我聽過有關時光隧道的比喻。人和人分別活在自己的隧道內,隨着時光流逝,「時間只會向前推」,我忘記了是誰告訴我了,但這段說話很深刻,一直深深印在我的腦海中。165Please respect copyright.PENANAWPABMRD9sl
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「但兩個人既時光隧道其實係有機會合流的,佢地會交會在匯合點(Converging Point),當兩條通道匯合之後,時間既方向就可以逆轉。」他或她說。165Please respect copyright.PENANAi9DUl0i2T4
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「匯合既條件係乜野?」我問。165Please respect copyright.PENANAyfXv2YMfAm
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「大概係愛同埋愛以外既物質。」聽起來像廢話一樣,餘韻卻一直揮之不去。165Please respect copyright.PENANAtOW1GDFH28
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在夢或回憶中清醒起來過後,我發現自己安穩的躺在敏青的床上,青昨天穿的衣服隨意的丟在睡床上,應該一早便外出了。165Please respect copyright.PENANAdnAX0gjTEJ
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我看到自己的雙手,已經變回毛茸茸的貓掌和肉球,我用力把貓爪擠出,好像小時候扮X-men狼人時一樣,不同的是,我現在真的長了爪。貓爪。昨天的所有事仿似一場夢一樣,我開始有點懷疑,自己本來就是一隻貓,只是以為自己是人,又或者夢見了自己是人。165Please respect copyright.PENANAxgla9ZkPNv
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有點像莊周夢蝶的概念,卻又不太相同,有點後悔中文課時沒有認真去聽。但一隻本來就是貓的貓,真的會聯想到莊子的故事嗎?我有點懷疑,有機會可以跟橙聊一下。165Please respect copyright.PENANAzzbVgHfubs
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我努力的睜大眼,下意識看了一下敏青的書架,《挪威的森林》的上下冊都仍然在,貓神不是應該把這些東西全都帶走的嗎?我有點搞不清楚狀況。165Please respect copyright.PENANAAEmeWHId4l
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我輕巧的從床上跳到地上,伸了三下懶腰。好睏。客廳沒有人,鴉雀無聲的,我走到貓糧盤前吃着放在這邊的乾糧,狼吞虎嚥的。貓好像很容易有飢餓感,卻不太懂得口渴似的。165Please respect copyright.PENANAblTufY7xGj
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家裡真的沒人在啊。我跳到窗台望向自己的家,也沒有人。大家的生活都回復正常了嗎?這樣實在太好了。但所謂的正常,到底又是指甚麼呢?沒有公民社會的社會、疫症蔓延的世界、失落的城市,靜寂的年代,是否又是回復正常的意思?165Please respect copyright.PENANArayYiQ6Y2P
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對了。我記得綠仍然在養傷,去查看一下她的情況好嗎?還是她會因為我的願望直接康復呢?大概不會,我的願望是人類忘記日的存在,所以敏青會忘記傷痛、父母會忘記要找我、白衣人會忘記向父親討錢,但發生了的事情終究是發生了,綠的傷應該還是會存在。165Please respect copyright.PENANA8iFrnki2CZ
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想多無謂,直接去綠和嫲嫲家看一下就會知道。
變回貓後的行動變得不便起來,但也沒比記憶中困難,可能是因為長久以來已經習慣了像貓一樣生活。花了大概十分鐘(我估計),到了綠的家門前,正要進去之前,遇到了橙。165Please respect copyright.PENANArll9QIbKWM
「綠休息緊。」橙說,沒甚語氣的。165Please respect copyright.PENANAxjOePgEqGD
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「佢受左傷?」我問。165Please respect copyright.PENANAG155tqwyrL
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「你明知故問?」橙流露出難以理解的表情,最近大家都用這種表情看我。165Please respect copyright.PENANAk5x22li6Da
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「唔係。只係…想確認一下。」我的估計正確。165Please respect copyright.PENANAp92ggEcBVE
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「奇怪。」165Please respect copyright.PENANApOhKN7sTUN
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「啊…對唔住。」我有點不是所措的說,「綠還好嗎?」165Please respect copyright.PENANAhUxWLYskuF
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「好似有人帶過佢去睇醫生,已經好返好多,而且白衣人唔知點解,已經消失左。無緣無故的出現,無緣無故的消失。」橙說。165Please respect copyright.PENANANszWmivCqK
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「啊…」對了,橙是貓,也不懂讀心,知道的不如綠這麼多,也不如綠般神通廣大,好像頗正常。165Please respect copyright.PENANA80zRb4v3bD
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「其實,帶綠去睇醫生既人係我。」我說,然後用了最簡單和直接的方法,將大概發生的事情告訴了橙。165Please respect copyright.PENANA5TbxrgK9BG
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「姐係話…你同綠都係人?」橙聽畢以後,有點迷惘的說。165Please respect copyright.PENANAkALoC98lXn
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「啊…我以為綠有同你講。」糟了,好像又做了錯事。165Please respect copyright.PENANAQuVSr9IYdH
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「…」橙沉默了好一會兒,然後說:「無,不過我亦都唔覺得綠有心靈操控過我。佢係我真心既朋友。」165Please respect copyright.PENANAl8yP566Ce7
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「太好啦…我差啲又講錯野…」165Please respect copyright.PENANAllKzxiULn2
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「亦都因為咁,我知道一啲大概綠並唔知道既情報。」橙說。165Please respect copyright.PENANAs297btRU7e
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「…咩話?」165Please respect copyright.PENANAjQtZqUjy5C
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「我並唔覺得你地兩個本來係人呢件事係難以接受,因為我曾經去過一個貓可以變為人嘅地方…連我都曾經…短暫咁轉化成為人。」165Please respect copyright.PENANAwZuWCVyXQx
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「…」我覺得橙說的話難以置信:一方面又因為獲得扭轉命運的機會而覺得興奮,但又同時為自己的第二個願望感到無奈,生怕即使變回人形,也無法回復正常生活,頓時百感交集,不懂反應。165Please respect copyright.PENANAvzDztpcja2
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「有關呢個地方既事,你可唔可以講多啲?」我問。165Please respect copyright.PENANAz3F6Ojk2b7
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「詳細既事發經過我已經唔太記得啦,已經係幾年前發生既事。當時我曾經短暫離家出走,因緣際會之下,曾經進入過一個屬於貓靈既世界。」165Please respect copyright.PENANALkKPXYnl3g
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「貓靈?」165Please respect copyright.PENANARBlPhMdgKG
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聽得我一頭霧水。
「貓靈?」聽得我一頭霧水。165Please respect copyright.PENANAZzY1fEBZVF
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「貓靈都只係一個名詞,實際上代表乜野我都唔知。你地遇到既所謂貓神,大概係道行最高既貓靈既一種。」165Please respect copyright.PENANATd2JU6bZQX
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「貓神係道行最高既貓靈…」我也是貓靈嗎?我會變成貓靈嗎?貓神做上起事來好比弱智,真的看不出道行高在哪裡。165Please respect copyright.PENANAs11gy8HvkA
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「我要點樣先搵到貓靈世界既入口?」我問。165Please respect copyright.PENANAvpi9J81HeP
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「地點係淺水灣沙灘附近,實際上既入口要喺嗰到搵『引路人』。」橙說,這些名稱聽起來很中二病,但不知為什麼,在橙的口中說出來,就很有說服力。165Please respect copyright.PENANAQwYESxzteM
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不知道化身為人的橙是甚麼模樣的呢?165Please respect copyright.PENANARQ1jSzszOV
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「淺水灣…我做人既時候都未去過咁遠既地方。」對於一個在元朗長大的人而言,淺水灣跟台灣一樣遠。165Please respect copyright.PENANAA91oxBT9Iy
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「你當時係點樣去到咁遠?」我問。165Please respect copyright.PENANAuaq6xDWBLr
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「說來話長,而我亦唔打算話俾你知。」橙回應。(詳情請看可能會或者不會出版的《橙之奇幻旅程》)165Please respect copyright.PENANA7KnealK4p7
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「…你覺得做人既感覺點樣?」165Please respect copyright.PENANA0EqSvvRkuy
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「好奇妙。」她說,「我甚至有諗過,要唔要永遠留喺嗰度。」165Please respect copyright.PENANAagrrXxOrJP
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「但係你無咁做到。」165Please respect copyright.PENANATVyw6XWCG3
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「嗯…因為有好重要既人等緊我返屋企。」165Please respect copyright.PENANA85VbEHyUuP
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「『好重要既人』?」165Please respect copyright.PENANA2Pgcl9I3uD
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「嗯。好重要既人。」橙說,「無論如何,而家先等綠康復吧。之後我或者有方法可以送你地去淺水灣。但係搵唔搵到貓靈既入口同埋引路人,就要睇你地自己啦。」165Please respect copyright.PENANAGAEubfjKw0
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「感激不盡。」我說,「係啦。而家我可唔可以入去睇下綠?我好擔心佢。」165Please respect copyright.PENANAi1w0xkz3EW
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「唔好。」橙冷冷的說。165Please respect copyright.PENANABLJGpt7YZ8
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「下?」165Please respect copyright.PENANAh3xnCJY3ew
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「你身上有好大浸第二個女仔既氣味。」她說的應該是敏青的氣味吧。165Please respect copyright.PENANAvVTjvzXl6q
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「咁…有咩問題?」我問。165Please respect copyright.PENANAgMJhL6K4lz
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「當然有。貓既鼻係好靈敏。我唔覺得一個為你而受重傷既女仔,會想你喺探佢既時候,身上沾滿另一個女仔既味。」165Please respect copyright.PENANAgA6DzLu3aF
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「…嗯。」我感到有點不解,對綠而言,這有甚麼關係?我搞不懂。165Please respect copyright.PENANA2VUEjAFVKT
「…嗯。」我感到有點不解,對綠而言,這有甚麼關係?我搞不懂。165Please respect copyright.PENANAOxUfCrWj1D
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「只係我自己嘅睇法。」橙在我面前轉了個圈,擺了一下尾,「不過我唔想你今日探佢。等佢好好休息啦。」165Please respect copyright.PENANAE29A5X57ov
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「知道。」我說,「係啦,橙,我想問你一個問題。」165Please respect copyright.PENANA16AwoyA2JG
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「嗯?」165Please respect copyright.PENANANniMZt6WVC
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「你有冇聽過『莊周夢碟』?」165Please respect copyright.PENANAxZOTuZUl13
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「有啊。」橙答,我露出詫異的表情。「你覺得自己係比較優秀嘅貓嗎?」165Please respect copyright.PENANA5DSjzF9V2R
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「唔係唔係…我唔係咁嘅意思…只係好奇,點解你會知道…」165Please respect copyright.PENANAwz7ZkI3Vh3
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她想了想,說:「我口中『好重要嘅人』…成日會同我講埋呢啲嘢,莊子老子孔子,尼釆馬克思,台灣新疆巴拿馬…有時,感覺佢好似咩都識;有時,感覺佢好似永遠都長唔大。」165Please respect copyright.PENANA3zJCf8pine
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「…你有冇諗過,有一日,你會比『佢』更加早離開呢個世界?」165Please respect copyright.PENANAUJgA5AoF9V
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「吾…我諗,貓嘅壽命無論點都應該會比人類短,不過,用我哋有限嘅壽命,用盡全力咁樣保護或者疼愛我哋最親密嘅人,咁就已經足夠。我相信, 即使我哋唔喺度,都可以用另一個方式繼續守護佢哋。」橙認真的想了一下然後說。165Please respect copyright.PENANAZpmPMWByw3
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「…嗯。」165Please respect copyright.PENANAG70D4mil4r
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「又或者…我已經離開過一次呢?」橙瞇起雙眼,可愛地說,然後頭也不回地走進綠家。165Please respect copyright.PENANAVUTNtXhKWS
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被逼打退堂鼓的我,也沒有其他事可以做,唯有離開這裏。回到家的附近,卻又有家歸不得,古有大禹治水,三過家門而不入,今有阿日落難,無論再走過家門幾多次,也沒辦法再用昔日的身份回去。或者從今天開始,敏青的家就是我的家,舊日的家應該暫時先放低一二邊。165Please respect copyright.PENANANXOU9FMwMn
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回到敏青家,家人都還沒有回來,惟有回房小睡片刻。貓真的很需要睡覺,每天睡過15、6小時好像都不足夠,好在毛絨絨的身體比起人類更好抵禦寒冷的冬天,要知道,香港的濕凍是世界第一凍。165Please respect copyright.PENANAAPuuiRMTfS
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說來奇怪,昨天晚上與敏青睡過之後,理應是「願望成真」的日子,貓神卻沒有出現過。到底有沒有什麼咒語可以召喚這個畜生?如果有的話,我一定會每天睡覺之前都叫牠出來,不許願,只痛罵他。可是,牠總是奸狡得,好像知道甚麼時候可以讓我們跌進他的詭計。165Please respect copyright.PENANAfX5biJXxOi
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對了,橙說了有關「貓靈」的世界…在那裏,我和綠會找到更多被貓神陷害,由人變成貓的受害者嗎?我忽然想起了兒時養的貓女茶茶,還有有關她突然失蹤的事。165Please respect copyright.PENANAGmptU20qpu
在我推理着這一切的時候,我無意中睡着了。睡醒的時分,覺得客廳有點嘈吵,敏青和家人好像已經全部回來。165Please respect copyright.PENANAwsnQQ57UD5
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「咯、咯!」突然聽到幾下清脆的敲門聲,我也從房門的罅縫擠出去看過究竟。165Please respect copyright.PENANAE3J5xmSqd1
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突然客廳的掛燈全部關掉,只見大門的方向傳來燭光。165Please respect copyright.PENANA0YNVYtSY92
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「Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you… happy birthday to 敏青…happy birthday to you!!!」165Please respect copyright.PENANAbzpHEDqnNY
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「契媽!」敏青笑著向門的方向叫,看起來很高興的樣子,我抬頭一看,看到的是自己的母親和父親,捧着一個應該是母親親手弄的蛋糕過來。對了 — 昨天離開家之前,我說想吃她親手做的芝士蛋糕。165Please respect copyright.PENANAJpy7YWnvly
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「琴日係你生日呀女,契媽同你契爺夾手夾腳整咗個蛋糕…拎過嚟俾你食。」165Please respect copyright.PENANAwVdfNaLiN8
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「多謝契媽!」165Please respect copyright.PENANAdS3x4GVheR
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「你哋兩個,好似比起我哋仲錫個女!」敏青的母親,高興的笑着說。她笑起上來,跟敏青一樣迷人,青這麼漂亮,應該很大程度是因為她的基因吧。165Please respect copyright.PENANAJtXQlBaM48
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「我哋兩個都冇仔女,由細睇到敏青大,當左佢係半邊女啦。」母親笑着說,父親也在一旁拍着手助興着,好像從來沒有見過他們兩個這樣登對。165Please respect copyright.PENANAwHKykH99Ef
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他們年輕的年代,有多少情侶成為了父母之後,為找兩餐飽飯,為了組織所謂家庭,忘記了自己本來的理想與夢想;輾轉去到我們的年代,又有多少作為子女,寧願自己從來冇出生、從來沒有這樣蠻不講理的父母。165Please respect copyright.PENANA62G0N6reEd
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我們或他們都不能預知未來。父母決定要生兒育女的時候,還不一樣是曾經年少輕狂,然後望子成龍、望女成鳳。把生命的賭注,大部份都壓在婚姻以及家庭上,最後又怎麼不會覺得焦頭爛額、失望透頂呢?165Please respect copyright.PENANADzDeDV4qqC
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在這個城市裏面,所謂父母與子女間的諒解,也許由他們決定要生兒育女的一刻,就已經不復存在。我無法成為他們的驕傲,他們也無法在成長過程當中提供我需要的氧氣。165Please respect copyright.PENANAryoAKgZ26W
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或者沒有日的世界,對他們來說更加好吧。165Please respect copyright.PENANAgym0fmseVZ
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我想。165Please respect copyright.PENANA9y8QOZWwOw
「敏青,你哋屋企養咗貓啊?」父親指着我問。165Please respect copyright.PENANAaL3wjmCnAF
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「係啦,阿妹一個月前擅自拎返嚟。冇同屋企人商量過。」澄澄說。165Please respect copyright.PENANAjMjsAOYMUe
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「喂,家姐!」敏青的父親用責怪的口吻說。165Please respect copyright.PENANAvWGAk4sVE9
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「嗯!佢叫做月月。月月過嚟呢邊!」敏青向我招手,我慢條斯理的向她走過去。165Please respect copyright.PENANAa0BjH5emdG
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「喵~」我裝着撒嬌的語氣,敏青一手抱起我,另一隻手托住我的屁股。165Please respect copyright.PENANAZFCp4uho7O
165Please respect copyright.PENANAVmmFx1TpQZ
「好乖呀月月…」母親一邊說著一邊向我走近,然後用手背輕撫著我的額頭,「你要乖乖聽話,快高長大,唔可以恰敏青嫁,知道嗎?」165Please respect copyright.PENANAujNUIVSnjg
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知道了,媽。165Please respect copyright.PENANAloEE1UH2Sa
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你和爸也要努力、幸福地生活下去。165Please respect copyright.PENANAWhYXK4tYzK
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我會努力,用盡一切辦法回來的,但萬一最後我還是無法打破命運,你們一定要好好的、好好的撐下去。165Please respect copyright.PENANAm1hzr8NUOy
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知道嗎?165Please respect copyright.PENANAZql7aeLzap
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接下來的大約兩個小時,他們兩家人愉快的吃着蛋糕、聊起往事,一切一切好像已經回復正常一樣,唯一不同的是,我不再是父母的兒子。我躺在電視機櫃上,看着餐桌旁的他們,圍着圈、喝着茶,說起生活上的如意不如意,鄰居的八卦,敏青的新年目標。165Please respect copyright.PENANAdnESauaTpm
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我當然有覺得難受以及孤獨。但,對他們而言,這樣應該是最好的…當然這只是我一廂情願的諗法,我知道父母也好,青也好,青的家人也好,他們大概都會選擇痛苦地接受失去我的事實,多過快樂地忘記我曾經存在過。165Please respect copyright.PENANAqTDsDzS2xx
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特別是看到他們最後拼命地想要尋找着我,一想到這一點,我就覺得自己這20年來,有沒有白過啊。165Please respect copyright.PENANAwzx2KYSklL
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對不起啊大家。我自私地想要看見你們的笑容,你們的淚水我已經看夠了。165Please respect copyright.PENANABH26vfAYRu
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好好地、開懷地笑一下吧!165Please respect copyright.PENANA2vEzf2Dnqw
父母離開的時候之後,家人們逐一的排着隊洗澡,等到敏青回房間後,已經是深夜時分。165Please respect copyright.PENANAUuKZP6HpYR
「貓仔,你今日過成點呀?」敏青習慣了每天睡覺之前,都會好好的跟我聊天。165Please respect copyright.PENANAxuPKfavYV6
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「過得好好呀。有點寂寞,但係我滿足。而且無論點都好,我仲有你呀嘛!」我說。165Please respect copyright.PENANArCb25j5kkT
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「如果可以聽得明貓嘅語言就好啦,每日都想知道你過成點,每日都想同你分享我過成點。」165Please respect copyright.PENANAvGBPG71bJG
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我也是這樣覺得啊。165Please respect copyright.PENANAbyINyi8uKO
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「你聽唔聽得明我講咩嫁?」165Please respect copyright.PENANA4jbNqrDD4k
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「喵~」165Please respect copyright.PENANAxSGPHuvClQ
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「乖。傻瓜。」她輕柔地撫摸着我的下巴,我舒服的瞇起眼,享受着主人的溫柔。「你呀,唔開心要話俾我知呀!因為我所有嘢都會話俾你知,就算同屋企人開心唔開心,同男朋友鬧交,同朋友霎氣,全部嘅感覺都會同你講。」165Please respect copyright.PENANA3TsgwHkIaZ
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「喵!」謝謝你呀,青。165Please respect copyright.PENANAqeroPHiFBZ
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「你係咪真係聽得明㗎!」她靠近我的臉,我和她鼻貼鼻,像昨天晚上一樣,零距離的接觸,我聽得到她的呼吸聲,感受到她呼氣的溫度,還有她身上的香氣…165Please respect copyright.PENANA692q09RapO
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「乞嗤!」我別開臉。像以前她貼近我的時候一樣,總是會害羞的、然後鼻癢癢。165Please respect copyright.PENANAoX75997t4A
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「…啊…」敏青突然整個呆著了,輕輕的叫了一聲,然後淚水不由自主的從眼角邊不停瀉下。165Please respect copyright.PENANACoMYFsVK5q
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青?165Please respect copyright.PENANA9fGjvmOGCq
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「你…」青定著的看住我的眼睛,眼淚不斷流,視線卻沒有一秒離開過我。165Please respect copyright.PENANAYKykItaE4Q
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「你…你係邊個?」青問,她不會從我的口中得到任何答案,但她這一刻清楚知道她必須要問我這個問題。165Please respect copyright.PENANAAivvPJlNYb
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「點解呢種感覺咁熟悉…點解嘅…一個靠近我之後會打乞嗤嘅人…點解我諗唔起嘅…」165Please respect copyright.PENANARR9fxqxu5v
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青。165Please respect copyright.PENANA9rzzlfhHCc
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不要這樣啊。165Please respect copyright.PENANAnFhKpDTh8O
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「點解…」良久以後,青的視線終於從我身上移開,轉而望向書櫃的方向。她手忙腳亂的從書櫃上拿起那本《挪威的森林》的下冊,書仍然停留在昨天晚上我放的那個位置。165Please respect copyright.PENANAgEUe1MlzrS
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她抖着手,飛快地翻開那本書,每一頁每一頁,她拼命的尋找着那一段已經不存在的文字,最後她停在書本的第一頁。165Please respect copyright.PENANAUoGsNs0aei
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「…我喺度搵緊咩?點解…?點解我好似搵唔到我想搵嘅嘢…點解我好似唔記得咗…」165Please respect copyright.PENANAzCIZPeosb9
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青。165Please respect copyright.PENANAdb2Vvu4HUT
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對不起。165Please respect copyright.PENANARCiSvUflFi
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「我唔想唔記得…我唔想,我唔想咁…月,你可唔可以話俾我知道,我唔記得咗嗰個『好重要嘅人』…嗰個人係邊個?」165Please respect copyright.PENANAY6YZv9Luow
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敏青哭得像決堤一樣,我跳到她的面前,坐在那本已經變得沒有意義的書上面,那段已經消失的文字上面。165Please respect copyright.PENANAAq9YlJg2KN
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青,冇事啦。165Please respect copyright.PENANA6y6aShBOO1
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我喺到。165Please respect copyright.PENANAburHAsh3K4
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月喺到。165Please respect copyright.PENANAkJpwmXkoHL
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月會陪你行過嫁。165Please respect copyright.PENANAhQ31KRlYPf
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青用盡畢生的氣力似的抱著我,我黑色的毛髮上沾滿她的淚水,她的衣袖同樣地沾滿我的淚。
無論如何愛,如何恨,時間亦不會停留,也不會倒帶。也許由2019年開始,由公開試、高中畢業、社會運動的那段時間開始,我和青就已經走上兩條截然不同的路。時間沒有令我們兩個重新碰面,反而命運推着我們走,這三年間,我們倆的距離越拉越遠。165Please respect copyright.PENANAmnK1pCV42P
在這個魔幻般的現實,我用一個逆天的願望,令我們得以短暫開花。但真實的世界沒有隨意門,拉開的距離不會在瞬間扭轉。花開了卻沒有結成果,身邊所有愛我的人,卻為了保護這朵花賭上了一切。我用第二個逆天的願望,親手將花摧毁。時間到了,時針沒有出錯,出錯的大概是貪心的我。165Please respect copyright.PENANAFIz3PEn9gx
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這天晚上,敏青一直抱緊我,沒有放開手,我在她的懷抱內,一直聽著她睡着之後沉穩且有節奏的呼吸聲,沒有睡過。165Please respect copyright.PENANA6vYvYVRrKA
165Please respect copyright.PENANAk3R8J7wgPE
以前我會問自己,到底追求一段刻骨銘心但是痛不欲生的關係,還是一段細水長流但平淡美好的關係?和敏青的這段情,我選擇了前者,然後,我變成貓,為她選擇了後者。沒有預知未來的能力,我不知道這個選擇是否正確,但有時候,我們都得為所愛的人,勇敢的向前走一步。165Please respect copyright.PENANAOUXFGExMLV
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她睡覺的模樣,無論再看一千次還是一萬次,我總不會看厭。165Please respect copyright.PENANAKOmzPTiR9p
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滴答滴答,時間只會向前走。旭日初升,晨光照耀,這年的冬天好像已經過悄悄的過了一大半,春天的濕氣好像已經無聲無息的來了,這個清晨我沒有變回人類,還維持着貓的模樣,青也沒有變成貓。我突然想起橙口中所謂「很重要的人」。165Please respect copyright.PENANAEdgm3HhmCA
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比起作為情侶,即使換了另一種方式去愛,又有誰,可以質疑這份愛?165Please respect copyright.PENANAdV7FZU6lT0
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(十五 完)