Note: This article was written before I turned 30.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmr0D15jHTW
I am turning 30 in a few days later.
30 is a critical stage for some people — We would question ourselves, what have we achieved so far? Where am I now?
30, it means we have certain experience in careers already. Some of us may love our job, but most of us do not know where our passion is. What we do know is, that we do not want to lose our jobs since we have bills to pay. We always want more rewards, usually in form of money. But chances are they still do not fill the void inside us.
30, it means our parents growing old. They spent years raising us, and we are often grateful for this, yet we also get annoyed from time to time — To our parents, we are their kids forever. The health condition of our parents is no longer as good as it used to be. This concern lingers in the back of our hearts.
30, also implies that we are 1 step closer to our demise. On the day of the celebration of my birth, I tend to think of the inevitability to everyone. Some day, all of us will step down the grave. Whatever is left behind us, would be our legacy to the world.
As the day of me turning 30 approaches, I keep thinking of this question more and more often: Does the world become a bit better because of me? Have I given 100% of myself for the sake of others?
I am living my life as best as I could, but there are still people in need and they are beyond my reach. To me, the world is deep under the water, and we are all bombarded by all kinds of bad news. I am becoming cynical bit by bit as I age. I do not like it at all, but this is my psychological mechanism to cope with the huge difference between the ideal in my mind and reality.
Meanwhile, the feeling of loneliness is growing stronger and more frequent as I grow old. It is not hard to have someone to party with, but it is utterly difficult to have authentic and meaningful connections. It is hard to have someone truly understand me. Truth be told, I cannot stand superficial relationships, not one bit. I am old enough to know what I like and what I hate. I would rather be alone than compromise who I am. Yet, it does not stop me from attempting to form true connections with people.
That being said, you, my friend, are very carefully handpicked by me and kept in my social circle. And, I choose to share this mental note for my 30 birthday with you.
The world is a cold and cruel place, and having you in my life makes living in it less unbearable. For this, I would like to express my gratitude via writing. As an INFJ, I am a better writer than a speaker. So I figured that this would be a proper way to convey my message to you.
Rain falls, wind blows, and life could take us apart any time soon. It is just life, the rule of nature. And from my near-death experience in the hospital last year, I learned to speak kind words to others as early as possible. You never know for sure if you are gonna see them again. For the last thing I said to the others, I would seize the chance and make sure they are words of gratitude.
There are usually 3 things people wish they could have said, when unexpected departures occur in their lives:
- Thank you.
- Sorry.
- I love you.
My friend, we do not know for sure what would happen even in the next minute. And that is exactly why I want to take the chance to say: Thank you for showing up in my life, your existence shapes me into a better form of me; And, sorry if I brought any harsh feelings to you. I was probably tired, oblivious of your struggles, or had a bad day; And, I love you — I believe that the encounters of people are not random. There are certain things in both of you and me, and those things brought us together and made us friends. And, there is some sort of meaning behind all these.
The time we share each other’s lives is finite. And before we part our ways, these are the things I would like you to know.
I am not certain about a lot of things for my post-30 life. But there is one thing I am sure of — I am more than glad to keep you in my life, and I am likely to need to lean on you at some point. This is not something I am used to doing, but I am learning to do — To ask for help, to be vulnerable, like what I am doing to you now.
I am looking forward to counting on you for my post-30 life, my friend.
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