. I felt the pie sitting on the top of my stomach, not digesting.
"Are you okay Ms. Crowley?"
My teacher interrupted the lesson on differential equations to turn her attention on me.
A few heads turned over to look in my direction and some of the students giggled at my rugged appearance.
"Yes, I am. Thank you."
My teacher hesitantly nodded before continuing on and I brought my phone out to the front camera to see how I looked. My lips were dry once again and I could see my dark circles peaking though the foundation I had put on. I grabbed chapstick from my purse and quickly applied it.
The bell rang and the lesson was over.
I got up from my seat too fast and began feeling dizzy. I held onto the desk for support so I could regain my balance before walking to my next class.
I walked to my last class of the day hoping it would go by fast. I got to my art class late which was a first because usually I was the first one in. I knew I was late because even Ian, who was always fashionably late, was already seated before me.
I went to sit down and made eye contact with him. He flashed his signature smile but I looked away before he could get a good look at me.
The lesson had already started by the time I came in and sat down so I got my notebook out and listened to Ms. Jamesia talk about Rudolf Stingel and his art history.
I clutched my stomach and felt a cramp in my side. I felt like my stomach was trying to leave my body and it was tossing and turning inside of me.
Ian turned around and greeted me with a friendly smile which quickly faded after taking a longer look at me.
"Vee are you okay?"
He asked with concern dripping in his voice. He looked as perfect as ever. He always looked good every time I saw him. Even when he was sick he looked like a catalogue model.
"Yeah I'm fine."
I could tell he wanted to press further but I didn't even give him a chance to. I felt the raspberry pie and whiskey coming up my throat in clumps and felt like I was about to throw up.
I should go to the bathroom before I embarrass myself and throw up all over the classroom. I don't think I'd survive that social suicide.
I raised my hand up interrupting Ms J's lesson and she didn't look very pleased.
"How can I help you miss?"
"Can- may I go to the bathroom?"
"You guys need to be using the bathroom during your passing period instead of interrupting class time."
"Pl-Please?"
"Go."
I got up from my seat hurriedly and almost stumbled from being light headed. I grabbed my bag and left the classroom with eyes burning through me from all the students around. I felt them judging me and whispering about me.
I ran down the hall to the nearest bathroom and barged through, meeting with girls taking selfies in the mirror. They jumped up startled when they saw me.
I ran to the nearest stall and threw my self down head first to the toilet bowl. I threw up all the contents of the pie and whiskey I had ate this morning. It burned going up my throat causing my eyes to water and hot tears began streaming down my face once again.
After I felt like there was nothing left to vomit, I flushed the toilet praying that nothing else would come up.
I left the stall and went to the mirror the girls were at when I walked in. They must've left after they heard me throwing my guts out.
I washed my hands and looked into the mirror to check if any remains were on my face. I looked completely dead and the color in my skin faded to a grey. I felt like like a walking dead body.
I grabbed my bag exited the bathroom to make my way back to class but I stopped in my tracks when I ran into a hard chest.
"Sorry-"
I looked up to see Ian with his dazzling eyes staring into mine. His eyebrows were crinkled into a look of concern.
"Vee are you alright?"
"Yes I'm fine. Why aren't you in class?"
"I'm worried about you."
"I'm okay I promise."
"I think you should go to the nurse."
"Ian I said I'm oka-"
"No you're not. Something's wrong."
"I'm just having a bad day."
"You're skin is pale and you could barely walk to the bathroom and I heard you in there throwing up."
I stayed silent because I didn't know he noticed all that. I didn't know he paid that much attention to me. How could he sense that something was wrong but no one else did?
"If you won't tell me what's going on with you, will you at-least let me take you to the nurse."
I broke our eye contact and looked at the ground. I eventually agreed to go to the nurse with him and let him guide me through the hall to their office.
When we arrived I sat down on the check-in chairs and Ian went to the front desk to sign us in. He spoke to the lady for a few minutes then we were led into her office.
"What seems to be the problem today?"
"I'm just feeling a little under the weather and wanted to see if anything was wrong." I spoke.
"Okay. Sounds good."
She did a series of tests like taking my temperature and blood pressure. She asked me a few questions and asked what brought me in. Ian sat patiently by my side observing me like a hawk. His eyes followed the nurse attentively as she moved around the room.
"Did you have anything to eat this morning?"
I nodded.
"Can I ask what you had?"
"Umm some pie?"
"You had pie for breakfast?"
"Yeah..."
"You're an odd one aren't you."
She laughed and wrote some words down on her paper.
"Okay well everything seems normal I think you just have food poisoning. Drink some water and you'll be fine. Do you stay on campus dear?"
"Uh n-"
"Yes she does. I'll take her to the dorm."
"Okay here's a note to excuse you out of class. You can give it to your teacher tomorrow if you're feeling better. If you're not feeling better by then come back."
"Okay. Thanks."
I grabbed the note out of her hand and she guided us out of the office and we signed out before leaving the building.
"Why did you tell her I live on campus?"
"She was going to call your parents if you said you didn't live on campus."
"Oh."
"You can come stay in my dorm until you're feeling better."
"Thank you."
I didn't question him or argue. I was too weak to be defiant and all I could think about was laying in a warm bed. I felt like I'd been up for weeks and my mind was everywhere at once
Once we got to his dorm he cleared off the clutter of drawings from his bed and offered me a oversized T shirt and shorts from his dresser.
"Thanks."
I went to the bathroom to pee and tidy myself up when I noticed blood on the toilet paper.
Fuck. I started my period.
I frustratedly closed my eyes for a minute because I left my bag back in the room where my tampons were. I was so grateful for our uniform skirts being black or it would've shown that I bled right through it.
"Ian!"
"Is everything okay?"
I heard shuffling from the room and his steps approaching the bathroom door.
"Umm can you grab my bag I left it on the floor."
A few seconds passed before I heard him back at the door.
"Can I come in?"
"Yeah."
The door creaked open and he stepped into the bathroom with his eyes closed. He held out my bag in the air and approached the toilet slowly. I don't know why but it was funny to me. I thanked him and he exited the bathroom.
I came back into the room after a couple minutes and he was sitting on the bed drawing. I mindlessly smiled at him while he was doodling in his sketch book. It was completely unintentional and almost came like an instinctive response to seeing him there so peaceful and completely immersed into his art.
He looked up and patted the side of the bed beside him signaling me to sit beside him.
I sat next to him comfortably in his clothes. I watched him sketch with his black chalk for what it felt like hours. I felt my eyes weighing down heavily as my blinks became longer every single time. I gave in and allowed myself to drift off into a deep sleep.
_________________
Hours went by and I felt myself finally waking up. I was confused as to where I was for 3 seconds after I woke up, as I usually am. I was out cold for hours. It was dark outside and pitch black in the room except for a light coming from beside me.
I rubbed my eyes to see a bit clearer and saw Ian sitting up on his laptop typing away. He had glasses on with thin maroon framing around it and he was biting his lip distracted, intensely staring ahead at the screen.
I watched him type on his laptop and periodically clicking on the touchpad. He looked super focused. His eyebrows were furrowed, revealing the little crinkle between them and his head was slightly tilted. I knew he couldn't see me looking at him so I took this opportunity to gawk at every detail of his beautiful face.
I checked on the bottom right of his computer to see what time it was and it showed 11:32 PM.
I slept away my whole afternoon when I was supposed to be doing homework. It was far too late now and I didn't let it stress or worry me. I already have a lot going on, I'll worry about this in the morning.
He shut his laptop after one last click and put it on the desk beside the bed along with his glasses. He gave a relaxed sigh and scooted down into the bed and turned over to face me. I stiffened my body, scared he might've noticed that I had woke up.
"Vee? Are you awake ?" He whispered.
I didn't respond and pretended to still be asleep.
I know we were in the dark but somehow I felt like we were looking right into each others eyes. Like if the lights were turned on they would reveal us inches apart, with our eyes deeply gazing at one another.
He wrapped his arms around me bringing me into a bear hug on the bed and squeezed me tight resting his chin on my head.
He cupped my face in his hands and brushed them lightly across my cheek. This feeling made me feel safe and warm like I was home.
"Feel better okay?"
I felt a warm pair of lips graze my forehead.
"Goodnight."
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