My Personal Story
My name is Joshua. To describe my looks would be an oversized, rugged, 30-year-old toddler. I am a firm follower of common sense and humor in the way of you should always try to follow it while being funny. I am obviously not good at describing myself, but I will try. I will try and start with my past a little bit to start us all on this journey. That being said, I have warned you so if you continue it is your own fault. When I was a kid, we are always kids to some, I was kicked out of high school. Shortly following that I was kicked out of my home and was forced to make my way. Thinking it was the best thing to do, I left everything behind for the army, although I joined before all this. I was kicked out before I left for training. Three whole months out of training, I left for Iraq. Five months after surviving Iraq, obviously, I left for Afghanistan. Things I was part of or dealt with in these times were not a big deal to me then, but I think they had a subconscious effect such as developing PTSD. Half of my tour into Afghanistan I was medically rushed back due to my pancreas. Then while undergoing medical treatment for that, I developed multiple large blood clots in both my lungs causing them to basically fail. My main concern at the time was, can I go back? After about a year of treatment and recovery I was back to myself. Not able to run or work as hard but back none the less. Sometime September 2013, I don’t remember exacts, I was able to normally leave the army. Having felt that the army had left its purpose and that it wasn’t for me anymore, I didn’t reenlist. I was able to somewhat regain some sort of a life. I was able to get a job in a decent career field and my own house, or apartment, whatever you want to call it. Sometime later, I found a woman. This woman was someone I had known in school and we had started talking again. I know you would warn me if you could but back then I was not smart enough to run away. This woman became my best friend. Then this woman, she became my girlfriend. We started living together and I started to base a lot of my decisions on her and what she would like. Such as, we ended up deciding to move to Texas. In our departing get together with family to leave for Texas, or as I call it, hell number two, or even Mexico number two, I asked her to marry me. As much as I make fun of her and our relationship, I do love her deeply. About, let’s say 2 years pass and I finally have a decent house and job. We are somewhat able to pursue our dreams. I say this because my first goal was obtaining woodworking tools. I did and moved on to getting a new motorcycle. I still did not have friends but was still able to enjoy a good bike ride. I say no friends, but I had one and a half. My neighbor was a friend, just old with his own problems and I had someone I met at work that I didn’t consider that great of a friend. Shortly after getting my new motorcycle, life gave me some lemons. The problem was that I could not make lemonade. The lemons were rotten and trash. I say this because one day on my way home from work on my new motorcycle, someone ruined my, then, life. He, not paying attention to anything, pulled out in front of me in an armored van. The resulting crash caused my arm to need wire, brackets, staples and of course stitches. Let’s not forget that this same crash broke half of my skull. My jaw, cheek, eye socket and even my skull was broken on my right side. If it wasn’t for a random man, I was told, I would not have made it. I have been informed that in a way, I was dead several times and even the doctors weren’t sure if I was going to make it. They also learned my brain was not working and not draining. Working on the breaks, everyone hoped for the best. About six months later, I received a shunt to stop my brain from drowning. I finally awoke from my coma like state. I started to learn what had happened and what was going to have to happen. I had to relearn to talk, walk, breathe, eat, and drink. I pretty much had to relearn everything. The one thing I still have not got fully done yet is my memory. This is obvious to you though so I will continue. Wait, where was I. ah yes, I had to relearn everything. I had also learned that tons upon tons of people had gone out of their way to visit including the man I didn’t consider that much of a friend from before. I now considered him my best friend if not my brother. Hundreds, if not more, had prayed for me. I was called a walking miracle a lot of times. This never fazed me because after 29 years, two wars, and a brain injury, I was not religious. I was finally released from the hospital and thankfully was able to start grasping at a life. It was hard to learn how to do some things that I used to, now that I was handicapped. I very quickly learned that not only was I basically crippled, but everything about my personality other than two things had changed. I still had an extreme sense of humor and I was still a suicidal little shit, but everything else had changed. I like different food and drinks, I was more loving, I was more dependent, and I pursued doing different things a lot more. I also found that even my taste in books and movies or shows had changed. Most of this was not an issue, just annoying. The biggest annoyance was my memory as I am having trouble just writing this. Let’s try to get back onto a topic. So yes, I learned over time that my strength to do anything, my endurance, my dexterity, my focus, and of course my memory to do all things has diminished greatly making it impossible to be the ‘man of the house’. My partner was no longer the queen but the king of the house, making me a very hairy queen. I call her partner because during my time in the hospital, she finalized our common law marriage. This was not an issue; I just didn’t agree with it and needed a real wedding. I tried to pick up some old hobbies for something to do, such as wood working and shooting. I did these in baby steps to avoid any issue but was eventually able to pick up some things. The biggest issue I had, and still have, was and is that I constantly forget what I have done or what I’m doing. As I got more settled into my life as a cripple, having almost no friends started to weigh on my heart. I say this because we have discovered I am a lot more in touch with my feelings. Sometimes it makes me more of a little girl than normal ones. I started reaching out more but couldn’t come up with any ending, so I went with my last resort at the time. I discussed it with my wife, that we should investigate going to a church for the community. Being religious and liking company she jumped on this option. I told her I did not want to go my first time without company to point out who to talk to and such. We went with that old friend I mentioned earlier. The church was run down, and the people appeared good but shady. But then, the pastor said a sermon that hit me so hard it was as if he took a hammer straight to my heart. I decided at that time to put my everything into who I was learning was god. I attended this church a few times and fell in love with the feeling of hearing the word and eventually grew to be willing to try different churches. We tried one other and I instantly grew to like it. The second sermon I heard there hit me so hard I instantly fell in love with the church. Even now, with memory issues and all I can remember it was about forgiveness. We still go there to this day and it is very unlikely I will quit. They baptized me on veterans’ day and honored not only my faith, but my humor and my service. Through this church, I have gained many friends and it often makes me feel happy. Through my faith and these friends, I have been able to combat my depression. I say combat and not solve because all too frequently did I have bad thoughts that would even lead to desired suicide. It went so bad at a time that not only were friends and family scared but my lovely sweetheart felt the need to steal my carry and hide it. After about a week of threats to find other methods and some sulking, I then went to a life changing sermon. After this I had a celebratory survival get together with friends and announced to them that concerns of my death were no longer going to be a concern. Thanks to great friends and a great God, I did not feel the desire to end it. I told them that yes, I would get sad or down from time to time but I was no longer going to give in to that temptation. This was followed by happiness and what I believe was a good job from God. He took a lot of my concerns away and answered a lot of my pleas. A couple of weeks later I received another very uplifting sermon. It led me to the decision that I should try to approach each day with a positive attitude. I had also understood that it would be hard. Although hard, I would approach it like all other issues I come across. I would resort to heavy praying and trying to read some of his word, as well as resort to relying largely on my friends to be there for me. This was again returned with answered pleas and prayers. I was able to even start to search for a new job as I am. With this, we have decided to maybe try selling some of my wood working. We haven’t pursued too heavy yet because we have had other main concerns to work on. That brings me to the current. I sit here writing this while waiting for the day of my wedding. I know, that could be its own story; or why didn’t I make that the main point? The main thing I look forward to is the smile on her face, and to be joined to her in the name of God. This being said, all the story before was a testimony to my adventure to this point. So, yes, the wedding was the main point. Even now, while I am simply waiting; I find myself looking to the lord. Oh father, please watch over this wedding. Please lift her head high and help her to enjoy this time. Thank you for the opportunity. Its in your sons name I pray, Amen.
ns 15.158.61.46da2
