After school, I decided to go for a long walk and tried to forget my life. I knew I had lots of problems and I could see no escape. Despite this, I could not help smiling as I walked through the park. Nature was so beautiful. When I looked at the plants, flowers and trees, I could not help but think that the world was beautiful. When I looked at birds, I knew that despite that life can be so dark, there would always be some light. This bought a smile to my face for the first time in a long time. It made me think that despite my life being so dark, there was hope
It was strange walking through town. I usually just looked in windows and dreamt of owning things. Now, I had a lot of money that I never had before. I could buy anything that I wanted. It was money that was earned in a way that disgusted me, but I tried not to think of that now. I just wanted to be normal and act normal. I wanted to forget everything that had happened to me. I wanted to buy something that could take my mind off of my life. I knew just what I wanted to buy! I bought a cheap smartphone!
Abbie was delighted when I gave her the phone. I told her that she could contact me now when she missed me. Of course, I did not have a clue how we would pay for the calls and all of that. I would always remember the smile on her face. I don't think it mattered to Abbie what I got her. I think it mattered to her that I still thought of her and knew it was hard for her when she was alone.
We then coloured some jumbo books, while she told me what she was doing at school and how weird and mean some of her classmates could be. It was childish to be colouring, but I was happy doing this than being owned by Amir and his dark world. I was happy being with Abbie. She made me smile and I know that she cared for me. I was lucky to have her as a sister. I wish that time would stop and we would be like this forever. Even though this was a happy time for me, I knew that I would be abused again and end up in tears.
Abbie became serious and asked me why did I start wearing girl panties and black shoes? She wanted to know if it was true that I was a sissy. Everyone at the school said that I was a sissy and gay. I pretended to laugh and asked her how she ever knew what gay meant. This made my sister hiss back and say that she was 11 and she knew everything. I did not know what to answer, so I told her I bought the panties by mistake. I do not think that Abbie believed me, as she said, "If you do not want people thinking you're a girl, you should stop wearing girl panties. You should also cut your hair and stop using whatever make-up you have. You do look like a girl. You can always borrow my dresses, I am nearly taller than you!". This made both of us laugh.
I was summoned to Amir's house again and told immediately to get changed into a dress and tights. Amir tried to make me smile by saying that he was happy I was wearing the make-up and the panties. He told me that he wanted me to dance, so I danced like I usually did. I was getting better at dancing. I was not as embarrassed as I used to be, I was learning how to be sensual and look as sexy. I would slowly lift the hem of the dress and not worry about what the men did or said. The more they clapped and shouted and called me names, the more I tried to make them happy. I figured that the more I danced, the less time there was for the more disgusting things.
After I danced, I sat on Amir's lap. I expected that he would take me into his bedroom and do what he usually had. This did not happen, He just talked with the other men in their language. I knew I would be used. I wanted it to be over with so I could go home. It was torture waiting for something that you knew would happen and did not want it to happen. My heart was beating quicker and it seemed as if I had anxiety. It became so bad that I asked Amir if he had tablets or if he had that needle. I hated needles, but the feeling I had after would be much better than the feeling I had now.
Amir looked at me sternly and said that I no longer would get tablets or needles. I was finally broken and knew the consequences if I did not do what I was told. Then he smiled and told me that I should feel happy with finding my true purpose in life. I would be famous and make Amir a lot of money. I had no clue what Amir meant. Why would I want to be famous for doing gay things? I was not gay. I was forced to do these things. Sometimes Amir confused me. I did understand why Amir wanted to do gay things to me. I read that Islam did not tolerate homosexuality. Why was I even here for?
Everyone was silent as Amir said it was time to work. I was led to the basement that had standing lights and a bed. There was a whiteboard around the bed and cameras and a film camera like they have in Hollywood. I was told to sit on the bed and start stripping. I started doing this until I heard clicks from the camera and saw Amir filming it. I stopped protesting and told them I did not want to be filmed or photographed. Amir held a stick and told me would I rather be beaten? I tried to hold back my tears and bite my lips as I continued to strip. When I was naked, two naked men joined me on the bed and raped me as they treated me like a sex doll. They entered me in every way they did. I tried thinking of Abbie and when he had fun colouring. I noticed a spider web on the ceiling and tried to concentrate on that to escape what was happening. They must have played for hours. In the end, I collapsed on the bed. I could not move a muscle.
I do not know how I even got home. I did not even take the usual shower to cleanse myself. I went straight to sleep. When I woke up, Abbie was sitting on my bed. She told me that I have been asleep for two days. She thought I was wakening up at times, but it was me sleeptalking shouting that "I did not want to" or talking about snakes. Abbie told me once again that she was so worried about me. She asked me what trouble I was in and why would I not tell her? I lied back to her and told Abbie that it was true that I had some problems, but I could deal with them.
I went to school the next day. This was possibly the worse day in my school life. I got changed in the school toilet for the gym. I did not want anyone to see the panties that I was wearing. They were Elza ones from Frozen. I thought they were pretty. It also embarrassed me and reaffirmed to me that I was weird because I was getting to like panties. Things went worse at the gym when we were sitting on the floor. I had my legs spread and somehow one of the boys could look up the legs of my shorts and notice the panties. He shouted that I was wearing panties. Everyone laughed and I managed to say that I was not. Mr Martin (the teacher) told everyone to be quiet. The class got back to normal. This was until the same boy suddenly pulled down my shorts. Now everyone could see that I was wearing girl panties. I had no choice to run out of the gym.
I avoided everyone until it was time to go home. I was nearly at the school gate when a group of boys surrounded me. They started pushing me as I was a football, then the punches came. I could not fight back. There were too many. I did not want to fight. This of course meant that I ended up on the ground in so much pain. While I was being kicked, they warned me that they did not want a sissy or a homo at the school. They shouted I was disgusting and should be locked in some mental asylum. They left me on the ground. I just wanted to die!
Mr Martin found me and helped me up. He smiled and said there was nothing broken. Little did he know that my bones may not have been broken, but my spirit was. In any case, he wanted to speak with me as he was worried about me. It was pretty much the same as Abbie tried to say to me. Mr Martin noticed that I changed. I often missed school and I was bullied more often. He asked me if it was because I was transgender? I did not answer. Then Mr Martin told me that being a boy and realizing I prefer to be a girl was hard for anyone. He warned me that it was not something I should be alone with. I needed to talk with someone, and this was his job. I wanted to tell him that I was a boy. This was a bit hard when he has seen me in panties.
Luckily Abbie was on her way home. I made an excuse that I had to walk Abbie home. I did not understand why she was so late.
" Why are you so late?" I asked my sister.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhuqDnpxu5
" It looks like someone hit you with a bus." she answered, "why did the bullies beat you up"117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEe7AyO0Khu
" I am fine. Now, why are you so late?" 117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCJwqC7JGO
" You not a good liar. I was in detention. A girl asked me did you wear my clothes and called you a sissy. I beat her up."117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1PQcdE0RM
" Was this your first detention?"
Abbie laughed. It seemed as if she was in detention quite a lot. My sister was no longer the sweet sister I used to know. She was getting older and getting in trouble at school and even the law. I felt as if it was my fault. While I was following Amir's demands, Abbie was getting more and more out of control I was not there for her.
I wanted my old life back. I went to the Church and asked the priest if I could rejoin the choir. I used to love the choir and I was one of the best singers. I expected the priest to welcome me with open arms. When I asked him, he just looked at me sternly and said, " I do not think that you should join the choir. The boys tell me that you are transgender and you are homosexual. This is a sin and I hope you will change your ways. The boys are afraid of you. They are afraid that you will flirt with them. They are afraid you will corrupt them. I do not want this drama in the choir."
God had abandoned me
I was now mad and disappointed. I marched to Amir's house and yelled at him. "I do not know why you want me to be gay. I do not know why you want to molest me and rape me. I do not know why you want to film me. You say Allah wants me to. This is not even true. Muslims believe that homosexuality is wrong, so why do you do it? Why did you destroy my life? I thought we were friends! Let me stop doing this! I don't want to be owned and go perverted things. Why can't you leave me alone!"
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVX9QG7vFs
To be continued117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMqFmeamk6
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