I held my knees tightly against my chest as if I was trying to hug myself goodbye giving myself any comfort before the end. I given up my soul laying it perfectly on a silver plater and I didn’t care. I was never a devoted Christian like my mom but I didn’t deserve a heaven or anything for that matter. More importantly, she didn’t deserve to have a fucked up daughter like me.
The tears kept flowing as if it was making up time when I didn’t grieve for my mom. The last thing I ever wanted for her was to feel any pain and that’s all she ever experienced until the very end. I couldn’t with good conscience believe that she will ever be at peace. If there was a chance for her to be reunited with her own mother, I had snatched it away from her by accepting Fred’s offer. Once the tears suddenly stopped, emptiness was all that was left inside.
I lifted my head staring up at Fred, who had a mischievous and devilish glint in his piercing blood red eyes. The sudden movement from the desk to sitting criss cross on the floor in front of me would have shocked and terrified me- only I didn’t have anything in me to feel scared. I felt like a prey that was doomed for the slaughter.
The demon’s cool and dark shadow was inches from my face. Fred inhaled deeply then his hot breath blew warmly against my skin. The smell of burning flesh will soon be my own.
“If you have said this before the contract was made, I wouldn’t have hesitated.” Fredsighed with great disappointment,his black nail pushing a strand of hair from my very puffy eyes and red face. Did he just say he’s not going to take it?…My body froze completely stunned that I didn’t even have control over my own death.
“Why the fuck not? You are a fucken demon! You’re suppose to eat souls!” I shouted despite the cracking and pain in my voice. I was sick of hearing the annoying repetitive phrase ‘because of the contract crap’.
“The contract merged our souls together, MK. If I ate your soul, it would be as if I’m eating myself.” Fred answered with a hint of disgust in his tone. So the devil draws the line with self-cannibalism?
“So what am I suppose to do with this?” My voice was growing soft and tired. “I don’t want this…” Left with no tears to cry, but this heavy burden, I didn’t want know what to do with myself. I couldn’t kill myself because Fred would find any means to prevent himself from dying too.
“Listen, MK, I’m not going to pretend that I don’t enjoy your sorrows but this merge is really annoying on my part too. If it gives you any purpose, your mother’s death was not an accident…” Fred answered creating a new wave coldness flow through my body.
“What do you mean-” I started but immediately felt the door pushing against my back. Jenna was able to push the door far enough to peek her head through. For the first time I was grateful for Fred darkening the room. It would have been easy for Jenna to see the redness from my forehead and clear snot coming from my nose. This is one of the many reasons why I hate crying because I was an ugly ass crier.
“Why are you sitting on the floor?” Jenna asked as she slid her slim body through the opening of the door. I wasn’t ready to talk nor did I have the energy to even speak. I was so fucken tired.
She crouched down to my level with her voice incredibly light and soft, “Hey I know something isn’t right but I’m not going to pry either. I just wanted to let you know I’m still here for you if you ever need someone to talk to. Heck, if you don’t want to tell me anything that’s okay to.” She smiled giving me a tight hug around my shoulders. Normally, I was awkward in receiving hugs but at this moment I felt for a brief second some relief.
“Thanks Jenna.” I coughed slightly trying to disguise my pathetic cracked voice from revealing that I had been sobbing for a while.
“Don’t mention it. That’s what I’m here for!” She grinned with the utmost sincerity. After years of not having friends and never feeling the need to seek them out, I was grateful to have Jenna around. She was a true friend that actually wanted to be there for others.
Through the shadows I had thought that Fred was going to reappear again but instead a smaller figure leaped onto Jenna’s lap. Jenna’s chocolate brown eyes widen in surprise finding her spirit guide nestled in her arms.
“Midnight! What made you decide to wake up from your lazy nap?” Jenna said stroking her black cat with beaming yellow eyes. The cat wasn’t an apparition or at least not that I could tell.
“So this is the famous Midnight.” I said finding myself smile at the adorable animal. I couldn’t help myself in reaching out wanting to stroke Midnight’s back. My hand didn’t even get a chance to reach over and pet him before he started hissing with his thin canine teeth baring at me.
“Midnight don’t be rude.” Jenna said scolding at her spirit guide. The cat was not lowering his guard down by any means with the ends of his fur and tail lifted.
“It’s alright, Jenna, he’s just protecting you.” I said knowing that he had every reason to be on guard. I could hear Fred’s breath sounding heavy and very hungry.
‘I can’t eat your soul but…’Fred thought hungrily.
‘Don’t you ever touch my friend’s spirit guide or her.’ I instantly thought snapping at Fred.
I was only joking…kind of.
A loud alarm broke my conversation with Fred. Jenna immediately dug into her pocket to find her phone blasting. She unlocked her phone quickly and pushed herself up from the floor. Midnight returned to the shadows but his gleaming yellows were still watching me carefully.
“Shit, I almost forgot about the first year spirit guide ceremony.” Jenna sighed cursing at herself.
“Huh-” I was completely confused on why this was important seeing Jenna’s expression filled with worry. It sounded like another lame orientation.
“It’s basically where new students find what type of spirit guide they have. I should have told you that from the beginning, sorry about that. They announced it at the last hour of class today.” She said quickly apologizing. This is definitely a shittier version of Hogwart sorting…
Exactly…
“It’s also the day you place your spirit guide in a vessel, so you better think of your favorite animal or an object to place Fred in because the Ceremony starts in like 5 minutes.” Jenna said her voice almost sounding panic as she glanced at her phone again.
I couldn’t think of any place to put Fred in. I dug through my pockets hoping to find something I could use but the only thing I felt was my mother’s ring. Definitely not that…
“Sooo do you have any idea where you are placing Fred in?” Jenna said pushing for a quick answer before they were on their way rushing down the halls.
“Will a roll of toilet paper work?” I found myself asking out loud.
Fuck you. You wouldn’t dare…
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