Braeden
It's not the day to be mad at Babs. Lord knows she's put up with one deployment too many and this one is the hardest.
This time, I'll be gone for eighteen months.
I attended an elite military academy in Virginia up until my sophomore year of high school, choosing to have a few normal years at a public high school with my friends and with Abbey, before pursuing a military career. I enlisted in the Army just before graduating high school and was shipped off to basic when I was eighteen. I was there six months before deploying to Sudan for a four month introduction to life in Country.
This is the longest deployment order I've received. My last tour was ten months, but I managed to get back home for Christmas, so it was really four months away, a month home, and then five more deployed. After that I was home for the better part of a year, taking local recruiting assignments as a newly promoted Sergeant before I got the letter.
There's been a major call up since 9/11. I understand that I have a job to do now that I've been promoted. I'm responsible for running covert operations and leading teams, an asset to my base and my Colonel. I'm fluent in modern Arabic which makes me a natural choice for leading military operations. Despite my age, they say I'm a prime candidate for a position at the Pentagon. Most likely intelligence work. I may even have a shot at the CIA, but I'd have to prove myself in Washington before they'd take a look at me.
My Colonel says he's going to recommend me for an interview with Washington after this tour is over. That's great, but the only thing that worries me is the turnaround time. If I have a good interview it's possible I'd hear something within a few days and be expected to report in a couple of weeks.
That would be a lot of pressure with a wife and child, but the position would guarantee our future. I know Babs. She wouldn't hesitate to make the move with me, and would figure out how to adjust in a brand new place without friends or family, even if it was in DC.
Her dedication to our relationship is one of the reasons I love her so much.
I want to tell Babs I can stay with her for a couple of more weeks, but I'd only be prolonging the inevitable. The military doesn't give us a choice. Once you're active duty you have to follow whatever orders given.
Secretly? I'm scared shitless of being away for this amount of time in a new country. I've been to a bunch of different countries since I enlisted, including Iraq, but this will be my first deployment to Afghanistan. We're basically at war. A never ending war. I know a lot of guys that have come back, all fucked up physically and mentally. I don't want to be.
I don't want to get blown to bits or come home drooling all over myself, half dead. The thoughts have been haunting my dreams, kept me awake at night while she's slept soundly at my side. I haven't told her. I don't want her to know the guy she's always thought of as strong and unstoppable is starting to crumble emotionally.
I can't let her see me that way. Not even today. Despite telling her I was scared, I never let on how much.
Abbey thinks I'm not coming home. She said it today, she said it last night. She's been saying it for weeks. Last night I got really angry with her, and I never do. It was just starting to eat away at me, hearing her say that. She's never been this much of a mess over me leaving before.
It's scaring me.
I can't shake the thought she would be left to handle things on her own if I was gone. My anxiety about that has been heightened this time more than the others, naturally. My role in our relationship has changed over the past few weeks.
I'm going to be a father. If I've calculated right, she should deliver right after Thanksgiving.
She found out about the baby a month ago, woke up the morning of a big exam and got sick in the bathroom. We both thought it was the flu, but a run to pick up a test proved it was a whole lot more than that.
We haven't told anyone. I guess—we weren't sure how. My parents would have told us we were too young. Her parents would have told us we weren't ready. It's been special too, keeping this between us. It's been our thing, no one else's. Coming from a family as involved as mine is, I'm not afforded much privacy in my relationship.
I'm excited about having a kid. I have an older brother and a twin sister, a niece nephew and a larger extended family. Sampson get togethers are always big, loud and fun. I want that. A big family, with her.
I miss Abbey already, and we haven't gotten to the airport yet. I always get like this right before a deployment. Nervous, anxious. Sleeping without her beside me seems impossible. I stayed up all night modifying the damn last rights paperwork, our fight echoing in the corners of my mind the entire time.
Then I threw up, got into bed with her, and tried to forget we fought at all.
She cried herself to sleep. I walked out on her this morning.
What if this is it?
What if Babs is right? What if something happens and I don't make it back? This is the memory she'll have of us. At odds. Fighting.
I can't leave things like this.
"Hey." I inch my hand close to hers and tug at her pinky. "Babs."
She leans her head against the window, refusing to look at me. She's still angry.
"Babsey." I glance into the front of the car, stare at the back of my best friend Jason's head and the side of my twin sister Belle's face. They act oblivious to us but I know they are yearning to hear every word of our drama.
I don't care right now.
"Abbey."
"So you're ready to talk now?" She snaps her head around to stare me down.
She's really angry. It's so rare that it takes me a second to understand it's because of me.
"Maybe I've been a jerk about--how you feel."
"Maybe you've been?"
"You can't stay mad at me." I take my seatbelt off and slide next to her. "Not now."
Abbey sighs and crosses her arms. The tear that shoots down her face breaks my heart.
"I'm scared," she says. "The thing is, I know you are too. You said it, but you're too stubborn to break down and tell me how much you are. You'd rather shut me out and I--I just don't get it, Bray."
"That's not how I meant it. I just--I want to protect you."
"How can you say I don't appreciate the things you do for us? I said I would take a job at the bank but you refused. You said you wanted me to focus on school so that's what I did."
I sigh and swallow back my emotions. "I shouldn't have said that. I was frustrated."
She chews the corner of her lip. "I dunno. I'm really just--I'm having a hard time right now. I guess my emotions are jacked up because of everything that's going on. You're just going to be--gone, for a year and a half."
"I'll get leave--"
"We'll be lucky if they let you spend a full month with me when you take leave," she cuts me off. "You know that."
I lean back against the seat. She's right.
"A lot can happen in a gap of time so big, that's all I'm saying," she says. "I'm trying to think of every scenario now that things have changed."
She covers her little bump and my hand immediately lands on top of hers
"Oh my god, you're pregnant aren't you?"
My sister has turned around to face us, a slick smile on her face.
"We don't—" I begin.
"Yes." Abbey blurts out. "I sure as hell have the morning sickness to prove it."
I lean back against the seat as Jason and Belle proceed to freak out and congratulate us.
"Who's telling Mom?" Belle asks. "She's going to be pissed you waited until today. Christ Bray, you're leaving for a long time."
"That's exactly why I didn't want to tell her," I groan. "You know how she gets."
"Your mom will fly herself to Afghanistan if you leave without telling her," Jason laughs. "Hell I know that and she isn't even my mom."
I glance at Abbey. She looks torn apart, sick with worry, and annoyed all in one. It's the worst time to leave her on her own.
But I have no choice.
I lean against her, kissing the side of her head. In the past it's always been a comfort for her, the touch of my lips to her skin. This time is no different. She doesn't want to give in at first, but a few more kisses on her skin and she begins to cave. Abbey leans into me and cries against my chest and I hold myself together for her. That's what I do.
"It's gonna work out." I rest my chin on the top of her head as she cries. "I promise, Babs. I promise you it's going to be fine."
She can't answer me. Her sobs are too heavy. All I can do is rub her back and whisper comforts in her ear, but nothing helps. This is the hardest part, saying goodbye.
She needs something.
She needs closure.
As much as it pains me to think about this, I know I'm not leaving things the way I'd want them if I never came home. I want everything for her and for our child.
"Jason," I finally say.
He glances at me in the rearview. "What's up?"
"How much time do we have?"398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPDjmEoF6C
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"Uh--like three hours until your flight leaves. Why?"
"Yeah, Bray." My sister turns and eyes me suspiciously. "Why?"
"Abbey." I say against her ear. "Look at me."
It gets her to stop sobbing for a few moments. She meets my gaze, eyes filled with tears, completely desperate. "I love you."
It gets me to smile. "I love you too. Let's go get married. Right now."
Her eyes widen. "Now?"
"Yeah."
"But your flight---"
I shake my head, silencing her with a kiss. "I don't care about that right now."
She smiles through her tears. "Okay."
Naturally, my sister tells us we're crazy but it doesn't stop Jason from doing what I ask him. He turns the car around and we drive to the courthouse. I'm in my Army camouflage and Abbey is wearing a simple top and jeans, but we don't care.
We both want this.
I pay the fees and we file the paperwork. The judge pronounces us married and we're allowed to kiss. Jason and Belle are our witnesses and cheer for us. They take pictures of us outside the courthouse too and Belle promises to send them to me. The whole thing takes about an hour and then we're back in the car, racing toward the airport.
"Congratulations Mrs. Sampson." I smile at my new wife, lace my fingers through hers and kiss her temple as she rests her head against my chest.
"Congratulations husband."
"When you get home go to the safety deposit box at the bank. I left the key in the jewelry box. My grandmother's wedding ring is in there. I want you to wear it."
"Braeden," she sighs. "You need to talk to your mom about that."
"It was meant for you," I tell her. "She gave it to me to give to my wife."
Abbey nods. Arguing, she knows, is pointless. "I promise I'll wear it."
It's all brand new. I wish like hell I could stay one more day, make love to my wife tonight and wake up with her in my arms, both of us talking about the future and our baby.
I can't stay, though.
I pray this isn't the last time I'll get to hold my wife like this.
I pray I make it back home safe.
*********************
"Mom's so pissed, man. I can't remember the last time I saw her face get that red."
Ethan takes a long drag of our shared cigarette and exhales as he leans up against the metallic grey wall. He steals a slick smile in my direction and laughs as he passes it to me.
I take it from him. "Yeah well, I was expecting her to act this way."
"I can't believe you got married today. You're nuts."
I shrug. "Deployment is hard on Abbey. She needed closure. I think we both did"
"Getting deployed shouldn't be the reason why you marry a girl. Too many guys do it and in the end it's a disaster."
"We're not like them."
Ethan rolls his eyes. "I have no idea where you get your sentimental side from."
"We were going to get married when I got back, anyway. I just decided that it would be good for her if we did it today."
"I don't know how you two hold it together, personally. I figured you'd break up with her after graduation and ride your enlistment out before you got serious with anyone."
"I thought I would have. Me and Ab, that relationship just--works. There's no one else I want to be with."
Ethan smiles and chuckles to himself. "Look, I know you love her. I just think getting married is an added weight on your shoulders, and there's a kid on the way too. I mean, you're barely twenty three Bray. I thought you were going to think, plan for a family."
"It was unexpected."
Ethan narrows his eyes at me. "There are methods, little brother. You two are experienced enough to know that."
My cheeks burn. "We don't really think about that these days."
"That's obvious," he laughs.
"Look, I need you to look out for Babs, E. Do that for me, all right? Just take care of her."
"She's got you so convinced you're gonna get hurt, or not make it home. That's half the reason you pulled this stunt today." My brother shakes his head and reaches for the cigarette again. "I did three tours in Iraq, back to back. Dealt with IED's every single day not to mention the amount of enemy surrounding me at every turn. I still made it back with barely a scratch. She's gotta trust that track record, Bray. You're not like some of these pussies out in the field."
"Promise me."
Ethan's expression grows somber. He's my big brother. I've always looked up to him and taken every bit of his advice to heart, except when it's come to me and Abbey. He doesn't like that I've gotten serious so young. He didn't get married until he was thirty and even then he didn't have a kid until he was almost thirty five. Ethan always focused on putting his life experiences first, but I was different.
The moment I laid eyes on Abbey Feldman, something in me changed. She was different. I liked her.
It only took me a summer to realize she was the love of my life.
"I promise." He pats my shoulder. "I got it, all right? I'll make sure she's taken care of. The baby too."
I nod and take a final drag of the cigarette before he tells me that we have to go inside, and toss it away. I follow Ethan like I have so many other times in my life. He's always been the one who's led me, inspired me, convinced me to be more than I thought I could be.
It hurts that he doesn't support my relationship or consider Abbey to be a part of our family.
I can't tell him though. Ethan is tough, doesn't like to get on the emotional side of things. I'm sure that's where I've gotten the most stubborn side of myself from. Really, it's trickled down from our mother. She's the most stubborn person I know.
I flash my military ID at the security checkpoint and we are allowed to join the rest of my family at the gate. Abbey is sitting with my sister and Jason, attempting to get her emotions together. She manages to walk over to me after some gentle coaxing from my sister and I take her by the hand, leading us over to a corner far from the rest of my family. Abbey looks devastated. Her eyes are red and bloodshot from crying.
"Hey." I smooth my hand over her cheek and look into her eyes. "I need you to stop crying, all right? Just for now. Just until I get on the plane. Can you do that for me?"
She sniffles and nods. "I'm sorry."
"You don't need to be. Come on, help me out. I'm going to video call as soon as I get to base. What updates are you going have for me?"
She smiles a bit. "An ultrasound picture."
I pull her close to me. "I can't wait to see it."
I sweep her up in a deep kiss. It takes me back to a simpler time. A time when it was just us, two kids in high school who were only concerned about junior ring dance and homecoming. A time when kissing out behind the bleachers after the game was more important than anything else. Back then we had no reason to think one of us would ever leave the other.
"Bray, they're going to start boarding."
My mother is standing in the background impatiently, but I wave her off.
"She must hate me," Abbey whispers. "I'm wrapping you up in all of this. You don't need the added pressure when you're deploying."
"Wrapping me up?" I hold her face in my hands. "Ab, we love each other. I don't care how young we are or what I'm supposed to be doing with my time."
"Your mom thinks that I was careless. She's probably right."
I cock my head to the side. "She said that to you?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Abbey."
She sighs. "She said I had enough notice before you deployed to prevent this from happening. I mean, she's right. It's a bad time to rush you into getting married and having a kid."
The anger begins to build deep down in my gut. My Mom wasn't thrilled about the news of a baby on the way. I could tell my brother was concerned due to the timing but my mom, over reacting as always, was completely pissed off and seemed to resent Abbey the moment I told her the news.
"Listen to me." I pull her even closer now. Our noses touch and I brush my lips against hers. "We both made this happen. I don't give a shit what my mom thinks, all right? You're my wife now and---sure, it was a courthouse wedding but I promise, when I come home, we'll have a real ceremony. Then we'll honeymoon with our kid and figure out the rest of our lives. Nothing she says is going to change my mind or stop me from being with you. I don't care if that means moving away from all of them and starting fresh. I just want to be with you and the baby. That's it."
Her gaze is as intense as mine feels. There's so much passion between us. There's always been. It's hard to understand these kind of feelings when you're so young but we just handle it. We overcome everything, together.
"Please don't leave," she sobs and leans her head against my chest. "Please, find a way to stay."
"Don't do that." I kiss her forehead and gently sway her in my arms. "Not now. I have to go, Babs."
She nods and lifts her head to meet my gaze. "I love you."
"I love you too."
I give her the longest, most powerful kiss that I can conjure up. She swallows my lips hungrily, trying not to let me go too soon.
"Braeden! Come on son!"
My mother again.
I finish kissing Abbey's lips, face, forehead, and neck. "Walk me over there."
"Yeah."
I take her hand in mine and lead her over to the group of family and friends that have come to wish me well. I hug and kiss them all, get scolded by my mom for the millionth time about the stuff I didn't tell her, but still get the biggest hug and kiss of them all from her. I curb the anger inside of me. I can't show that side right now. My sister sobs against me, calls me dumb for wanting to be in the Army like Ethan was. My best friend Jason slaps me on the back and tells me he'll see me for Christmas. Ethan and I exchange a gentle hug, and he reiterates his promise to me.
Then--Abbey, waiting for me next to the place I'm to hand my boarding pass in. I feel the tears on my face and I hate that.
But she's crying too.
"We're having a girl." I smile. "I'd bet the Mustang on it."
Abbey laughs through her tears. "You said it didn't matter what we had."
"I guess I had a change of heart."
She cups my face in her palm. "Come back to me safe."
"I will."
I kiss her hard and force myself out of her arms, not looking back as I swing my duffel over my shoulder, hand my boarding pass in and walk into the tunnel. I hear her call my name and glance back, raising my hand in a wave, getting one last look at her before the door closes, blocking her from my view.
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