We both went to the sitting room. There was a picture of John on the news. The newscaster said that he was missing! I have seen news of children before on the news that has gone missing. This was now very personal, as I knew John and I knew the mess that he was in. I knew that he could not defend himself, as he could not think straight. It made me think of Amir. Did he have anything to do with it? I could feel an anxiety attack coming as I thought of the beating I had. Images went through my head of John being beaten up. I started to think of Amir's threats and wondered if my life was in danger. I started crying as I felt so helpless.
I went down to mom that was laying on the sofa. She had spilt a bottle of whiskey and was still holding the bottle. I looked down at her and noticed how tired and old she looked. I noticed the red marks on her arms, where she used needles. I still knew that mom loved us, but she was like John. She was a slave to drugs and she was a zombie. I tried shaking her and telling her that Abbie and I needed her. I was now in tears as I knew that Abbie was having a tough time, and my life was destroyed. We needed help and mom was the only one that could help us. I could have been begging a wall, as my mom only grunted and begged me to leave her alone.
The rest of the day, I washed clothes and cleaned the house. I cooked for Abbie some food that I found. Otherwise, Abbie and I spent all day together playing with her dolls and doing things that she wanted. She even gave me a makeover where she fixed my hair in pigtails. Abbie was her old self again and it was as if I had some time left. We ended up cuddling innocently on the bed as she told me about school and how embarrassing it was to be caught shoplifting.
I decided to give her some advice, "Abbie, we are getting older. You are nearly 12! I am not always home, this means you have to take care of yourself. Please remember that you are a good person, and it will only make you sad if you get in trouble."109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFH6yHCV8V
"Why can't we always be together like we used to be?" she asked, " I do not have many friends, and I get lonely. I know you are in trouble. I think you are in worse trouble than me. Please tell me!"109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsMuAwbvX7
"I can't tell you, it's nothing you should worry about. I am dealing with it. Please do not get in trouble. I also do not want you speaking with strangers. Never visit anyone without telling me."109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0PrztmdrP
" Now you are scaring me!"
I used to hate going to school. Now I looked forward to it. I could deal with the teasing and people thinking I was a sissy and gay. There was an element of truth to this. Everyone was talking about John that disappeared. There was also talk that he was a drug addict. It seemed as there was a dark cloud of sadness at the school. The teacher talked about it, and asked did he take drugs because we teased him and bullied him? Did he run away because we have him in hell? I did not mind that the others thought this, as it meant that I was bullied less. I knew the truth though... Amir had something to do with the disappearance. I kept my thoughts to myself.
A few days later, Amir sent me a message that he wanted to see me. This was very inconvenient as I had homework to do. I knew that I had to follow his orders, so I cycled to his house.
Amir hugged me as he came in. I squirmed and tried to think of good things. Then Amir stared at me and asked why I was not wearing mascara. I told him that I get teased at school if I wore it. This made Amir sigh and say that he wanted me to wear mascara all the time, as it enhanced the long eyelashes that I had. This was no kindly request of Amir. It was one of his threats. I knew that I had no choice to comply and do what he wanted.
John was not there, so I had to get changed into a summer dress as well as panties. It was a nice dress. It was a red summer dress with a white belt. It reminded me of the "Annie" film that I have seen. After I got dressed, I danced for all the men. They were all clapping and saying things that I did not understand. I did understand when they called me a sissy or said I was pretty. When they called me pretty, I felt as if they were talking to me as if I was a girl. I did my best doing the sensual dance they wanted. I just wanted to get it over with and go home.
After the dance, I sat on different men's laps. Amir noticed that I was a bit nervous. Experience told me that dancing was not enough. I expected that Amir would molest and abuse me. No wonder why I was nervous and I was afraid. I was also angry that I was here and did not know how I could escape this hell. It was as if I willingly was telling them that it was ok to rape me. Amir noticed this and told me to put out my arm. I did as he commanded and showed him my arm. He had a needle and I told him that I did not want any injection. Amir smiled and reminded me that I do not have a choice. I hate needles and started crying when he injected me with something.
As I felt my body get warm sensations, I heard some of the men ask Amir why I should be drugged? Did he not say once that I was not to get drugs? Amir smiled and said that he changed his mind. I was too slow on being broken and this would help. The drugs would not space me out, I would still know what was happening. They would just make things easier for me. It would also make things easier for Amir.
I quickly felt like I was floating on a cloud and everything seemed like it was distorted. I knew that I was being drugged. Amir was right, these drugs meant I still could think and I knew what was going on around me. It was like everything around me was some hippie cartoon and my body felt like jelly. The drugs also made me giggly and at times it was hard for me to take things seriously.
I was told to strip naked and I found myself doing this without question. I did not even care that I was naked, nor did I care that the men had hands all over my body. Some of the men even wanted me to give them oral sex. I was passed from one man to another man. I did not care. It did not even bother me when they called me gayboy and faggot. One of the men even had full sex with me when the others looked on. I kept on asking myself why I did not shout I did not want to do these things and why I did not shout rape. I just did not care.
I just slept on the floor after they used me in every perverted way they could. It was as if my body would not do what I wanted it to do. They talked in their language and I honestly did not care. At one stage I heard one of them asking what was Amir's plan with me? When would I be a gold pot? Amir answered in their language.
It was late when I recovered and was nearly myself again. Amir told me that he had presents for me. He gave me a shoebox with lots of small girl panties, you know the ones with Disney cartoons. He told me that he wanted me to throw all my boy ones out and to wear these from now on. Before I could answer he gave me another box. It was black shiny Mary Janes which I also had to wear from now on. Then he gave me some tablets and told me that I have earned them. The final present was money. I looked at it and figured that I never had so much money before. Then I was told that I could go home. It was as if I was no longer fun for them and they did not want me around.
It was way past midnight. I went home wearing the summer dress. Mom was not home. I guessed that she was making some man happy. Even if she was home, she would not have noticed me in a dress. Luckily Abbie was asleep. I did what Amir told me to do. I threw all my briefs and boxers in the trash. I put the panties in my drawer and the dress I had on. Then I went to bed and had nightmares once again of snakes crawling all over me.
Abbie woke me up the next day. The drugs Amir gave me was now worn off. I has a headache and was so cold. I was shivering. I told Abbie that I was not going to school. Mom was also home and asleep on the sofa.
The memories came back from the night before. They flooded my mind and I was once again in tears. How could I not protest or why did I not care when I stipped for the men and let them molest and rape me? Was it because of the drug Amir gave me? Was it because my body was getting used to it? Was I gay? The fact was that I was afraid to protest. I was afraid to stay away. I could never have my old life back. I had to protect Abbie and my mother. I had to do what these perverts wanted. It was at this point that realized that Johns's prediction that I would be owned had become true. Amir now owned me. I took some tablets to try to escape this thought. I slept all day.
The next day I went to school. Of course, everyone noticed that I was wearing mascara and that I wore Mary-Janes. I was called the usual names of sissy and asked why did I tell everyone I was a boy? They asked me if I wanted a boyfriend. I do not know if it was because of the bullying, or because I was so sad... I started crying and this only confirmed to everyone that I was a sissy cry baby.
I did meet Raghib and told him that we need to speak.
" Did you know what Amir and the others do to me?" I asked109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wYJN91COk
" I should not be speaking with you"109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgceHPIzS3
" Of course, you know! Is this why you became my friend? It's not right what is happening!"109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc45ERn54jd
" We are not friends," Raghib retorted, " I am not your friend. Leave me alone. I do not want to be seen with you!"109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sf3VNXRzm
" Is this because they abuse you as well"
Raghib punched me in the stomach and told me not to even think he is being abused. He told me that he always knew that I was a pansy and a whore like my mother. Catholics have no morality such as Muslims have. He was a proud Muslim, and he would never engage in homosexual acts. He tried telling me that homosexuality and gay lust was forbidden in his religion and how dare I imply that he gave his body to men. I wanted him to explain why the men would rape and abuse me if they knew homosexuality was wrong.
I did not get a chance. Raghib warned me to know my place and purpose and then walked away.
To be continued
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