"Hey, boyfriend." I walked into Nathan's room.
Lying on his back, Nathan glanced at me as he threw his football horizontally into the wall. All he gave me was small snicker in return as his focus returned to throwing his football into the wall. Nathan hadn't really reacted one way or another when his mom brought it up, and acted much of the same way when I had to explain what happened. What I was most surprised by was that he agreed to it.
"Funny. I don't date girls who shoot up and get absolutely trashed after it." he rolled onto his stomach.
Once I got back from the store with his mom, I asked Nathan what exactly it was I did. He started by telling me that I showed up at his window soaked, crying with a small bag, and my arms covered in blood. Then came him stripping me, which I was kind of glad I didn't remember, and putting the bandages around my arms. After all of that, I somehow thought it was a good idea to shoot up and drink myself into a coma before passing out with practically no clothes on right next to him. He wasn't going to do anything, but was still a teenage guy. That much he couldn't help.
Yet, I was the one with my arm wrapped around him when I got up. I had been the one pressed up against his back. Nathan pointed himself in the complete opposite direction, and I could've only wondered if it was purposeful on his part. He was like that, and I had been the one worried that he was going to do something? I left myself completely exposed that night, and he still hadn't done anything to me. Just like that night I forced myself on him in the park.
Why was I so okay leaving myself open around him?
"Your mom told me a lot about you, actually." I sat on the floor, right next to his head. "She looks so happy when she talks about you. It's like she can't stop smiling when she does."
Nathan stayed silent as he looked at me blankly. "She spent all the years she was supposed to be having fun and going to college raising me instead. The least I could do is not put her through a bunch of pointless trouble because I want to get stupid. I caused her nothing but heartache with her family, so I'll be as good as I can to make her happy."
It kind of shocked me to hear that come from his mouth. Nathan was sacrificing the times he was allowed to be stupid and get into trouble to make sure that she could live without more problems in her life. Maybe it was guilt, but his expression hadn't said that at all. It said that it was his choice and he was determined to deliver on that. He was so much more mature than he made himself out to be, and it almost felt like I was the only one who saw it.
That day I met him in the hospital, I thought he was just another popular kid trying to make fun of who and what I was, just like the rest of them seemed to. That thought quickly turned to him just wanting to get laid and I was a good, sad target. I just thought he was something completely different than what I had seen from him now. He wasn't an arrogant football player like I assumed, he was a mature teenage guy who most girls would've been lucky to call a friend and more.
"I'm jealous. . ." I smirked, looking down. "The only person who loved me that much might not wake up again."
His forearm bumped my shoulder. "I know you're not religious, but you don't need that to have faith."
"I tried that." I muttered. "All it did was almost get her killed."
Having complete confidence in something I couldn't fix was the stupidest choice I ever made. I should have taken Grace by her pretty little hands and left Ely as quickly as possible. What I hadn't done was taken action in trying to stop what happened, and where I failed her was believing that faith was the answer to calmly repairing it all. It was a lie, faith was nothing but the whispers of sweet nothings to those who needed to hear it. Faith did nothing but take advantage of those who needed something to hold and believe in, even if it sucked them dry of their money and independence.
As the thought of why I so vehemently denied faith crossed my mind, a rare ringing of my phone woke the screen up to reveal a name I hadn't remembered putting in. I picked up my phone and looked at Nathan who just gave me shrug while he continued to watch.
"Yo. Lynn, right?" her hoarse voice came through. "A couple of my friends are having this little get-together to destroy some shit. You down?"
The only problem I had with her offer was that the last "get together" I attended didn't turn out so well, to say the least. Erin hadn't given a damn about people, but she wouldn't have allowed something like that to happen, right? I had known so little about her, yet I somehow felt obligated to go after she gave me the heroin and a bottle of Xanax for free. I pulled my head away from the phone and looked at Nathan once again. He had clearly heard it, but only gave yet another shrug.
"Can I bring a friend?" I brought the phone back to my ear. "I-"
"What? As long as he isn't a rat, I don't think anyone'll care at all." she laughed, before yelling at someone on the other side. "Shit. I'll text you the address, be there at seven."
After she hung up, I turned to Nathan who looked more interested than he had confused. I had only told him about the drugs, and revealed nothing about Erin or Horse to him, only because I wasn't sure if I could. At the end of the day, I hadn't been some drug addict that knew the rules and etiquette of the drug world. I did heroin once, and I thought that was going to be it for me. I really did.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Pulling up to what was likely the biggest house in Ely, I was able to see a dozen or so people dressed like Erin. They seemed to be wearing black with dyed hair, chains, and piercings, but what stood out the most was that they all seemed to be smiling without any care in the world. Even as some of them carried baseballs bats, there hadn't been an ounce of seriousness in the air from anyone, not even Erin.
"Hey, kid." she turned her head to Nathan while carrying two bats, smirking. ". . .You too, blondie."
In a tank top, she revealed all of her tattoos to anyone who looked. Starting at her collarbones, the tattoo symmetrically fell down her chest and arms, creating long vines of beautifully done and placed roses. That tank top had been joined by a simple pair of black denim shorts and her hair over her eyes. It almost made me want to laugh, the way she was dressed had fit her so well for some reason.
"That fuckin' judge, Herrera or whatever, he's starting to stick his nose into places it don't fucking belong in. Fucker thinks he can just walk all over us and take Misery Business away." Erin handed me one of her two bats. "Apparently, they just bought this place since someone burnt their old house down. I'd love to meet the glorious motherfucker who did that, but how about turn this place into dump for now?"
"Hey, you wouldn't happen to have some spray paint, would you?" I was surprised to see the expression Nathan was wearing. Of all things, he was grinning. What was scarier was that he had that same shadowy eyes that night when he asked me if I wanted him to do something to Devin.
"Best bet, blondie. Go ask Cody, he's the guy with the green ponytail." Erin began to snicker as her head followed Nathan's long stride towards a lanky guy wearing a jacket. "You might've brought the highlight of the evening."
Still grinning, Nathan came back carrying a small crate full of what looked to be cans of black spray paint. After he had approached the other guy out of nowhere, it seemed like he caught other people's attention, quieting them down as he picked up the first can and looked at me while shaking it. Before long, the cap had been taken off and thrown into the crate before he started to spray on the wide walkway towards the doors.
As he finished up on the second letter, the realization of what he was writing on the walkway with that very spray paint had hit me. He hadn't written anyone's name or anything that would've given anyone away, yet he had been clearly baiting Devin. Even if he knew it was Nathan who did it, Devin wasn't able to just run up on him and pop him for no reason like he did at school. He was under the public eye, Nathan wasn't.
Even if he hadn't said anything about me specifically, I just wasn't sure how comfortable I was with seeing that word painted in front of me.
"Rapist?" Erin's grin had suddenly disappeared as Nathan carried the crate to the bed of his truck. "You talkin' about the kid?"
"Don't worry about it." Nathan gave me a crooked smile, looking at me. "Just destroy the place. I'll be here when you're done."
Erin stood in silence as she watched Nathan's expression. Her only movement for minutes was the tapping of her bat against the curb of the concrete while she looked at just him. If I hadn't known any better, I would have thought they were talking telepathically, but obviously that wasn't possible. With one final smack against the concrete, she looked up towards the sky and seemed to look into space, just like she had done with Nathan.
Before I could do anything myself, Erin pulled me forward with her towards a house that only seemed to get bigger and bigger as I got closer. The grin that disappeared had finally been replaced by gritted teeth and a raised lip. It was like she had gotten angry out of nowhere after Nathan came back to his truck and was about to take it out on me. That was what it seemed like until I was thrown forward and into what seemed like the middle of everyone.
The one thing that stood out right away was that almost all of them seemed younger than her, though not by much, and I think one or two of them went to my school. They were all some sort of outcast, rejected by Ely and society in some way or another. Some were emo and some were goth, while others just wore black and hid behind their hair. While I hadn't ever looked at them as weird or different, plenty of other people in Ely alone had.
"If these fuckers want to fuck with our home, then lets fuck with theirs." Erin pointed the bat at the house. "We got fifteen minutes to absolutely wreck this place, so let's get it fucking done. Yeah?"
Erin pushed me towards a window, nodding as I turned back. I made a full three-sixty as I studied the people around me. All of them had seemed to agree with her, and there wasn't anything I could do to get away from it. Though, had I wanted to get away from it? Even if it had only been a little bit, wasn't this revenge towards Devin? Hadn't he deserved at least this much, or would this have made me as bad as him?
Bringing my left hand around the handle of the bat, I lifted the bat over my shoulder and aimed my eyes at the glass of the window in front of me. I wasn't sure what the right thing to do was, I wasn't at all. I grew up being told that two wrongs didn't make a right, but how was I supposed to feel when one of the wrongs was a man taking something that didn't belong to him? Would my wrong be justified? Would coming after not only him, but his family and his home by doing this be justified?
The bat flew over my shoulder, past my waist, and into the window. As the shards of glass fell to the ground, the rest seemed to follow my lead as they broke the door down and shattered every visible window in sight before going inside. The sight they showed me was pure destruction, breaking everything they saw, from cupboards to the paintings and ripped up couch. They destroyed everything with no signs of slowing down - all with smiles on their faces. It was then that it came to me. His life being destroyed was completely justified, because he destroyed mine. He ruined me, so I was going to do what I could to ruin him.
Even as I watched his home get destroyed, I couldn't help but feel like this had barely put a dent into his happiness, that they would get it fixed up and everything would be okay. Where was I? I had money, but I didn't have parents that cared. I had money, but I lost the only person that showed me love. I had money, but I had nothing else. I had money, but I was completely fucking void of everything but the nightmares and feelings of hatred he left inside me.
"I hate you."
ns 15.158.61.8da2
