Haven grabbed my arm with a tightened grip and dragged me under the bleachers. Haven sat across from me as I made sure I was sitting next to Delcan (just so he wouldn’t say something stupid. That’s the only reason). We were all just looking at each other, none of us really saying anything until I shifted my weight. Haven made eye contact with me and said: “I want the truth. And not half of the truth, Ezra. Just the whole truth. Just spare me your details about finding out about your sexuality.”
I ignored her rolling her eyes and tried to think of some type of response. I only knew a few answers to half of the things she’d probably be asking me about. And even though most of her questions had good enough reasoning, it wasn’t anything that I was comfortable saying out loud.
“I’m waiting,” Haven said. Behind the anger her hazel eyes were showing, there was also a small sense of pain that made me feel horrible.
“Don’t pressure him,” Delcan said, a slight sign of warning in his voice. He was surprisingly calm, which made me feel better since it would make all of this so much easier.
Haven looked over to him. “Seriously?” she asked. “I get that you’re trying to ‘be nice’ or whatever, but I know you have a part in this. There’s no need to lie, Delcan,” she paused for a minute whenever Evvie tried to comfort her, then Haven pushed her away. “I already hate you more than I did when we met.”868Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVBm5bhB0H
“Silence is golden, duck tape is silver,” Delcan said calmly.
I looked at him for a second before I realized he wouldn’t stop unless he wanted to. The bell rang, and it felt like my stomach had dropped to the ground. I was missing class for the first time in my life, and it was over this. Evvie was biting her lip as Haven rolled her eyes again. I understood that she was mad, but snapping at Delcan wouldn’t get her anywhere.
“Go on, Ezra,” Haven said to me.
I sighed. “I’m sorry,” I said to her. “I didn’t mean to lie to you at all, and it was wrong of me to take advantage of you. I already told you the reason why I never said anything in the first place, but I don’t want you to think that I was using you - even though I technically was,” for a moment I suddenly remembered Delcan. “And if you’re wanting to know, Delcan and I aren’t boyfriends. Not saying that I don’t want to be or anything, but we’re not. I met him a few months ago, about two months after the Halloween party. It’s also, as a brief reminder, not my fault. I tried to love you, but I can’t.”
Haven was silent for a few seconds, and then she said something that shocked me completely. “I never loved you, either,” she said.
Delcan cracked up laughing, and everyone turned to look at him. “What?!” he said, still showing his charming smile. “It’s gonna make things a lot easier when I have to explain this to my parents.”
“You’re telling your parents about this?” Evvie asked Delcan.
He nodded. “I kinda have to.” Delcan looked down at the ring on his finger. “There’s not really any other way to get out of things once you’ve been smuggling drugs.” When nobody responded to him, the conversation seemed to easily go back to the beginning topic.
“Why can’t I know anything about you two?” Haven asked. Her voice didn’t sound mad or anything, but there was curiosity behind it. I just had to remember that no matter what I said towards her, it could be used to ruin my life. I had to make sure I was doing the right thing, or she would tell everybody.
“Because it’s not your business,” Delcan said to her.
Haven glared to him again, but then she said something, something I wish she never would have said. “I’ve already heard sorry from Ezra, multiple times,” she said, keeping her eyes off of me. “But I’ve never heard it from you.”
“What would Delcan say sorry for?” I asked her. “It isn’t really his fault.”
Evvie rolled her eyes as Delcan crossed his arms over his chest. “I have no need to apologize for anything that I did,” he said. “And it’s not like I regret it.”
I locked eyes with Haven then, and she gave me this look that I could only think would mean: Do something about him. I looked down at the ground for a few seconds before looking over to Delcan, who always found a way to look beautiful, even if he didn’t exactly try to.
“It’s literally two words, Delcan,” Haven said. “You act like I’m asking for 1,000 bucks.”
I buried my head in my hands whenever Delcan’s voice got past annoyed. “I’m not apologizing to you for anything!” he said. His voice sounded just like Emmanuel’s when he felt like trying to put up an argument with our mom.
Evvie looked over to me. “Told you he wouldn’t listen,” she said.
“When does he ever?” Haven muttered. I was making sure not to say anything because full disclosure right now probably isn’t the smartest route.
Delcan sighed. “At least my gaydar works,” he said.
I looked at him that time. “Just please say sorry, Delcan,” I told him. He held eye contact with me for a few seconds, the outer edges of them amber, though the rest was a dark green. He sighed angrily.
“Fine.”
Haven rested her hands on the floor, spreading her legs out in front of her. She smirked, just like Delcan would. “About time,” she said.
“I’m sorry,” Delcan said. “I’m...sorry. Sorry that I kissed your boyfriend, and he actually liked it.”
Haven sat up. “Seriously?!”868Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHztAVFCRfC
I gave Delcan a look, but he was already smiling, and all of what I was going to say went away. It was obvious that Evvie had wanted to laugh at what Delcan had said, though she was keeping quiet by turning her face away, and looking at what was under the bleachers. “You wanted an apology,” Delcan said. “I gave you one.”868Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKq1sKvbCiF
“Can we just stop?” I cut in, my voice raising more than I’d expected it to. Everyone went silent. “It doesn't matter. Haven, I said I was sorry for cheating, but don’t expect it from Delcan. You made the promise not to tell anyone else, and that’s all there is to it.” Out of frustration, I grabbed my things and stood up to maybe half my height as I got out from under the bleachers. Maybe it was dumb to leave, and maybe it wasn’t. But whatever the case was, I’m not spending another minute at school.
Knowing that if I had decided to take Eric’s car, they would’ve known something was up. Instead, I walked home, digging my short fingernails into my hands. There were small red marks each time I did it, but the pain was actually soothing. Sometimes, I would wish that Mom and Dad had stopped at one child. I don’t want the life I live, and I especially don’t want the feelings I have for Delcan. They’re...weird, and everyone will judge me for it in the end.
I closed the front door behind me, knowing that neither one of my parents were home. Evelyn was back in school, meaning that I had the house to myself. Grabbing a bag of gummy bears instead of an apple, I went upstairs to my room and locked the door behind me. He’s not here to tell me what to do, I thought to myself.
Once I had eaten half of the gummy bears, I put my head in my pillow and began crying.
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