在綠完全康復之前,我在青的家過了一段安穩而又平靜的日子,這段時期發生過特別而且我又能夠記起的事,大概用十隻手指就可以數得完。雖然有點枯燥,但其實回想起來,我廷享受這種作為貓懶洋洋的時光。205Please respect copyright.PENANAaeSYKuKfTP
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這樣說好像有點奇怪,但我好像已經習慣了敏青並不是我的情人而是我的主人。看著她和MK男朋友阿明的互動,我沒有太多呷醋的感覺,反而更多的在意敏青是否真的過得快樂。205Please respect copyright.PENANA8gfmioCGTL
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只要她那天過得好,即使是多平淡也好,即是她的男朋友從任何角度看起來有多差都好,如果那天晚上,她的形容詞是:愉快、幸福、簡單、美好(或者一點更浮誇的正面字眼),我就已經不會介意。205Please respect copyright.PENANAS9fgUSYbWP
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當然明也不敢再在我面前做什麼愚蠢的行為,好像連拉下褲鏈去洗手間這樣普通的事,我也沒有再見過了。205Please respect copyright.PENANAr9mOsAw7ro
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說起MK明…其中一件特別的事,也和他這個人有着非常密切的關係。他大概是懷恨在心吧,居然有一天向敏青提出絕育的建議。205Please respect copyright.PENANAdraxfeWUro
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「青,我諗阿月都應該差唔多夠歲數絕育㗎啦喎?」他奸險的說,說話的時候看着我偷笑。205Please respect copyright.PENANAbZkbzkMeTW
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他為什麼總是搞不清楚,「人不犯我,我不犯人」這樣簡單的天條。205Please respect copyright.PENANAbDFOsMqOSX
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「係喎,但係…我見阿月都未發情…會唔會係其實未夠歲數㗎?」205Please respect copyright.PENANABESps4vi1K
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「唔會啦,你睇佢幾大隻幾生猛,分分鐘夜晚偷偷地J你添啊…差唔多要絕育㗎啦!」205Please respect copyright.PENANA6s9PoJWEV6
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「你唔好講埋啲咁核突嘅嘢啦!月點會咁!」205Please respect copyright.PENANAv27YvymzKz
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對啊,你別含血噴人,我是良家婦貓。205Please respect copyright.PENANAVI1Ki8jgMY
「不如咁啦,我哋帶佢去獸醫診所,做一個詳細嘅檢查,始終佢本身係街貓,唔知會唔會有咩隱疾…到時再俾醫生睇吓,佢適唔適合絕育囉~我已經book咗㗎啦,好想為月月做返啲嘢啊….」MK明裝着誠懇的說。205Please respect copyright.PENANAzaCuub2UhB
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…你還真是做好準備啊。甚麼隱疾?你才是有隱疾啊!性行為無力失調症啊你!205Please respect copyright.PENANAJ2JIzTp10n
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「我唔知道原來你咁錫月月…」敏青說。天啊,青雖然你最後公開試成績沒有預期的好,但你好歹也是大學生,這樣的謊言你也相信?他明明是擺出一副想要置我於死地的樣子!205Please respect copyright.PENANAaGi38YGqej
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正當我以為自己在找到變回人的方法前,還要找找變回生殖器官的渠道…救星出現了!205Please respect copyright.PENANAxpBNsGD87h
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「咪住先!!!!」205Please respect copyright.PENANAmuBmsWbyHj
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靖靖向着議論紛紛的兩人大叫。205Please respect copyright.PENANACCMN2dNjOg
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「我都好認同呢位同學嘅講法,不過我覺得呢件事有一個更好嘅處理辦法。」他用中文科卷四口試的對答口吻說着,雖然他們的公開試已經取消了這個評核方式,但看來小時候的訓練環節沒有生疏。205Please respect copyright.PENANAMxrDtNkgvE
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「呢位同學請講。」敏青張開手,向靖靖的方向遞出一個邀請的姿勢。為什麼突然間大家都入戲了?205Please respect copyright.PENANAn6oxWfuCpY
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「我覺得,我需要一個同月月培養感情嘅機會。話晒月月都係我嘅屋企人,我動議,不如由我,靖弟弟,帶佢去睇獸醫,順便問吓醫生佢適唔適合絕育。」205Please respect copyright.PENANA5GPVATSIWp
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他對著敏青和阿明說,然後偷偷的向我眨眼,我看得出這是一個「大家都係男人,我明你嘅,放心我會救你。」的眼神。205Please respect copyright.PENANAnEhJ8j6znm
「都係唔好啦細佬,你邊有錢喎!都係我哋帶佢去睇醫生啦。」MK明堅持。205Please respect copyright.PENANA9xuYXrTZ0K
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「我當然冇錢啦,你頭先話準備咗錢㗎嘛!放心交俾我,你兩個去拍拖啦!」靖向MK明攤大手板。205Please respect copyright.PENANAUBSiA017ta
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「明,就咁話啦!我哋大把機會同月月相處,我都想其他屋企人好似我地咁錫佢。」青聽到靖的說話後,完完全全地順服了。對比上來,MK明的論點顯得毫無招架之力。205Please respect copyright.PENANAs8OpmMpwZl
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MK明深深不忿的從銀包拿出一張金牛,我淡定的擺着尾,然後用一個「呵呵,你輸了」的表情看着他。205Please respect copyright.PENANAnECrJeWs9Z
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「$1000邊夠啊?絕育喎?睇醫生喎?做檢查喎?知唔知讀獸醫好難㗎?」靖先將那張金牛放入銀包,然後說:「磅水啦。唔好望啦。」205Please respect copyright.PENANAyCd82dVdLW
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我不亦樂乎的躺平在地上,伸了幾個懶腰。靖靖廝殺着MK明的畫面,再看多一萬次都不會生厭。205Please respect copyright.PENANACbFRdQqjDL
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收夠籌碼的靖靖,從客廳的電視櫃裏,拿出一個手提的貓籠,好像是在我不知道的時候買的,以備不時之需。我乖乖的擺着尾,走進籠裏面去,我大概是世界上最願意走入籠的貓,沒有之一。205Please respect copyright.PENANAzap8LqZzTL
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靖有點手忙腳亂的把籠關上,然後飛快地提起了就跑出門口,走過天橋,走過停車場,在馬路旁隨意的截了一輛的士。205Please respect copyright.PENANAbNQVScqu73
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「XX中學呀唔該!」他說。205Please respect copyright.PENANAjT4XVev9mG
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啊?205Please respect copyright.PENANAGX5rObjKOV
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我現在才留意到,原來我的救星靖靖身穿校服,用髮蠟築高了頭,一副準備要把家中的貓帶到學校,讓女孩子蜂擁而至,然後趁機和女神製造話題(然後期望可以製造嬰兒)的樣子。205Please respect copyright.PENANA9S5JWzm9EO
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媽的。205Please respect copyright.PENANAjpgSxJKWbs
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原來那個「大家都係男人,我明你嘅,放心我會救你。」的眼神,重點不在於「放心我會救你」,重點其實在「大家都係男人,我明你,你都明我嘅。」。205Please respect copyright.PENANAALJc0uYmJb
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算了,這個眼神的前提就是我也是男人…他救了我的子孫根,就讓他的命根子也幸福一下吧。放心吧,我會對着你的女神盡力撒嬌的。205Please respect copyright.PENANAUoPMcwQUzY
早已經是放課後的時間,靖靖大概是趕回來接我之後,再回到學校,人都應該就清光了吧?除非他格外張揚…MK明,道高一尺魔高一丈,現在你看着自己乾涸的銀包,大概明這個道理了吧?205Please respect copyright.PENANA42FRCbJ7ju
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靖靖從後門溜進去學校,避過總在放學時候守在門口的訓導主任和守衛大叔。靖讀的是我和敏青的母校。中學從來也不是風頭躉,也沒有什麼驕人的成就,畢業之後也進不了大學,回去中學連自慰的作用好像也沒有。205Please respect copyright.PENANAqJjgpXxNCd
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所以說起來,這次是我畢業後第一次回來吧,還要是以貓的身分,和敏青的弟弟結伴前來,真是奇怪至極的組合。205Please respect copyright.PENANAI4qavPfbmp
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靖把我帶到一個空無一人的班房,看來沒有一群年輕的女孩子肉體在等候着我或者靖靖,他大概只約了她的女神一個吧?205Please respect copyright.PENANAhgGyIHsU4l
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對了,我想起那天晚上,那個寂寞的靖,以為食煙就可以得到女神芳心的傻孩子,好吧,就幫你這一次。205Please respect copyright.PENANAyvbLHhTYf3
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靖把我連同籠放咗課室教師桌的中央後,便跑到課室外,大概是要去另一個課室,把女神叫過來。205Please respect copyright.PENANAaO9HYXcVlT
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過了不久之後,靖回來了,拖着在他身後,蒙着眼的女神…女…神?205Please respect copyright.PENANAMfPB3GgRSb
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映入眼簾的,是一個,吾,大概在交友app裏面,都會不好意思的hastag自己為 #肉地絲 的女同學,但肉地絲這個詞語實在不足以形容她的份量。好比@princejoyce減肥前的身形,這…這是幹嘛的?205Please respect copyright.PENANAOSqg3DPuqD
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「靖啊~你矇住眼帶我去邊度啊?」205Please respect copyright.PENANAuIaF8OHigD
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「你摸吓,摸吓就知㗎啦。」靖左手捉著肥婆的手,右手解開貓籠上面的鎖,然後引領着肥婆充滿肥膏的手到我的方向來。205Please respect copyright.PENANADp0jHpJv8P
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「咦~你要我摸咩啊?我好驚啊~我唔敢摸啊~我未摸過㗎~」205Please respect copyright.PENANAcDA3U69zld
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媽的,你要是這麼純情,為什麼拳頭已經微微張開,擺出一個準備要拿起什麼條狀物體的手勢?205Please respect copyright.PENANAveCT0ZpQAQ
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「唔緊要啊,我教你呀!」205Please respect copyright.PENANAiGZX3XQkI2
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「想請問呢度有冇管理員?有冇人可以嚟救我?」我大叫。205Please respect copyright.PENANAKqg1zyY5lY
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「嘩!係貓呀!」肥婆急不及待的揭開眼罩,「好可愛啊!!!!!啊!!!!」205Please respect copyright.PENANAC0Q8D1hd3s
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看來養貓把妹這招真是萬事萬寧,連重型坦克都無法抵擋貓咪攝人的魅力。205Please respect copyright.PENANAPmoUY9Yyq6
「好滑啊佢啲毛…」肥婆一邊撫着我的身體一邊說,她的渣古機械臂把我重重的壓着,無論如何反抗,在她眼中大概也只是增加了情趣。強姦就是強姦,反抗不了就要學會享受。205Please respect copyright.PENANAwsyQfibrn0
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「多謝你啊,靖哥哥,我好開心。」肥婆女神含情脈脈的對靖說。205Please respect copyright.PENANANYFGXe2jzv
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「傻咩你,講呢啲?蓉兒,只要你開心,我點都願意。」靖說。她的名字是薯蓉嗎?我看肉泥才是她的名字呢。205Please respect copyright.PENANAtQoB1u1Rkg
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媽啊,我想嘔啊。205Please respect copyright.PENANAGjcLgGB8It
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靖啊,是不是由小到大,你看你兩個姐姐那種天仙下凡級的美女看太多了,以為敏青的樣子是平凡,這個肉泥才是女神?205Please respect copyright.PENANAxqU4s7aXmf
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「但…我已經…」肥婆好像有難言之隱,但我不想聆聽。205Please respect copyright.PENANAwdJ6J8wRYi
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「澎!!!」205Please respect copyright.PENANACp5PEeda62
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突然傳來一聲巨響,課室的大門被踢開。205Please respect copyright.PENANAi2DFH0Hfjw
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我、叫做蓉兒的肥婆、還有靖靖都被嚇呆了,不若而同的向大門的方向望過去。205Please respect copyright.PENANAFIhLBjhO61
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只見一個沒穿校服、瘦骨嶙峋的金毛MK怒氣匆匆的跑了進來。看來母校的保安系統出了嚴重的漏洞,跟公廁一樣,誰都能從後門進來。205Please respect copyright.PENANAuMTfGd7gS2
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「唔係你見到咁嫁!BB!」肥婆大叫,想要向MK解釋,終於把肉手從我的毛髮上縮開。205Please respect copyright.PENANAip6gT4Js9Z
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老實說,MK也沒有見到甚麼吧?用不著馬上你內心的情感都招認出來的,你的肉很厚,MK也好,我也好,大概不可能穿過那層肥膏,直接看見你內心的情感。205Please respect copyright.PENANAQXHAgqbSXR
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「你兩個狗男女!」MK大叫。很好,大家都習慣把警察或其他不好的事情叫成狗,作為貓的一分子,我感到非常安慰。205Please respect copyright.PENANA8GncZvr8Cl
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「我地就係你見到既咁!唔關你事!」阿靖向MK大叫着。205Please respect copyright.PENANAYOsfM4rVsJ
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這是幹嘛啦?演大戲嗎?205Please respect copyright.PENANAvSBrORHOCA
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MK聽罷生氣的一拳向靖揮來,靖一下反智轉身避開,然後一記上勾拳回敬MK。205Please respect copyright.PENANAsMCmdJhscO
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好招!果然是女神的弟弟!205Please respect copyright.PENANAg6fCaMFpiX
「死毒撚!」MK拼命想要還擊,招式卻都輕易被阿靖化解。阿靖再來一招亢龍有悔,MK被打得整個伏在地上,真的和書中的靖哥哥有幾分相似。205Please respect copyright.PENANA095QYO5DdH
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「阿靖!唔好再打我男朋友!!!」205Please respect copyright.PENANA2s3XzXXEUd
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突然肥婆從後偷襲阿靖,一手把他整個人叉在地上,動彈不得,果然無論體脂有多低,招式有多好,六十公斤的郭靖也不可能贏得過二百公斤的黑毛豬。在這個弱肉強食的世界,榜數就是一切,重量就是打開真理之門的關鍵。205Please respect copyright.PENANAvxZf3bc47c
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突然被夢中女神攻擊,靖除了毫無還手之力外,我還聽到他內心碎裂的聲響。他好像失去了靈魂一樣躺平在地上,MK得勢不饒人,站起來往阿靖的身體踢過去,阿靖除了偶爾兩聲痛苦的呻吟外,整個人呆住了,像被宣判了死刑等死一樣。205Please respect copyright.PENANA7Jppm17eh1
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可惡…205Please respect copyright.PENANAxys08suKLA
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你兩個畜生!不要傷害我的家人!!!205Please respect copyright.PENANAqa8GTPUzbX
這個鬧劇的結尾,是由冬菇頭的單身中女訓導主任來收場。「瘋了!全都瘋了!」訓導主任的一句,終止了我們四個的戰爭。205Please respect copyright.PENANAATR56zmSCI
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原來MK是已經被踢出校的舊生,而肥婆女神則是靖的同班同學。靖被記了兩個小過,因為打交以及將「不合適的東西帶回學校」,我顯然說是那個不合適的東西。205Please respect copyright.PENANAb3O2XNBhTA
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結果來說,也沒有很差,我不用絕育,靖則認清了自己跟肥婆是沒有可能的,由一開始,他只是一隻兵。205Please respect copyright.PENANAXezl5lzN9e
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來接我們回家的,當然不是爸爸。姐夫把他的破舊豐田駛到學校,扮作靖的爸爸,聽了訓導主任大半個小時的教誨,他們倆純熟的演技讓我知道,這個角色扮演肯定已經不是第一次。205Please respect copyright.PENANAvQPQcplWg0
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姐夫拍拍靖的肩膊,靖抱着裝着我的籠,坐到私家車的後座。整個車程他不發一言,被打得口腫臉朣的他,沒有哭也沒有笑,被夢中情人和她的男朋友攻擊,就算肥婆的拳多重都好,心傷肯定比皮外傷來得痛很多吧。205Please respect copyright.PENANA8vyRqpX4yL
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回家之後,姐夫努力地幫靖守了秘密,還幫我解了絕育之圍,靖則仍然一直保持着沉默,雖然大家都看到他青腫的臉,卻都有密契的沒有提問。看大家的反應,這種事大概不是第一次出現吧?我想。205Please respect copyright.PENANAqXP1isPQJy
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晚餐過後,靖坐到屋外面的乘涼處,那邊有張長長的椅子,我則跟在後面,有點擔心這個白痴弟弟。只見他拿出那包吃剩的香煙,點了一枝,插在地上的泥土上,又點了另一枝,生疏地吸著,然後把包裝內剩下的幾樣煙折斷,把煙草倒在地上。205Please respect copyright.PENANAs6xj2EUjOU
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失戀的時候,我們多少需要一切儀式感,好讓我們好好記住這段時間的甜和苦。205Please respect copyright.PENANAe32sQokQr0
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「喵~」我跳到靖的大腿上。205Please respect copyright.PENANAnLQ7mN7BoX
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「你喺到啊貓仔?」205Please respect copyright.PENANAkuToRzooKx
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「喵。」205Please respect copyright.PENANAzQKXzVSqUc
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「對唔住啊,今日搞到咁。」205Please respect copyright.PENANAq64Utcjd24
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「你點啊?」205Please respect copyright.PENANA4MwV7jH9PU
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「我…心好痛,好似裂開左咁,我中文唔好,唔識點形容,好似有種好重好重既重量,壓住係我個心上面。我覺得…啊,可能你會覺得好誇張…但好似永遠都唔會好咁。」他說。205Please respect copyright.PENANAxe89IBBh3j
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「我明白的。我知道呢一刻感覺一定係好差,好似行唔落去咁,好似失去左一生中最愛咁。但我可以話比你知,咁樣既感覺,喺你嚟緊既人生仲會嚟多好多好多次。你會愛上其他人,你會重新墮入愛河,但你都會失戀,人生就係不停咁尋覓、得到救贖、然後再學習失去、再尋覓。」205Please respect copyright.PENANAXuqhxb2eD7
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「真係好難啊,月。」205Please respect copyright.PENANAr1cNxqZovJ
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「的確係好難。但總有一日,有一日呢種循環會被打破,就係你遇到你餘生既伴侶既嗰一刻。」我說。205Please respect copyright.PENANAmyJG8fLunk
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「如果遇唔到下一個呢?」好像懂貓語的靖反問。205Please respect copyright.PENANA1SrIQa1Uvh
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「總會遇到的。」我說。205Please respect copyright.PENANAN9QKT1mKvd
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我在他的大腿上躺着,他整個人伏在我的身上,一直哭、一直哭,哭到直至他累了,他喘着氣,然後繼續哭,像哭了一個末日出來。205Please respect copyright.PENANAOXljH5IoCV
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沒關係的,哭過就會好。205Please respect copyright.PENANAXy70i8g0OL
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在好了之前,我都會在這裡的。205Please respect copyright.PENANADlEBnza0Uk
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哭吧,盡情的、全力的。205Please respect copyright.PENANAhRC5sQEE2G
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細佬。205Please respect copyright.PENANArMzKv5VnJr
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(十五 完)205Please respect copyright.PENANA6CvILuSnW2