I was not that lucky. It was Friday evening when he sent me a text message that he wanted me to come to another party at his house.
I was proud when I responded that I was busy. I did not want to be owned or someones toy. I never wanted to see Amir again. I never wanted to see Raghib again. I wanted my old life back. I missed playing football and being in the choir. I missed being with Abbie. I wanted my innocence back. I wanted my soul back. I did not want to be gay!
Then I got a text message from Amir. He wrote that he was sad that I did not want to be his friend. He also wrote that Abbie could be his friend and he would invite her to his family gatherings. My heart was nearly jumping out of me when I read this. Images were in my head of Abbie doing erotic dances and doing sexual things with Abbie. This made me rush to the toilet and vomit. Abbie found me with my head in the toilet and asked if I was sick. When I looked at her, I started crying. I had to protect my sister. I knew what I had to do. I told Abbie that I had to go somewhere, but would be back later.
I sent back a message to Amir that I was coming.
When I came to Amir's house, there were the usual amount of uncles there. When they saw me, they stopped talking and looked at me. You could hear a needle drop, it was so quiet. It was as time stopped as people looked at me and then Amir. Then things happened so fast. Amir slapped me across the face and pushed me on the floor. Then he took off his belt and started whipping me with it. The pain was unbearable. I hugged my legs and crouched like a ball hoping that it would not hurt so much. He continued beating me and despite I hoped that I would get used to the pain, I did not. I cried and begged Amir to stop. He did not stop. I was sure he wanted to kill me.
Then he stopped and shouted at me, " Listen, and I will only say this once. When I send a message to you that you are to come, you are to come. I do not want any excuses! I want you to drop what you are doing and come! If I tell you to do something, then you are to do it! If you upset me and my friends here again, not only will I put you in the hospital, I will put your whole family in the hospital!"
I stayed on the floor crying and sobbing. I was not only in pain, but I was also scared. Amir was no longer the nice person that I thought he was. He was not a friend. As I was on the floor, I saw John dancing once again in a dress. Despite I was in pain, I wanted to kick myself for not listening to Johns advice and stay away from these people.
Amir must have seen that I was in less pain. He told me that I should sit on his lap. I did what he said. Amir was trying to be nice now.
" I did not want to punish you the way I have done," he said in a soft voice, " My friends and I are trying to help you. Look how you look. Your hair is down to your shoulders. Any girl would be jealous of the hair you have. Some people may even think you are a girl. The fact is that you are not a girl. Allah has made you pretty for a purpose. You are gay and your purpose is to make men happy. The sooner you accept that you are gay and a sissy, the happier you would be. Look at John. He is not as pretty as you, but he has accepted what he is, and he is happy now"
I looked at John. He just came from a room with some man. He was sitting on one of the men's laps and the man as the man molested his thigh. It made shivers go through my spine and have a sick feeling in my stomach. John did not look happy. He was not even himself. He was a drug addict that no longer had a life. He was just a pet to these men. Amir wanted me to be the same.
Amir told me that he had a present for me. I never got a present before. Mom always forgot our birthdays and we never got anything for Christmas. When I opened the present, I expected that I would jump for joy. I wanted to run and cry when I saw what the present was. It was an old fashioned petticoat dress, tights, panties and Mary Janes. Amir saw that I was not smiling, and demanded that I thank him with a kiss. It was embarrassing enough that I planned to kiss him on the cheek, but it was beyond embarrassing that he forced me to give him an intimate kiss on the mouth. I felt like all the men there were smiling at me.
Then everyone started clapping their hands and wanted me to dance. I got up and started to dance. It was dancing that no teenager should ever do. It was sensual and it was sexual. I wondered why men wanted to see a teenage boy wearing a dress swinging his hips like some bimbo in a music video. I was humiliated but still could feel the pain from the beating and the threats.
My ordeal was not over. After the dancing, the men wanted me to sit on their laps, as they called me pretty and even a whore! They said I was just like my mother. Their hands were all over me, and it did not help when I tried to squirm away from their perverted touches. I do not know what was worse? Their touching or the insults. I was afraid. I was afraid I would end up doing the same as my mother. I was afraid of Amirs threats.
I asked Amir for a tablet because my mind was like spaghetti. He complained that the tablets cost a lot and I would have to work for them. He did give me a tablet and it worked quickly to make me feel like I was once again floating. I was not a drug addict like John. I was not spaced out and like a zombie. I could still think. I didn't think as much when I took the tablet and I didn't care so much about what was happening. But I was aware when Amir told me that it was time to work for the tablet. He led me to his bedroom where he abused me once again. I just laid there and let him use me. Would I have done this without the tablet? He teased me and called me sissy faggot and told me that I liked it because I just lay there and at times moaned.
After he was finished, I was allowed to go home. I went straight to bed as the effects of the tablet was wearing off and I had a headache. I did not sleep well. This was just not because of the headache, it was also because every time I dreamt, snakes were crawling all over my body and entering me in any way they could. I woke up several times sweating with anxiety.
It was the weekend. I was in bed looking at the ceiling. I remembered everything that happened the night before. The beating, the threats, dancing in a dress, the men's lap and the sexual abuse. I remember Amir saying that I liked it. This was not true. My body was still in pain from the beating and the rape. I did not want it, I did not like it. I only let it happen because I was afraid of what they could do with me or my family!
I took a shower and once again tried to rub my skin so that it was red. When I got out of the shower, I looked in the mirror. I could see bruises on my legs and arms from the beating. Then I looked at my face. The long hair and earrings made me look like a girl. As I looked in the mirror, I realized that my eyelashes were very long. I looked like a girl. Was this the reason that I was being abused?
Amir and the men would hurt me if I stopped doing what they said. They would hurt mom and Abbie. I had to protect Abbie. I felt trapped.
I looked for Abbie and thought it was strange that she was not home.
Then I decided to search the internet at what the Church said about being gay. It was not good. The Catholic Church believes that homosexuality is a sin, and gays should get some help. Muslims believes that it is a sin, and in some Muslim countries, a gay person would be harshly punished and in some places be put to death. This made me think of Amir and his friends. They kept on talking about Allah and how spiritual they were. They considered themselves good Muslims. How can this be when they were involved in gay things? Was that the reason why they dressed me as a girl? Maybe this was a Jihad, where they would corrupt a Catholic boy and destroy his life?
The doorbell rang. When I answered it, I nearly screamed. It was two policemen. I thought they were here to arrest me for everything I have done. Then I noticed that Abbie was standing with the police. They wanted to speak with my mother. I thought this would be a disaster. However, mom came to the door smiling. She greeted one of the policemen as they were best friends. I guessed that he was one of her customers. When he started blushing, I knew that this was the case. The other policeman informed mom that Abbie was caught shoplifting. They talked a bit and mom said she would take care of it. She then smiled at the blushing police officer and said they would see each other at the same time as usual.
This must have taken all of moms energy, as she collapsed on the sofa and told Abbie to go to her room. I was in shock as I realized that my sister was caught shoplifting. Abbie has always been so innocent and good. She has always been an angel. Now she was a criminal. I went to her bedroom and tried to speak with her. Mom would not do it, she was collapsed on the sofa. Acting normal for 5 minutes as a caring mother was too much for her.
I gave Abbie a speech about how she should not sin and how she needs to be good. Abbie glared at me, and in tears, she said that I had no right to give her advice as I no longer took care of her. She explained that she knew I was involved in something bad. I never was home and when I did come home, I would cry. I felt like an anxiety attack was coming. I could not answer, as Abbie was telling the truth.
We both went to the sitting room. There was a picture of John on the news. The newscaster said that he was missing!
To be continued
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