Chapter18: Our Peculiar Home Life
The following occurrences are not in any order, just random happenings over the years.
The Rock Garden
I’d been trying to get grass to grow in our front yard to no avail. Dad had used stones he’d gotten out of creek beds to build small walls and structures all around the property. I had the day off, Mary Jo was at work, the kids are all in school, and it’s stifling hot. The bright idea occurred, Ah, ah, Rock Garden. I worked all day gathering varying shapes and sizes as I wanted the garden to be symmetrical, much thought went into this. I’m soaked with sweat and finished my marvelous project right when M.J. came home. I’m proudly looking at my amazing and beautiful creation. Mary Jo said, “What on earth is that?”” It’s our new rock garden.”” In the front yard?”” Yes.”” Bob, that is one of the most ridiculous ideas you’ve ever had.”” You don’t like it?”” Absolutely not, please take it down.” I refused, my feelings were hurt. The next day was Saturday, Mary Jo and Travis used his plastic wagon to put all the rocks back. I never understood why she didn’t like it.
Our First Christmas
I worked all day decorating our home with the outside lights. I meticulously placed each set with artistic precision. Seven hours later, I finished at dusk. I asked Mary Jo and Tracy to view our beautiful lighting. Proudly stating, “Wait until you see this.”” Umm, Bob?”” Yes?”” Why did you make the right side all white and the left side colored?”” I liked the off setting contrast.”” What?”” Making the lighting look different from other homes.”” Bob, I really think you should make the lights all the same color.” M.J. was talking gently, as she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. The next day I made everything white and this did look much better. I decided to build a fire. I had trimmed the hedges in the backyard and used the very dry kindling. I wadded up paper, placing this under the grid, put all the wood in and lite it. Whoosh, the wood burned hot and fast and the damper slammed shut. The inferno is starting to catch the mantle on fire. I said, “Get some water.” Tracy came in with a glassful and it vaporized. Michael had been visiting for Christmas, his home was two blocks down, and he’d told his mother, “Look mom the Hall’s house is on fire.” I threw a full water bucket on and smoke went everywhere, three thousand dollars worth of smoke damage. Merry Christmas. I waited until next Christmas for my next great feat. My parents always had live trees, family tradition. Come January, I'm having some difficulty getting the large tree out the front door. I lost my temper and shoved it hard, top first. Pine needles exploded everywhere, we were still finding needles in June. Next year we put up a fake tree.
The Playful Bat
There was a bee's nest in the attic, the vent screen had a hole in it and bats would come in going after their meal. One had somehow gotten inside and was swooping everywhere. The girls went hysterical and all three were in the closet covering their hair. I chased the thing around with a broom for ten minutes, and suddenly it's gone. What? I looked above the furnace ducts in the basement, above all kitchen cabinets, behind the furniture, under the beds, behind the window curtains, checked all the closets, in the bathtub. The animal had completely vanished, I reasoned it had left the same way it’d gotten in. This was springtime and somewhat windy. For a week lying in bed, we’d hear a sound similar to scratching, thinking it’s wind blowing against the window screen. The lamp next to Mary Jo had a concave base, she was cleaning, lifted the lamp and the bat lunged. The animal had been hiding right next to her head for a week. She screamed, I retrieved the broom and finally stunned it. I paced the mammal in a garbage bag, took it outside and released it.
The Satellite Dish
The business had a ten-foot wide dish on a custom-made trailer that we’d haul to customer homes to sight the orbiting satellites. I had luckily sold two systems and Al helped with the installations. We had nowhere to store it except in our side yard. I think the neighbors felt their property values would plummet. Web lived across the street, he was the owner of a funeral home. After two days of the monuments' arrival, he said, “Bob, what’s that?”” It’s a satellite dish we use for positioning the equipment.”” Are you going to leave it there?”” Yes, we have nowhere else to place it.”” Oh.” The next day, Marion, who was married to a WW2 hero, worriedly asked the exact same question the exact same way, “Bob, what’s that?”” It’s a satellite dish we use for positioning the equipment.”” Are you going to leave it there?”” Yes, we have nowhere else to place it.”” Oh.” After the third time this happened, I told Mary Jo we needed to paint a big pair of boobs on the dish. She laughed, we didn’t.
The Bird In The Fireplace
I had a weight bench in the basement and enjoyed my hour work-outs. Mary Jo was at work and our children were attending school. After a half hour, I went upstairs for some water and heard a noise in the living room. A bird was fluttering above the closed damper in the fireplace. In the winter, the birds would sit on the chimney for warmth and at times would fall in. I opened the damper and placed the glass fireplace fixture flush against the opening. After finishing the work-out, I was somewhat surprised. The bird was sitting on top of the window curtain, there was a metal angle ornament that had been on the wall above the fireplace lying next to the front door. The glass was still flush against the fireplace. I opened a window and my friend flew out. I believe to this day, an angle let the sparrow out.
Family Dollar was OK, I enjoyed the folks I labored with, and the exercise was keeping the weight off. M.J. enjoyed the metabolism of a humming bird and could constantly eat and not gain an ounce. On the other hand, I could smell a cupcake and gain ten pounds. We’re becoming increasingly excited about our upcoming vacation. We'd say, “One week closer.” She proved to be an excellent employee of Time Warner Cable. After one year, she was the top sales rep. In the Pittsburgh district. She had earned, not won, an all-expense paid, five-day cruise on Carnival. The time arrived. On Saturday, we went to the mall to get some last minute items. We were walking, and Mary Jo suddenly stopped and saw a beautiful painting by Thomas Kincaid titled A New Day Dawning. She said, “I'll bet that's what Heaven looks like.” I'm looking at the same painting now. During that time, she would oddly bring up the subject of death. “I don't know what I would do without you.” Honey, me neither.” I found out.
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