Since the big cry fest over four weeks ago, my life has pretty much gone back to its usual state. I hardly even remember it anymore. I continue to work, eat, sleep, and shut the world out as I usually would.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NU1yeJC20
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQx15nELCRp
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCMutNTPJq
There's only one minute problem; I've been avoiding David, and I'm sure as hell that he's noticed. How could he not notice that I haven't been available in over a month?522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZmyROeij1
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKe8ahLfQO
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQVx6nETKE
I let his calls ring out, and I don't call him back. I don't reply to his texts, or his WhatsApp messages. 522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvrPdRLDQj
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzLoUcJUz4
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7trG7St8Gh
It's pathetic, really, but who can blame me? That night, I realised that I was beginning to feel something very strong for him, and I also realised that he had already begun to feel that way a long time ago.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz710MjvKAK
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGjGPc9Gy7
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMfGMvX4nV
as long as you stay here with me522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyV94DxWZww
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hK0ecxaQU
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LoTIvAash
That's what he said after the wedding. He meant more than what was happening in that moment. I could feel it, and that night at Poetic Justice, I could see the way he looked at me, as if I meant the world to him.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5h8ABWtwk4
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzfZi4xnOf
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWXXVmGGyu
This has to stop.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRcJedhrMZ
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRk6pDKnHk7
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzl1nMnMQO
I sit on the edge of my bed and stretch, feeling that sharp pain in my pelvis again, and I yelp. It's been happening more frequently now, and it's getting worse. I really need to eat more.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBJjBzy1F6
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2cCakX9DC
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJg2rf6XiUo
I get up, not knowing what I'm going to do today — I have no work — so I go to make some coffee. I'm just about to pick up the jar that is now placed safely on my kitchen counter, rather than high up in a cupboard, when I hear knocking on the door. Somehow, I know that it's him; it's as if I can feel his energy through the door. Still, as I pull the door open, I didn't expect his expression to be so... worried. My first guess would've been that he was angry, but here stands before me, a man who looks like he is on the verge of shitting himself.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyVl5Wj0BJ
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgCgBLE9sv
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4U43QkZ7a
"Are you okay?"522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZ2G3vWBdg
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJw2y54b6IV
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjirXlVFoWM
"Yeah," I say letting out a heavy sigh. It seems as if every time I think of him, he appears. "We need to talk."522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4qKxW0Gqg
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiFo2hOwmL
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfVYbyO9M4
I step aside to let him pass, and follow him to sit on one of the couches.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xcJbYNTbM
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVgykbyPPy
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKfQajzvgi
What the hell am I supposed to say? I don't love you? You're better of without me? It's not you, it's me? 522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFTpXGcXVY
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYp0nP4Z8jL
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9eq0sdAp2
Instead of going with any of those options, I choose the best thing that I can think of.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCN4ld5e8Hy
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nqDmSfoYu
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeMcIH3LZ4
"I don't want to do this anymore," I say to him, sounding like Rihanna.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Cr4UZANbV
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPO4Q5opW2P
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonEhZqnGXY
I don't want to hurt you anymore. I can't give you what you need.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnzPyjP3aq
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gJCwBiukr
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQYkuYgKPJ
His eyebrows knot together in confusion. "Do what?"522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLI0uBN8A4
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUQlosaHLK
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoXP6BSVfl
"Us," I say, but he still looks confused, so I decide to elaborate. "I can't give you what you want."522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweeH0h3PaK
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sK0L5uyQf
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRhSijQE3R
He puts his hand on his forehead and rubs it, letting out a sigh.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzqHK5yAHo
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xA14jSvUF
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdr4VQ8LVO6
"Yes, you can."522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPuGjGHiRr
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvAT0uxhAA
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlbUJU6iMK
"David—" I interrupt, because to be honest, I'm tired of people telling me what I can and can't do; but then he throws something at me that I didn't see coming.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kp1GLQv02
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG10AbbqQwJ
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFjAMSnnKz
"You can, but you don't want to. You're holding on to the past. There's a difference."522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vJJleIAMn
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqNnplhHsp
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXk1gxP5Yd
All of this is said with a look of sympathy on his face.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0EEMTZcwzs
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKb3UlNbwDK
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSE1xTp4Sgp
To be honest, I can't tell him that he's lying, because he isn't. That's exactly what I'm doing; holding on to the past, to my dead lover who's ashes are kept in an urn under my bed, who I will never see again; but there's more to it. 522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6IapG3yQOa
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxszGjSmJPO
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76X1FgtsWL
I'm afraid to love again. I'm afraid to lose again. If felt enough pain to last me an infinite amount of lifetimes and then some.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmKfilQOJc
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOSyQYnBwe
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTVNSzI7M1
"You're holding on to the past," he says, repeating himself. "I get it. You love him, probably infinitely more than you could ever love me; but do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone? Would he have wanted that?"522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE733826SlQ
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡis0j5Ws8s8
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMQhvFWG54
I stop and think for a second. Would Andrew have wanted that?522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5R7UF5iwvt
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKH3STxTkMh
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4JScxGnQA
No, he wouldn't, because the last thing he said to me was "be happy, for me; live, for me." 522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZb0q60k3Xq
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWPjOsYnBu
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMtGnF2hya
I'm a disappointment to my dead boyfriend, because I can't get over my dead boyfriend. This is so fucked up.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2xr9t4pI7
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT75JuRV2wm
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WCE3i3bn5
I don't even realise that I'm sobbing until I'm in David's arms, and my face is in his chest; he's rubbing circles into the small of my back, just like he did four weeks ago.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEdxWcb3hP
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vBSbG9SXZ
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmr51QUZEWv
The sobs wrack my body so hard that my pelvis starts to hurt again, which causes me to groan.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhS9JIsjYUB
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pvi496Kce
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4lr7gx6c8
"What's wrong?" 522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexB6Rf5PRc
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEOh0axy2f
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4H031z8cW
I take a few deep breaths, so that I can calm down; each time my breath hitches, I feel that sharp pain again.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1ez72Gtqo
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VLN0yfOhQ
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaQMQzabfa
Once the sobs stop, leaving only tears flowing from my eyes, I speak.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdF7qeUOfoT
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdsjgEOOhq
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4rTSsECEU
"My pelvis hurts. I feel pains whenever I don't eat enough."522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4X8GjV0VHM
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZt3JrFEVqZ
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeomQR9wpm
He gives me a disapproving look.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8Lk6t7HFB
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9puLQRhD2
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbup7VLWi3
"Are you anorexic?"522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMdPK94dHl
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4akywoCyi
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRxC8mPZ1k
"Oh, god, no. I just only eat when I feel the urge to. The problem is that sometimes I feel the urge to eat once a day, or I feel hungry and I don't want to eat solid food, but there's no liquid food in the house. Other times, I stuff my face like a pig."522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbKbLGXt3j
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTwR3mVjwq
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuL48vOXDU
He looks at me like I'm the strangest creature on earth.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiB6R5UDIH
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItpmdTMh2H
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunsHKa9xSV
"Okay," he says in a resigned tone.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2NNkDXdUi
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZTssOKwh5
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBP2p3m9tQc
The tears are slowing down now, and I'm beginning to realise that David isn't going to just evaporate into thin air because I order him to.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJXzLcOuHX
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqN5Zk8hvAj
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DSz8KsAFJ
Almost as if he hears me, he smiles at me and says, "I'm not going anywhere, babe."522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEK9xeTvNx9
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTpal3GfRZ
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKF4SJOMBh
Not yet ready to accept that, I let out a sigh — then wince when my pelvis hurts again.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnh42TSQ81j
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0YhpOG9aY
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZQnF3aIXh
I ignore it.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENbgKj0eGQ
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCc1iBgLXB
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjz1cerNXVK
"I don't want to get hurt again."522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDzeL4wWIh
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl33YRDfmbU
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf09ED6IXpg
At this, he has nothing to say. What can he do? Promise me that he won't die? That would be a lie.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZh1uy7CtVi
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJmFTs0UJe
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirCMpu9m90
"I won't let that happen, and I can't give you what you want. I can't give you love."522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWEAwzrwG4
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAa47t7GtLK
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvMzVjmTi4
He knows that he can't give me a legitimate reply to that. I've lost every important person in my life. He can't ask me to risk that happening again by becoming close to yet another person.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRD8oh2TX28
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAt1YBCkeE
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBJDb0VFqa
"This is why I don't have friends. I don't date. I live on my own. I just cannot endure any more pain, David. Love is a weakness; it it my weakness. It feels amazing when you're with the person, but at that funeral? You feel so distraught, so hurt, you're in so much pain, that you feel as if you're being tortured to the point of death, but you aren't dying; you're stuck on the threshold between life and death yourself.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOCOUP4szP
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4jSw1Sd55
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfnqsbNoev
"When I love someone, I do it with my whole heart. Whether it is my friend, family or lover, it consumes me. I can't help it; so when I lose that person, it is absolutely devastating. I can't do it again.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95pQlEJ7lo
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GcepE5xxA
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxiuqVwxtR
"So please leave, David, because these feelings that I have? I refuse to allow them to blossom into full blown love, and I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already inevitably have."522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJMng2l9QA
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFn7or7ycn
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygmNjADdQ6
He gets up, and I can see the hurt in his eyes, but I can also see the understanding. It feels like it takes years for him to cross the room and make it to the door.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hcSXPKT2W
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZlgdCAstb
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUc7pgKHfFu
As he opens the door to leave, I know that I have done the right thing; I couldn't use him anymore.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIKPJ3hImZ
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYuQ2SQcDA
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaB1NxIqhsZ
So why is it that I felt the urge to call him back?522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHjAoK2M3t
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5UdkGl1Nl
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXHuUfi2qU
***522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pc18qriRf
For the past two days, I've been doing everything to get David out of my mind; and I've been epically failing. Every time that it is most inconvenient for me, he just pops up into my head, out of nowhere.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTCA7TIVUB
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0fFlHNiUE
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyc3DUNplNO
For example, right now, I'm at a photo shoot for a man who wanted a few portraits of himself, and I can't see the subject through the viewfinder.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXie9Ytu3L
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFRWcckfZJ
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQOQkIzYzL
"Excuse me, can I get a glass of water? I'm parched."522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8K4dGa6kq
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ywnb0risw
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEQ5AQgQGN
He smiles at me.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHyzyIrqm6
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBZXLVDVSa
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUMNcZYySS
"Sure, hon."522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYrqE72UIf
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYH3fujygq
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9BU4HJr8b
He walks off, and like the masochist I am, I pull out my phone and read David's messages. So much for trying to forget him.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZnsceCzJ5
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6m1s2l6DaL
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIAWl4iIs6
The very first ones:522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2AFoJDC7Q
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsHUqmF8Lz
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcP8noD9j3J
Hey! I miss you.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTtUbCm7PF
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQrTvDxixU
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlrWoGEiZ2
How about you come over to my house and sit on my face? 👅💦😉522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvASQTU2XB4
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9yTmiDNTc
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VUbmyO4p1
Leah, I have a special present for you... 🍆💦522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTiXmyCq3X
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTp6MsVaZM
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPMk4PiAm0
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0LX1c5L83
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ070DHTHY58
Then, when he realised that I wasn't reading or replying to my texts:522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQXphLEFm6
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGC9dWndD9X
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4VJYYA9Eg
Hey babe, why aren't you answering my texts?522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1qhNsBaLc
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgIrXmbT0U
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6eiqcGFlj
Are you okay?522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YCmhnCfQh
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehHJ8xZcpH
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPOcVS1suR
Did I do something to piss you off?522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDGMz7J1lV
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNjaS7FyaL
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJJ6rvV65B
Then, he caught on to the real reason why I wasn't replying:522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzL1ABpcTA2
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBs6awFqRGm
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgexkuZVw3C
If it's about the other night, please remember, it's okay to feel.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4pwpmMIHt
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHkWaapH5M
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBc267Wxf4
Then, something that caught me completely off guard:522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvfmSq3VDM
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlRpUbepkN
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlRUMfx98R
Leah, I've peen wanting to tell you this for a while; I wanted to tell you this at the poetry night, but I didn't know how. I love you.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAQBLPq80O
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5zmx6pttH
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXUMKGVDn4
Suddenly, it feels as if all of the oxygen has been removed from the air; as if I'm dying from CO2 poisoning, and my heart is beating so hard and fast, it feels as if it is trying to jackhammer its way out of my chest.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCb5scehBDw
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ011XDli1dy
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5GbfyEWBF
"No," I whisper, my voice cracking, and I let out a sob when I work out the date on which he sent the text. 522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjz5u6cgbRe
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJazsB6Hbg
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsKTzjO1Tk
Two weeks before he came to see me. 522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlcq1dDf9d
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oQ55IaI7v
522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpm4WDf39Q
Of course, my fucking pelvis begins to act up again, but the pain is barely noticeable over the pain I feel at knowing the extent to which I've hurt him. I knew that he felt strongly about me, but love?522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6LEDhB0XS
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"Leah?" Trevor says, with the glass of water in his hand.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoelRWcyGq
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I wipe my face quickly.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyy1TtQaMn
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"It's okay. I'm fine."522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkrS5gHjWR
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"You don't look fine," he says, with concern on his face, handing me the water.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Q2nNjEwD4
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"Don't worry about me. Lets get back to work."522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmd0FV7E4zr
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***522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivVXNdyCMA
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I'm in David's driveway. I know I shouldn't be here after promising myself that I'll leave him alone, but I feel as if I have to say something to him after reading his confession, even though I know that seeing him in person again will probably end badly for both of us.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOBHum7rXe
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Still, I called him to inform him that I wanted to talk, and he invited me over.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KMmqtH3tC
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I can't get out of the car. I'm fucking nervous out of my mind. What the hell am I supposed to even say to him? 522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6V82T0Fctr
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I don't even realise how long I've been here, until I here knocking on my car window. I jump slightly, yelping in fright, before realising that it's only David. I open the car door slowly.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTxmRvSRhE
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"I was beginning to wonder if you were going to spend the night in the car," he comments.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1fhK5jNT0
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I close my eyes as I stand and lock my car.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSr8mWwMNH
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"You finally read my messages," he states.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0gkbEmc7J
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"Yes," I reply, realising that the ticks must have turned blue.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmet4igBa8L
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I just look at him, and he looks back. Now that I'm looking for it, I can see it plain as day. He loves me. 522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2lpZYPHGL
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If I'm going to be honest, I should've seen this one coming. He always wants to cuddle, he always looks for an excuse to sleep in the same bed as me. Now that I think about it, most men who are trying to keep feelings out of a relationship would rather sleep on their couch.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQiSTnapwo
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He fucking stalked me, followed me to a water party.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRJN4bAFJe
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"When did you start having feelings for me?"522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82HLN7XfdW
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He exhales loudly, and then looks at me as if he knows that I won't like the answer.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6xhg2nQ4E
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"That night that we had dinner together, right here."522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrFOuEgWKH
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Wow. That was an actual date. A romantic date. I feel like a dumb fuck.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKBSJakQLi
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He loves me, but I don't love him. Despite the fact that I feel drawn to him, the fact that I want him, not just sexually, I don't love him. Not yet.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBujToedkm
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I'm attached; I swore that I wouldn't let this happen, but I've become emotionally attached. 522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHe28144hGE
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"Leah, are you really sure that you want to spend the rest of your life alone?" he asks, interrupting my train of thought. I can't even think about the weight of that question, because he continues.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9s1rUi60e
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"You say that you're afraid of pain, but right now, you're hurting yourself. You aren't happy. I know it's nothing compared to the pain of losing someone, but at least when you let other people in, you'll have some light, people to laugh with and cry with. 522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb13siO5oUt
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So I'm asking you again: do you want to spend the rest of your life alone?"522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbc2t4Bf2H
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I look at him, and I can't say anything; I'm speechless. Everything he just said makes sense, and it hurts, because I know that either way, I'm screwed. 522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3avuAbpRwc
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If I say "no", he'll hold onto it the way that Jack should have held on to that lifeboat in Titanic, and if I say "yes", that may not be completely true, because I don't know anymore. I hate being alone, but I fear emotional pain. 522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbYvrLrFO3
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I just stand there, silent. Instead of trying to talk, I do the only thing that I can do in this moment; I hug him, and to my elation, he wholeheartedly returns the gesture.522Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoOzLYSd3K
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Happy Valentines Day! ❤️😘💋
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