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I was at a loss for words. Our friendship has always been important. If it wasn't for her, I'd probably be alone. It's not like she gives my life meaning or anything like that, but it's thanks to her things feel fun... if that makes sense. She's pushed to do more, but I haven't really thought what that means.
Am I in love with her? I've known her forever, and she's the only one who's tolerated me in so long. Is this love? I know I care about her, but what does it really mean to love someone? Before I could finish my thought, she pushed my face to the side. With the cutest amount of blush, she meekly whispered, " you've been staring at my face for a minute, what on earth are you thinking about?".
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Without thinking, I blurted out, " I'm wondering if I'm in love with you". Before I realized the words left my lips, everyone turned their attention to me. I looked at all the people staring at us then it hit me. Lilith hid a smile behind red while I tried to hide my face in my palms.
My classmates offered us an innocent smile, I heard one of the girls whisper, " wait, they aren't together?". The situation was nerve-wracking, but something about Lilith's eyes had changed. It's like a twinkle had appeared in the corner of her eye. Before I got lost in her eyes, I asked suddenly, " so, um, what do you think the meaning of life is?".
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Johnathan commanded the room with his laughter. I had chickened out, and everyone knew it. She's my best friend, I don't want to see her as more. To my and everyone else's surprise, she laughed at my obvious attempt at avoiding a real conversation.
In a moment of pure delight, she beamed," if you had said anything else, I probably wouldn't love you as much as I do". She said it. She loves me. I felt my cheeks burn, I didn't know how to respond, so she did. "To me, the meaning of life is to enjoy it".
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That doesn't make any sense. If all life is chopped up to enjoying the moment, then what's the point of hoping for the future. I understand that to some the moment is all that matters because the future isn't guaranteed, but it still matters. If anything, the unpredictable nature of the future is what makes it so exciting.
" I can see that... But something about it feels off". She looked at me with a smirk, " then what do you think?". I took a moment to think, then answered, " love". I swallowed my fear then explained, " the people you love is what makes life worth living. Everyone's attention turner back to their own conversations, our spark might've caught their attention, but it wasn't enough to keep it.
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We were trapped in our own world and before I knew it, the bell rang. I walked her to her class, but the walk felt different than usual. It was like we were more aware of the distance between the two of us. When she disappeared behind her next class, we were separated from each other. I spent the rest of the day asking myself, do I love her? I can't imagine my life without her, but does that mean I love her? Why can't someone just tell me what to do with my life?
The day was a blur. I was there, but I don't remember it at all. I feel like I wasted the day asking those questions, but they're important, right? I took my spot under the tree and took a final breath before my brother came running up the hill.
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Like clockwork, Len and his friends came running up the hill. The group waddled in my direction like a pack of puppies. Len was at the helm leading them in my direction. He threw a wave in my direction, and I waited for him to stop in front of me.
I don't know why they always followed Len. Even when I was one, children didn't make sense to me. They run around, play, and act like idiots, but somehow, they're also incredibly smart and imaginative. Their spark of creativity is truly a marvel to behold.
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