Chapter 25 (The final curtain)
I snuck back into the house. I got into bed and kicked my shoes off. I was asleep in seconds.
The throbbing woke me. I bathed and dressed for the day.
I had memorized Ben’s number, he picked up on the first ring.
“Merry Christmas Ben.”
“Indeed it is a very Merry Christmas. How are you feeling?”
“Happy, I am so happy I think I might burst.”
“Nichole…” I held my breath. “Yes Ben.” We were both silent for a long time.
“Ben?” I could almost feel him nod. “Yeah I am still here. I missed you.”
“I missed you more. The master is stirring, say what you must, I need to go.”
“Will you come to me, today?”
“Yeah, I’ll come. Around lunch time.” I cut the call. I know he had something to say. The thought frightened me.
I waited for Harry to leave, he has a new love interest. I hailed a cab.
Ben was waiting for me down stairs, he paid the driver and held the door open for me.
We walked hand in hand up the stairs. It was an amazing feeling.
He kissed me the second the door closed. I held on for life.
“I made us lunch. Let me take your coat.”
I peeked under the lid. Grilled cheese sandwiches.
We ate and spoke about mundane things. The weather is always a good topic. I knew he wanted to get something off his chest. I washed the dishes. We shared a ginger bread man for dessert.
“I am happy.” I looked at him. “Yeah me too.” I kissed him, he tasted like ginger. The couch was too small, but where there’s a will there’s a way. I got on top of him. Another first.
“Shite in bubbles, we need a towel Ben.”
“Hey you are in the driver’s seat. Look in my closet.”
I laughed the few steps it took to reach the closet. I opened it and I stared.
“Nichole, this place is so small, did you find the towel?” I picked up my clothes and I got dressed.
I handed the towel to Ben.
“I have one rule; one I haven’t broken until now. I do not sleep with married men Ben.”
“Nichole, please. I need to explain.” He had wrapped the towel around himself.
I shook my head. “No need to explain. It was good all of it. Yet again you had entered my life when I really needed someone. It was all good, you are amazing. Thank you for this memory, I have a very special box ready for it. I love you Ben. I am sorry I didn’t say it years back.”
I hailed a cab, I looked up at the window. I could see his silhouette I waved. He didn’t wave back.
I went to my bedroom, I closed the door and I sobbed. So much for gallantry.
I had no idea Harry had returned, he opened my door. Drunk I could smell it.
“What the bloody hell is wrong with you Nichole?”
I couldn’t stop the tears, I tried to. I felt utterly ashamed. I put my head in my hands and I cried.
Harry had stepped closer, I got a smack against the head, I looked up at Harry aghast. He laughed at the expression on my face.
“Stop this shite, go wash your face. I need a drink. Nichole never do that in my house again.”
I went to the bathroom and I sobbed. For what I could have had, for what I have lost, and because of this imbecile, that has ruined my life. I sat there for a long time.
I went to bed. I was trying not to think, but I did.
I missed Ben, I missed Nichole, Tiger and being pain free. I could still smell is cologne on my hair.
I returned to work before Harry, I needed the distraction.
It was such a simple job, and the phone hardly rang. It was still holidays. I couldn’t stay inside that house for another second.
I rang Emily, and I sobbed. I purged my heart out and she listened.
“Are you sure he is married? Did he have a wedding band on? It’s not like you gave him a chance to explain Nichole. You might be missing something he might be a cross dresser who knows.”
“Shut up Em. You aren’t helping.” Emily had a good giggle. I didn’t see the jest in anything.
“Nichole, ring him sugar, before you lose him again.”
I waited a while before I rang him, hell I was afraid my heart thumped in my chest.
“Hi, it’s me. Ben I am sorry.”
He exhaled. “You didn’t give me a chance to explain.”
“Yeah Em gave me an ear full, she said you might be a cross dresser.”
Ben laughed. “She might be right. I don’t want to do this over the phone, meet me at my apartment, please. You never know Nichole I might have a fetish for women’s clothing.” I didn’t laugh.
I agreed and I cut the call. Locked up and hailed a cab. Ben was downstairs before I could push the buzzer. “I didn’t think you would come, I thought you had left me for good, like before.”
We walked hand and hand up the stairs. He has such large hands, man hands if I may.
“Sit, I need to explain everything to you. No I am not a cross dresser.” I couldn’t smile.
“Should I get a rolled up newspaper, jus for effect?”
“My god, Nichole made a joke. Shut up and listen to me. I was married. After you moved into Harry’s I married my best mate’s sister. It didn’t last. I tried but she and I weren’t compatible. She moved out months ago. We are divorced. I have told her to come and fetch her clothes or I am going to throw it in the bin. She refuses to come here. I kept my apartment after I got married. I guess I knew it wasn’t going to last. I made a mistake, one I have undone Nichole, I’ll show you.”
Ben stood up and placed a folder in my hands. I opened it and nodded.
“I want a month, I don’t care about Harry, if he touches you, I will break every finger on each hand, and I’ll do so with a smile on my face. Give me a month. That’s all I ask of you.”
“I can do one better, how about we start with. Until death do we part?”
Harry lost it when I handed in my resignation and I packed up my bedroom. The names he called me would make a sailor blush. In that instant I felt untouchable, I was finally free of him.
Ben was waiting in the cruiser. He walked in the door and punched Harry right over a table.
We packed my meagre belongings in the back of the cruiser. As fast as I could carry.
I threw her clothes in the bin, I needed space for mine. I wasn’t going back. Never again.
Ben and I got married a week later in court, neither of us needed anything fancy, we needed each other and this opportunity to make up lost time. Time is a very feeble commodity.
I started sketching again. The farm, Inkosi, Funani, Gwendoline and of course Ben. He framed and hung these on the wall. He admired Inkosi in traditional clothing. So did I.
I think we had been married for a month, I was getting ready to go for my check-up, when Ben sat on the edge of the bed and he took my hand in his.
“I need to go with you” I nodded in agreement, little did I know what impact his words will have.
“I know hon, of course you should come with me. We had agreed upon this when we got married.”
“Nichole, I am in remission.” I sat down next to Ben. “Tell me everything.”
We arrived at the doctor, he looked up at Ben and I. “Nichole, I dare say, I have never seen you happier. Sit down both of you, it’s good to see you again Ben.”
“Tell me everything about Ben’s illness Doctor, then you can tell him everything about mine.”
We both had our check-ups. We both got a lolly-pop. I do have a lastname. Its Webley, it dates back many years, I am proud of it. I shall keep it, no matter the outcome. I need to hold on to this.
We had lunch at a tea-room. Then we drove out into the country. “Ben.”
“Hmm wife?” I laughed. I shall admit I kept my fear in check.
“How much space is in the back of the cruiser?”
Ben laughed. “Hmm, I honestly don’t know, wife. A man needs to know these things. You know in case of an emergency.”
We pulled up under a tree. The countryside is breath-taking. The back of that cruiser was even more enticing. I may declare, it is quiet spacious. Not comfortable. Just spacious.
When I look back, I thank God with all my heart for the chance he had given us. I did learn a valuable lesson. Listen. When someone has something to say, really listen, don’t shrug it off for another day. That day might never come. This is a lesson I learnt the hard way. A life-lesson per se’.
We had two years of utter happiness. The illness had slowly been making itself known. Doc ran many tests. And Ben had about six months to live. I am thankful for the time we had. He was a great love. I have been privileged to love two extraordinary men in my life. Two very different men.
Ben healed the parts of me Leo and Harry broke. He taught me how to love.
I have many days when I think this loss will consume me. He gets me through it, because he loved me. Em is a rock. She is still a constant in my life.
It was a few weeks after the funeral, that Henry rang me. He asked me to come home. He needed me. I guess I needed to be needed. I was vigilant for so long, it felt strange to be alone again.
I packed my case. Sold the apartment. I didn’t cry. Not yet.
I was sitting in the plane, and two little boys, brothers were playing. It’s when they laughed, at that moment did I felt my loss. I cried, silently. Because the pain was so deep, I couldn’t sob. The tears got stuck, the pain was suffocating me. I can’t believe what I have lost, yet again.
The plane landed in Zulu-land, before I would take another to where Henry lived. I took a cab ‘home’. I had made a promise to Ben that I would go home, one more time.
I watched the winding road, the river. That had not changed, to be honest nothing had changed.
No new house, or huge buildings had been erected, not in these parts. No here time stood still and I envied those who lived there. No laws forbid them from being free to love or live.
I couldn’t get close to the house. The grass was too long. I stepped out of the cab, and I looked at the shell that once was my home. No roof, no doors, no windows. I said good bye. I said good bye to Inkosi and Funani, I wasn’t going to visit Inkosi’s grave. Or so I told myself.
I boarded another plane, and it took me to a place I loathed to be honest. I needed to get away.
Henry had aged, well so did I. I moved into Gwendoline’s bedroom.
In layman’s terms I became Henry’s housekeeper.
It was a job, and I did it as well as I could, I seldom ventured outside, the land didn’t look right to me. The winters were too cold, not the kind of cold one could adapt to.
I speak to Gwendoline and Emily every day. Henry taught me how to use his computer. I must add, it took about a year for me to understand the darn thing. He bought me a cellular phone for Christmas, I still don’t have the hang of it. I know how to call and cut a call. Henry will teach me. I think I am his pet-project; he wants me to understand how the world has advanced since candles.
I keep a candle in my room. It’s a reminder, of where I had come from, what I have overcome and whom I have loved and still do. I do not keep pictures nor photos, I burnt it all.
It was winter, a bleak and cold morning. Henry goes to work bloody early, each to their own.
I got up when I heard the knock at the door, I thought Henry had forgotten his keys. Here you lock your keys up, after you locked the doors.
I was stiff from the cold. The darn knocking was driving me batty.
I unlocked the door. “Bloody hell Henry, I am old…”
“Hello Nichole. How are you? Henry has invited me back home after my business collapsed. Scoot up, it’s cold out here.” I stood there and my mind was reeling.
I went to my bedroom to change. I was about to call Henry on the cellular when Harry entered my room. I should have locked my door, now it was too late. God help me, too late.
“So have you had your fill of the kaffirs or can’t you get enough? I dare say, you have a habit of putting them in the ground. I have a cure for your condition, come over here Nichole and suck my cock.”
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