Sitting on the roof, I stared up at the sky, Why did I kiss him? What on earth was going through my head. He's my best friend and my literal boyfriend just died two weeks ago.
I remember everything, exactly the way it was. We were crossing through a corn field in the sweldering heat. We thought that the corn stalks would hide us, but we didn't expect them to come from above. They had stopped us in out tracks and we had all dispursed running in different directions.
If only he hadn't come back for me, crouched behind an old tractor, he would still be here. It was all my idiotic fault.
Immediatly i stand up and take a step closer to the edge. A few concrete rocks fall off the five story tall building and I take a step back away from the edge.
I head back towards the door that had allowed me to get up here in the first place, but he's standing there. Thomas, my bestfriend, the boy i kissed only a few hours ago.
"How's it going up here, princess," He's always called me that. There's rarely been a time where he has called me by my actual name which was Angela.
I give him a playful shove and a soft chuckle, "how many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that."
"Hmm," he fakes a thinking pose which has me laughing and forgetting about my spiral about getting my ex boyfriend killed. "I don't really know, princess, maybe one more time."
Now it's his turn to laugh, and he grabs my hand and practicly drags me down two flights of stares to the rooms we've been staying in with a few other people.
It's a huge mess here, but it's also pretty small so there isn't much space to put things. We finally got the tv in the living room to work, on occasion that is. We are usually able to catch the important news reports and weather reports extremely early in the morning.
I pass by the living room into the kitchen where Olivia is making sandwiches. I wont lie. Olivia doesn't look like an Olivia. She had bright blue eyes and dark red hair, with freckles all along her cheek bones and tops of her shoulders.
"What kind of sandwiches you making, Liv?" I ask sneaking around her and grabbing one. She's about to swipe my hand but instead sets down the bread that was in her hand and turns around to look at me.
"Oh my gosh, Angie, your back! Most of us thought that you might have ran away or something, you were gone for hours." she punches me gently on the arm before handing me another sandwich. "Why don't you go rest for a bit, you can take my room. I'm sure Laney and Blake have taken ya'll's room."
I head back to her room, it's the farthest from everything which means it's also the quietest. Perfect for when you want to take a nap, except when there's clothes in the wash, you can feel the vibrations, but we were able to sound proof the laundry room really well. Let's just say, that we used a lot of newspaper and if you ever wanted something to read, that room is perfect for it.
I hadn't realized that I had fallen asleep to the lull of the washing machine, until I woke up to rumbling of the dryer finishing. I look around the room and see Thomas sitting on a stool at a small desk at the end of the bed. He doesn't see me for a moment so I continue to look at him for a moment while he's scribbling away in his notebook.
He was the definition of perfection. Perfectly sculpted jawline, perfectly defined nose and high cheek bones, and the perfect color of blue to brighten his eyes.
He looks up at me and i squeeze my eyes shut, hoping that I closed them before he saw me. But, I wasn't quick enough.
"I know your awake, Ella." he tosses his pen at me and smiles. I remove the covers from from head and sit up. But I'm not smiling, and now no longer is he.
"Did you...?" I can't even finish my question before tears form in my eyes and one falls down my cheek. He knows exactly what he did. That's what James always calls me, or used to call me.
I don't look at him, and I know he's trying to say something to me, but I can't here him. All I can hear is James yelling at me to follow him instead of hiding in the cornfield. Him calling my name so many times with tears in his eyes.
I feel the tears stream down my face.
Everything feels distant around me, I stumble to my feet, grabbing a pair of sweatpants and putting them on over my shorts.
As I walk out the door, I feel Thomas' strong hands grab mine and pull me back into a hug, but silent tears continue to fall down my face as I head throughout the apartment and to the front door. I sprint up to flights of stares back up to the roof before collapsing on the ground next to the door.
I'm practicly hyperventilating as I crawl my way across the top of the roof to the edge that is broken and sit there.
Tears gone now, I wonder aloud, "How long will I feel like this?" I know Thomas is right behind me, that's the only reason i say it aloud.
He sits down beside me and i feel his eyes prowling over the side of my face and my body. He scoots closer to me, and holds my hand in his lap looking down at it. "It has always been you Angela. I will wait."
I rest my head on his shoulder and we sit there in silence watching the sky.
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