Think
Think
“I....”
“Are you pregnant?” What? Her face looks so cute even though she was shocked.
“What? No..no.. no.. never.” She nodded and we both fell silent. Now we’re waiting for Ronald. Fifteen minutes later Ronald came.
“Jess, why didn’t you inform me before?” He takes her hands from mine and again I’m empty.
“It’s okay.”
“Come let’s go inside.” We stand but I turn in another direction.
“You’re not coming with us?” My foot stopped in a hurry. I want to but I can’t. Ronald never allowed me.
“Umm... I’m not your family and now Ronald is here too.” This breaks her heart and the feelings run on her face.
“Come.” This time Ronald called me.
“But.”
“Come.” How can I let it go? Nodding, I followed them inside. Inside I know what’s feeling running not only Jessie but also Ronald and my heart. This is the moment when we can hear our future first beat. We’re waiting for her or his first sound.
“Come Jessie.” My sister’s first child. Oh my, she’s pregnant. I want to scream.
“Can I come?” She nodded when I asked. The time came when we both heard the baby’s first heartbeat. It’s magic. The nurse showed us the little dot of a tiny human.
“Look Rose, it’s my baby.” It broke me into tears.
“Yes, Jess. I’m so happy for you.” She’s crying like a baby. It’s a little point on-screen but that’s baby. She’s going to be a mother.
“Congratulations! I’m so happy for you and I bet you’re going to be the best mother.” She laughed with tears.
“When you and Ronald have a baby, promise me you’re going to tell me first, not Ronald. He’s going to be mad.”
“Yes of course... I...” My hands in Jessie’s hands went cold so suddenly. Her laugh dies when she realizes. My gaze lands on Ronald who’s watching me. The eyes immediately turn.
“I.. I.. need to go.” Picking my stuff I run towards the outside. It’s never gonna happen. I’m empty Jessie. A land where nothing grows.
I’m not able to give birth. Thanks to Ronald I never…” Turn towards the bathroom. I lock myself there and allow my tears to come once again.
“I’m sorry. You’re never going to hear good news from my side. I’m not capable of giving birth.” The file I’ve been holding for years shows me how weak I’m. On that day Ronald pushed me from the stairs. A sharp pain hit my stomach when I landed on earth. My mom never told me and when the time came my whole world cried out.
Just pain
Struggle
My days just give me a painful memory every day when every time my eyes open and pain hits again and again. I’m just eighteen not even realizing what a mother’s feelings mean. My phone flashed and Ronald’s name came with a message.
’Are you okay?” I never replied. After clearing my face I came outside and went for my test. Again same question and again same answers. The doctor gave me a pill but with some suggestions. During work, my phone rings again and again. I’m not in my mood for talking to anyone. Ronald never cared about me. He thinks I’m the only problem.
“I’m going to approach him first.”
“I know he’s not mine but I don’t care. My approach to the man sitting with him.”
“He’s simple. You always like sexy and hot people.”
“I want him for one night.”
“I’m already thinking about him.” Some drunk girls talking about two men. They’re good-looking.
“Rose, can you bring vodka from inside?” Nodding, I came inside and filled the box with bottles. During that my phone rings again. That time I picked.
‘I’m busy...’
‘This is your second mistake, Rose. If you do another then think what I’m going to do.’ What the hell? Now, this...
“Why so much time? Hurry Rose.” She helped me take the box outside. But when I came outside the environment of the club changed so much. The music, lights and even the walls.
“What’s going on?” Like table turns the club turns into a sex club.
“It’s Friday.”
“So?”
“Every Friday the club opens the door for double enjoyment. The rooms are called dangerous rooms. Every VIP came here to enjoy their needs. Look there.” A long corridor blinking with red lights and some girls in fewer clothes going inside. What is happening there?
“Those girls are chosen by some rich fuck and there are some VIPS that come here with play.” Play?
“What’s that?”
“They play the master role.” Oh? Once I heard that thing in college but never understood.
“Today is the day for us also. If you want to go there and make yourself choose then go and sign the contract for one month. When Friday came you went there like them. If someone chooses you then for a month you’re his.” Okay.
“But what about girls? If she doesn’t like him.”
“You already signed the contract so.. but if he did something wrong then they cancel the contract.” That means girls buying for sex.
“Did you ever think?” She shrugged and shook her head.
“I don’t think my body is made for this. No one wants me.” There’s nothing wrong with her body. She’s beautiful at least more than me.
“I think you have a wonderful body. That’s why he’s been watching you from the first time he entered here.” A man in the VIP section just watched her continuously. She looked at him and he winked.
“Did you see that?” Her eyes shone and a blush ran on her face.
“Hey! Go and talk to him. He’s waiting for you.” She went out drinking and here I’m attending others.
“Hey, you! Go and serve drinks.” Nodding, I take a glass and start walking.
“Not here, there.” He pointed to the other side. What? My googly eyes first landed on the corridor and then on him who gave me the order.
“I...”
“You’re taking enough time. Go before I fire you.” Who’s the hell he’s? But if he fired me then? No please.. slowly walked I crossed the corridor and entered. Slow and seductive music running around and through the glass, I can see the girls dancing without clothes. I stop dead. What’s that place? Loud moans give rhythm to slow music. Then a loud voice. Shit! I can’t...
“Your third mistake.” He’s sitting on the couch drinking. What is he doing here? He took a glass from me.
“What are you...”
“It’s mine.” He takes a sip and shows me around with his finger. What? My body jumped when he stood up. He pulled out the phone from my pocket and showed it to me.
“Twenty missed calls. Damn it! No one ever ditch me the way you did. I was worried... but you’re never worth it.” In front of my eyes, he threw my phone in an ice bucket. It’s the only phone I have.
“Ronald..” He’s laughing. Bastard.
“What? Don’t worry, I will pay you enough in one time that you can buy another phone.” Why is he so angry at me? I haven’t done anything wrong or did. He gave a sign to a girl who’s naked stop dancing and come towards. Why is he calling her?
“You’re still here. Oh, I forgot you want a tip.” No idiot, I want to drag you from here. He chose her. Why not? Look at his status. That bitch came and sat in his lap. God, she’s looking disgusting. He threw money in my tray and told me to go. It’s me who’s always thinking he’s always just for once. Maybe it’s not me he’s only fuck. In front of mine the person was mine and now he’s someone else.
“Rose.” When I turned he called me.
“Happy birthday.” Feeling nothing. Earth has gone under my feet. Nothing comes to my senses, just his promise. Now I understand why he’s so angry with me. Today is the day when I threw him out of my life without reasoning. Today is my birthday.
No
Please
The time was gone at work but he never came back from there. Don’t know what happened between them. Right now where to go I don’t know. Today I prefer to walk alone with my emotions and with my feelings. One hour later I came home but the door was already open. What? Entering home I find Ronald laying on the bed wide awake. My strength gave up.
“What do you want now? You already fuck someone so today there’s no need of mine.” Cool and calm he’s watching up after he sits on the bed.
“Your gift.” God this is not good. What is happening today?
“I forgot your gift. Don’t you want to?” Shaking my head I stand far away from him scared.
“Remember that things start when your birthday ends and my birthday starts. I want to give you a gift.” He threw a paper. What’s that?
“Don’t you want to take a look?” My whole world stops when I read what’s inside.
“You can’t.” He laughed.
“I can. Meet the new owner of your house and now I have every right to do whatever I want. We want a place for our business and it’s best. So I’m breaking...”
“Don’t you dare.”
“I did dare. Want a look.” He can’t. My dad’s house is okay. Nothing happened... He showed me some pictures. He broke my house, my last memory. The tears I forget on my birthday he reminds me again.
“How dare you? How could you?” He raised his brows in challenge when I shouted.
“What? You don’t like my gift?” Whole thoughts were blocked again. He broke my heart. What am I going to do now? My chest is burning with feeling. A heavyweight of promise with my dad now giving pressure. I can’t breathe. What happens to me now? With my hand, I rub my chest but can’t work. My breathing stopped when I saw a picture in the nameplate broken.
“Out.”
“One day when you lose the thing you like the most then you’ll feel the pain. Wait and see.”
“I already felt that pain when I lost you. It’s your time.”
ns 15.158.61.5da2
