Cole
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I kick off my shoes and stagger into the hotel room, immediately flopping across the bed. An exhausted groan escapes me.
Today was hell.
"Where am I supposed to sleep? You're taking up all the room!"
Austin is shoving at my legs in an attempt to get me to move over. I got him out of the detention facility today despite the Warden's dismay. I have no idea if I made the right choice.
"There's a pull out bed in the sofa," I grumble. "Other side of the room. They should have brought up extra bedding this afternoon."
"This is bullshit. I haven't slept on a real bed in months!"
"I'm not compromising. Go get ready for bed. Shower, brush your teeth, and wear the new pajamas I bought. I'm taking you for a haircut first thing tomorrow."
"I'm not cutting my hair."
"Yes you are. Now go."
I hear him muttering obscenities at me under his breath as he walks across the room. The bathroom door slams. I wait for the sound of running water and only then do I allow myself to relax.
Before I sprung Austin this afternoon I made the trip to see Davey, having ditched the limo for a rental car so I would appear more conventional to him. His social worker made the suggestion during our brief phone conversation the night before. She also filled me in, reiterating what Austin had told me during our visit. He's six years old and non verbal. Doctors have defined it as trauma related. Exactly what kind of trauma they can only guess at. When social services got the go ahead to take him from Whitney he was wearing diapers and severely underweight. Potty training has been a bit of a challenge, so I'm told. He's not there yet.
That's the least of my concerns.
He's living in a house with eight other kids. It's small and messy. The woman running things was frazzled, running here and there. She couldn't tell me where Davey was, just that he was in the house, so I took it upon myself to find him. I had his picture with me but didn't end up needing it. He was the only kid who wasn't running around, yelling and screaming. He sat in the middle of the living room, gaze fixed on the television. I didn't know what else to do so I went over and sat next to him. He didn't react. I made an attempt to introduce myself and tell him who I was, but he didn't seem to understand, or if he did, he wasn't going to let me know that.
I didn't try to tell him about Whitney, or my plans for him and his brother.. He smelled like urine. I could see the diaper peeking through the waistline of his jeans and knew he'd probably gone recently. The nausea swept over me and tears began to push behind my eyes. I couldn't lose it in front of him—so I left, with my promise to his caretaker that I'd be back to take him the next day.
I'm not proud of leaving him, but didn't see how I was supposed to take Austin shopping with a kid like Davey in tow. Not on day one.
I took Austin to Target because it was the closest store to my hotel. I couldn't remember the last time I had set foot in a super store like that. My schedule doesn't leave much time for the mall so I order my clothes online unless I need something tailored to fit. It was a different feeling, made me come down a few levels and remember that once all I had in the world was a plastic garbage bag with some clothes and a pillow.
Shopping with that kid is a challenge. He said he didn't want to try anything on and when I protested he started throwing a full on tantrum in the middle of the store. He screamed and yelled at me like I was torturing him by asking him to go into the fitting room with an armful of jeans. People were staring. I couldn't figure out if Austin's emotions were legitimate or if he was just being a brat. In the end it didn't matter because I caved. I guessed his size in jeans pants tops pajamas sneakers and underwear and that was that. Once we were out of the clothing department he immediately snapped out of his mood and begged me to buy him a video game system.
When I refused he threw another fit, throwing himself on the laminate floor for added measure. I literally dragged him out of the store kicking and screaming once I paid for the clothing.
I don't know what I've gotten myself into with this kid, but I won't be able to put up with his mood swings for long. I'm a tolerant, professional person, but I'm not patient and I do have a short fuse when it comes to this sort of thing.
The spraying sounds of water cut off and I know he's finished showering. My gut sinks. I just want a few more minutes of peace.
Now my phone is ringing.
I never faxed the rest of the contract. Oh no.
"This is Cole."
"Hey it's me. You didn't pick up this morning. Dad said he never got your fax."
Mitchell.
"I was kind of tied up."
"Yeah well, I covered for you. Don't worry about it."
"Thanks, man. Listen, I'm sort of in the middle here."
"I know, but I wanted to check on you," he laughs. "That phone conference was brutal and I know you're like—half out of your mind."
"It's not that bad."
"Come on. I know things are pretty bad," he says.
I sit up and lean against the headboard, allowing a long sigh to escape me."I feel like he's going to start looking at someone else for the promotion."
"You're the best he's got, Cole. Dad's stubborn but he's not stupid."
I rub my face. "I'm terrified. It's stupid and I feel like a pussy for telling you, but I am."
I would never admit that to anyone else.
"Have a few drinks tonight," he suggests. "Find a pretty lady. You'll get through the next couple of days and come back brand new."
"I can't do that." I say, feeling my smile crack. "I have Austin here and to be honest, he doesn't need to be around people right now."
"The older one who stole the car?"
"Yeah."
"He try running yet?" Mitchell laughs.
"No but he threw a tantrum in Target and I had to drag him out of the store."
"Shit. A little spitfire huh?"
"I don't know what he is. These kids are—fucked up, and it's not their fault but I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to this."
"I told you. We all did. You still have a choice, Cole."
"I don't."
He doesn't respond for a few moments. "Well, you're a better person than me."
I'm so thankful for him. More than he knows.
"Speaking of looking for pretty ladies--I have some news."
"Mitch, not now."
"Just let me get this info out before I forget," he chuckles. "I got the scoop on that chick."
"Which one?" I sigh.
"Last I checked I was only looking for one," he laughs. "OD girl."
The mention of her makes me sit up straight. Abbey with those eyes and that smile. I didn't think he would have been able to track her down.
"Oh yeah?"
"I take it I haven't lost you completely."
I lick my lips. "Just tell me."
"She's coming off a long stretch of issues and wouldn't elaborate so I couldn't get her full story, but I do know she's single. It's just—complicated."
"Complicated?"
"You'll see."
"You're starting to creep me out. Is she like—straight up crazy or something? She didn't seem that way."
"I don't mean that kind of complicated, dumb ass. She's just in a program right now and doesn't have a lot of time to think about dating and shit."
"Like, rehab?"
"It's kind of an after rehab thing."
"Community service?"
"Kind of."
"Mitchell come on--"
"Fine. Don't freak out okay? I bumped into her the other day while I was helping mom at the food drive."
I sit up a little straighter. My throat goes dry and I silently pray that my hunch is off. "Tell me she's not in Mom's program."
Mitchell sighs.
"Oh no. No way. I can't—just forget it. Did you tell her that you're my brother or who mom is or—"
"Fuck man, relax. I was completely casual about the whole thing. She sort of remembered me from Helix but as far as she's concerned you and I just work together."
"Did she say anything about me?"
He chuckles. "She was pretty blindsided. I think I freaked her out a little bit. She asked how you were and I said you were good but out of town for work. I didn't think you'd want your business out in the open like that right now."
"Thanks. How'd she look?"
"Tired. Mom runs that program like a concentration camp."
"Yeah."
"Hey, I'll probably see her before you get back here. Mom's making me do extra hours this week."
I'm silent for a moment. "Why's that?"
"It's not a big deal. I just partied a little too hard the other night and--"
"Did you get arrested?"
"Barely. The lawyer was there before they could book me and mom came down so--I didn't spend the night or anything."
Mitchell has been referring to himself as a closeted alcoholic since our freshman year of college. Don't get me wrong, I can party just as hard as he can, although not nearly as often. Mitchell must go out every night of the week while I limit myself to the weekends and Friday nights due to work obligations. My dad hates that I go out with my brother at all, but I need to unwind and I guess--I want to look out for Mitchell too. He has a habit of picking fights with people and getting arrested. It always happens when I'm not there to pull him back.
Why does Mitchell drink so much? He's told me in the past that it makes him feel better about himself. Jack has a way of tearing Mitchell down and making him feel inferior. He's never been like that with me. From the moment he and his wife brought me into their family I've always been the one he's been proud of, never Mitchell. They fight a lot, but they have a pretty intense past.
Mitchell doesn't like to talk about what happened. He only brings it up when he's really wasted. He had a twin brother, Eric. When Mitchell was seven they went out by the pool, alone. Eric drowned within a few minutes and Mitchell couldn't save him. After that, Jack never treated him the same. Mitchell says I was a way of replacing that loss, but he's never resented me for it, only Jack.
Mitchell has a good heart. He wants to do right by me and I know he'd do anything to gain Jack's forgiveness, even if he won't admit it. I worry about him a lot, try to reason with him, but Mitchell is going to do what he wants at the end of the day.
"I hate when you do this," I finally say. "It's not good Mitch."
"It's not a big deal," he laughs. "You sound like Caroline."
"Well, I'm worried about you."
"Don't be. Anyway, I managed to get her number so let me give it to you."
"I dunno. I don't want to mess up her program or anything."
"Cole, you're not marrying the girl. It's a phone call. If you don't talk to her she'll just disappear again and you'll regret it."
"I guess you can give it to me." I rub my face with my free hand.
"Great, you ready?"
I grab a pen and paper from the night stand, hastily scribbling out the number as he rattles it off.
"Listen, I should go,"I say. "I have to make sure this kid gets to bed. We have a long day tomorrow. I'm picking Davey up in the morning and then we're heading back to the city. I don't know how they're going to be around each other yet."
"What's the deal with the little one?"
"He doesn't talk. They don't know why. He's not potty trained either."
"He's not? How old is he again?"
"Six."
"Shit. You have your work cut out for you there."
"I guess so."
We're both quiet for a long time. Mitchell knows how I deal with emotional topics. The best thing he can do is not push me.
"He'll pull through it," Mitch finally says. "Talk to Caroline. I'm sure she knows someone that can help."
A loud bang from behind causes me to jump. Austin has slammed the bathroom door and is standing in his pajamas, a fierce, determined look in his yes. His hair looks like a ball of fluff and it's terrible to admit but he looks like a psychopath that way. I can't wait to cut all that hair off of him tomorrow.
"Move!" Austin yells it at me and then dive bombs onto the bed. He gives me a shove. "You sleep on the pull out!"
I push Austin back and send him an angry glare. The kid smirks but doesn't get off the bed. He picks up the closest thing to him, the alarm clock, and yanks it from the wall before chucking it across the room. It collides with the cheap art hanging on the wall and cracks the glass frame.
God.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I scream at him.
Austin cackles and falls down on the bed, gripping his stomach as he howls with laughter.
"Cole? You okay there buddy?"
"Hmm—yeah, sorry." I inhale deeply and let out a breath. "Hey listen, I gotta get him to bed. I'll call you tomorrow once we board the plane, okay?"
"Cool. Best of luck, man. I know this whole thing is complete crap," Alex says.
"Thanks," I say. "I'll talk to you."
I toss my Blackberry down on the bed and turn to Austin. He's still laughing.
"Quit laughing."
He ignores me.
I get up from the bed, for the first time feeling the intense pangs of anger coursing through me.
"Get up." I say to him.
"Shut up," he giggles. "Fucking relax."
I grab his arm and it seems to shock him. He stops laughing but cocks his head to the side as if he's trying to figure out what my next play is. His eyes are wide but I can tell he's trying hard to hide his fear.
"Are you gonna get the belt now?"
I continue to stare down at him. He's bracing himself for what he thinks is coming.
He's used to this.
Suddenly I feel sick. I let go of his arm and step back. "The belt?"
"Yeah. To give me a beatin'."
"I'm not going to hit you. Why would you think that?"
"I dunno."
"Did someone hurt you? The Warden told me a little bit about--"
"He's a liar."
"Austin--"
His eyes drift from mine. "I want to sleep in this bed, okay?"
"Don't do that. You can't avoid me forever."
He shrugs. "Do you hit kids?"
I sigh and rub the back of my neck. "No."
"Not even a kid like me?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know. Bad."
"Austin." I sit down beside him on the bed. "I know it's day one and everything but you're safe—with me. I wouldn't put my hands on you like that. I don't think you're a bad kid but we have to work through some things, don't you agree?"
"I guess so."
"Do you want to talk about something? You can tell me anything, I want you to know that."
He considers this. His eyes dart from my gaze down to the mattress and back again.
"I'm tired," he finally says.
I won't push him on this. Not tonight. I'm shocked we've connected at all and don't want to ruin things. I think back to Whitney's boyfriend, all the times he put his hands on me, threw me into walls and punched me in the face. I have no idea if Austin was put through some of the same or worse by someone else.
I clench my teeth and swallow back my tears. "Fine. Go to sleep. By the way you're not off the hook for breaking that picture. In the morning you're going to apologize to the hotel manager and when we get back to the city you're going to pay me back for whatever I put out for damages."
"I'm a kid. I can't pay you back."
"I have plenty of chores for you to help out with. You'll work it off."
I make the pull out up for myself and walk across the room to snap the light off.
"Cole."
Austin isn't laughing now. He's got the covers pulled up to his chin, bringing that child like innocence back to his expression.
"What now?"
"Don't turn the light off."
My finger falls on the switch and I stare back at him. "Why, you scared of the dark all of a sudden?"
"Please."
I stare back at him. His expression says it all this time. The fear he holds deep down inside of him is spread all across his face.
For the first time I start to understand him, just a little bit.
Something inside starts to hurt.
"All right. Lights on."
I plod over to the pullout and throw the covers aside.
"Cole."
I pause just as I'm about to crawl into bed. "What now, Austin? We have a long day tomorrow."
"Will you—can you lay next to me?"
"No."
"Please? Just until I fall asleep?"
"You'll probably try to punch me in the face."
"No I won't," he croaks. "I promise!"
I groan, knowing that I've already given in. "Yeah, fine. Move over." He shifts to the right and I slide in beside him. "Now go to sleep."
I lay there, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for the sounds of deep breathing coming from Austin so I can sneak into my own bed. It only takes a few minutes for him to turn over and curl himself into me, burying his face into my chest. Austin's sobs come quickly. At first I'm paralyzed, not quite sure how to react. Yesterday this kid was cursing at me like a sailor and today he acted like a complete psycho while we were in public.
Now, he just needs me. He needs me to let him do this. I pull him closer, running my hand through his puffy curls as he cries. "Cry as long as you want kid," I whisper. "As long as you need to."
He falls asleep like that, in my arms. Soon enough the fatigue that's been with me since I landed yesterday afternoon takes over and I finally drift off too.
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