There's an old riddle I tell to the folks who come tired to the halfway house.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvHkFxzBig
'How far can you walk into a forest?'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrCOA3t5Bi
Some of them know the answer, some don't.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFWVg8n7gL
'Halfway. Now take your rest.'
The Wood of White Nights was my home.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOmmww48wv
It was a place between two places where rarely people had a reason to stay. Two poor towns, farming areas, or so they claimed, because the crops always failed and never the baleful cry of an animal I heard.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVpjvqeA7t
People had their own reasons for passing by the Halfway House, and I had my own reasons to live there.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMVoS2Z5r3
I suppose, if nothing else, it gave me something to do.
It was a hobby of sorts - I had always had a way of talking to people, and at the Halfway House I could learn about a different life every day. All the sadness and - occasionally - gladness that would lead someone to stay at a dying building in a forest full of dangerous beasts.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTx8NojUUjw
For some, perhaps they were seeking something. Tales of lost treasure in the Woods, or old friends who stopped returning letters or calls. It's strange, really - the people who were looking for something were lost themselves.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJx1uNEP4eu
The House provided refuge for others, a place where the outside world no longer mattered, a place where time itself failed to keep composure, a place where they could escape the judgements and expectations.
And I suppose that for a while it kept my interest. Lives and stories were precious things and the knowledge of each one was like a temporary high of intimacy - something that I could never have achieved elsewhere.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmCaxhzOMU
But too soon, I learnt that life was like a loop, a pencil retracing the same track over and over again - I met the same people, the same stories, the same tired faces with eyes of broken promise.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mXYv416rE
There was nowhere else for me then, of course. So I stayed. And with every passing year, I couldn't help but feel that I was looking into the mirror every time I greeted a lost soul into the House. I was running. Away, or to, even I didn't know. But I was running, by staying still.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWBeT888Tl
You see, runners inevitably hit a brick wall. For them, it was death. For me, it was an old friend who returned as a stranger under a rain-soaked sun.
'Welcome to the Halfway House.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYd9cLyM32
The girl was dripping, and the warm rays of light from the sky had done nothing to dry her. She was English - with those perpetual dimples and perceptive eyes - and her hair was dyed an angel white. She was short - and her complexion said that she couldn't have been any older than twenty seven.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOZrS0NB2j
'You must be tired. Sit, please.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeck3y0Beip
She remained on her feet, and walked up to me.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eYQNcN7wD
'Do you know how far you can walk into a forest?' I asked her, seeing myself ask myself the same question from the inside of the droplets hanging at her eyelashes.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBIWrgoBql
'Halfway, you bastard. It's me.' The moment that tears began running down her cheeks and not just residual rain was misty, like a watercolor - perhaps she was crying before she even entered.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQc1eBSbOSQ
'Aria!' I embraced her, but only lightly, conscious of my suit getting wet. 'You're looking younger than I last saw you.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZJYY58Mn5
'Please don't give me that bullshit Al, I'm old. I'm too old for all of this.' She let go, and finally sat down. She never liked being told when to do things.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKnNukjtYi
'Another one?'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1z1tTEDzIo
'What do you think? Of course it was another one.' She pulled out a few sepia polaroids from her satchel and gave a heavy sigh at them before handing the stack to me.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7Go2Blzxw
'What was his name?' Aria always picked the ones with the lovely smiles. Here - riding on his back in a park, laughing. Here - him making a mess of the spaghetti. Here - a kiss.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeV33uZYa9w
'Jacob. Jacob Ryans.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30THmf7mqr
'He's very beautiful. You two look so happy together.' Here - both of them asleep on a couch. Here - a walk on the beach with a white dog.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VGy0XGw0w
'Were, Al, we were happy.' She collapsed into an outburst of bodily fluid again. Crying, bleeding, orgasming, I never really got the differences. There's always the pain and the pleasure, and at the extremities, they merge into the one - like a great circle of emotions. 'God, Al, I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkl4rUojpv
'Don't say that. What you do is a good thing. You give these men an extra few years of happiness. You know that all these people would have died if you didn't come into their bodies.' Us Muses could pass into any dying body and grant it with immortality so long as we stayed inside. She was the Aria - the outpour of raw emotion. I was the Allemande - the noble, the detached.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTD8aIzifA
'But you know what I took away? Closure. And not having that - that hurts more.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoj4kXgzVcr
'You can still fix things.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfEMhgkCaq
'Al, you know I can't do that. I can't tell them, I can't leave them in any way. I loved them all. I love them all.' She took the photos back and took a long look at the one by the beach. 'The dog was called Marbles. You like riddles, Al? Why's the dog called Marbles?'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIVjo5JY4P
'You tell me, sis.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqi5wrzefM
She laughed. 'He's batshit bonkers. But adorable all the same. We got him from the adoption place in - I don't even remember. But he was heard barking from the sewers. His previous owner left him there.' A corner of the English girl's smile appeared and faded just as quickly like an imprint from the past.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmBZE1nezF
'I just don't know why I keep making the same mistakes.' She folded the photos.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrI1HcQsS3
'Well, sis, life is like a loop - '779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJ3WgMZPPQ
'Can you just shut up for once, Al? Not all of your goddamn philosophies are goddamn right. You're stuck here for what you've done, how can you say you know about life?'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Cj6DmhuVc
I stayed silent. She was in a mood.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BE6a7eMrY
'It's like a spiral.' She said, suddenly. 'You always think you're heading somewhere but you just keep going round and round. You know the funny thing about spirals?' I didn't interrupt her - it was rhetorical, and I would only frustrate her further. 'You can draw an infinite number of spirals. An infinite number of lives. They get close, but the only place they really touch is at the center, at the end. At the end of them all.'
Having Aria around was always difficult, but I know she did it for me.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpPpdG10GU
You see - I couldn't actually leave the woods. I had made a mistake, a long time ago. Aria takes photos of the world for me, with an old polaroid that she never found the strength to throw away. After a few decades I had had enough of the cities and mountains and lakes, and I asked if I could just see her life.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgo7DI6FTk5
It was always about the love, for her. I never understood why. But she would purposefully try to find the ones who were in a healthy relationship, the ones whose boyfriends or girlfriends were always by their hospital bed.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPHYCc3Bv8
And once those dying bodies woke again, she would never let those people go, not until she had to leave. She stayed with each one only five, ten years - you see, the bodies don't age once we're inside. To keep us safe, she left before it would become noticeable.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrkaQx1cTO
I suppose I should have thanked her more than I did.
'You're still here.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbi6mCQo8u
It was morning, and Aria was sitting, the English girl, in the dining room. She had never stayed longer than the night before. 'I need a break from it all.' She sighed.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzADb0Flzh
'You're at the right place.' I took the place beside her. 'The cornflakes are shit.' I reminded her. 'Have the yogurt.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQBl8NYjw7
'How did it feel, Al?'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Kdk8IKAzR
'How did what...'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJ6zHotayq
'To do what you did. To do that to all those people.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QULaGYDPS
'Why are you asking me this now?'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxeRLkuDvY
She laid her head into her palms. 'Because nothing has changed.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JL5Y8ySV3
She didn't want to say it, but I knew what she was thinking. She was tired of being trapped in this world with me.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpm3lC1AiCR
'Sis, I'm sorry.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu10zgcOYBN
She looked up, crying again. 'But were you really?'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxv58tq6F4
I couldn't answer that. One option would be a lie and the other would break her heart.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSF2NUskmA
I stood.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40N9bXoVQa
'I'll go get you some yogurt.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGA4GbCqeEa
'Do you ever wish you could die?'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7kUD8j9xI
Aria was slowly retreating into a shroud of depression.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvbrhnjLOG
'No. There's so much to live for.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUL7i7Io9s0
'But I've seen it all. There's nothing left.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumHEfOd0vZ
'Don't say that.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpuwn2H2fT
Even I was surprised at how much she cried those few days she stayed at the Halfway House. It bothered me. I never wanted to see her like this.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRu3yPUmTQd
And it was only then that I decided to do what I knew was possible several, several years ago.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuh1irCWyS
'Sis... I can get you out.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQJwjEUxPq
'...what do you mean?'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyu8ja02Qx5
'I can get you out. I can get you back home. But you have to be patient.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusOVRVsRoD
'...I don't understand.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wNsZAYWtQ
'Back home, sis. Away from all of this.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9YivrNdUD
'But how?'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwzVEFLjsu
The tears had stopped and I knew I had made a promise that I couldn't bear to break.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5lqfJlTj6
'You'll understand tomorrow. Sleep on it.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0jtEmXwG2
She turned away again.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLcpaEINYU
She didn't say thanks - reminding me even now how I had mistreated her before.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3U8fOVmUS
'Remember. You'll have to be patient.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCpwICR2UD
I wait a few moments for a response before I close her door.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAcY5H7mYN
It was time for me to leave. To run away, to run towards.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Av1rAloeJ
779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflkJvJCnY3
An English girl with hair angel white, kneeled before the gates of her home.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdHrTrt6BxL
'Father?'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIUxxsBOWe
'Aria. You know you're not allowed here.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQb7o1QmLdR
'It's not Aria.'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv84z3YBFA9
Muses could go only into dying bodies, of which there were none in the Wood of White Nights, where time itself lay tired.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgc8bfif7Nf
But there had been one - a girl with cancer, who should have died seven years ago, who woke at the brink and came to the woods.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDAYitdxUt
'Allemande?'779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe98UbWYp57
I could feel him, ready to send me back to the forest in a single spin of the landscape.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVz7G4xDsF
'Wait.' I say.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bozxs7gOV
I know what I need to do to make things right. I know what I need to do to pay for my past. I know how to send Aria home.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYxbDLHCln
Because I realized, longer ago than I believed, that I was wrong. Life didn't have a simple shape, an order - life was a mirror, in the corner of the universe, in which you could see eternity, and the reflections of a thousand others -779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2IRtaU8vb
And so I will suffer the reflection of the suffering I caused.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYR0U5c4hJi
I had been running - not away from the forests in fear, not to the forests in hope of comfort, but to hide from the forests that festered within myself.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBJVWoh0uI
And when all the pain finally ends, they will offer me the heavens once again in forgiveness - but I would stay only a moment to say farewell - and return home, to the Halfway House.779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqr8VD7lJm
