No
Never
Where am I now?
Waking I found myself with Ronald. My world stops because of the way we're sleeping taking each other in arms so unbelievable for me. First I tried to remember what happened but still, my head was in shock. Last I remember it's in the kitchen when I hear something there like someone in my place.
I thought it's my imagination but no one was there. As soon as I came into my bedroom to search, I heard a blast in my kitchen. Coming out of my room when I saw flames in my kitchen I went into shock. A shock that always ran in my veins came out in attack again. It is not the first time I suffer alone. But it's something else when I see a blurred figure standing in front of me and then everything black.
Now another shock I’m feeling. Ronald arms around me. He's touching me. No one tried to touch me but he did. His arms around me and our bodies in full contact. Stopping my breath I waited for a burning feeling. But nothing happened. His touch is not burning its relief.
The pain I felt for years now stops in his arms. He's making me feel safe. I feel safe around him. But about him? I'm a stroke of bad luck. He's not safe around me.
Slowly slipping from the bed I grab my slippers and open the bedroom room. My foot immediately stops outside the door because where I need to go I don't know? It’s so big around here. He's living alone in this apartment. My old house is so small compared to his one bedroom.
Suddenly my breath starts rising again. Oh god again. These panic attacks always scared me alone. Ronald never knows about my attacks but what he finds out. My body starts numbing again. Shivering, rising on my legs and spreading on my whole body. Dragging my weak legs I walk slowly and find an elevator.
I don't want to go to that home every time someone checks on me. Again that feeling in which I suffer in those years. Coming outside from the elevator I walk towards my house but again Ronald security person standing in front of me. If he saw me here, definitely inform Ronald. Standing behind the car I waited for him to go away and two minutes later when he was gone I found my way home.
Heavy rain and thunderstorms came at four Thirty in the morning. It's not the first time I've walked in the rain. In the old days, I walked miles for food and water. A laugh popped after realising where I’m now? I have a home and food because Ronald gave me a job. What if he throws me? As soon as I covered half path another kind of fear hit me.
Ronald fear
Coming home I found my apartment setting had changed. The things now in my apartment look so expensive and beautiful. Extra things are placed in their places. Who did this? Again my kitchen is now ready for use. Looks like nothing happened. Foods, vegetables, candy, chocolates, eggs, everything in the fridge. What is the hell Ronald doing? I need to pay him back. Checking every corner I make sure that there's nobody just me.
In-office my eyes were on the clock. It's ten but he's not in the office. He's late today and for the first time everyone was shocked. We were all waiting for him. Sitting in the meeting room everyone asked me about Ronald a hundred times. I called him so many times but nothing. My body gave me negative singles about Ronald's anger. One thunder running outside and the second inside mine.
The time came when he entered the office wearing black every eye on him. Gasp and mumbling coming from girls. He looked so handsome but when our eyes met a heat rushed into my stomach. Why do I want him? Ugg...
He's angry
Surely
He sits casually in the meeting. Our meeting started but instead of watching another side, every eye was on Ronald. His power broke all the walls.
“Shall we start?” When our meeting starts a girl I don't know her name keeps checking Ronald. It's not the first time I saw someone gawking at him. But today it's affected me. One night changed the whole thing. During the meeting, she continuously tried to come near him.
Bitch
“We can talk about further things later. Send me the details.” He said after the meeting.
“Yes..”
“I have details. If you want now then I can give you.” What? She cut me. Her main point is Ronald.
“In my office.” He is not even trying to look at me. He's angry and ignoring me completely. I followed him outside.
“Mr. Ronald, would you like to drink coffee?”
“No need.” He has gone like a wind and shut the door on my face. Two seconds later that girl came.
“Excuse me.” The door opens and she's inside. I'm standing like a dead body. It's fifteen minutes passed and we were inside. Don't know what happened inside. My fingers tap the desk in frustration and I can't concentrate on work. One hour later she came outside with a lazy smile on her face.
“He said coffee.”
“I can give him.”
“But ...”
“You can go now. If he needs you I can call you.” Without listening to her answer I walked away. Inside this coat went behind his seat and shirt button up.
“You fucked your employee?”
“Excuse me?”
“How can you fuck someone? She's working for you.” He stopped working and came to me so fast before I blink I’m on the couch. His body weight pins me on the couch. Both hands locked on my head.
“What are you doing?”
“First you can't tell me what to do or not? Second, it's my office. Can I do whatever I want? The third is that way you thanked me?” We're touching each other with body weight. His heat rushes in my body. Something changed.
“I... I'm so.”
“Finding you unconscious in that apartment where you’re living alone. What if something happened? That fucking fire burn the whole apartment. What if it's not there for you?” He still cares for me. Our relationship ended years ago but the fire still ran in each other.
“Thanks for taking..”
“Out!”
“What?”
“I. Said. Out. Now.” His dark green eyes are now red with anger. Why? Taking a tight grip on my arm he pulls me up with full force and pushes me outside a little.
“Don't come inside without my permission.” These were the last words and again he shut the door on my face. Frozen, shivering I saw my past again. Whenever I beg for food or a job they call security or throw me out. Today he realised my place.
Just an employee
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