“I live up with expectations of making possibilities with no regrets”: Me in most interviews answering the most repetitive question “Please tell me about yourself”. Seems very monotonic and voiceless, because I, for one, am having trouble expressing myself to anyone, including dad, mama, granny brownie and whoever would be out there knowing me, and the only way I can contain myself in the most efficient way is through a desk, a bed, and a laptop. Make it come with doses of stares with lots and lots of scribbling notes of sceneries in my stories making “what ifs” and “what nots” of my contemporary delusions manifested most in my mind. I can’t help it. Wild ideas keep me from going insane.
Besides, in the outside, I’m just typical: Typical daughter running errands for mom and giving silent stares to Dad; Typical bum obsessed with indie films, suspense novels and ongoing animations; Typical student who only lives for coffee and sweets in keeping my eyelids up for the whole night studying medicine. And typical friend watching those who randomly leave for good and those who decided or chose to stay. Yep. Typical me. Practical me.
In most sense, ‘ME’ contains of ‘what-nots’ to the point I have thought that I almost did not knew anything about myself. I was raised in every way possible limit of being free myself, but believe me I’ve experienced a lot of attempting to experience a lot. Though, not that kind of ‘lot’ I was expecting. With ‘them’ thinking I am flimsy, I’d decided to go on the other side, where the only moments of glory don’t even last, but that displacement never even last for long since I decided to stay put in the course of my desired aspirations. That I can assure of will last further more than a moment.
Yes, I am a paper scrap. A paper scrap in pieces gone and lost, wondering what is the meaning of its existence and why does its existence takes place in this old odd world, where everyone might belittle every bit of you or hangs around for the betterment of you, and when do those broken pieces will come to their right places and how does ME alone managed to stay fit in the world I’ve never yearned for. That me alone contains only one thing: taking pride through its ultimate goal of evolving of becoming the person I’ve desired to be. Besides, change is the only thing constant in this world, right?
Me in paper scraps is never a good thing, I am dark alone. I did be something of ‘what-not’ but I don’t even get to test of joining the ‘quit’. After all, I am not holding unto the unfairness in lies within me, but I dive into those mess to become that more of me and that would be a good thing. So, one day, one time and one moment I will finally realize that I AM ME.
*author’s note: This is my first time fully expressing myself and it feels good. To all readers, (for those who are still at lost) I hopefully wish all of you find the significant ‘you’ and be able to express the real ‘you’.
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