A boy who was in the class above me told me to keep away from Raghib. "He is bad news and will destroy your life". His name was John and he never spoke to me before this. I did not respond to him because I did not know what to say.
Raghid was a strange friend. He was not a friend that made me laugh. At the beginning of our friendship, he followed me everywhere. Now I followed him. He never wanted to do what I wanted. He liked it best when we would sit and he would lecture me how good his life as a Muslim was and how sad it was that I was a non-believer. He thought that I was lucky that I was his friend. I was an infidel and had chosen the wrong religion.
Raghid forbad me from playing football or singing in the church choir. I tried to tell him that these two things were important for me. He did not want to discuss it. He slapped my face and told me not to be impossible and it would be better for me if I have done what he said. I should have ended the friendship when he said this. I do not know why I listened to Raghid and did as he wanted. Maybe I needed to have a friend. I did not want to be alone. I stopped at choir and stopped playing football. This was the hardest thing that I ever have done. Up to now, it was such an important part of my identity, that I felt lost and did know what my purpose was.
It meant that I clung more to Raghid. He became the most important thing in my life and I was so submissive that I was becoming more like his puppy. When he told me once that I should get both my ears pierced, I did question him why and even told him that it was nothing that I wanted. My small protest did not go far. I soon had a stud in each ear. Raghib said they made me look more pretty and he liked them. I looked at them and wondered how I agreed to them.
My mother did not even notice that I got my ears pierced. If she did, she most likely would have not cared. Abbie was jealous and wanted to have her ears pierced. She wondered where I got the money from them. When I told her that Raghib paid for them, she asked me did I not consider it strange that Raghid spent so much money on me. I just answered that we were good friends.
At school, they noticed that I had earrings and was friends with Raghid. At first, it was just whispering, and then it became teasing. Everyone was accusing Raghid and me of being gay and boyfriends. This was the worse teasing that I ever experienced. I wanted to scream and cry. The more that I denied it, the more that they teased. I felt as if what reputation I had was destroyed and it was as if I no longer even wanted to go to school. Being called gay is not fun when it is not true!!!
Abbie knew that I was being teased and she told me she even would think I was being gay with Raghid. She knew me better but others do not know me. Abbie begged me to reconsider my friendship with Raghid. She did not like or trust him.
It made me ask myself once more why I was a friend of Raghid. He was dominating, He did not care what I wanted or thought. I was like his little puppy. Was it a friendship or was it like having a big brother that wanted to control me and boss me around? Abbie was right in many ways, what was there to like with Raghid?
I tried telling him that the others were saying that we were boyfriends, and we should make it clear that we were not gay and stand up for ourselves! Raghid just smiled and told me that they were jealous because I was so pretty. He tried to cheer me up by inviting me home to his family. I agreed but was very confused. Why did he not stand up for himself? Why did he always call me pretty? Why could I not end this friendship? Why was I so afraid that if I did, I would never have a chance for a friendship again?
I cycled to his family that night. I made sure that Abbie had food and I did not like the fact that I left her with my mother. I planned that this would be a quick visit. Raghid's family was from Afghanistan. He had a lot of uncles and a mother and a sister. They all wore traditional clothes from Afghanistan. They also mostly spoke in their language, which sounded so strange. I did not understand a word of what they were saying.
Raghid welcomed me and then told me that I could sit on the floor, as there was no place on the chairs and sofas. Then he left me there and I had nothing to do but to observe the others. I wondered how so many uncles could be there. It made me think that I had never seen my uncles, and we never had family gatherings. I also observed Raghids mother and sister. They were dressed in Islamic clothes. Even their faces were covered. They said nothing and it looked as if they used all their time serving the uncles or cooking in the kitchen.
Then John came out. He was the boy that warned me not to see Raghib and if I did, it would ruin my life. My first thought is why he would warn me if he was here himself? I didn't have much time to think of why he was here because I noticed what he was wearing. He was wearing a dress. It looked so strange that I could not help but laugh. I quickly stopped laughing as the uncles were giving me a stern look. It was wrong of me to laugh at a boy wearing a dress. I do not know why it was wrong, but I did not like the stern looks telling me it was.
John started to dance. It was a provocative and sexy dance that could be seen on some of the music videos. The men looked at the dance and clapped their hands, telling John how pretty he was. It all was so gay for me, as men clapping at a dancing boy in a dress. I clapped lightly so I would get no stern looks. At the same time, I wondered why John would even do something like this. After he danced, the men talked in their language for some time and John went to someplace with one of them.
Then it was time to eat. We had some lovely food that was typical for Afghanistan. I could have eaten 10 servings, but I decided to be polite. It's not like I could eat too much, as one of the uncles put the food on my plate. I just ate, as I could not understand a word they said. John came back from wherever he was and looked so tired. He did not say anything but looked down as he ate. It looked as if he had been crying. I asked him if he was ok. John did not answer. One of the uncles told me not to worry about John. He has done what he was asked to do. This confused me. Why did John not answer? Maybe he could not, as he looked the same as mum when she was high from drugs. He had this blank look on his face.
After we ate, the uncles started talking in English. They talked about how Islam was the one true religion and how Allah was the one true God. According to them, Islam was a religion that showed love and compassion and would stand up to its enemies. Allah was very strong and he would make sure that the Muslims always won.
Raghid was not with me the whole evening. He was sitting on a chair and speaking with the others. It was only John and me that sat on the floor. I thought it was bad for my so-called best friend to leave me alone.
Amir was one of his uncles. He was about 30 years old, was skinny and looked like he used the gym a lot. He started talking to me by saying that it was not my fault that I was an infidel. It meant that I was not chosen. However, Allah made sure that I was pretty and this meant that he had a purpose for me. I did not understand what he was on about. I just was polite and thanked him for inviting me.
I told Amir that I had to go home. He smiled and said he would text me when there was a family gathering again, he would send me a text message to come.
When I got home, Abbie was waiting for me. She looked like she was nervous and have been crying. Abbie told me that she did not expect me to be so late. I told her mostly what happened. We had some nice food and there was dancing. I did not go into more detail as I did not know how to explain it all. There were so many strange things that happened. John dancing while he dressed as a girl and all the talk about Islam. They made me feel like it was something bad that I was a Catholic. Besides all this, I never was called pretty so many times.
Things got strange at school after I visited Raghids family. At school, Raghid seemed to try and avoid me. Every time I tried to talk with him, he would walk away. I hoped that we could talk about some of the strange things that happened. After a few days, I got the message that he did not want to talk with me or be with me. I knew that he no longer wanted to be my friend. I will be honest, that this hurt so much.
I tried speaking with John. He was impossible to speak with as he seemed to be dazed all the time and in another world. One of the girls in his class told me it was a waste of time speaking with John, as he was hardly ever at school and when he was, he was always as high as a kite.
Abbie was happy that I was no longer friends with Raghid. She made it no secret that she never did like him. She thought that he treated me like his little puppy and had no respect for me. Maybe she was right. He did treat me like dirt, but he was my first real friend. It was like a knife in my heart that he no longer wanted to be my friend. I felt like it was all my fault. What did I do wrong?
It seemed as if I would soon find out. A week later Amir sent me a text message that the family was gathering again, and he wanted me to come. It was not asking if I wanted to come. He demanded that I come!
To be continued
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