Chapter 19: Our Tragic Second Honeymoon
Sunday we flew out of Pittsburgh, Mary Jo was holding my arm with her head on my shoulder. She had never flown and was scared. We arrived in Florida and boarded the ship. We were very excited and called this our second honeymoon. The ship set sail for Nassau and stopped at a small island. We looked at the local vendors' merchandise. The last item Mary Jo ever purchased was a cross. That evening, we attended Captain's Dinner. She had on a black, sequin gown and looked eloquent. After dinner, we watched a Broadway Show. Next, we had our pictures taken, the last picture her hand is on my heart. We went to a club which had a dance floor. We’re drinking champagne, and tipped glasses, congratulating one another for this magic night. This was way better than any Year's Eve. We danced, sat down. She died.
I watched her stomach swell enormously, fluid expelled across the floor out of her mouth. She had been complaining about a pain in her leg. The compression and decompression of the aircraft caused a blood clot to let loose, and it exploded her heart. She died instantly, and entered Heaven. I entered a state of unbelievable dis-belief, the mind was having a difficult time comprehending what It was witnessing. Everything went surreal, time was strange, and I was having difficulty understanding what the doctor was asking. “Was she on drugs?” What? No.”” Are you on drugs”” No.”” Did she ever do drugs?””’ No.”” Did she have any medical conditions”” No.”” How old was she?”
My mind was on overload, and I couldn’t exactly remember, so I muttered early forties. He gave me a sleeping agent and a nerve pill. I still can’t recall leaving the dance floor or anything after talking to the doctor. Evidently, I talked with the ship's captain. I woke up in an empty cabin and instantly smelled Mary Jo’s perfume. It was like being in a trance, suddenly I’m at our cabin door. I mustered the strength to enter our room and pack everything up. When I opened our door, I felt a feeling somewhat like terror. I thought I might faint, so I sat down. The room that just yesterday had been filled with laughter and love was deadly quiet. I suddenly understood that love transcended life and death, a great peace washed over and instantly vanished. Mary Jo was with me, but I still started to tremble and sweat, my hand was shaking. I lay down on my back because I became slightly nauseous. I then felt something akin to fear and thought. I have to get out of here. Now. I very quickly packed up, every item I touched brought back recent memories, it felt somewhat like a dagger was in my chest. My God, the perfume smell became stronger. My blood pressure had to have been through the roof. If I wasn’t still feeling the sedatives the doctor gave me, I probably would have fainted. Looking back, it was astounding I did what I did. I should have had the staff do this, but was certainly not reasoning properly. This was a nightmare and it was very real.
They set up a transoceanic call. I couldn’t tell our children over the phone. Tracy was a freshman in optometry college, Tara was a senior in high school and Travis was in eighth grade. The only person I could think of was Mary Jo’s mother, Jewel. She was one of the strongest individuals, male or female, I had ever met. A truly remarkable woman. She gasped and was quiet for a time that became somewhat worrisome. She told me later she almost fainted. The captain came and asked if I’d remembered last night’s conversation, which I couldn’t. He explained international law would have her body left off at this port of call, Nassau. He suggested she remain on the ship and would be back in the States on Friday, eliminating red tape. I agreed. The ship made special arrangements and I flew out of Nassau. I remember sitting in the airport watching all the happy couples holding hands. Surreal. Nobody knew what I had just experienced. I was in first class flying to Pittsburgh, and the seat next to me was empty. It really hit me and I gasped. Immediately, I felt like a warm egg had been broken over my head, that same feeling of peace came through me. It didn’t last but an instant, looking back I know it was Mary Jo with her head on my shoulder, just like when we had taken off only two days ago.
Tracy and I had an apartment in Columbus. She was in her first year of Optometry College at Ohio State. Jewel wisely thought she could not tell Tracy over the phone. She contacted Shane, Tracy's cousin, and asked if he could drive to Columbus to tell her. A half hour from the apartment; Shane made a mistake, he called to see if she was there. Tracy is highly intelligent and puts two and two together. Why would Shane be coming to see her? He told her over the phone. When he arrived at the apartment, it was in shambles. This was the worst half hour of her life.
The showing was scheduled on Sunday afternoon, the funeral on Monday. After contacting our family, I called Dave, he was working in the Carolinas. He dropped everything and was at my side two days later. The prior year, he had called me in February, he was sobbing and extremely upset. Robin had just been diagnosed with liver cancer. Dave called me on Friday and asked if I could visit on Sunday, as Robin wanted to see me. I said I would let them know on Saturday. After talking with Mary Jo, I decided it was too far to drive, and I had chores to do. Anyway, Mary Jo couldn't go because she had plans with her sister. Saturday night I swear I heard a voice which only said “Go.” Sunday I drove to their home. After talking with Dave for a half hour, Robin came out and sat at the dining room table. Her wrists looked like pencils, and she had a catheter in her sternum. She was absolutely joyful, no self-pity, no why me. She said, “Bob, God could heal me if He wants, but I have a big mouth, maybe I'll be of better service on the other side.” What faith. She passed several months later. The reason she wanted to see me was to give me a book. “Intra Muros, My Dream of Heaven '' by Rebecca Springer, written in the 1890s. The author had gone into a coma and vividly saw Heaven. Those who have read it have come to the same conclusion. All true, the descriptions are so absolutely beautiful, proving they were not made up by the human mind. A year later, Mary Jo passed. Here are the parallels between Dave and I. Robin was 43 when she passed, Mary Jo was 43; they had raised two girls, one boy, one adopted; we had raised two girls, one boy, one adopted; they had dated for three months and were married for twenty years, we had dated for three months and were married for twenty years; both were blond; the day Mary Jo died was Robin’s birthday. What are the odds of these analogies? My oldest and best friend went through virtually the same ordeal.
Back to the week of the funeral. Dave was the only one who said something that made sense. He said, "You'll go one of two ways. You'll either become mean, hateful, or bitter, making everyone around you miserable because you're dwelling in self-pity. Or, you will accept all, find peace and come to the realization that nothing will ever happen to you as bad as this, and not much will bother you." With the Grace of God, I went the latter route. Wednesday, Tara and I were sitting on the couch, and she said, "Daddy, I am really scared." I said, "All will be alright." Several years later, she was married, and we were talking at the reception. I said,"Honey, do you remember sitting on the couch and telling me you were scared?" "Yeah." "Well, now, all is alright." Friday, Tara was to ride in a parade as she had been elected to senior homecoming court. She said she couldn't, so I asked what her mother would want. She sat in the convertible, I was in the front seat. In a small town, information travels fast, all knew her mother had suddenly died. People started clapping, giving our family and Mary Jo an immense honor. I will never forget that beautiful moment in time. Sunday, I said, "Get ready, we're going to church." Our children said,"We can't do that." I said, "We've been attending First Christian for years. Yes we can." We sat in the back of the church. The minister came to me and said, "You have no idea how your family has affected the congregation." I simply told him that we needed to be here.
On Tuesday, Jewel had been looking over some papers and found a life insurance policy Mary Jo had taken out for twenty thousand dollars. I had no idea. Pennies from Heaven. She had also found a key to a safe deposit box. I went up to the bank and a very strange occurrence happened. The key would not work, so they called a locksmith. He explained he had been doing this for seventeen years and this had never happened. After numerous attempts, he had to get a vice and rip the door off. There was nothing of significance there. Mary Jo had always handled our finances, and this was nobody's business. I think she had her finger on the door.
The showing started at 1:00. I was told later this was one of the largest they had ever had. Many I didn't know, as they were Mary Jo's customers. I remember standing at her coffin with our children. I had my hand on her folded hands. I would watch groups of folks sobbing and suddenly stop. I could almost see her walking around the room, placing her hands on the grieving and stopping the crying. I know she was. Monday was the funeral. After the minister, I said a few words and read the following. These beautiful thoughts are buried with her. The author is Joseph F. Girzone from his book, “Joshua in the Holy Land.” "Of late, I have come across so many hurting people, and so much pain. I know you all endure hurt and pain and struggle with difficulty understanding it. I know life must be very confusing to you. But it is not senseless. There are patterns and reasons, though you may not be able to see them. It is important for you to know that your lives are not just an accident of circumstance or the product of random forces at work in the universe. Each of you is a masterpiece of God's creation. You were made special and are precious to God. He works each day quietly, calmly, within you, weaving together the apparently disconnected strands of your life. Your youth was a preparation for your life later on. As you grew older, each moment was part of the carefully planned training that God was putting you through, each day building on another, each of you being drawn along a path different from everyone else, because each of you is unique and special to God, with a special mission to accomplish for Him in this world, and a special message to preach through your life. There will always be pain in life and hurt. You cannot grow without it. Pain and suffering are the dark strands weaving through the tapestry of your life, providing the shadows that give depth and dimension to the masterpiece God is fashioning within you. Athletes embrace stress and pain as they prepare their bodies for the contest. You are made strong and refined through your hardships and struggles. You are not being punished. They are the necessary ingredients of life if you are to grow in God's image. If God is to mold the human clay of which you are made into something that resembles Himself, that process cannot help but be painful. So be patient and know that your pain is not in vain, nor is it a punishment. God is too big to pick on people when, in their weakness, they fall. When you do things that are hurtful, God, like a kind father, or a tender mother, makes adjustments in your life to remind you that your actions are hurting others or yourself and prompts you to make changes. But God is never cruel. He accepts you where you are and is very patient as you turn ever so slowly back to His love. He weaves everything into good when you reach out to Him. Your life is really like a tapestry. You look at one side and see all the disconnected and loose ends, and say, "What a mess my life is!" God sees the finished product on the other side and sighs, "How beautiful you have become!" So don't be discouraged or lose hope. Trust your Father in Heaven. He loves you more than you can imagine. Call him ABBA. He is truly your Daddy, so tender is His love for you, He watches over your every deed, not to find fault or to judge, but because He cares. This may seem impossible, that He could be fully aware of every detail of your life, but look upon the mind of God as the sun rising in the morning. Its rays penetrate every detail of creation in a single moment. God's mind is like that sunshine, touching and penetrating all creation in a single instant. In this way, He can guide and enlighten you with His wisdom and inspire you with His love. May His peace and blessing go with you each day and guide you in His own way, and along His own paths, and may you always know that He is near." These words are absolutely beautiful, and friends have commented they’ve helped them to understand difficulties and pain.
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