I got a text message from Amir, "You are my friend. I will be honest and tell you that you are gay. You liked sitting on my lap and you kissed a boy. I think you are very pretty and maybe when you accept that you are a faggot, we can be more than friends."
I did not answer the message on the phone. My mind was in turmoil. I did sit on his lap, but I never considered it something sexual. I did not sit on Amirs lap because I fancied him. Yes, I did dance. But my intention was not to seduce any man. I was told to dance. And yes, I did kiss a boy. I do not even know if I liked it. It was also because so many were telling me to kiss him, that I felt pressured to do it. All this may sound gay, but the difference is that I did not do it because I was gay.
I received a text message the next morning from Amir. "Sorry if yesterdays visit made you feel uncomfortable. Being a teenager is a confusing time. I would like to take you out for a drive after school if that is OK. We will just relax and have some fun."
I responded that it was ok and a good plan. A part of my head was telling me that it would be best if I never saw Amir or any of the men again. Another part of me was thinking that he just wanted to be my friend. I know he was older, but it seemed as if he wanted to be my friend. Maybe I just had to learn about his culture and accept that someone liked me.
I sat on my bed so confused. Was Amir a friend? Did I just want a friend because I did not like being alone? Was I a drug addict because I took the tablet? Was my life a mistake because I was the result of my mom being a prostitute?
I went by Abbie's door. She was still asleep. Then I went down and found mom on the sofa. I shook her until she woke up. She had a hangover.
"Are you a prostitute?" I asked133Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wfAQxkR2O
" Why do you ask?"133Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAShhsvI7jT
" I just heard people say it. Well, are you?"133Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcvVOOQhKr
" Yes, that is how we get money to put food on the table. You should be happy that I do this to take care of your sister."133Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1osnHGZKR
" Do not think you are a good mother! This is why Abbie and I do not know who our real father is!"
Mum begged me to leave her alone as she did not feel well. I kept on pressuring her until she answered. She ended up sighing and saying that our father could be anyone. She also added that it was most likely that Abbie and I had the same dad. This hurt when she said it. What was worse is that Abbie overheard the conversation and ran crying back to her bedroom.
I rushed after her and sat down by her bed and tried to console her. She was crying asking why she did not have a normal family like others and now I was not her brother, just a half brother, because we did not have the same Dad. I did not know what to answer. I agreed with her. It is hard to hear that we were a mistake and the result of paid sex. I told her that we could not help the way our mom was and even I doubted if our mom loved us. However, Abbie was my sister. I told her I would never consider her as a half-sister or a mistake. This world is much better because she was born and she would also have me as a brother. We hugged each other and said nothing in silence until it was time to go to school.
Nothing happened at school except Raghib told me to give Amir a chance. He reminded me that I needed a friend. I told Raghib to leave me alone. It felt liberating telling Rahib to sod off, but it seemed like he knew what I was thinking. I did want a friend!
After school, Amir was waiting in one of the coolest cars I ever have seen. I jumped in the car and he took me for a ride through the countryside. The roof was down and it was so fun driving with Amir. It was as if we were flying through the countryside and nature was so beautiful. Amir did not talk about Allah or anything that happened at the gathering. He did not talk about me being gay. He let me do all the talking. I told him I was once a choir boy and we talked about the talk I had with my mom.
Amir drove me home, and we sat in the car talking outside my home.
"You are a special boy," Amir said, " and you are a fine young man. I think Allah plan is that we become friends, despite that I am older. As a teenager, you need some guidance and help. You need someone older to help you find your place on earth. I have deep feelings for you and hope you love me too."
Amir kissed me on the cheek as I left the car.
Abbie was quiet that night. I tried talking to her, but she did not want to talk. This gave me some time to think about Amir. It was fun being with him today and I was not at all confused. He did not speak down to me and did not order me to do strange things. He listened to me. He made me feel special by praising me and saying that I was special and that he loved me. I did not think this sounded gay, as it was like hearing my mother say that she loved me... which never happened.
Over the next few days. Amir took me for a drive. It was the same as the other times, except he would stop someplace and we would have some ice cream or something like that. I considered Amir as a special friend, and I was so lucky to have a friend like him.
We did this for a week. Then something new happened. Amir told me that he would be disappointed if I have not fallen in love with him. I blushed as I reminded him that I was sure that I was not gay. This made Amir frown.
"I have been open and told you that I had special feelings for you," he said, "You are a very pretty boy and almost feminine. You are already gay in many ways. I hoped that you loved me. Maybe I was wasting my time on you!"
I told Amir that I had to go and we could talk about it tomorrow. He did not say anything and sped away.
The next day, Amir did not show up after school. It was also the weekend, so I had a lot of time to think. I sent him a lot of messages and he did not respond to them. I spent most of the time on my bed waiting for an answer. I would even dance at a gathering of men. I missed him so much. Maybe he has seen something in me that I did not. I did not want to be gay but maybe it was something I could not decide.
One thing I was sure about is that I did not want to lose another friend. I lost Raghib as a friend for reasons why I did not know. Amir was most likely the last chance I had of getting a friend. Who wants to be a friend with a son of a whore? Who would ever respect me because I was conceived when a man was paying my mother for sex? Amir showed me that he was a friend. He took me places, listened to me, bought me things and wanted to be my friend.
I sent him a text message telling him that I do love him and hoped that he still wanted to be with me. This must have been what he wanted, as he was waiting for me after school.
It was like nothing happened. Amir was the same smiling man that I knew. He started by telling me that he had a tablet that would help my anxiety. It was not as strong as the last one. He wanted me to take the tablet. I thought of my mom's drugs and how John was a junkie, but I did not want to say no. So I took the tablet. He was right, I did not lose my mind or get high, it made me feel giggly and forget all my worries. I still was aware of what was happening. Maybe it was because of the tablet that I kissed Amir on the lips. I did mind the kissing. It made me blush and giggle like a little girl.
We continued to meet and it always ended up with me taking a tablet and a long kissing session. I will admit that I loved kissing and cuddling. It felt nice and it showed that someone cared about me. I knew it was an older man that I was kissing and it was most likely against the law. It didn't hurt me and despite the kissing sessions that became longer and longer, I like them.
The only problem was Abbie. She was often left alone with our mom and she felt so lonely. She would ask me where I have been and why I was so late. I tried talking to her and telling her that I was a teenager now and had things to do. Abbie thought that I was avoiding her because she was now only my half-sister. I hugged her and told her that She was the best person in my life. I was her brother and loved her. She was getting old enough that she should hang around with her friends.
The next time I met Amir, I asked him for a tablet. This had happened a few times. It was because sometimes I felt like I was getting an anxiety attack and these tablets helped. Amir was starting to complain about how much they cost. I knew what to do. I just flirted with him telling him how much I loved him. This would be followed up by a long kissing session that most likely broke every world record.
Amir said he had a present for me. When I opened it, I found out it was mascara. I did not know how to be happy about getting girls make-up. Amir just laughed and said I had the prettiest eyes he has ever seen. The mascara would show how pretty they were. Then he showed me how to put it on and said that he expected me to wear mascara from now on.
I was teased and even bullied by people pushing me at school. They asked me if I was gay because I wore earrings and make-up. They wanted to know who my boyfriend was. I tried telling them that I was not gay, but they did not believe me. I was now known as the school faggot. I hated that word!!!!
I tried telling Amir that everyone was calling me gay. He was driving me to his home. The only thing he said was that I am what I am... whatever that meant. He was more interested in me seeing his bedroom than hearing about my problems at school.
Then it happened. He pushed me on the bed and said it was time for my last lesson. My clothes were removed and for the next hour, I was raped. I am sure I blacked out for most of it, but the humiliation and the pain was something that I never experienced before. It was not love or friendship. It was lust and Amir dominating, using me as his own sex toy. He did not care how I felt. He was only interested in my body.
After, I stumbled out of the room. Raghib saw me but said nothing. He must have heard me screaming and crying.
I walked home with tears flowing down my face. How could Amir do this to me? I knew one thing for sure. I never wanted to see him again.
To be continued133Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszgWxD3OG4
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