Flashback *important*
Warning: this may be triggering to some readers, I'm sorry. This talks about self harm.
After Nik found out that the girl he lost his virginity to only slept with him to get revenge on her boyfriend, he hides in the soccer field. I find him cutting himself with one of his father's old razor blades.
"Hey," I say as calmly as I can. I've never seen Nik cut himself, but I'm aware that he does it. I noticed some cuts on the inside of his arm near the wrist. I knew immediately what it was and had calmly confronted him about this. This was back about three years ago when I had found out he hurt himself. We tried working it out. He made me promise to tell no one. He already saw a psychiatrist on a weekly basis and had admitted to them that he cut himself. He was working on it. His dumb father, practically oblivious to what was going on since he spent most of his time cheating on his wife, forgot to hide his razors a week after he heard his son was suicidal. This meant infinite access to razors Nik could use to hurt himself.
"Go away," Nik pouts continuing to cut himself.
"Baby," I whisper softly, he looks up at me, "please don't. I'm so sorry about what happened-"
"Stop," he interjects, "I don't care."
"Well...if you didn't care then why are you doing this?" I ask rather bravely. Most people wouldn't push it but I could. I knew him better than anyone else.
"Nessie, I can't stop. It just...I just...I need to feel." Nik looks up at me with tears in his eyes.
I sit there in silence, trying to hold back my tears. He deserves the world and this is what he gets instead. A cheating father, a mother who works at night, an addiction to alcohol, self harm, what was next?
"Nik, I love you." I step towards him.
He puts up his hand, "Nessie, you don't want me. You deserve better than me-"
"Nikolas Riley Rydell! Don't you ever say that please! I love you, I need you. I don't know what I'd do without you. I don't know how to do this, and stress to you about how important you are to me. I can't imagine a world without you. You're my best friend, and the only thing that's kept me going. You're so kind and amazing. And so good to me. Good to everyone. I love you and don't you ever think for a second that I deserve better than you. I deserve you. You deserve me. Please, Nik." with that said I burst into tears.
"Nessie," he yanks me into his arms, he's crying right now, "I-I can't do this. I-I love you."
"Nik, please don't go. I'm so sorry, if I could I would take this pain away. I-all of this is bullshit! I hate this. Nik, please let me help you."
Nik wraps his arms tighter around me, "I can't be helped, Chenney. I'm a lost cause."
I rest my head on his shoulder, "No you're not. I won't stop until I make you see how wonderful you are."
He doesn't say anything. Just holds me.
"You should go," he finally says after what feels like hours later. It's only been twenty minutes.
"Nik, let's skip." I beg him, "We can go over to my house, watch a movie, talk. Anything but here."
He shakes his head, "No, Nessa. You need to get to class, go. I'll be okay. I'm just going to skip today..."
Reluctantly I head back to the school, but not after taking the razor from him and giving him a peck on the cheek, "I love you,"
"To the moon and back," he finishes.
I smile and squeeze his hand before heading to class.
NIK'S POV OF THE FLASHBACK
After Nessa leaves me, which I insisted, I sit there for a while longer. I was hurt. Betrayed. Amilia was nothing more than just a girl who I had slept with, I decide. Yes she used me to get back at her boyfriend, but I couldn't let this get in the way. I was the new and improved Nik. Nessa was right, I should stay. I could no longer cut myself. I could no longer sit around feeling sad. I was no longer going to be Nik, the boy who was known for sleeping with some senior who used me. I was going to be Nik, the heartbreaker. The player. I couldn't risk another girl hurting me and making a fool out of me. I couldn't risk that. I don't know how much more devastation I could take. Of course I didn't tell Nessa my plan since her being a girl and all, would be offended and upset. I no longer cared. I loved her but this was my life.
"Hey," a voice calls out.
I turn around to see a girl running towards me. She had redish blonde hair that was cut in a bob. I recognized her...I felt like we had had a few classes together before. I think she was in my grade.
"Hey," I say not bothering to hide my confusion. What did she want? Was this another joke?
The girl slows her run when she gets close to me, "Hi, I'm Alex Pratt. I've been going to school with you for years. I'm also the girl who Amilia's boyfriend, Lewis, slept with. I was used just like you."
I stare at this girl standing there in front of me. She was played too? She was the girl Lewis was screwing around with?
"Oh, I'm sorry that he did that." I say unsure of how to reply.
"Thanks, I know this might be awkward." Alex says.
"Nah, it's okay. Ummm...I gotta go but if you ever wanna talk...ummm just find me or something..." I say rather awkwardly.
"Sure, great. I mean I follow you on insta so I can just DM you right?" Alex asks.
"Yeah, whatever works for you." I nod, rather distracted. I couldn't remember if I followed her or not. Nessa usually helped me decide who to follow back since I had a terrible memory of who was who.
"Okay, well bye." Alex walks away. She was hot, but like I had already decided, I was no longer going to go into serious relationships.
ns 15.158.61.47da2
