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I don't know if everyone wishes to get married but I certainly do. Gushy romance stories and beautiful love songs have swayed my heart into the idealistic. I even have a playlist just for when I feel particularly sappy. The idea that there is someone who would like another so much to live and abide by them till they die is very appealing to me.166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Qhg4rSxCB
I've been a loyal-to-a-fault kind of person since I was born. I sometimes judge people too fast and get hurt. Friendships of course, romanticly even though I read tons of material on the subject I have very little experience. It's easy for me to love the good I see in people and then open up too fast. I tend to like honest people that smile a lot. There is a surplus of evil in the world. Those who smile while ignoring it are delusional to me, but those who choose to find good while seeing the harsh reality have a certain attractive quality to them. Earning a smile from someone who is stringent with their smiles is an addiction. There's an incredible joy that comes from knowing you can make someone smile who hardly ever does. The shine in their eyes as they laugh with a real genuity is one of the most precious sights to behold.
The attraction has always been hard for me to define. I grew up in a household that didn't talk about looks. My mom would point out people she thought looked nice but she had an artist's eye. There was not a standard for beauty but instead an appreciation of what was there. I did not know what my preferences were until I entered college. My friends think they're weird but who cares. I think features that are defined by the character are the best.
I like the idea of soulmates, however, I find it hard to believe. There is free will in the equation and sometimes people make stupid decisions. Then, if your soulmate chooses another, what happens? Does having a "soulmate" take the beauty of love out of the equation? I believe love is a conscious decision to care for and grow with someone whose values and character you incredibly admire. So in that sense, the idea of love at first sight and soulmates reminds me of lust and obsession. 166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhpXKPsBxz
I don't think obsession is attractive. Obsession tends to devalue the humanity of a person, limiting them down to an object and undervaluing their opinion. Lust tends to do the same. Valuing a human being only for their body and taking out the communicative part of the relationship. I want someone who sees how I am, honest, bullheaded, punny, and sometimes pessimistic among other things. There's a trend now for young girls to love someone hot and obsessive. I think it stems from a lack of affection they feel. "If someone is obsessive at least they're paying attention to me. If they are good-looking to boot then I got the best person and that further boosts how good I must be that they are obsessed with me." They don't value themselves. They seek validation through a significant other.
In a way, there is an intrinsic merit to a time of singleness. A true time of singleness where for an allotted time you promise yourself to stop looking at the other sex and focus inwardly. This means not allowing yourself to think this person is cute I want to go on a date with them. It means being intentional with decisions regarding people you're attracted to. Times of singleness help us to understand our value before seeing our value through someone else. After all, being with someone who cares about you, is honest with you about what is wrong, and wants to see you be the best person you can be: does elevate your sense of self-worth. It is just hard to find someone who will be that way for you when you can't be that way for them and are searching for someone to give you a sense of self-worth.
We often make lists of what we want our significant other to be, but how often do we do that for ourselves? I believe it's unfair of us to expect this, that, and the rest from someone when we have done nothing to work on ourselves that is concrete. I choose to write a list of things I was for myself before I seek another partner. It's a reasonable list. Things like a solid work-life balance, a limit to screen exposure, and a better diet. These are all things I can track and monitor. Will I have everything done before I meet someone I'm interested in? Probably not, but it's a start.166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsznW2JrKcV
Often we fall into the trap of idealizing love. Thinking that this person will love us no matter what we look like, behave, or say. That's just not healthy. One of the things on my list is that I want someone who can argue with me. Someone who disagrees with me and won't be afraid to talk it out and have a reasonable discussion. I know I'm opinionated and headstrong, I don't want to bulldoze the one I love and them not let me know. I value people's opinions, it's just hard for me to recognize sometimes that I've stepped over a line when it was never established to be a line for me. I'm not good at hints, I would rather someone tell me harshly in love what is wrong in three minutes than an hour to three-day-long conversations that I'm not gonna get. There's nothing wrong with people who appreciate that kind of communication, I have to reign myself in for some of my acquaintances because I value their input. However, as far as preference goes I'd prefer direct communication that's harsh for three minutes and then gets over the situation.
I've rambled quite a long in this one. I just think that love is a commitment. Whatever is going wrong can be got threw if both parties are honest and willing to put in the work. Something is always valued more if it's worked for than if it comes easy. I know it's unpopular in today's society, but I would rather stay single and wait for someone who has similar values than settle and choose someone I'm only going to regret later. Maybe you feel the same, maybe you don't. That's ok. I believe either way everyone deserves love. Some people choose to be single for various reasons, that's why my hope is you find familial love or the love of a trustworthy friend. Some people might struggle with the idea of love because they've been hurt before. I pray someone comes along and sees your value enough to show you what real love is. Some might have already found it and I'm happy that's the case. If you're like me and you are in this time of waiting, press on! You've got this. In the meantime let's try to work on ourselves and enjoy the freedom of being single while we can. If a sappy mood comes my way I always have my playlist and a couple of very cute romance books to keep me at bay.
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