Amir sent me a text message that the family was gathering again, and he wanted me to come. It did not ask if I wanted to come. He demanded that I did!
I made sure that Abbie was fed and that she would be OK while I was gone. Then I cycled to Raghids and Amir's house. It was Amir that greeted me. He seemed surprised but happy that I came. He even said that I was slowly learning what my destiny was. Once again, I had no clue what this meant. I just nodded and thanked him for inviting me. I had a suspicion that the visit would be as strange as the last visit.
All the uncles were there. I saw Raghid and tried saying hello to him. He gave me a stern look and said that I no longer needed him as a friend because I had Amir as my new friend. I looked at Raghid and said I did not even know that Amir wanted to be my friend and besides that, he was much older than me. Raghid sighed and said that I did not know how things worked here. He told me to sit on the floor like I have done the last time. Despite there were so many there, I felt so alone and I felt as if Raghid now hated me.
As I sat on the floor, I could see that John was there. A man was using a needle and injecting something in his arm. I knew what this meant. I have seen mom do it so many times. John was a drug addict. That explained why he did not mind wearing a dress or dancing the way he did. It also explained why he was spaced out. He was most likely so spaced out that he did not know where he was or care. I felt so sorry for him. Why did the men here not help him? It looked as if they were making it worse by giving him his drugs.
John did the same as the last time. He started dancing while he was wearing a dress. The men clapped and urged him on. It was a bit sad to look at. He did not even look like a girl, even with makeup on! I clapped half-hearted and really did not pay attention to the dancing. I was looking at Raghid as he sat on the sofa talking to the men. I wanted to cry because I had lost a friend and wondered why I was sitting here when he was no longer my friend. This made me look at Amir. He was an adult and looked like he was very popular and had lots of friends. Why would anyone think that he would want me as a friend?
I walked out to the kitchen and found the mother and sister preparing food. I asked if I could help. The mother snapped at me and said this is not why I was here. I whimpered that I did not know why I was there. Raghib was the one that invited me here and he no longer wanted to be my friend. The mother snapped back at me and mumbled that I should go back to the men. They were all my new friends. She asked did I not realize that Raghib has done his duty? Why did these people speak in a way that just confused me more? Despite that I was confused, I understood that Raghib was no longer my friend and it was clear that his mom did not like me either!
It was time to eat. This was the highlight of the visit. I could understand why it took so long for the mother and sister to make it. It was all homemade and it tasted divine. I thought of Abbie at home with some microwave food and wished that she could eat some of this. I felt so guilty that I was at a place that I really did not want to be, while I could be taking care of my sister. She was alone with my mom and that was never good!
After we ate, the men started talking about Islam again. Allah was the one true God and it was not enough that we accepted this, we had to worship and obey him. Once again they talked that Allah teaches compassion, and we should all strive to be as good as we can as well as help each other. Muslims should also protect themselves against infidels that refused to see the truth. They all looked at me when they talked about infidels. I did not respond. I did not dare to respond. I always have been happy and proud that I was a Catholic. Jesus taught us how to be nice to each other and to love each other with respect and of course not to judge each other.
The men looked at me and reminded me that I am an infidel, a lost soul in the eyes of Allah that has chosen the wrong path. Then they started going on about how I could never have the status as them and I would spend my life submitting the judgement that Allah would inflict on me. As usual, I did not understand a lot and it seemed as if they were speaking in riddles. I did get the impression that Allah was not pleased that I was a Christian and it did sound like he would punish me. Did these men not know that Jesus would protect me?
Their talk became worse. One of the men said that I was the son of a whore. He even said that he guessed my real dad was one of moms clients. They all thought it was bad that I was the product of prostitution and this explained why I was a doomed boy. One man even said I would end up like my mom, which made them all laugh. The discussion ended with them all agreeing that I was too pretty for Allah not to use me.
I sat and said nothing. I could feel my heart beating quicker and it was harder to breathe. How could they say that my mother was a prostitute? Then it all hit me. The many men that she was with and her drugs and alcohol. I knew deep down that they were telling the truth. My mother was a prostitute that sold her body for sex. She did not know who my Dad was because so many men paid to sleep with her! Everyone in town knew what she did and they all thought that I was the result of one of her men not wearing a condom! This was a hard thing for me to accept. I was born by sin and I was a mistake.
I looked at the men sitting around me and wondered were they nice or mean. They were nice enough that they invited me, but when they spoke to me they were all mean. Then it occurred to me that these men were not all uncles. They must have been friends. There were 11 men, and some looked the same age. I asked Amir if they were all in the same family and he confirmed my thoughts by saying that they were friends, and came from the same area in Afghanistan.
Amir took me by my hand and guided me to his lap. I have not sat on anyone's lap in years.
"I know that you are sad," he said, "because Raghib is no longer your friend. I also know that it was hard for you to hear the truth about your mom. I like you and wish to be your friend. I have plans for you that will be hard for you to understand, but you need to trust me and trust Allah."
I just nodded. I found it strange and even a small bit creepy that an adult wanted to be my friend. Amir continued by announcing to everyone that he liked me, and I was his friend. He warned the men that I was under his protection and he did not want any of them to make me a junkie or screw with my mind. He wanted me to remain myself, be fully aware of my position and be willing to fully accept it. The other men smiled as Amir said that some stimulants and incentives would be allowed. Of course, I had no clue what they were talking about. I definitely did not like when they talked about me as if I was an object.
Amir put me on my feet again. He told everyone that it was time we stopped being so serious and suggested that we had some fun. So he put me on my feet and told me that I should dance for everyone. These were one of the times I blushed so hard and wished the ground would swallow me up. I tried to explain that I had two left feet and could not dance. They were not taking no for an answer.
So I stood in the centre of the men while some Arabic music was being played. I just swayed back and forth and felt like an idiot. It was obviously not good enough as they asked John to dance with me and teach me how to move. So I looked at him as he danced and tried to imitate him. He was swaying with his hips and moving his bum this way and that way. While we were doing this, my hands were roaming all over my body. I looked like one of those sexy dancers on a rap video. I kept on asking myself why I was doing this.
When we stopped dancing, I was relieved. However, my ordeal was not over. Amir said that I should thank John by giving him a kiss. This was my limit. I shouted that under no circumstances, would I give any boy a kiss. I was not gay! This made Amir tell me to calm down. He offered me a tablet and Pepsi. He told me to take it as I was having an anxiety attack. I honestly do not know why I did not take it, I thought doing anything was better than giving a boy a kiss.
I sat down on Amirs lap again. The tablet was doing something to me. It also affected me so quickly. It was as if I was on a pink cloud and the room and people were floating around me. I could not hear people speaking... just echoes. I did hear Amir saying that many infidels are "faggots" and he was sure that a pretty boy like me was gay. I could not think. My mind was blank and I just giggled at him. Then told me that I should give John a kiss.
Without even arguing or thinking, I stumbled over to John and kissed him on the cheek. John had other thoughts and kissed me on the mouth. I did not notice that the men were taking a picture of us kicking. The small bit of my mind that was still alive realized that a boy was kissing me on my mouth. I pushed him away.
I told Amir that I had to go. He told me he would send a text message when I should come again.
I went home and Abbie was waiting for me. I do not know how I even got home as I was still high from the tablet. Abbie even asked me if I was drunk. I told her I was just tired. I went to bed. I did not sleep well, as when the tablet no longer worked, I had a headache. I could not sleep. I was thinking of everything that happened.
I got a text message from Amir, "You are my friend. I will be honest and tell you that you are gay. You liked sitting on my lap and you kissed a boy. I think you are very pretty and maybe when you accept that you are a faggot, we can be more than friends."
To be continued
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