The life of me? blog - I was Five

I was Five

By: FossyJoci

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5VLeCA4Rt

I was five.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUskCBafYHF

I was five when I was told that I was moving,

that I had to leave my friends and the life that I had behind.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8w223LmYw

I was five.

Moving states and places,

The Change was hard,

new people and a new start,

I was five.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7IEtNwAFa

I was five,

When I met new friends

and I made amends

Then I was ten

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscHbcZ5wop

When I was ten,

My dad knew my best friends,

But he stepped down.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMz8Z5sRBLI

When I was ten,

He got a new job,

I had to leave my friends once again,

I had to leave them.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQu3AGFkii

I was ten.

When my friends and I continued to speak

When my hunger started to betray me

When I had to restart my life,

And meet new people on a new street.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtE9Xq5pIFn

I was ten.

When I still got to keep my home,

I didn’t like it though,

My mother and father fought,

So I slept over at my best friend’s house

I was twelve.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSkdEFqDNR

I was twelve.

It was thanksgiving

Of all days in the year

That is when my parents decided

We were to move.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ruZvhQtvs

I was twelve.

When I had my first fainting spell

I had to leave everyone.

My friends and I didn’t have a falling out

If we had I would have never come out

Of my room where I would wail for comfort

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKnD78jxHL

I was twelve.

When my brain began to think

About how I am going to keep my friends

People change and so do I

but they are the ones that keep me sane.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfh0AAeMOll

I was thirteen

When I was in a new state once again.

New house, new school, new people.

I. Hate. It. Here!

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyzeIXJLij

It has been almost three years.

I know the reason,

The reason I was torn from my friends,

The reason I have to live in this hell.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2YBQD9roI

I want to go back.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4X4k4vEf1l

Back when I had my best friends right by my side.

Back when I saw them daily

To when I spoke to them bravely

TO WHEN I WASN’T SAD.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jL519Rrdg

I am fifteen years old.

I can sleep but I don’t

I like to stay happy even when I’m not.

I talk to my best friends,

but not as much as I should.

I need to talk to them more,

Before I overthink.

Before I lose them,

And before I lose myself.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84nWzsiHOY

I am fifteen years of age,

I have been forced to move states or schools

Four times.

Four times my parents have said, never again.

You are going to graduate high school here.

Each time these things happened

I got progressively worse.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0CHCpeYmD

They look at me and ask where their happy little daughter is

Not even bothering to notice that she hasn’t been there,

Ever since I had to leave my best friends

One Boy

One Girl

The lights of my life

People who can just so easily take away that light

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9naOrrWATo

Talking to them makes everything better

I feel the slightest bit insecure about something

And they instantly say the smallest things,

Howdy.

And everything melts away

All the insecurities

All the Pain

All the words in my brain.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Pq6F8dm9x

I am fifteen.

I read books to escape,

All the people in my brain

And those who surround me.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtpze5GBm8

The library is my sanctuary,

My safe place.

The one place I feel sane.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDepIQaUDUS

I won’t speak but others will.

The people I surround myself with

It is not good for me,

They are not from my roots

but I am stuck in theirs.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmeNorpRXj

I didn’t read one book

And for that, I get constant jabs.

Preying on my weaknesses.

And my insecurities.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWN9pMrLTc

I talked to them.

The people I surround myself with,

I made it known that,

I am not ok with what they say,

And what they do.

But no matter how much I try,

“They will never listen to you”

So I have made a decision

Once I can be confident,

I will free myself

From the burden that is my “friends”

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rFVhiNJCv

Why did life have to turn out the way it is?

Was it my parents?

Was it my friends?303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWe05vpN1h
Was it me?

What went wrong?

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZlWgUlE4l

In the life of a fifteen-year-old.

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifSfAqE20j

I am now sixteen

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbyj5VluWj

Looking back on this poem

A year in time has passed

And I have begun to relax

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VdDuNMvuW

I have lived with the guilt

Knowing what I know

The reason why I was pulled

I miss my best friends it's true

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtIbYggM0d

Living without them is like living without food

My hunger deteriorates

I get lightheaded

My body hot

My ears and eyes shot

Everything blurred

I can’t see a thing

Muffled sounds

As I fall from my feet

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzM1ELon27W

The issue at hand got better once

But it is slowly getting worse again

Sometimes I forget to eat

Other I just see food and can’t think

Of anything other than not eating it

It makes me gag

I would rather scream

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLBmUIWnrk

So I go to the theater

Where I can screech

I prefer to belt and sing

To get my frustration out

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkj4uaigJsu

But the one thing is

I can’t do that without

Those “friends” showing up too

I don’t want them there

It’s my safe space

For me to survive

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJJwxaloRm

To get away from those

Who make my insecurities thrive

But then there was him

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSUBfgALnj

He got me to eat

Somehow I don’t even know how

To walk and run

And somehow breathe again

I don’t know how

But I have known him for a long time

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuqMksg9Lb

But we will not date

For the fear of losing our friendship

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtze1u7gkoz

I have been through that before

I cannot do it again

It broke my heart

And it still does to this day

I don’t want it to suffer like that ever again

So we will stay friends

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91FktOR5I7

I am not ok

I never will fully be ok

I will give you that

Because no one is ever fully okay

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7Kcyoh7LM

I lost the ability to be ok

Long ago

When I lost my best friends

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xvMl67ohl

I haven’t seen them in three years

And that is when it all began

I don’t know how to fix this

Am I mentally ill, probably.

The thought that I have ADHD

Has a high chance

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6X22nTXzx

But for now, I will live

Because I thrive on spite

And I will try to be happy

And to stay positive

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdxrvwnuOQ

In my sixteen-year-old mind

303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡri0ht5yYtf

ns 15.158.61.20da2

I was Five

REGISTER

LOGIN

Interface Language:

Story Language: