That night I found myself at a child's home. The events of the raid kept going through my head. The policewoman said we were rescued. I was now sitting in my room at a children's home. I had no clients, dances or films to do. I just sat on the bed and tried to understand it all. For a long time, I was trained to be an object of men's lust. I was owned by a man that thought it was my destiny to be abused. I had no choice being a sex slave. Now I was sitting on a bed and I was told I was rescued. Was the hell that I have been through finally over? Was I finally free? Could I live a normal life as a teenager? This was impossible for me to believe.
My thoughts were interrupted by Abbie that rushed in the door. She hugged me and started crying. I quickly joined her. Abbie told me that she was told that I ran away. She never believed this. She never believed that I would abandon her. She knew that I was in some trouble. After some silence, she told me that everyone knew what happened to me. Abbie even apologised for not being a better sister and helping me as I was being dragged into the dark world. We were both crying about what had happened, but also that we were now once together again. Nothing would ever separate us again.
The police came to question me. They wanted to know how Amir recruited me and trained me. They wanted to know what the men did to me and who they were. Despite that the police were very nice, I was silent. To be honest, I was afraid of telling them anything. I couldn't believe that Amir was out of my life. I was sure that he somehow would find me and hurt me in some way. He had a lot of friends that could hurt me and Abbie. The police asked so many questions and assured me that I was now safe. I did not believe them.
The Child's home was not heaven on Earth. It was as if there was no love or compassion. I quickly found out that the staff did not care. They let children do what they wanted. Some children did not even go to school. Some smoked and some only used the home as a place to live. The only time the staff spoke with me was to ask if I considered myself a girl or boy. Did I want to live as a girl? I told them I wanted boy clothes. I cut my hair so that it was shoulder length. I did not want to be a sissy. It was time that I was normal.
The other children knew what happened to me. They would ask strange questions about why I allowed myself to be a prostitute. They were sure that I must have liked doing it as I was gay. This gave me a bad reputation and made sure that I was avoided. This was nothing new. The only real friend I had was Andrew and I had no clue as to where he was now. I was lonely at the child's home but tried to be optimistic, that I had Abbie.
I tried to live a normal life and leave the hell I experienced behind me. This was impossible, as I still had nightmares about snake pits and I had flashbacks about being abused. I tried to smile and be normal. I tried paying attention at school and even tried to study. The problem is that I knew that when people looked at me, they only saw me as a gay prostitute that allowed men to have sex with me. I started looking down in public. I did not want people to see my face or the shame and pain that I had.
I could not escape my past. One of the staff members was just as mean as Amir. His name was David. He appeared in my room and warned me not to make a noise. Then he molested and abused me. He thought it was ok to do it as he reasoned once a prostitute, always a prostitute. He would moan and groan and call me names like whore and faggot. David did not consider it abuse, he thought that I liked it. After he used me in whatever way he wished, I was ordered to get washed. I was also ordered not to tell anyone. Who would believe me as It was obvious that I liked men? Besides that, he warned me that some bad thing could happen to Abbie. He visited me when he worked at night and I never protested. Amir was replaced by David. This made me think that I did not escape. I would always be an object of men's desire.
When David was not at work, I would cry a lot at night. I lost all hope that I could ever escape the abuse and pain. I felt as if there would always be men like Amir and David. The worse thing was that there was no one to talk to. I had so many bad experiences and went through a hell that most my age did not have to. This hell never stopped. I could never escape what perverts thought was my destiny.
It was about this time that I decided to take fate into my own hands. If men wanted to have sex with me, they could pay for the privilege. If people thought I was girly, then I would look more girly. I started smoking and not caring about anything. I started wearing mascara again and putting my hair in ponytails. I would find other children's weaknesses and tease them about them. I let David do what he wanted with me, as long as he gave me cigarettes.
Abbie noticed the change in me. She noticed that I started smoking and did not care about school. She knew nothing about David's visits. She tried telling me that she was worried about me. I was not at nice as I used to be. I was becoming tougher and she asked me did I have any feelings anymore. She did not like that I was becoming a bully. It hurt when Abbie was worried about me. She would never understand that I was tired of being a victim. I simply wanted to have control.
I dressed in the most skimpy clothes that I could find. I went down to the local park and hung around the toilets. It did not take long for an old man to come and ask me if I would give him oral sex. When I told him that it would cost him, he told me that all the boys in the park were the same... whores. He gave the money and we went into one of the stalls. Servicing him seemed to be different from all the other times. I didn't care what I was doing. It felt as if this was my decision. I was in control and I could be rich at doing what Amir trained me to be.
I no longer had self-esteem. I decided that I was trained to be a boy prostitute. I bought Abbie presents that I earned from prostituting myself. It was nice that I could buy presents and I always had cigarettes. It meant that I started skipping school to go to the park. I tried school and could not deal with it. I was trained to be something that could please men. I didn't realize it, but every time I was with a man, it was chipping away at what spirit I had left. It was becoming a case where I no longer cared about anything at all, except Abbie. I was not happy with this kind of life. I was angry at myself. I was angry with David. I was angry with God. I felt as if I would never escape this darkness. Once again, I allowed myself to be a victim.
I was beaten up by some older boys at the park. They told me I was soliciting in their area. They did not want any pretty boy like me trespassing on their turf. I tried to fight them, but I was a hopeless fighter. I saw punches coming from all directions and ended up on the ground. I honestly did not care if they killed me. I lost all hope that I would ever be fully free. I was in pain as I remembered getting beat up by Amir and the man at the farm. Everything went black and maybe this time, I would die and go to heaven.
That did not work. When I woke up, I was back at the child's home and Abbie was sitting at the side of my bed. She cried as she talked to me, "I was so worried about you. Why did you do it? Why did you have to do those things at the park? You don't need to sell your body anymore! You don't have to be a prostitute? It's not good for you! What would you do if I have done it? You would not like me to be a prostitute! It would be easy for me to do it. I noticed how the staff look at me. Should I do the same as you and just sell myself? I do not know what to say.. please stop!"
I was a bit shocked when Abbie said that the staff were looking at her in a perverted way. She was only 11 years old. How could I tell her that even if I stopped going to the park, David would visit me every night? She could never understand that the abuse would continue. I would have no choice but let David use me as a sex toy when he wanted to. Abbie did not understand that there was no hope for me!
When I felt better, I decided to visit mom. She was delighted to see me. I was surprised at how healthy and happy she looked. Mom explained that when Abbie was taken away and that she heard I ran away, she woke up. She realized that she was a bad mother and did not take care of us the way she should have. She wanted to have a second chance but knew that she had to sort out her life. It was extremely hard for her, but she stopped drinking and now worked at a supermarket. I could see that the house was very tidy and clean. I was proud of mom, she did love us and that love enabled her to change her life.
Then mom told me she heard what happened to me. She told me that I was way too young to do what Amir trained me to do. Mom felt guilty that she did not notice. She hugged me and told me that I needed to forgive myself and live a normal life as a teenager. I needed to believe in myself. I was not meant to be a sex object. She said that I had the potential to do great things. She finished by telling me that I needed help to heal and move on.
I left mom and promised her that I would visit her in the future. On my way home I had a nice surprise. I met Andrew. He was the boy that I loved on the farm and that escaped. We walked together as he told me his story. Andrew escaped from the farm and went to a church for help. The priest showed him a safe house where Andrew could live. He was finally safe and was getting help from his traumatic experiences. It was Andrew that told a priest where the farm was, and the priest told the police that raided the farm and saved so many boys. I was proud of Andrew. He was a hero! Before I left him, he told me where the safe house was and wished that I would also live there.
Andrew did not know that David abused me or about the park. I stopped going to the park, but the abuse with David continued. He would visit me at night and use me in every way he could. Amir may not have owned me anymore but David now thought that he did. One night he told me that he was getting tired of me. He was going to seduce Abbie and then he would have both of us. David was very serious about this. He always had a wish to see a brother and sister engage in incest.
I nearly vomited when he said this. When David went, I sneaked into Abbie's room. I told her we had to leave and I will explain it later. Abbie trusted me, and despite she was nearly sleepwalking, we left the child home. It was very dark and Abbie was afraid of being out in the dark alone. I held her hand as we walked to the other side of the town.
We arrived at the safehouse Andrew talked about and after we rang the door a hundred times, a priest answered the door. I whimpered that we needed help.
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