They sat down on a table meant for two just outside of a café near the Fontana Trevi, each ordered their own respective beverage, sauvignon and blanc. Cay had never liked the dry taste of white wine. After opening a pack and passing the cigarette to Tanya, he lit hers before his his and let out a puff of smoke that was dragged away by the blow from the opposite wind.
At first, the two did not spoke, instead they looked around their surroundings. Tanya mentioned before that she did not like to be in crowdy areas. Although the street they have were on was not considered as packed as the ones nearby, there was still a considerable number of foreign visitors walking-by. The lit candlelight was the only focus that could take away both of their frustration about the crowd and noise.
After finishing their cigarettes, the glasses of wine arrived, along with a small bowl of pitted-olives and bite-size biscuits in spiral formations. They both took a sip of their wines at the same time, an invisible harmony between the two. Finally, Cay spoked.
“Lovely day it has been, hasn’t it?”, skeptical about his own ability in accompanying people,
Tanya turned around and gave a nod, smiling in the process. Their eyes locked into each other’s once again, the last time was in the afternoon under the outstretched synthetic cover of the cafe.
Cay leaned forward a bit and moved her hair onto the left side behind her ear, revealing the gold earring that reflected the warm light from the candle. Her lower part of her face illuminated and her eyes glowed green in the dark. They seemed to shine even brighter when they spoke.
Cay could tell that she liked his gentle caress and continued sliding the back of his fingers slowly down her neck. His roughened knuckles slightly prickly on her skin, his warm back of the hand invited her face to lean towards it. The two did not speak much, but they each knew they were enjoying the company of strange excitement. They had grown towards each other than when they had lunch.
“You’re really beautiful, your eyes…they…I can’t stop staring into them.”, he retracted his hand, giving Tanya a chance to reorganize her composure.
“Thank you. I really enjoyed your company as well.”, Cay could imagine the unmistakable blush on the surface of her cheeks. Hiding beneath the dark and glistering skin.
Cay was relieved to hear it, he had doubts before that she would not be on the same page as he was, their feelings for each other was finally confirmed. Even if that moment only lasted a few minutes, he knew it was worth the waiting, any disruptions would shatter the whole transcendence.
Both went back to their comfortable positions. Cay leaning his head on the wall, his body facing towards the walkway. Tanya just leaned her head closer to the candle, her right arm supporting her chin, a position he interpreted as one who would want the conversation to continue.
They spoke more about music and books they liked; They exchanged authors and artists. All the while sipping their glasses, slowly, the wine went from minor to barely a few drops. Cay felt the warmth his sauvignon in his throat and stomach, it gave him a strong feeling that he could be a little more daring. Perfect timing to have when in the presence of a beauty.
They left the café and walked back to the hostel, side by side, Cay holding onto Tanya’s waist, not simply because she was cold. Her eyes brightened at the touch.
*
Cay’s years spent in secondary school was not the least enjoyable. He was a chubby student as well as back in primary school. The faces of classmates changed, but their amusement pointed at him would never change.
He had developed a sensitivity towards his own body, he understood that he did not havea slim figure as most other boys in his class. The youth in Malaysia prefer looking malnourish just so they could fit in to tiny clothes, rather than looking muscular and big.
Cultural differences in different regions have an indifference to abuse their young generations. Asian singers and actors who were shot to stardom had a considerable influence towards adolescents, particularly during the age when their voices started to crackle and mountains of pimples bursting out from the surface of their faces.
The pedo-stach would always stick onto teenage boys who still had not realized the extent of its’ ugliness. Cay kept all the hideousness on the surface: The bursting pimples, the awkward childish hair, an unappreciated body frame, and the innocent look on his face. People never bothered to talk to him since he looked quiet and quite inexperience in this stage filled with experimenting new things. New meaningless things.
He kept his habit of eating an apple during lunch break, but the now longer curriculum often forced him to walk downwards to the cafeteria, with the reluctant company from some of his classmates. Their only common was that they studied within the same concrete room and taught by the same teachers. It was better than walking with complete strangers, although they were indifferent to his colleagues: The boys acted like complete buffoons, while the girls had just started building up fake images of themselves with the help of makeup.
Cay’s lunch at the cafeteria was usually the same with his “eating” friends, consisting of rice with sides of vegetables and meat. Nobody at school really enjoyed eating the noodles served there, they all agreed, including the faculties, that the noodle had a heavy alkaline taste, and the soup that came with tasted like diluted additives. But most importantly, it was expensive. Not worth the Malaysian Ringgit.
These had not been his greatest years, but one of the most depressing ones, Cay agreed when talking to his mirror in his bedroom. Who would want to have a body like his, the body that he ruined from years of eating unhealthy, fattening food?
He resented himself whenever he talked to his mirror, which showed how he looked like without the thin protection of his school uniform and everyday clothes: a belly, chubby face, slightly sagging breasts, and that dumb-looking face accompanied by a double-chin. He hated the face the most. He had always known that people looked at faces first before concluding what the people were like. They were too quickly to judge, he never had a chance to fully show himself.
Their giggling behind his back and the often-abusive words towards his body by boys was drowning his dignity, they were crushing his spirit to feel normal, to fit in the group.
“Don’t you like talking to people, Cay?”, a girl of the same age asked him this question one time after class. “Because you all laugh at me, which is why.”, but Cay blushed and said that he only enjoyed listening. A passive animal, being pushed very down by his very own species. These adolescents, these humans with their pathetic needs at the most embarrassing stage of growing up.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
