Trigger Warning: If teenage pregnancies or abortions act as a trigger for you, I suggest skipping this part of The Five Secrets_Ezra Gatley. 660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EIMO30yLy
Eric said he’d wait for 45 minutes (as long as I did his chores for 45 days) until he left. I was annoyed by the agreement I had to make, but this seemed really important to Evvie. I needed to listen to whatever she had to say. Plus, I wanted to be a good friend.
Evvie and I went outside and to the bleachers, where nobody was. Football practice didn’t start up again for a couple of weeks (something about coach dealing with his wife. I think it’s a divorce or something) so the field was empty. We sat on the fourth row as Evvie began wiping her hands on her jeans.
“Nervous much?” I teased.
She looked at me. “You’re beginning to act like who you date,” she warned. I smiled because I knew that Delcan had affected the way I act. Then again, I don’t think I could ever be exactly like him.
“What’s the issue?”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNryU4j35d
I sat down next to her as she put her hair to one side. “Okay,” she said. “I haven’t been completely honest with you…”
Obviously. “Go on,” I pushed.
Evvie didn’t even take a breath before she began speaking. “So, I had to move in the middle of 9th grade, which I never exactly gave too much of a reason for. You never asked for one, either. No one really did.” That made me feel bad. I just thought she had a problem with her parents. I had no idea she was even bothered by that. “Do you know how long I was gone for?”
“Six months,” I said. I’d started counting after she suddenly left in the middle of the school year. It bothered me so much that it felt like I was getting withdrawals from not talking to my best friend as much. Maybe I should’ve asked why she had been gone for so long instead of talking about Delcan.
Evvie nodded. “Do you remember Rio Yamamoto?” she asked me. Yes, I did. He as the guy Evvie had a crush on in 8th grade, and then the guy she kissed in 9th at a party. No one else could know about the kiss, because we were “dating” at the time. He was on the track team, and though I never really liked the guy, I always pretended to.
“Yup.”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQdDh3cTcS
She sighed. “I might not be a virgin anymore,” she muttered.
I almost jumped from my seat.660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkO5WtPRUV
“Evvie Hamill!” I yelled. She bit back a smile, then dogged me grabbed her arm. “When did this happen? Why did this happen? You need to explain some things, Eve!” She rolled her eyes, meaning I wasn’t going to get an actual answer out of her.
She sat back. “Later, but not right now,” she said.
“Rio?” I asked her. “You had your first time with Rio, and you never told me?! Oh gosh...did he do anything? Were you comfortable-”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NViH2cMNS
Evvie hit my arm. “It doesn’t matter! Just listen, okay?”
I sighed. “Fine,” I said. Later, or tonight, I was going to ask her about it. I always wanted Evvie to be loved, and I really hope that her first time was as enjoyable as she imagined. I know that mine wasn’t.
“A few days after...my first time.” She was avoiding the word. “I started to feel really weird. I kept on getting sick and everything, so my parents had me stay home for a few days. One day when they weren’t there, the worst news happened.”
I leaned in. This felt like some type of reality TV show that Evelyn always watches with Mom.
“Gosh, you’re going to hate me.” Evvie put her head in her hands, and I heard her sniffle. No, no, no, don’t cry.
As quickly as I could, I took my best friend’s hand. “It’s okay,” I told her. “Whatever it is, it’s okay. Just tell me.”
She put her knees up to her chest before continuing. “I told my parents when they got home, and they were so ashamed of their little girl. Soon after what happened, I was told to either...they gave me two options. I took the second one, and it broke me.”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5IpNVewAjY
I was so confused. “What?”
(This is where the part happens if you are uncomfortable with reading about the subject of abortion. If you are comfortable with things like this, read on!) 660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bWNGirNnd
She looked at me this time, her dark brown eyes filled with tears. I squeezed her hand, hating myself for feeling such guilt. I didn’t even have a part in whatever happened to her, yet I felt like all of it was my fault - especially when I saw her cry. “I killed something, Ezra.”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAb8XPFeu5A
And then it hit me.
Rio must’ve used the condom wrong or something. Whatever happened, Evvie got pregnant, and I never even knew about it. It’d explain why she was so distant, and why she was so moody all the time when I tried asking her about anything. She was pregnant, and she’d given up the baby. I wanted to be mad at her, but I honestly had no right to be. If I were in her position, it would make sense.
“I’m so sorry,” I told her.
Evvie started crying. “I didn’t want to,” she cried. I felt my throat tighten up just watching her cry. “But it wasn’t like I could raise a baby! And I know what happens to mothers who put their babies up for adoption. Most of the time, it kills them. I couldn’t do that to myself.”
I felt like Evvie had a right to have an abortion. I mean, it was her body and her choice. It wasn’t like I ever had to worry about something like that (doubled) when it came to intimacy, but it just hit me that she does. Evvie was only 15. I had no idea if she could even raise a child, or deal with the pain of losing one.
“Did Rio ever now?” 660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tI64TcMO6
Evvie shook her head, her hair falling out of place. She was still crying, and I instantly wrapped my arm around her. It was too much to sit there and watch her cry. “I-it was so hard to deal with,” she said, still crying. I held her to my chest. “But it was so much worse. I just ruined a baby’s life, one who didn’t even get a chance! What does that say about me?”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMf8lwGSvNM
“That you made a hard choice,” I told her, still putting my arm around her. When Evvie said that she wanted me to talk to her, I couldn’t even imagine it would be something like this. But now, the only thing I could do was help her.
Evvie rested her head on my shoulder. “My dad didn’t really move to Alaska,” she said. I kind of did guess that was a lie. “He went to Florida to get away from my mom and me. Eventually, my mom decided that I should go to Florida after my attitude got too out of hand, which is where I went for the past three months. The other three, I stayed home.”
She was home this entire time, and I never knew? I don’t understand why she’s hiding things from me. We used to tell each other everything. And then I suddenly remembered what Haven had said over the phone that day. “Did Haven somehow find out? Was anyone else-”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2qm7ppwK6
“No!” she cried. She sighed when I stiffened up. “I have no idea how on Earth she found out! She just-I don’t know. People like Haven are good at finding out secrets because they have their own.”
Delcan does that.
I nodded. “Do you-I’m sorry for what happened.”
She sighed. “It’s okay,” she whispered. “It was just hard. I had the worst time doing anything. I don’t know why, but after getting the abortion, it felt so wrong to do anything. Everything just made me feel like I had just lost a family member -” technically, she did. “I didn’t even have the motivation to dance anymore. Nothing could help it.”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8MIoWFlfJ
“At least your parents wanted to get you a vacation,” I told her, trying to lighten the mood. I didn’t want Evvie to think about the baby. She just needed to focus on something else. Maybe the vacation was better. Evvie looked up at me, our faces close. “I’m sure going to Florida was exciting.”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡki9bKG9jmF
She shook her head. “My dad watched me everywhere I went,” she said. “I wasn’t even allowed to be in the bathroom for more than ten minutes before he would use the key to unlock the door on me. I had to stay in the house for the entire three months - which helped nothing - while my dad got to go out and have fun after midnight.”
That sucks.
“Oh,” I said. She stayed silent for a minute before beginning to speak again.
“I’m sorry I never told you,” she whispered.
I held her to me. “It isn’t your fault,” I told her. “It’s not like I’ve been the best friend in the world for you. But why-”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZFBqm7TPD
“Am I skinnier?” she cut in.
Feeling bad for saying it out loud, I nodded. “I didn’t feel like eating, ever,” Evvie told me. “I don’t know what was going on with me. Things were just...bad. I’m sorry that I never told you about it.”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGtu2Xuh64
I sighed, not really understanding how I could be mad at her. “You’re fine,” I said. “Seriously. I don’t want you to worry about this at all.”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXf9dvUVvT
We both stayed silent for a minute while I tried everything to wrap my mind around what I was just told. Evvie could’ve had a child. She didn’t tell me about her first time - probably meaning it was absolutely horrible. She must’ve gone through some type of depressive phase after having the abortion, which I guess could happen. But besides all of that, I felt like a pretty bad friend for never even asking her too much about what actually happened.
Out of nowhere, Evvie asked a random question. “Were you...flirting with Brielle?”
I perked up. “Um...I don’t know exactly,” I said. When I gave her a smile, and she smiled back, I already knew I was making her feel better. “Did it seem like that?”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLG0dYFctKU
Evvie nodded, and when I didn’t say anything, she hit my shoulder. “Seriously!” Evvie seemed like she was about to yell, but it just came out as laughter. “I don’t know why you want to be flirting with her! She dates everyone.”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXACVEQqJDA
Taking my arm out from under her, I gave her a look. “Are you sure you’re done?” I asked her. “I seriously don’t want to make this friendship about just one of us. It makes me feel wrong, and...you know how my guilt works.”
Evvie smiled, taking my hand. “It doesn’t matter,” she said. “But if I do want to talk about it, are you okay with it?”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4cCQ1pfBE
I don’t exactly think to say no would be smart. “Yeah,” I said, half-lying. “Whatever you want, Eve.”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8N3AyLwoK
She knew I was uncomfortable. Evvie freed her hand from mine before she began rubbing her hands on her thighs again. “It’s okay if you don’t agree with it,” she whispered. “My parents hardly did. But they also didn’t believe I could raise a baby on my own. I’m not too good at making food.”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9HBP981Eo
I laughed when she said that, knowing what she was talking about. When Evvie was 13, she was home alone when she decided to make food. It was a simple dinner - ramen noodles and vegetables (Emmanuel’s favorite meal). Turns out, she left something on the stove for way too long, and it began burning.
She was fortunate that her neighbors had a fire extinguisher. Otherwise, she would’ve burned down her parent’s house. “That poor baby would hate everything you made,” I said.
Evvie smiled with tears in her eyes. Without telling my body, I took her arm again. “You probably would be like a father to him or her,” she told me. That hit my heart. I guess she wouldn’t want Rio to be the dad, considering how little he actually felt about her. Then again, what qualities did I even have to be a father660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpFAKzkzCr
I’m sixteen!
“Thanks?” I asked her, giving a smile. My brain was trying to decide if it was a compliment or not. Evvie shrugged it off like it was nothing. “What gender were you hoping for?”
She looked at me. “Why would that matter?” she asked me.
My dad always told me you’d want to have a boy. I don’t really know the actual reason, other than something about clubs and never needing to ask them about puberty. He also told me that having a son would be better considering the fact that women are “easy to handle when it comes to falling in love.” Whatever that meant, I hope he was happy when he found out that Evelyn was a girl.
“I don’t know,” I said. “It’s just-boys-”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcH87eQDJTz
“It doesn’t matter what gender it would’ve been,” Evvie interrupted, wiping a tear from her eye. I still kept my hand on her arm as she talked. “I would’ve loved him or her for who she was, just like I do for you. I just wish that I would’ve thought about it before making such a big decision. Maybe the pro and cons list would’ve helped?”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6NakGMeujK
(It has stopped after this, and is back to normal) 660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEaZGYGyit
I nodded. “Maybe,” I told her. “But in the future, you’ll fall in love with a great man who will happily marry you and have children with you. You can raise them with the love I know you have in your heart.”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjpfDzDnZ6
Evvie pulled me into a half-hug. “Thank you,” she said. “And I hope the same happens for you. Really.”660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jx9Iu5gMy
I don’t really think it will. “Let’s just hope that both of our dads come around soon,” I said, not meaning to sound angry.
Evvie sat back. “Yeah,” she whispered. “I’m sorry. I had no intention of making you upset. Um...do you wanna talk about something else?”
I stood up. “Maybe later, Eve,” I told her. For some reason, I just felt upset now. “I’ve gotta go. Eric’s probably leaving soon.” She gave me a small smile before I left, a piece of my heart wondering what it would be like if my best friend had a child.
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