->>>論如何一句話將美人拴上鍊？讓牽線紅娘小喵妖告訴尼～AWA
【凌家動物園 III 小強星人也求愛】爆炸頭不要來
By 喵芭渴死姬
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8-1. 四人行之拴住美人剛剛好
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「豬頭登，你換過裝備了沒啊？」喵喵仙貝好奇地盯著肉盾腰間的粉色蒼蠅拍，「你的等級可以換一把武器了吧。」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzCxoS0u0M
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「有啊，哥還特地去交易所挖寶，但不是太貴就是設計感不佳。」肉盾無奈地搖頭嘆氣，還撥了把Q捲瀏海，「都襯托不出哥的帥！」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4ik2K0oVB
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「呵呵，你有那顆大頭就夠帥了啦。」喵喵仙貝乾笑吐槽完，就從哥哥的包裡抽出一個紅豆泥核桃酥餅，咬了一口語音不清地說：「泥巴……呣、呣……髒背砍給窩該……（你把裝備開給我看）」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTudJ4WuqnX
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肉盾愣了一秒，才意會地點開裝備面板，選擇分享資訊給隊友，「小貝兒啊，吞下食物再說話，小心噎到。」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJSJvYCrtd
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「唔……」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm67RBQHvsc
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「乖。」事關健康安全，泰迪熊這次沒顧著護短，僅輕揉寶貝弟弟的頭安撫。喵喵仙貝便只好哼哼唧唧地又咬一大口，把臉塞得鼓鼓地瞪向肉盾的裝備，伸指在各物件上點來點去。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrHKMdLdZW
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此時是約好集合的時間，艾登與泰特斯吃完早餐就紛紛上線與貝兒會合。三人在等塞倫的期間，喵喵仙貝就突發奇想地幫肉盾檢查武裝。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62X01Zmryg
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「咦欸？」他快速嚼嚼嚼吞下食物，驚疑地指著愛的小手，「你的武器會隨熟練度自動升級耶，連精裝進化材料都省了，超方便的！」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfiNruMTYT
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「喔？這麼好！」肉盾欣喜地查看武器資訊，隨即露出困惑的表情，「你怎麼知道的？上面什麼都沒寫啊。」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TYpsJRk3Q
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「嘿嘿，我的鑑定師有中級，當然看得到呀！」喵喵仙貝往肉盾的武器欄一拍，一道細微的光芒隨即鑽入愛的小手裡，「你再看看吧。」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qml71V1sE
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「原來還有鑑定師啊？」肉盾一頭霧水地再看向武器面板，果真出現新的內容，而武器名字也有了變化——888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pvZCDQPja
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【武器】《伸縮自如的愛的小手》（已鑑定）888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84sszjz0Rs
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等級：奇葩（綠色）888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3nzRWaZMo
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熟練度：0.2%888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguwDIJV7H6
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進化方式：隨熟練度升等進化。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqmsQSQ0cS
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特殊功能：可隨意念伸長，最長1公尺。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1hJifaaeh
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說明：用您伸縮自如的愛，讓對手沈浸其中無法自拔唷～♥888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWabhupF8Z
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「好像進化後變得更奇怪了啊。」肉盾晃了晃頂端發出微光的蒼蠅拍，不知該喜該憂。但除了那些奇怪的功能說明外，武器的傷害數值也大幅提升，一點都不輸給交易所那些貴得要命的精化武器。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyD2Z6jkfa
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「噗嘿，反正挺適合矮人呀。」喵喵仙貝說完，就注意到飾品欄的子彈，「咦？這項鍊是新的嗎？昨天沒看到你戴呀。」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWupnSzZvM3
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「對啊對啊！哥昨天跟小倫美人遇到龍捲風，然後……」也不管他們是否欲知詳情，肉盾就劈哩啪啦地說了起來，其鉅細靡遺之程度，讓泰迪熊怒爆青筋直想一杖打飛這聒噪傢伙。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sFhXDMXsk
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正當黑面祭司抽出法杖準備揍人時，總算上線的塞倫趕來會合了，「抱歉，剛剛才吃完飯。」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAassmNBhx4
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一見朝思暮想的精靈美人現身，肉盾立即停止話題，揚起非常燦爛的陽光笑容，「沒關係的，小倫想吃多久就吃多久，哥會永遠等著你～」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67pGnkHLWL
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「呃……」塞倫黑線地微扯了嘴角，又見喵喵仙貝的目光似在自己的胸前流連，便問：「怎麼了？」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfjZKooJEa
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喵喵仙貝立刻用怪腔怪調的中文問：「唔，倫哥昨天是不是也有拿到捨摸（什麼）子彈呀？」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9c1ZLD5so
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「是啊，怎麼了嗎？」塞倫從包裡取出子彈。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvxCAS7Ci3
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「快戴上！快戴上！窩（我）想鑑定看看是捨摸。」喵喵仙貝摩拳擦掌地跳啊跳，一雙咕溜溜的大眼散發期待光芒，實在讓人難以拒絕。塞倫遲疑了會，心想反正那子彈一拿到就被綁定了，不戴也不能幹麻，便將子彈套上項鍊位置。於是，悲劇就這麼發生了——888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYWD67yNYB
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兩道金光從肉盾和塞倫的子彈項鍊射出，雙雙於空中交錯畫出一個同心結，再相互飛進彼此的胸口後，粉色愛心雨也隨之落下了。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRwFDLFUj8
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「Oops！」瞬間領悟的喵喵仙貝，大汗地用母語輕呼一聲，便低頭狂翻哥哥的置物包，假裝自己超級忙的。沒看過這情況的肉盾和塞倫則傻眼了，唯有泰迪熊依舊淡定地取出一瓶果汁餵小吃貨。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kJlkyYZ1y
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「叮！玩家肉盾阿弗羅與玩家塞倫，配戴於共患難時獲得的NPC祝福對鍊，獲得稱號《眾所期盼的曖昧》，曖昧等級在加倍祝福效果下由3級升至5級，歡迎玩家再接再厲把生米煮成熟飯唷～♥」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YamYT1JZM
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「叮！玩家喵喵仙貝推動奸情有功，獲得八卦指數＋100、經驗值4000，歡迎再接再厲撮合更多奸情直奔媒婆寶座喔！」 888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7ynHkmgUg
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誰會用子彈來當祝福對……不對！這為何又跟奸情扯上關係了？塞倫真是滿腹鬱悶說不出。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOsFOufX0X
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「喔喔喔！原來哥和小倫的姻緣是備受期待的嗎？」肉盾立馬握住塞倫的手，慷慨激昂地發誓：「哥絕不辜負小倫的愛！」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIXkYNSZgO
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辜負也沒關係。塞倫無語吐槽地抽回手。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnd5SuqL2iJ
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「咪唔……」感受到現場的詭譎氣氛，喵喵仙貝心虛地喝完果汁，連忙啟動多重鑑定面板將兩顆子彈鑑定了，「哇啊！是藍色的耶！」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VHzHszusf
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兩人一聽，立即往自己的裝備面板看去——888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvlUKBj5Bv
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【飾品】《兔吉拉中槍也彈開的子彈對鍊》（已鑑定）888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNomJJXP9O
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等級：上等奇葩（藍色）888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYAid0CdOH
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進化方式：請向NPC《克里斯》申請彈藥升級任務。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioyvCnmvPw
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功用：配戴的兩人組隊時，防禦＋10%、飽食度下降率－50％、體力恢復率＋50％，並有效抑止與小三的奸情。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wvUpwBj6i
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說明：兩人齊心協力幫助克叔解決戀愛煩惱而獲得的祝福對鍊，請愛用克叔肌肉加持過的子彈，一同讓對手不躺也中槍唷～♥888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkhu3wS5kI
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這遊戲的取名就不能正常點嗎？肌肉加持又是什麼？看到說明的瞬間，一個不太和諧的畫面不禁浮上腦海，肉盾和塞倫頓時被囧得不願再腦補下去，偏偏某小貓妖卻莫名被勾起了興趣。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDmS2480CY
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「哇塞！肌肉加持耶！這個克叔的肌肉很大嗎？他該不會也是肌肉星人吧？」喵喵仙貝巴眨著閃亮亮的大眼，興奮異常地拼命發問，本就不正的中文發音也更歪了，「窩以前認屍（識）的肌肉星人都敲（超）可怕敲凶猛的縮（說）！」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisaApE4DgC
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呃，這孩子在說什麼？塞倫忽然覺得自己的智商不夠用了。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡup8QBmIyHl
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「是挺壯的，不輸給哥的壯喔！」從噁心狀態中迅速恢復的肉盾，帥氣地撥了把Q捲毛瀏海，陪喵喵仙貝一同跳進幻想世界，「那位肌肉克叔的確看起來很兇啊，哥懷疑他的原型就是那什麼戶愚呂弟來的。」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GJWk3FRTS
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「真的嗎？那是肌肉星王耶！」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2J9vJpc3O
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肌肉星……為什麼可以扯到動漫角色和外星人？見這兩隻身高差不多的人如此熱烈討論肌肉，塞倫傻眼地望向一旁的泰迪熊，卻見對方只是含笑凝視喵喵仙貝，渾身散發著「貝兒真可愛」的強大弟控氣場，令他不禁陷入深深的懷疑，該不是這裡只有自己才是正常人吧？888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJirW9rLH20
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好不容易等到肌肉話題稍緩，塞倫才總算有機會出聲：「關於任務，我查了下地圖，在埃斯萊森林東南側的瀑布不少，我們要怎麼找？」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm38R7ck7dp
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「啊對，那個捨摸森林裡的可怕人物，唔欸……」喵喵仙貝打開地圖偏頭看了眼，就很有自知之明地望向泰迪熊，擺明要最聰明能幹的哥哥來當導航系統。而寶貝弟弟的依賴目光也果真受用，泰迪熊滿眼笑意地盯了地圖半晌，就一言不發地摟過他往城外走去。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHQb3TeGOY
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「怎麼？」塞倫不解看向肉盾。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DSsX2wuIz
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「啊，泰就是這樣，有想法也不愛吭聲，放心吧，小倫美人，我們跟上就是。」美人的求解目光顯然也很受用，肉盾開心地又握住他的手，「有哥在，不怕！」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4etEzQbzv
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有你在才怕啊。塞倫對這充滿希望的堅定目光徹底沒輒，只得無語輕嘆地二度抽回手。唉，這孽緣該怎麼甩啊？888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLd56mhVwoY
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ε٩(๑> ₃ <)۶з Σ>—(〃°ω°〃)♥ → (╭￣3￣)╭♥ σ ﾟ∀ ﾟ) ﾟ∀ﾟ)σ ლ（╹ε╹ლ）888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDyBqGMpXY
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四人出了月聆城即往東南行。為防怪暴走而影響行程，肉盾認命地戴上包頭花巾，又想趁機與精靈美人培養感情，便一路上不斷尋找兩人的共通話題——888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISnChwbTvT
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「小倫今天穿得好有氣質啊！」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCVU1qmWh2
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「我每天都穿一樣的裝備。」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHkaTOUQV0
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「真的嗎？小倫是去哪買的裝備？真是好有品味啊！」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRn7NySfQX
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「都是任務送的。」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOv7zCmt9h
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「啊！這麼多人送你禮物嗎？小倫的人緣真好啊！」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5q92xZ7Ob
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「就說是做任務送的。」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DUigMOzBJ
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「小倫一定超能幹的，才有那麼多NPC找你做任務送好裝！」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnjidSJTYd
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「普通的日常任務而已。」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCILCsa55a
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「即使是普通的日常工作，也認真認份勤懇踏實，才能體現小倫的出類拔萃呀！」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXPz04uRyq
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「其實……這些裝備很多人都有。」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudIM6NQtnn
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「喔！能在芸芸眾生中，將大眾服飾穿出如此驚艷的風采，小倫果真是得天獨厚的美人啊！哥能遇到你真是三生有幸，倘若……」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6pvzkaJ8K
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天！這傢伙到底怎麼回事？簡直比小強還打不死啊啊啊！聽肉盾還在喋喋不休，塞倫已快掩面崩潰了，一頭豔紅長髮也焦躁得炸了起來又煩惱得無力垂落，內心更有萬匹神獸奔騰。他真不懂自己是怎麼癱上這煩人傢伙的，究竟是他表現得不夠明顯，還是對方真聽不懂拒絕的話？888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWEczXIwq2
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「話說回來，小倫昨晚熬夜有沒有好好補回來啊？今天可要早點睡啊，人家說最好的睡眠時間是……」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNI2Mv3L9tY
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不，為何話題會轉到他的睡眠？塞倫一向自認冷靜，頭腦也不錯，以前不論在校或出社會都是當中的佼佼者，卻不知為何，一面對肉盾，他就莫名被拉低智商不說，連脾氣耐心都被快速磨光。最讓他氣餒的是，不管他怎麼暗示疏離，這爆炸頭總會轉成另一個意思，根本比小孩還難溝通！難道這人平常就這樣嗎？身邊的朋友都不會嫌煩嗎？888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwzaF4RxT4
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『隊伍系統訊息：玩家肉盾阿弗羅已被隊長泰迪熊餅乾踢出隊伍。』888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DsIaVqKq2
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「咦？泰你幹嘛……」一見系統提示，肉盾大驚地看向前方的人，誰知話未問完，他就被一道唸咒聲打斷。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAXZSvkyLP
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「靜音咒。」想聽弟弟萌音卻老被後頭噪音干擾，泰迪熊滿額青筋地怒揮法杖，射出一道黑色光束，於肉盾的唇瓣處化成一個大叉叉後，他才再把人加回隊伍並指向前方的主動怪，冷聲道：「去打。」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkraQ71Zsr8
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嗚嗚嗚！泰怎麼這樣啦？肉盾望了眼頻道提示——『您已被下了《靜音咒》，將無法出聲30秒。』就只好垮著臉抽出愛的小手，噴淚瘋癲迎向怪的懷抱。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ab8fr8VGf
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「嘿嘿，豬豬頭太吵惹啦！」喵喵仙貝幸災樂禍地吐了下舌頭，就蹦跳到塞倫旁邊仰頭甜笑說：「倫哥，窩可以看看你有哪些靈寵嗎？」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjiHqNE0L8
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「嗯。」萌萌小貓妖總是比聒噪爆炸頭討喜，塞倫稍鬆了口氣，打開靈寵管理面板給他看。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSC6d0VROZ2
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「哇啊！」喵喵仙貝大致瀏覽過後，驚喜地指著一個小圖示，「這個好可愛喔！叫……管狐？捨摸意思？是很愛管東管西的小狐狸嗎？」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFp3nFe2pgI
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管、管東管西？愣了下的塞倫，在望見喵喵仙貝頗呆萌的求解表情後，便失笑地放出管狐現場解說，「不是，是因為牠們住在一個小竹筒內。」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggX7KNHoyU
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「喔～冤乃（原來）如此！」喵喵仙貝恍然大悟地睜大雙眼，見鑽出竹筒的管狐拖著瘦長身體飛來飛去，像極活潑的狐狸小幽靈，便忍不住好奇地伸手去摸，竟是如想像中的毛茸茸觸感，令他不禁驚奇大喊：「哥，快看！管狐耶！敲可愛的啦！」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnlkIKQB4X
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喵喵仙貝的嗓音本就偏嫩，發音又不標準，加上系統依據角色設定將聲音外貌幼化，讓他說起話來更像十歲左右的孩童，再搭上這般生動活潑的表情動作，簡直將萌喵屬性發揮到突破極限的境界，不止系統叮地狂漲他的萌物指數，塞倫也跟著莞爾一笑，更別說弟控大神泰迪熊了。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7mvyw8lij
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然而，站在肉盾的角度看來，他好不容易打完一輪怪，回頭竟見不止喵喵仙貝跟塞倫聊天說笑很是融洽，就連泰迪熊都「溫柔笑望」塞倫，儘管只是角度偏差使然，卻依然讓那顆爆炸頭產生了某種奇怪的誤解。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNSHSqHNV4
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他驚得連忙開口想爭取歸屬權，卻發現聲音已過三十秒還出不來，便疑惑地往頻道的最新紀錄一看——888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlebbd1fcXS
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嗚嗚嗚！泰居然還補《靜音咒》，真是太過份了！因此，重新入隊的肉盾決定怒發密語——888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuYkdXFv6Z
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『【私密】您對泰迪熊餅乾悄悄說：泰～別搶我老婆嘛！我幫你另外介紹美眉好不？』888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjGLT26yLn
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『【私密】您對喵喵仙貝悄悄說：小貝兒！小倫美人是哥的老婆，你別亂搶啊！』888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjaAv8t7JA
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『【私密】您對塞倫悄悄說：小倫～哥都被他們欺負好可憐說～QQ』888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqF6J87mwk
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於是，現場瞬間陷入一片死寂。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBEmzD0apw
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「哥……」喵喵仙貝黑垮著臉舉起棒棒糖魔法棒，壓低嗓子怒道：「踢・人！」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHfV7Ednor
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『隊伍系統紀錄：玩家肉盾阿弗羅已被隊長泰迪熊餅乾踢出隊伍。』888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJdsg1hdac
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「肌肉兄貴雷神大怒劈——」888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfr6SP6JCX0
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五雷轟頂便是如此吧？望著這場驚天動地的炭烤人肉秀，塞倫不禁冒出一滴冷汗，在心中下了一個結論——這三人的友情實在太特別了。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86fYKQmcHb
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飽受了一頓修理，肉盾再次領悟了一個真理——原來不止祭司不能惹，法師也不能惹！頂著焦味爆炸頭的他，在被加回隊伍接受治癒後，就乖乖閉嘴做好坦克工作，卻也忍不住滿腹委屈，便不時朝塞倫丟去幽怨的淚眼。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLSSTSOAyQ
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嗚嗚嗚～哥也好想跟小倫講話嘛！肉盾相信這一次次的深情注視定能傳達他的心意。而皇天也不負苦心人，那身搞笑造型配上小媳婦神情的衰相，終是逗得美人「噗哧」一笑了。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRy0fHeLkr2
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那笨蛋也太誇張了！塞倫竊笑地撇過頭，對爆炸頭的印象又往囧蠢屬性推上一個高峰，卻也有預感，這趟旅程應當是不無聊了。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sGmDNBGeX
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嗚喔喔喔喔！小倫美人對哥笑了！小倫美人對哥笑了！小倫美人對哥笑了！肉盾滿腦子充斥著興奮的呼喊，人也頓如重獲新生般熱血激昂了起來。888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJ4FbLsd4P
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為了小倫美人的幸福！哥會拼命向前衝，清光這道路上的所有障礙喔喔喔！888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oj4sF5ijR
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ε٩(๑> ₃ <)۶з Σ>—(〃°ω°〃)♥ → (╭￣3￣)╭♥ σ ﾟ∀ ﾟ) ﾟ∀ﾟ)σ ლ（╹ε╹ლ）
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後記：
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就這樣給人戴上情侶對鍊，貝貝不愧是姻緣童子轉世啊～WWW888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcaDgxYNBJ
這篇的小倫美人各種內心OS唷～XD888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxv6DVFigw
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下一篇是瘋婆狼(？)副本，6400個字一次貼的話，會不會太多呀？（艸888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIxXeVJ59G
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P.S. 貝貝認屍(＃)的肌肉星人絕對有妲米勾和渴胃AWA（＃888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkDcIQyJCX
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by 喵芭渴死姬 / 11.06.2015
ns 15.158.61.20da2
