"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
"Do it." Grace smirked as we drew closer to the convenient store, crossing her arms. "You said you could do it easily. Now put your money where your mouth is, babe."
An excited sigh left my mouth, but I was unable to help the smile that was creeping along my face. I had never done anything like this at all in my life, and never thought I was going to do something like it. Throwing up the hood of my hoodie, I took yet another deep breath and walked inside as Grace waited outside. My heart raced like it was the engine of a sports car while I passed the cashier and went for the back of the store.
Through the aisle and down the drinks, I finally hit the back corner. There lied all of the alcohol, from cans to six-packs, and all the way up to bottles. As though it were my last breath, I picked up two of the six-packs and began the treacherous journey back to where I had come from - the doors. Before reaching the aisle I first went down when I came in, I stopped at the one before it and slowed down, making it look like I was searching for something specific. Yeah, because I totally needed over-the-counter Viagra.
The end of the aisle was coming into sight and I had reached it within that same minute. With the squeaking of my planted shoe, I had taken off like a rocket for space and was out of the doors as quick as I could have possibly been. Running out of the doors, I saw Grace standing a few feet ahead waving just as the cashier gave chase. I was able to catch up soon enough and passed on one of the boxes to her.
A bit of running away took us to a park that was built a good distance from that store, and it looked like we had lost him some time ago. Not only did he look exhausted, he was out of breath, too. What was even worse about him was that he was barely older than us and he couldn't keep up? Must've smoked too much, because there was no other reason for it. Not that it mattered a whole lot.
"I can't believe you took two, you idiot." she laughed, watching as I stuck legs straight out. "Hopefully we can finish it all."
"If we don't, then some homeless people got themselves an early birthday present or something." I looked at the cold, glass bottle. "It's not like we paid for it, so it really doesn't matter, right?"
Grace followed what I had done and stuck her legs out, resting them right over mine. "Sure, I guess. I do want to see what you're like drunk, though."
Holding up the cold beer, I studied what I could see inside of the brown bottle - which, needless to say, was brown. Besides more brown and the various signs of carbonation, it hadn't looked like much more than water in a glass bottle. I no idea why I was nervous over drinking a beer. I mean, it was my first time, but it couldn't have been that bad. It wasn't cocaine or even cigarettes.
I unscrewed the cap and took in the scent of this entirely new liquid. The smell came off as slightly bitter, but smoothed itself out in the same way an aftertaste would. I threw my hand up with a careless motion and decided to just take the drink. Initially, the taste was just as bitter as the smell, but the aftertaste wasn't that bad. It hadn't been great, but it wasn't bad. It was just good, and good enough to keep drinking with her.
All of this started because Grace had said I was too conservative, scared of doing every little thing. That wasn't true, at all. I was the one dating her, and I was the one sneaking out to come see her near nightly, or so it had seemed as of late. She wouldn't let the idea go, and told me to prove her wrong. That was how we ended up here, stealing the beer and drinking it at the park.
"Was your heart going absolutely nuts while you did it?" she had the feeling pegged, smiling like she was possessed. "I take it back, babe. I was wrong."
"Yeah, you jerk. How do you feel making your girlfriend steal for you?" I set my hand on her shin, gliding along the length of it.
"It feels great. . ." she trailed off with the drink in between her lips. "I mean, I have a girlfriend who loves me enough to steal for me. How could I not feel good about that?"
Grace set the bottle down and opened another, her glistening eyes watching me the whole time. It had been a while now, and I still couldn't talk right to her right. How stupid had I sounded to Grace half the time? Did I bumble and stutter around like an inept child? Was this what being in love was like? Every word, every detail was treated like gold. Was that love, or was it being obsessed?
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
I set the finished second beer down and began to feel what I would later learn to be a "buzz". It hadn't been strong, but enough to make me feel it. Maybe it was that buzz that overcame me with the feeling of wanting to tell her the truth, acting as a pseudo-truth serum, or maybe it had just been my heart wanting to be honest to the girl I loved so much. Either way, I was a lightweight for both her and the alcohol.
"I love you." I could feel my smile widen while I crawled towards her.
"I do, too." Grace held a hand out. "More than anything."
"Then let's fucking show them." my lips met the side of her mouth. "Let's show all those boys who hit on you that you're mine. Let's show them that they'll never have a chance in hell of fucking you."
"Such a lightweight." Grace weaved her hands in my hair, kissing me in the same way I had done to her. "I can't say I'm surprised."
Grace set her own beer down and lifted her hand to the bend of my stomach, slowly shifting to and fro as her lips pecked everything but my own. Her lips moved around my mouth, going around it in circles and proceeding nearer with every lap. Such a tease. Grace always teased me in some way, whether it was my looks or something just like we had been doing right at that moment. I knew it was in good fun, but sometimes I just wanted her to be serious with me.
Just like I had said. I wanted to show everyone that she was mine, that no boy would ever have the chance to get close to her, that no boy would ever come close to touching her. Even more than that, I hadn't wanted to hide. I wanted to be myself and I wanted the girl I loved to be herself. If judgement came, I would have taken it and I would have protected her from it. I would have been her shield, always.
I mean, had Grace and I been alone? Had two girls dating been so wrong, so despicable? I had heard Grace's father refer to gay men and women as the enemy several times in the past, yet I saw the protests that flooded the news. Those proclaimed 'enemies' were exposing their hearts and beliefs out to the world. That, to me, hadn't been evil or shown the signs of an 'enemy'. It was strength, such admirable strength. Yet he, among others, treated those 'enemies' as though they were terrorists.
With the help of alcohol, I was finally able to say something I was feeling. Yet, Grace had dismissed it as me being drunk. Had I slurred any? Had I sounded normal to myself, but was slurring like an old drunk in a bar? Why had she always ran away from this, from seriousness, from me being serious? All I had ever wanted was to be able to hold her hand everywhere, not just in the dark or in her room.
"Seriously?" I began to pull myself away. "If you aren't going to take me seriously, then I might as well not be here at all."
Her hand pulled me back as she leaned forward. "What are you talking about? Of course, I take you seriously."
"You just called me drunk and ignored every word I said."
Maybe I was being childish, I was't sure. I had known our situation was odd, and that most people would never have to hide their relationship. I had known that Grace was just protecting me from all of this ending, but I still wanted to be selfish. I knew all of that, but I wanted this to be more than a secret. I wanted this to be our life, with no hiding or pretending to be things we weren't.
"Don't you think that I'd love to be with you without caring about what other people think?" I found Grace with her hair over her eye. "Don't you think I want to call you my girlfriend anywhere, to anyone? Don't you think that I'm tired of hiding and only being with you at night? Of course, Lynn. I'm fucking sick of it."
Grace softly turned me back towards her, and then let her hand encircle my other one. As though she was wringing both of my hands dry, she squeezed, lowering her nose until it sat against my collarbone. It had started as ten seconds, then thirty, and in the twinkling of an eye, a minute had passed. No words made themselves apparent, only the silence of thought and doubt had existed.
What was right and what was wrong, who was right and who was wrong? Who made the choices, of being right or wrong? I hadn't seen a Monarch, nor had I seen God. All I had seen were other people who killed, who stole, who hurt others for their own gain, who lied, and the list went on. Meanwhile, being in a gay relationship had been wrong, and made us the enemy? If that was the case, then why would I worship an existence that disregarded a form of love, yet let rapists and criminals live? It was hypocritical.
"I'm scared that all of this will go away, and I'm scared of how things might go, but more than that. . ." Grace trailed off, replacing her nose with her forehead. "I can't act like horrible people don't exist, and I can't pretend that horrible stories don't exist, either. I'm scared of you being hurt."
Grace had just done a great job at making me feel like a dick.
She wanted to protect me, and she wanted to keep me safe. In so many ways, we had been thinking along the same lines and wanted to achieve the same things, but had seen different ways of accomplishing those things. Grace wanted to wait and hide until the right time came, while I had been willing to endure it all for her. They were the same, yet so different.
"I don't care if I get hurt, I don't care if I'm called shit, and I definitely don't care about what others think." she brought my hands up and dropped them on her shoulders before letting hers do the same. "I'm sorry for being such a bitch. I just thought you weren't taking my feelings seriously."
"No, you're right. We've ran enough. Let's just stop this." I could feel the slight tremble come from Grace. "If it's what you want, then we won't hide it anymore. Let's give a middle finger to everyone who doesn't like it."
I was taken aback. All I had needed to know was that she understood how I felt, and that she had thought about it seriously. Instead, she had betrayed her own feelings for me. She dismissed her feelings for mine, even when I just treated her so badly. This was why I had felt like such a dick and this was why I fell in love with her. Grace always listened to me, and always took me seriously. I had just become too blinded by my emotions and thought she hadn't taken what I said seriously.
A sudden weight pushed against my upper body, slowly pushing me backwards and onto my back. Grace's hands slowly slid down, falling to the small of my back as she forced me to lie down. As though a calm, quiet predator was before me, she creeped forward. Slowly, her mouth followed the length of my stomach and continued it's upward trend until she met my neck, where she attacked like a starving hyena.
"One day I'm going to show you just how much you mean to me." Grace pulled her lips away from my jaw, and then stopped at my larynx. "I'm serious, babe."
Piqued, my nails began to sift through the brown hair above me. "Any ideas?"
"Yeah." Grace dragged her lips upwards and off my cheek. "I think I'll write you a love song."
Ever so slightly, I could feel my face warm up in the darkness of the night. Once every month, Grace was allowed to sing at the Church, and it was worth it to show up just for her. Every time Grace picked up that guitar and sang a song, she had shone even brighter than she already had. She was going to be a star, and I had no doubts. If she kept at it, the world would know her name. That was why I believed her, and that was why my face went redder than a stop sign.
In the darkness, her hand roamed up my throat until her palm rested against my cheek. "I lo-"
Grace was interrupted by a bright, glaring light. Just as our eyes had gotten used to the light, it had become apparent just who was shining it on us. She wasn't a friend, nor was she there to help us in any way. If anyone had been the enemy to us, it was her. It was this woman.
"It's way past curfew, ladies." she brought her finger upwards.
"Get up and come with us."
ns 18.68.41.175da2
