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Charlie's POV198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfg27yJPrJL
The next few days I took a break from everything; which is the opposite of what people normally call a break.198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFSsKNaCnm
I started working more, coming on time and actually doing what I was asked to do. I was accepting this life more and more, something I doubt anyone really did with their jobs.
When it came around to it I took my 45 minute break and brought my lunch over to the staff room. It wasn't all that dirty; thank god I cleaned most of it this morning. I swear no one picks up after themselves anymore. It's amazing when you turn over a new leaf, you'd be surprised to find how many people still have a long way to go. It's common courtesy when you share an eating area.
I thought about contacting Louis but I had a feeling there was going to be more pressure to face than I could handle. It really wasn't his fault. I keep stressing this in my mind because I know me. I know how this is going to be. I can't bring Louis along with my insecurities. I think in the back of my mind that he deserved someone better; maybe someone willing to take the risks. I can't keep disappointing him when I don't give a clear answer. I know he wanted that answer. He wanted me to allow him help me.
I just can't. I built myself up from the bottom on the basis that I control my life; I live the way I need to live. I was happy. Doing what I wanted to get by. It was enough, for me anyway.
Taking a seat I loosened my work clothes. It felt weird actually wearing my full uniform, complete with my name tag. I feel totally uneasy now; I just want to keep busy. The Wal-Mart customers are going to get on my bad side but I was going to take it easy on my co-workers. I didn't have the energy to go into my usual aggressive tactics. Though part of me missed it, was easier to live that way behind a wall. Nobody can break me.
And nobody can still break me. I wasn't sure if Louis actually applied to that or not. A strong sigh escaped my lips as I calmly dug into my meal, almost forgetting how hot it was when it touched the roof of my mouth. Part of me wished I was in a casual, dining restaurant without self doubt.
This is not right; I should not be thinking it was going to get better than this.
The door opened before I could come up with a reasonable explanation and in walked Christina. I forgot she came to work around this time. I have been preoccupied with my personal drama I didn't stop to notice anything or anyone else around me. I know she hated me, I guess I would too if I really thought about it. Anyone can do my job; they could fire me and replace me with another clerk in no time. But I took advantage of that. I thought I could do what I want and have no consequences from it.
I felt like Ricky Gervais in Ghost Town only I'm not hearing or seeing any dead people. I'm just hearing myself. Maybe this is the fate I deserve. I know Christina doesn't give a shit about me. I hesitated before standing up until I heard my name called calmly.
Christina's tired hazel eyes gazed into mine, making me feel slightly intimidated. "Sit down Charlotte."
She was only my supervisor, not the owner of the store but she could still command people just like an owner would. I complied and placed my food away from my hands. I looked around nervously until I heard her take a breath.
"I don't make issue with anyone's personal life. I don't ask for it and I don't care for it; just as long as it doesn't affect their working performance." She paused and I made eye contact.
I winced, slightly preparing myself for those inevitable words I now know was going to change everything for me. I said nothing as she continued folding her hands together like she was Angela Bassett and I was Taylor Swift circa 2008.
"I don't know what happened to you this week, but I've never seen you work like this. I've never seen you not combat when we give you tasks. Did something happen to you?"
I gulped, not intending it to be so loud. I took a napkin and lazily wiped my mouth. I had no idea what I was going to answer. Christina seemed sincere; her expression led me to believe she actually cared about what happened to me.
The truth is...
"I met someone, from my past. Before working here." I paused, collecting myself before I continued. "It's an embarrassing story, I don't know if I wanna go into it."
Christina sighed, trying to look at me but I was struggling to make eye contact again. "You don't have to. I'm really impressed with what I'm seeing these last few days. I honestly was so sure nothing was going to force you to change. Charlie...I really believe in you. I think you need to believe in yourself too. And whoever this is. This person from your past, they seem to want to push you more in life."198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyA4H4VL7k4
Half of me was speechless anybody had the gull to even say that to me...my mouth hung open before I realized it was dropping further to the ground. I caught it and shifted in my seat. Christina couldn't possibly be talking about me. Most people really don't give a shit about my life. It's the very definition of singular.
I found myself not retorting my usual sarcasm laced with aggression, a big piece of me was taking in what she said, considering it might be true. I just wasn't aware of it, that I could abandon what came easy and throw the attitude away for once. I thought it was a part of me I could get used to; most people accepted it so I never thought I could tarnish it.
Abruptly I stood up and walked to the trash. I wanted to leave, right then and now but I had to stay. This was where I belonged. Nothing else mattered. Not what Louis said not what Christina said either. This is as good as things are going to get, I have to accept that.
"I didn't tell you anything, how do you know so much about me?" The words were falling from my lips before I could register I was actually speaking them.
Christina stood up, I know it when I heard the creek in the chair and she walked to my side, trying to get me to look at her.
"Because it's not unique, what you're going through. What would you say if I told you I know exactly how it felt to be where you are?"
I hadn't thought of it like that, probably because I never cared enough to know anyone else's life story. I slowly looked at her as she smiled sadly.
"It's hard, I know. Your father told me a little about what happened in England, I'm sorry, I had no idea you were so affected. I understand why you are the way you are now."
Nervously I licked my lips, "He-he told you everything?" My stammer came back and I winced as I cleared my throat feeling that familiar tightening.
I didn't realize I was avoiding her to the point where she disappeared and I heard some noise behind me. I turned around to see Christina opening her employee locker and pulling something out. It was a picture. I didn't know what to think of it until she brought it toward me.
"Here..." She moved the photo so it was firmly in front of me. I took it and shared a look with her unsure of what I was supposed to be looking at. "That's my daughter; she is 7 in that picture, now she is 18. That was the day of her first recital, it was the only photo I had and I never leave home without it. I look at it every day not to dwell but to remember, to pass on what I couldn't do because I was too scared and give it to my first born. Look at her face..."
My eyes followed the picture, tracing what I saw entirely, storing it for my memory. My eyes shifted, the look on Christina's face in the picture was a sad smile. It reminded me of something that I would see on a parent's face in grade school performances.
"Now look at mine. I was—I still am very proud of my daughter. But that could have been me. I was 18 once also; I had my whole life in front of my eyes. I gave it all up because I made some mistakes and when I didn't get into the most prestigious ballet school in California I sunk into myself. Then came even more mistakes, ones I could have prevented, I know that now but then I was so blinded by my failures I just got buried by each battle my life threw at me. I was more than afraid. I just stopped; I regret that very much now."
My breath caught in my throat as I realized I was holding it in as she spoke. I couldn't believe how similar we were. I was freaked out and relieved upon hearing this.
"You let everything slip you by because of one failure? Why?" I found myself asking.
Christina took back the picture and placed it inside her locker, closing it with a small noise. "I don't know. Because it was devastating, or because even though it wasn't the truth of it, I felt like that was my only chance to make it as a dancer. One rejection stopped me. I took on two jobs after cleaning my life up, my daughter came into my life shortly after all my personal battles. I had to raise her, I needed to focus on taking care of another person beside myself and I had no idea how I was going to do it. I went to my parents and they couldn't help me."
My jaw dropped when she said that. "How did you fix everything?"
She took a seat as I followed her back to the table. She seemed quiet until she locked eyes with me, calmly folding her hands in front of her.
"I'm a work in progress. I'm still fixing everything. What I wouldn't give to have a second chance to go back and make the right choices after I was rejected. But I know that too much time has passed and I'm no longer going to live in the past anymore."
Christina's story was so sad, I had no idea how to feel. Her story was also kindred to mine, I don't even know what kind of personal trouble she was in but it felt like something she had to claw her way out of it.
My mind flew back to Louis, how he looked at me when he gave me the opportunity to dream again. Part of me wanted to make him happy and say yes. I really didn't want to disappoint him; he seemed to be the only person who really thought I could have a chance. I saw his eyes, they didn't deter. They were looking through me and pierced my soul.
"How do you pick yourself up from a failure? If you had to do it over again, what would you have done?" I tensed while asking this, almost biting my nails for Christina's answer.
She looked at me as she smiled simply like it was second nature to her. "I would do everything possible to make sure I was living my dreams. I would keep on until I go there then I would continue chasing where it leads me. I would also listen to the people who told me to never give up."
Not a moment later I fixed my work uniform back on and checked my tag to make sure it was straight. After throwing away my trash, I turned around to look at Christina before clearing my throat.
"You are an amazing person; I'm sure your daughter feels very lucky to know you didn't give up on her dreams."
Her eyes were sending a gentle glance my way, "I'm the lucky one, seeing her happy is more than enough for me. She's my world, she's my baby and I would do anything to make sure she lived her dreams."
I looked down, smiling slowly. "I guess, so, it's never too late then?"
"For you, Charlie, you can do anything. You don't belong here; you belong where your heart takes you. That's what I tell Penny."
I felt my eyes water as I nodded softly and turned my face around before I cried. But I wasn't feeling sad; no…this was something crazy new. Something I could use in my life.198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEf1BqgHUu
"It's not too late," I whispered, smiling as I went back to my station, feeling a rush of elation fill every corner of my body.198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslPQjI0Ry4
