x
Louis' POV
I caressed her face, not caring about anything else in that moment. I wanted this. I wanted her. I thought about what it would feel like to make love again. Hannah knows that part of me. Now Carrie will too, if she wants me to. I slipped into slight doubts suddenly when I caught her abrupt reaction. She looked out of place when I said this. My fingertips touched her chin, stopping below her lips which were beginning to shake. My thumb grazed the soft plump skin of her bottom lip.
I was scared too. But this is what I wanted and it has to be with her. My palm connected with her cheek again.
She leaned into my touch, her cheeks glowed a bright red. I leaned over to kiss them stopping at her lips. Her breath came out shaky; I really wanted to change that.
"Tell me what you're thinking love? I want to know everything."
Carrie bit her lip, her eyes were unsure. "Everything…" I said it again, softer, so she alone could hear it. She seemed to be lost in thought. She laid there for a long moment, looking up at the ceiling. I watched her face, leaning on my elbow. My fingers traced her face; I wasn't even sure what I was doing. I just knew I wanted to keep touching her. It gave me cool shivers that lingered on.
She tried to speak and held back, clearing her throat awkwardly. "Can I just relax, with you?" She looked over at me.
She pulled her clothes back up and I knew now was not the time to be thinking about my needs, even though I wanted to make love to her, make her feel good, it was actually more about her than me. But then I was so turned on right now I needed her. I was a bit disappointed but I nodded, kissing her forehead before pulling the covers over us. I shed my trousers throwing them off and turned my attention back on her.
I made sure she was snug in my bed never tearing my eyes from her. Her hands were folded together. She looked stiff and strangely unsure. Her eyes focused on the ceiling again. Maybe if I mirror her mannerism she'd finally tell me what she is thinking.
I leaned back onto my other pillow, following her motions, waiting for her to take the lead. A second ago everything seemed perfect.
"Lou…" She trailed off, I didn't respond. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I want to be here, I do, I really want this, probably more than anything else…" She paused, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. I braced myself. Her hands came over her eyes as I winced. Shit, what was going on with her?
"There are a million girls that would kill to be me, I just, I don't know. I want you so much I can't see straight. Please don't be angry with me. I don't want to hurt you." She said, muffling the last part behind her hands. "I should stop talking already…"
I was completely lost. I didn't know what she was trying to say. I thought about speaking but I just kept silent. I felt like she wanted to say more. I wasn't upset, just, I felt confused, lost in this cloud of mystery of her feelings for me. Were they even there? If she wanted this as badly as I do, then what is the problem?
I was so wrapped up in these thoughts I didn't notice her body turned to me. I felt my hand being held and look down at her small, soft fingers touching mine. I stared at it for a long moment, wondering why I was so scared of this. What was I the one being afraid? Wasn't I initiating this? She wasn't comfortable with it, I should be mad at her a bit for not letting me do this. Instead I'm blaming myself. This was my fault. What exactly? Now I'm just confusing myself.
"I care about you so much." She whispered, when she leaned close I could feel the whispers of her warm breath brush against my neck. "I just don't want this to be goodbye."
I looked at her when I heard this, appalled. "Goodbye? What's that then? What do you mean?"
Her mouth pressed together as she bit her lip. She looked like a wounded little girl that just heard the worst news of her life.
"If we make love, I don't want this to be over. What we have." She brought my hand to her lips, kissing them firmly. "I can't leave your life easily."
My body relaxed as I let go the breath that I was holding in. This is what she was thinking? That I was going to be done with her after we do this? Fuck, I think she's been around too many wanker blokes. I think most girls have. It does something to their heads. I've seen Carrie's heart; I know we can do this. I have to make her believe I'm not like anyone she's met. And if she is Charlotte, which, oh god, would be crazy if she was, it'd make things easier for us. We'd be together, in every way. I'd love her and tell her this every day, if she feels exactly as I do.
I think she may, the way she's looking at me with those tranquil, hazel eyes; I didn't want to have any misgivings about us. I just wanted there to be an us. I have to know if she is really Charlotte, I just have to. Maybe there are ways of finding this out without scaring her with direct bluntness.
"I'm not letting you go. I promise. We'll always be friends no matter what." I pressed my lips against her forehead, closing my eyes.
I felt her grow stiff and close into herself again, she's trying to push me away. But I didn't let her. I pulled her body against mine, holding her as she cried harder. My arms came around her body as she tried to fight me, pushing on my chest like she wanted nothing to do with me.
"I can't have you saying that. It's so much easier. Not feeling so much. My old life…I want it back. Before I met you…before I felt this way. I don't want it! I don't want it fuck! Louis, stop!" She breathed heavily before pushing me hard. I wasn't going to give up. "Let me go!"
"No, I won't, stop struggling. I'm trying here. Carrie. Stop! Please. Don't fight me. Please, love, you don't mean it. I'm not giving up on you."
"You should. I'm not good for you." She cried out, moaning out, grunting as she moved her body so we were so close.
"I disagree babe. Stop fighting me."
Her response was a deep groan low in her throat as she shook horribly hard in my arms, her fists were balled up and pushing against me putting on the pressure crying out obscenities. I found my heart breaking now. She is mine; I have to let her know that. She isn't alone. She has me and she will always have me.
She managed to push herself so hard off of me she fell off the bed. When she went to get up I fell down with her, pinning her on the ground, using a bit of force now to make her stay still.
"We need each other. Stop ignoring that Carrie. Let me in." I promised, pressing her arms to the sides as her body was mattered by my own.
"Louis, come on. You know it's true. You know I'm wrong for this. Just let me go already." I cut her off with my lips, holding her to me.
I couldn't give up so easily, this is what a loser would do. She's obviously met a lot of them in her life. I wasn't going be one of those people she kisses and then forgets. Because I can't forget her. My heart won't allow it.
I pulled her hands over her head as my lips tried to ease whatever twisted notion she had against me. I know she doesn't really want to fight me. She's just scared. This is going to be harder than I thought. She's run from people in the past but she won't run from me.
"You can't be this much of a pain in the ass."
She scoffed, pushing on my chest again. "You really are a dick like everyone keeps saying. No wonder you hate your fans so much."
"Well you're not a fan, so that doesn't apply to you. And I don't fucking hate my fans, get off it love."
"Let me, ugh, go if you don't hate me. I dare you." I released my hold on her instantly. She stood very still, not moving a muscle.
I stared her down, waiting for her to turn a blind eye to me. Nothing. I waited again and she wiggled underneath me trying to get free. This is absolutely fucked up. Why is she continuing to behave this way?
"I can't do that."
"You said," She started to say but lost her words, "you said in my place to tell you go. It's the same thing here Lou. Let me go, please?"
She gripped on my bicep. How did she manage to do that? She squeezed hard, her fingernails digging into my flesh. It was starting to hurt so I grabbed her hand up putting it together with her other one above her head. Now I'm missing the handcuffs and I got myself a fun night.
"Let's not hurt each other ok? Don't, ugh, we don't hate each other to be doing this."
"How do you know?"
"Because you wouldn't kiss me the way you do and I know you better than you think."
Her eyes went wide. Oh I see, is there something I need to know?
"You're lying."
"I'll let you go if you let me tell you…"
She narrowed her eyes. Well this was getting good.
She whimpered. This I didn't expect. She put on such a tough front now the scared little girl makes an appearance. But this was the real her. I didn't have to worry if she was fake, the longer I am around her, the more I understand her.
"How can you tell everything from a kiss?"
"I know who you are when we kiss. I feel everything. I'm starting to know everything too."
She swallowed, avoiding my eyes but I tried to make her look at me so she wouldn't lie. "You don't know everything. Let me go."
"What if I did? What if I knew everything about you and nothing else mattered? Hmm?" My grip loosened on her but I was still holding her hands above her head steadily.
"The real me would scare you."
A laugh caught in my throat as I rolled my eyes. "The real you huh? What's your secret?"
She shook her head, refusing to look at me again. What could be so bad that she's keeping from me? I knew everything already.
"Look I'm just no good for you. You're still just, people know you Louis. It's—" She briefly turned to look at me from the corner of her. "Complicated."
I let her go completely and sat up and off of her body. She didn't move or anything, just stood there lying still, lost in a memory of some sort. Fuck. I lost her too. Will I be able to get her back?
"Carrie?" I whispered.
She pulled out of whatever fog she was in just now and looked at me, instantly sitting up.
I was close to her face again. "Sorry…"
"Why are you apologizing?"
She shook her head as if confused herself. "Just thought of something. Never mind."
Another secret. Oh boy, I thought I had her figured out but I guess she remains a big mystery to me.
"Do you want to talk about it? I'm here to listen." I stood up, offering her my hand.
She accepted it and we stood close to each other. Her wondering eyes where making me dizzy. I was curious to know when she was going to finally let me in, X-Factor questions were burning up. But I couldn't force her to tell me what happened that day.
I was worried she would try and leave again so I motioned for her to sit back in the bed.
"Relax love. I won't try anything promise."
She gave me a flat stare. I didn't understand it. I didn't know what she was going to do next and it made me feel a bit scared.
"I didn't think—" She started to say but pulled back to look at me. She looked almost afraid to continue.
I raised my eyebrows, cueing her to finish.
"I didn't think you'd be so nice." She moved forward and I leaned back on my elbows.
"I am nice. That's my best quality."
Carrie laughed, covering her mouth, instantly turning serious.
"Alright, fine, whatever."
I rolled my eyes and stood up walking close to her. "Come on now. I thought we were passed the attitudes."
She faux huffed and spun around, sitting down on the bed stiffly with her arms folded.
OK now she's just being an ass just to be one. I took the spot next to her, making sure my leg was firmly touching hers.
I pushed on it more, trying to get her to do anything to break this serious mood she's in. I pushed further, this time really hard.
She threw up her arms, groaning at me.
"Stop it."
"Not doing anything, love."
I pushed against her knee again, seeing the corners of her mouth rise. Almost, I pushed even more, this time harder, more like an Indian burn on her leg. Its gotta make a rise out of anyone. I mean no one can resist the Tommo Tummy laughter. She started giggling again, this time much louder, clearer and more prominent than the slight giggles she concealed. I was so bloody close. I want her more lose than this.
Oh shit, the stiffy is coming back. I need a pillow; she'll think I'm a pervert. This is just turning me on too much. The fact that she's such a tough ass but underneath everything she's a fun girl who likes to laugh, this is making me grow harder. Her mouth looks perfect now for the problem in my trousers. Shit, stop thinking of yourself. This is about not making Carrie leave. I am such a perv sometimes.
She looked at my face, slowing down her laughter. I felt caught.
"You ok?" She asked me, laughing harder at my expression. I'm sure I looked like I was in pain.
I bite through it and nodded. "Hey…" I searched far and wide for something to say. "Yeah I'm fine, um yeah."
Carrie laughed so hard she leaned back on the bed and stretched out her arms. The entire bed was shaking from her giggles and I all I was thinking of was maintaining the blood flow to my penis without it interfering with anything. How can I get hard over the weirdest things like laughing? Sick man I am.
"You look like you're gonna, haha, faint." She covered her mouth again but now her hands were over her stomach. I feel like now I'm the butt of the joke and she has no idea what the real problem is. "Lou I'm kidding but oh god, what's the problem already?"
If only I could just ask her to fix said problem. American girls are "nice" and quite "generous" right? I've seen proof of this, especially California girls. Something tells me Caroline isn't like every slag out there. Maybe she gets laid sure, but I don't think she's the girl who'd suck off any guy. Plus, wasn't I a guy about kisses? What's with this obsession with bjs all of a sudden? Reminds me of a terrible fanfic I read once by a fan. Wasn't entirely my fault, Harry sent me the link, said it was the dirtiest fanfic he'd found on me, curiosity and ego centrism got the better of me. Jesus I should bloody stop reading those.
I have a gorgeous girl in front of me, it's not like I need those fantasies anymore. Besides I'd rather live out all my fantasies then read them.
I shook my head, trying to get the attention off of me and more onto, something else. Maybe something more platonic.
"Nothing," I noticed my TV was left on and went to switch off the monitor. Painful erection was pushing against my trousers. OK, best not to think about it.
"Yeah right…you look like you got hit in the stomach." I felt her come behind me but I didn't turn around. "Lou, what?" She laughed like a girl.
I looked around my telly, looking for something. I grabbed some DVDs and spun around to show them out.
"Wanna watch a movie?"
She smiled widely and laughed again. I'd laugh too if I wasn't thinking about her lips on my cock right now.
She took the movies from me, checking them over. "Fantastic 4? Spider-Man 3? The Avengers? Uh…ok, anything you got that isn't homoerotic?"
Oh god, this shit again. I swear people are obsessed with this Larry shit to no end. I rolled my eyes, grabbing back the movies and stuffed them in place.
She put her hand on my shoulder, turning me inadvertently. "I'm sorry, I was only joking. What's wrong Lou? I'm kind of wary looking at the serious you. Honestly, tell me?"
She held my gaze but I couldn't fully make eye contact with her. The truth is I want to bring up Charlotte. I just want to know if Carrie is really the girl I've been talking to all along. That and my horny behavior is getting the worst of me. My cock is dying to be free right now, her lips looked awfully delicious. Oh maybe just a little taste. Shit, I'm slipping.
I cupped her face, looking at her with intensity as my lips came over hers, kissing her like my life ended this very moment. God, I fucking loved kissing this girl. I felt like she was mine in every way. I felt her respond back to me and we both moaned in the contact.
The kiss was getting heated pretty fast, I found myself on top of her again but I felt her stop. She sighed heavily and I dove for her neck, making small kisses as she breathed out again. I can't help thinking is she bored or was she controlling herself?
"I want this." She breathed.
"So do I." I said, meaning ever word.
She picked my face up, looking at me. She gave a bit of a frown, I moved to kiss her again but she stopped me. "Wait."
I licked my lips, pulling back.
She sat up, making me sit up with her. She became rigid again.
"I think you must hate me now. I'm not playing games. I don't know what's wrong. I can't…can we just not kiss right now?"
Well this is the first time a girl has asked me to stop passionately kissing her. I felt hurt that she officially wanted to stop. Those words, they cut pretty deep. I could feel myself getting soft. I nodded and let out a huff of air, collapsing next to her. I couldn't be on top of her right now. She obviously doesn't want me that way. I never thought the day would come when someone could actually reject me this badly to physically hurt me.
She sniffed; my head instantly turned but turned back because I couldn't stare at her right now. I was trying to be off sulking but I found it hard to stay made at her. She sniffed again, turning her body from me, moving to sit up, her body facing the opposite direction.
"You hate me."
Did I? I'm falling in love with her…but I'm confused. Just confused. If she really wants me, she needs to tell me this. One thing I hated with Eleanor was all the secrets, turns out history is repeating itself. I didn't hate Carrie. I just want to know how she really feels. And if she is really Charlotte than we can stop feeling so guilty and just be together.
"I don't hate you, love."
"I don't hate you either."
I swallowed. OK, I tried this from a different tactic. Now to find out if she's really Charlotte.
"You know, a good snog is hard to come by."
She wiped around suddenly. "Yeah like you're gonna find her being who you are."
My eyes went wide as I sat up smiling. Yes. Check on that. Charlie did tweet that to me. Carrie may not know I saw it but I did. It was the first tweet I remember seeing that actually told the truth more than the others. I smiled and she looked at me funny but then covered her mouth.
"I mean, whatever, I don't even know what a snog is. Speak American English already."
I had to laugh. She thinks I don't know already. She's revealing herself in front of me and it's beautiful. I'm realizing my first real friend in a long time is finally in front of me. I tried not to shake in this realization.
"So the movie sounds good now. I'll watch anything…doesn't matter." She smiled; plopping on my bed like it was hers too.
The amused look on my face was priceless. If I could bottle it up I would.
I stood up and made my way over to the telly again. I spun around, arms folded, maybe I could play with this Charlotte/Carrie thing even more.
"So…speaking of, what's my favorite movie?"
"Garden State." She replied immediately.
I grinned and she covered her mouth again, blushing hard, I could make it out from here.
"Isn't it Grease? I mean isn't that what it says on your bio?"
My eyebrows rose. "I thought only fans read those?"
She narrowed her eyes. "People talk. You guys are everywhere. You're practically prostitutes."
"Thanks for that. But that is only something that someone might search on the internet, to dig up. Care to confess anything?"
She leaned back against the pillow folding her arms together. She looked at me with the stink eye. She just doesn't want to admit it.
"Nothing to confess."
"Good cuz I hate intense confrontations."
"I know." She said under her breath.
Her eyes had gone massive. She acted like she didn't say that. I clearly only told Charlie this in confidence. How would she know this unless she was there? That conversation was late at night too, how could you prank someone all hours of the night? I couldn't ignore the similarities.
I could tell she was already exhausted but I was far from done with these little factoids.
"Louis, what's with the questions already? What are you getting at?" She shot at me.
I shrugged, flicked through my movie collection, putting something both of us might enjoy in the player.
"Absolutely nothing, love. Movie you say? Here it is." I figure now is not the time I reveal that I'm Troy this whole time.
Maybe I'm a little selfish but I do want to cuddle a bit with her. I got on the bed and unwound her arms as she smiled even though she fought it, giggling as I took her wrists, pinning them to the sides. This would be kinky if it weren't comedic really.
"You're sick, what are you doing?" She tried struggling against me but she knew she couldn't. I won this one.
I came over her top half, bending over to place a gentle kiss on her neck, kissing up her jaw to stop in front of her lips, smirking.
I rolled off of her and relaxed on my side as I grabbed the remote up, switching on the play button, glancing briefly at the screen.
She rolled onto her side, looking at me, I turned to her as the credits began rolling and the soft piano music played in the background.
"I lied."
I winced slightly, confused again.
"I need to confess something."540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPF1FXslNl
