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Louis' POV
I waited an hour, sitting at the bar, downing 3 pints for something. A response. I instantly regretted not talking about Hannah. Not talking about anything. The reason why we were talking was because no topic was off limits. I mean we didn't sign this in blood but I really felt like I could talk about anything with her. Jesus, I fucked up. Troy wouldn't mind talking about Hannah. Louis would. I didn't want to push Charlie away, maybe I didn't know how strong those feelings still were. She was right. Why couldn't I talk about this? Or better yet, why can't TROY talk about it? Far as she was concerned Troy didn't go through what I did. Maybe pretending to be someone else is harder than I thought. Having her ignore me is worse than her hating me.
I looked at my phone for the thousandth time for any sign of her. I should just give up. She's not coming back. The Hannah talk killed it. Or the talk the that didn't happen because I'm such a weakling. I felt like a shit head and I was making it worse by glancing at the various mentions of my name; skimming and reading a few.
@SassyForLouBear oh no, haven't heard from Tommo @Louis_Tomlinson in almost a week. guys is he dead?
Fans really do obsess over us like it's a full time job.
@MyHazzaDream you think Louis is blowing Harry on his days off while management takes over? #larryforever
@ZaynnyLife @Louis_Tomlinson Louis you ruined my every existence, k bye
@DirectionorEmma @Louis_Tomlinson lemme know when you come back, we miss your tweets sassypants !
@foreverinfected literally so frustrated right now with louis but i still love him so i'm goddamn conflicted, can't even
@ReadySetGo971D I am literally giving up on a 1/5, Louis will never follow me. I HATE this fandom
@LarryShipper4Life Louis is SO fucking insecure about himself. I wish he'd get some help, professionally speaking #larryforever
@harryatemyjellybean @Louis_Tomlinson if it weren't for US fans you'd be back in Doncaster doing god knows what, TWEET already
@NiallNiagraFalls I'm starting to believe Louis really doesn't care about us…where the fuck he is hiding? Zayn too?
@SkiptoMahLou does @Louis_Tomlinson have a new gf already? Sheesh, already replaced Eleanor that fast…guess who's the manwhore now
@StarSpangledLarry i hate how i know non of the boyz will care about my existence even though i spent sooo much time on them FUCK THEM @Louis_Tomlinson @Harry_Styles @ZaynMalik @OfficialNiallHoran @Real_Liam_Payne
@1DIMpersonator Dear @Louis_Tomlinson tweet you mother fucker, ok bye, sincerely the fandom, we pay yo bills!
I looked at the clock, been here for at least a few hours. How much more of this can I take? The one person I don't want angry at me and now she's not here. Now there is just blatant hate. Intense fan hate. And for what? Because I don't tweet back every single one of the 16 million plus followers on my verified Twitter? Who said I owed anyone anything? I'm not on the clock.
If I could turn back time I would, be a regular person, I fucking would. I buried my head down on the bar deck, this was a terrible idea, why did I do it? Why did I want to see all this hate knowing full well what it will do to me? I honestly didn't think it would be this bad.
I picked up my phone, looking again.
@Larry4Realsss the longer he doesn't tweet, the more Larry is fucking real people! #toldyouso #larry4eva
"Intense night there mate?" A voice I recognized went off beside me.
I peeked through the side and saw Harry making himself right at home as he ordered a drink. I think he was waiting for me to say something but I wasn't going to.
"Fine, suit yourself man. Just looking out for ya." He drank loudly and I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah, that's what everyone seems to be doing…looking out for each other. By the way, you're underage."
"What are you talking about Lou?" Harry spat, I lifted my head to finally look at him.
I shook my head, being in this band was messing with my sanity. Being on Twitter was messing me up too. Fuck this. I glared at Harry before digging for cash throwing on the deck and getting up. I had to leave, or be away from Harry, one of those.
I turned the collar up on my jacket making my way outside to my car. I knew I was being followed when I saw Harry's shadow overlapping mine.
"What the fuck man? Talk to me!"
"No. You're not going to make me. Just piss off will ya?" Thank god it wasn't a long walk since I parked in the abandoned lot behind the pub.
I unlocked the doors, pulling the lever.
"Lou I'm not the enemy here. What's wrong? You never shut me out like this." I heard the sincerity in Harry's voice but I wasn't in the mood to talk.
Tried that already, didn't go so well. Harry knows about the account but he doesn't know how far I took this. I hated what I did. Harry and I used to be so close and now I can't say anything. I just wanted to talk to Charlotte. A stranger over someone I know inside and out for 4 years. How could a stranger make me feel better when I got a friend right in front of me?
"Louis, come on. Say something, it's freaking me out. Management gave you a timeout after those tweets. Tell me what's going on?" He was forcing me to talk.
"They. Are. Just. Tweets. Harry." I pulled open the door, throwing my body in the front seat.
Harry was standing there watching me and he wasn't going to leave. When I shut the door I locked it pulling out of the lot so fast I heard the tires screech on the pavement. I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. What the fuck was going on in my head?
Nobody understands. Nobody will understand. I won't make myself tell the same story to people who really don't care anyway. Management doesn't give two shits about my personal well being. All they care about is how many units are sold in the first week. I just wanted a break. Maybe choosing LA wasn't the brightest idea. Too much fuckery going on to keep up with.
Charlotte wasn't like everyone else. I feel like I've lost her. A small slip that defined everything.
No, I won't lose her. I was so close to feeling normal again, she was the only one who—wait no.
There was somebody else who tried to talk to me before I ran away without turning back.
I looked at the clock, after 2am. Jeez, can this time sound any lonelier? I turned around earning another screech of the tires. I was going somewhere. I think, I believe it's right.
When I came to the familiar residential neighborhood I had this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I turned off the engine taking a deep breath.
Now or never.
Charlie's POV
I hadn't realized I fell asleep in front of the TV until I heard a knock on my door jolting me awake. I was so out of it that I'd passed out from all the sulking earlier. First Louis now Troy. I didn't think he'd turn against me.
I heard another knock pound hard on the door and I turned down the TV, throwing the blanket off my body in a huff. I forced myself up, dragging my body toward the door, removing the chain.
I pulled the handle on the door open. Holy shit, now I was fully awake.
"Hi."
My eyes still had left over sleep in them, I tried to mask it.
I found my voice, barely.
"It's late." Fuck I sounded like a lesbian.
The corners of Louis' mouth turn up in a sympathetic smile. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I had to come over to say this."
I pulled the door further out, crossing my arms. "Say what?"
"Sorry if, I don't know, I'm just sorry about before. Leaving like that. You can forgive me or not, I just wanted to tell you that."
My lips were dry; my mouth was heading in that direction too. I couldn't believe what was happening. Am I dreaming? I licked my lips, clearing my throat.
"Hey quiet up there, we're trying to sleep." Old as dirt neighbors from downstairs barked suddenly.
Louis looked at me, biting his lip, not saying anything. Funny, I didn't tell him to leave at that moment too. I was too tired to fight anyone anymore.
"Sorry." I whispered. "They're gonna die soon, they lost most of their five senses but that one."
Usually it's the first to go. I saw Louis crack a smile, looking down. In interviews I see him do that a lot when he's embarrassed or shy. He did that when we met. I'll never forget how nervous he was right before he went on. He isn't this guy anymore. Maybe he is, maybe that guy is still there, somewhere hidden. Troy might have been right, I don't know. I still think they're different.
"Do you…wanna come in?" I said before I could retract it.
"Okay." I looked at him.
His blue eyes turning soft but my eyes were piercing his, trying to see any traces of a human.
I saw vulnerability I don't remember seeing, he looked like he wanted to say something. Part of the reason I said that was because of the fossils living below me. People are so obsolete here it's a routine now. Nobody says hi or goodnight, it's a world where your rent is collected on your doormat instead of being mailed. Wouldn't you all love to live here? I'd try the Betty Ford clinic.
I moved away so he can come inside. He smelled like alcohol. The temptation to ruin his pop star privileged life if he passed out in my apartment is so high right now I almost can't breathe. TMZ will run it and I'll get paid generous amounts of dough and then leave this shithole, along with tarnishing Louis' undeserving career.
But in that moment, I did nothing. Mainly because I found myself just watching his movements.
He looked awkward, standing in my apartment. His brown hair was tousled and practically in his eyes. Maybe that was the look he was going for. Where's the confidence? Where's the guy millions of girls fantasize about in fan fiction? I didn't see him anywhere now. I scanned every part of him and noticed something that stood out. His hands shook and he kept touching the back of his neck.
"I could make tea. English people like tea. OK, I'll make you tea." I said without taking a breath.
I moved to the kitchen, setting the kettle to boil. It was so quiet I could hear his breathing over the TV playing some loud movie.
I rushed to turn it off, making the room completely dark.
"You can sit down."
He hesitated before sitting on the corner of the couch, his eyes focused on me then down to my foot.
"You can do with sitting too."
I've never seen him like this. He was soft and gentle like a little wounded boy. Somebody hurt him, I wonder who? Probably some whore of the week, but why did he come back here? It was hard to ignore his vulnerability staring me right in the face. Was this the real Louis Tomlinson?
I sat down slowly and quickly reached for the lamp switch, flicking it on. I finally looked at him, all of him. His eyes were bloodshot, no trace of white sprayed around his iris. Blue eyes were dim; the brightness completely concealed somewhere else.
I moved my hand but took it back. I didn't know what to do now. We're not friends. He doesn't know my name. I'm a stranger; I'd be the last person in his life he'd bother seeing. Why would I even put myself on his list?
"I've had a…" He paused, looking down, "a rough night. I apologize for the late hour and for coming over again. I forgot about the deal."
I didn't care about the deal. I wanted to know who hurt him; he looked like he was suppressing anger deep inside that only he could understand.
I licked my lips, choosing my words scrupulously.
"S'ok. We um, I don't, we…" I was rambling. I couldn't finish the sentence for the life of me. Louis looked at me, hanging on my last words. I gulped, trying to say something, anything. "It's alright. It shouldn't be but, it's alright. Tonight I mean. I had a shit night too."
Silence covered the barely alive room. Louis nodded, still looking at me, I felt like he was looking right through me. It scared me.
"What happened?"
Oh nothing, just secured myself as a hermit for life. I could never say that. Not even to myself, aloud. I can't admit the reality, it's too hard.
I'm not even sure if I said anything so I forced the words.
"I said something I shouldn't have. It shouldn't bother me but it does. I don't know, I don't know if I messed things up."
Louis had an amused look on his face; he couldn't possibly understand what I meant.
"I must be crazy or something."
"I think a lot of people are crazy, admitting it is the first step."
"To what? Recovery?"
"No, being honest." I smiled in a thin line. Louis smiled and looked away.
I know I'm not clinically mental but a lot of people have called me crazy because I just don't care what people think of me. I care what Troy thinks. Now he's gone. All because I left and made a stupid knee-jerk decision.
Louis sighed heavily, taking his eyes off me for a moment then I felt them again on me as I averted my attention.
"There's something about your eyes."
"What?" I tried to hide that girl I buried long since; she was clawing back to the surface, like an old friend.
I felt goose bumps rise on my arms and rubbed them as Louis turned his body to look at me.
He was examining me like a project, almost like he was going to draw me.
"I said there is something about your eyes. I feel like I've seen them before." Oh no, it was better when he didn't remember anything.
"Oh…" I looked down, huddling my shoulders. "Hazel eyes are common actually—"
"No they aren't. Someone I knew had them; she was the only one I knew with hazel eyes. It's a rare pigment."
I chewed my lip blinking my eyes on him then shrugging. "Really?"
I began to move away but he caught my hand before I could get up.
"Tell me if it's true?" He whispered moving closer to me if possible.
The whistle of the kettle chimed. I pulled harshly from his hands.
"Excuse me." I got up, walking to the kitchen; turning off the kettle.
I was safe. I thought I was. He's beginning to remember. Crap on things.474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHDisc6SQX
