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Louis' POV161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemzUH7qBIc
She looked at me oddly. I leaned forward and kissed her slowly, feeling her respond to me, she was trying to get me turned on again. As much as I wanted to continue this, I think she'll want to see what I have for her.
"Don't you want the surprise?"
"Mmm, I want you." She said, pushing me down and climbed on top of me. "Just a little bit more." She purred.
Christ this was getting harder than I thought. Literally. Don't know how much longer I could take it.
I had to stop this before I get hard. Shit, it's already happening. I know, I want this too, so badly. I wish I could do this with Carrie every second of the day. I could tell how fragile she is, I want her to relax and take things slow. I gradually made her stop and hugged her body against mine. A simple gesture I made that she returned. She moved to pull back, looking at me with weary eyes.
"What?"
I sat up, slightly but didn't push her off. I had no reason to be rough with her. I really wanted to do more, we only just started but, I also wanted to give her that surprise.
"It pains me to say this, love…" I rubbed my eyes.
She nodded slowly and I winced.
Feeling her climbing off of me suddenly made me cold. I missed that warmth she held and it was only gone for a half a second. Focus Louis.
How can I focus when I just want to stay in bed with her all day, all night, wake up to her face sleeping right next to me? How can anyone? I was going to have to control myself from taking her again, her tempting me isn't helping my self-control.
She looked at me from her side of the bed, eyes scanning me as if she were trying to read my thoughts. She didn't need to; I love her, even if I don't say the words, I can't lie with my body. I find it hard to hide what I'm thinking in general. I have lied to people before but I can't lie to Carrie. She's already had those people and I'll be damned if I become someone who behaves the same as everyone else.
I shook my head turning to face her, taking her in my arms again and kissing her with all I had in me. I can't help myself. I really have turned into one of those crazy romantics people talk about in movies and books. Wow, this actually does exist. I can be happy too. I don't have to feel this ache in the pit of my stomach not knowing how I am going to survive it all.
I met Caroline, she's broken, so lost, so unstable, undeniably a loose cannon, like me, but she's mine, and this is all I know. This is all I want to know. I just want to make her happy. If she gave it back to me it will mean so much. To know somebody actually cared about me. Not just my body, my looks or my money, but my heart. Me.
Fuck, I feel like crying. Is it possible to feel this intense about my best friend? I'm willing to find out…
"Louis…" Carrie whispered when I stopped and started kissing her neck again. "Am I dreaming?"
Are we having the same dream then? It's not; this is as real as life gets.
I loved burying myself on her soft, delicate skin. I just wanted to take care of her. I kissed my way up her neck slowly underneath her ear, along her jaw line and stopped when my face was level with hers.161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPsU1Ww2Em
"I have to stop or I bloody well won't be able to."
She looked at me meekly, a small smile forming as we pulled away and pulled the covers over. I went to get my clothes off the ground, slipping on my boxers and shirt. I can't be naked in front of her, even though I don't care. I may feel the temptation again to continue. As soon as I show her this, we can do whatever we want. I looked back and noticed she put on some of her clothes on too, except for her trousers they were on the ground with mine.161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAiDkBgeYm
I smiled as I pulled her body against mine, my arms firmly encasing her frame as I closed my eyes, soaking all of this in.
I know I had to do something but right now, this innocent moment had my full attention. I forced myself to let go of her, I needed to give her the surprise already.
Loosely she clung to me but I pulled away to give her breathing room and so I can look at her. Her face had flushed a soft pink; her lips worn out, a deep crimson coloring the curves, making them stand out on her features. I wanted to kiss her again but I knew this could wait.
"Alright, no joke this time. Be right back."
I made myself turn around and didn't look back for obvious reasons.
Charlie
I bit my lip. The only surprises I had in my life were negative ones. I was unsure about all this. Louis wouldn't be like that, would he? It isn't that I don't trust him, I actually do. I just never think I have luck on my side for very long.
Whenever I get happy, something has to mock it up and then I'm left where I started. Back to hating everyone and everything about life.161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUuvUTnnJr
I don't believe in my heart Louis would do anything to hurt me. He couldn't. He's the only guy who's never expected me to leave after having sex. That says a lot about a guy, and the control he has is crazy. I don't think most guys have that. Not that I'm the hottest thing since Emma Stone or anything, I don't think a lot of guys would pass up the chance to have another go at it. I was ready for one more.
I craved this guy, like I never craved anyone before. I still can't believe all the stuff that's happened since we met, well, met again.
We both know the truth, this time, all of the truth; I'm still feeling nervous about that part. I did talk a lot and ask tons about Louis when I was talking to his alias Troy. Weird, how the fuck could I not place those guys together? I feel like a fucking idiot. I feel like one of the customers at Wal-Mart. Dumb as a box of rocks. But then again, Louis didn't know until the moment I did, should I feel that dumb about it? Not really. Louis did a good job of pretending to be his friend. Half of me thought he may have tried this sass account crapola before.
I chose to believe him for now. I don't think he'd have a reason to constantly do this to people online. Yeah he's famous but that was long ago. I'd think he was enjoying a solo career but that was Zayn and Harry. Niall isn't doing a whole lot these days and I heard Liam wanted to work with Justin Timberlake's producers. Crazy how fast the time flies since the fetus days of X-Factor. I'm trying to have little regrets about that experience. The only good parts about it were Louis and the fact that I got to perform my own songs in front of anyone.
What's taking Louis so long? I sat up and was about to put on the rest of my clothes when I looked up at the doorway.
Louis was holding something behind his back. Uh oh.
"So am I going over there? Or..."
Louis shook his head playfully, "Patience love. Close your eyes."
I gave him a narrowing look. I felt nervous as hell.
"And if I don't?"
"Then no surprise. But if you're a nice person and you close them you will receive it."161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvI8CuvScn
"You're an ass." I blew a raspberry at his direction and rolled my eyes before I closed them.
I knew he was coming closer to me but I also heard some noise mixed in.
"OK, open them." he whispered.
I slowly opened them up to see an envelope in front of me, Louis was holding it near my hand and I looked at him oddly.
"What, no diamonds?" I smirked. I hesitated before touching it.
"You don't have to be so afraid Carrie. Go ahead." He told me gently, placing the envelope on my lap.
I made a small prayer before taking it in my hands and opening it slowly. I could feel Louis' heart and breathing speed up as I tore the corners and took the folded paper out of the envelope.
As I as read the top to the bottom my hands were shaking more than before.
"I can't believe you did this for me." I moved the paper from my face, and then reread it again to make sure it was real. "Isn't this mainly a high profile place? I don't understand, how did you make this happen?"
Louis leaned in, smiling as he kissed my cheek. He lingered near my face, before pulling away to look at me seriously.
"Because I saw how much you wanted it that day at the auditions. I saw it at the guitar shop. And I'm looking at it right now. It's not over Carrie; nothing is over when this is what you really want."
I stood up, not really clear on some things. I was ecstatic, beyond the word. But I was also confused. I was scared more than anything. I had very little belief in myself. I still have a small drive in my body to do something with my life.
"This probably cost a lot of money. I don't know how I'm going to pay you back."
"Who said you had to pay me back Carrie?" He stood up, stopping my pacing. He was actually so soft and gentle with me in case I might break.
I'm not going to lie; part of me feels like I might. This is too overwhelming.
"I think this is too much Louis. I didn't ask you to do this." No matter how I said that, it still came out bitter. "I have literally nothing to give back in return."
"You don't have to. This is a favor I am doing for you. This will help you in so many ways. Haven't you ever thought about what your life would be like if you had the proper tools to build your dream?" I couldn't answer him and I didn't want to lie to him. "Now you have it."
Louis was over-simplifying this to the hilt. It's not as easy as that. The show I went on was my only chance. After that, it was just a silly phase. Not everyone can realistically live their dream. You have to think of how to survive. Life goes on.161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSIJTl3FMJ
"Dreaming is for kids Louis. We're adults. You and I both had chances. You won and I didn't. Failure is a big wake up call, if anything you of all people should know that. You have to think in a logical perspective." I said, basically speaking everything my head wanted me to.
He looked at me for a second, his face was unreadable. I thought I may have upset him and now I feel horrible.161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmG1q5VUlTM
"Can you please sit down?" He touched my elbow and I found myself going back to the bed, sitting on the edge.
I have no idea why I'm doing this, maybe Louis does care about me. But he doesn't know what it's like to completely fail so hard you fall down back to reality.
We were sitting next to each other quietly for a few moments. I could tell Louis was thinking of something to say to me but wanted it to come out right. To be honest, he should know that nothing offends me much anymore. I could take it; I wish he wouldn't stay so quiet.
Maybe I should break the ice.
"I'm not upset you did it."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am. It's just…maybe you don't know what it's like to—"
"What? To fail? I was humiliated on the biggest show in Europe only to come in 3rd place. Do you know how that feels to go back home, go to school with that hanging over my head know we as a group still failed to win? We worked, we tried hard to win first place. But you know what? That didn't matter. We never gave up. So fucking what? Yes we failed; we were embarrassed to show our faces in society. I was traumatized. Fuck, I still think about how much more I could have done to win the show. But I didn't, we didn't win. That's life. It's not about winning or losing. That is just a reality. Life is about the progress. It's about trying. Not afraid of living. Because just living to survive bloody sucks. Carrie, I do understand you, believe me. I wouldn't do this if I didn't think you had a chance to get exactly what you want. I want you to be happy."161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwW0JKxNtgw
But Louis, everything you said is true. Only I'm too afraid.
"I don't think I can do it again." My voice said, breaking at the end. I looked at him and melted; he had the most sincere expression on his face.
I couldn't help but lean in to kiss him, breathing deeply as I thought of my next words.
"Don't you owe it to yourself to find out if you can?"
"I wish that was easy to answer." I leaned my forehead on his.
He pulled me in his arms, giving me a strong hug, the kind of hug I've seen close friends give each other before they do something big. Was I really going to do this though. That's the question.
"I already know the answer, but do you want to do it?"
My life has been cleaned up since the UK; I made sure to not backtrack when things were going off the rails. I made sure to support myself, life on my own, have a job with benefits and forget the dreams I wanted.161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fP87GoBTX
"Can I think about it? Does it matter if I just say I can't come?"
"Of course," He smiled softly. "Take as much time as you need."
"You really mean that?" I asked, slightly skeptical.
He nodded. I think he thought I was a little off so he asked me if I was feeling alright. I didn't know what to say, I wanted to stay but I wasn't in my right mind to continue what we were doing before. My mood shifted. Fear took over. The girl I buried resurfaced. Fuck.
Louis asked me it was OK if he could drop me off. I yawned a little bit and said I had mentioned I had some things I need to do before I go back to work. I could have put those things off for another day. I just didn't want there to be awkwardness between Louis and I. So I had decided to leave just so I can think about what Louis had just given me.
I was just worried about this opportunity. I didn't earn it. I don't even know who I'm dealing with. They could be arrogant, blood sucking jerks for all I know. Would Louis do that to me? Of course this is the city, can't trust anybody. But I do trust Louis and that is what bothers me about this whole thing.
I can't do this right now. I can't think of this while I'm around him. He's going to want an answer eventually. Christ, what a cluster fuck. My brain is fried.
The ride was mostly silent. Louis asked me a few times if I was OK and all I could reply with was "I'm fine, don't worry." I don't know if I should tell him what my brain is going through.
My life was fine. It's wasn't cupcakes and sprinkles but it was doable. I didn't like second guessing my choices. Louis keeps opening up my mind to that world and I just want to push it far away.
All I ever wanted to do was not relive those moments where I wanted to die. Now it feels as if I'm dying slowing doing what I abhor. It's the safer way. I make some money, just enough to support my life, don't live beyond that. Why is it so wrong?
We came up near my neighborhood and sat for a couple sentences in silence after he turned off the engine.
"Want me to walk you to the door?"
"It's OK."
I felt him take my hand in his and I tensed, and then relaxed when he brought it to his lips for a kiss.
"I'm here if you want to talk. Any time. I don't care. Whenever you need me."
I nodded barely; I smiled at him despite myself. He was so loyal I couldn't believe it was real. I had to put on the "I'm fine" act so he won't press me to talk anymore about the opportunity. Because I know it will come up; I'm just not ready to talk about the past. Who knows, I might never be.161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZJWCbiUnm
I leaned close to kiss him but he pulled me in further into the kiss. It turned irrevocably passionate; my body was warming up like it had before. I found my will to pull away when I could. If I could do this forever I would but I knew my heart wasn't completely into it and it wasn't fair to him.161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡji9Ej7XzJH
I needed some time alone. Every time I see Louis, I fall in love harder than I planned to. I needed my head to work correctly before I let my heart take over. I'm afraid I'm going to lose that battle the more I'm near him.161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPf2Lz0Eddd
